A Gripe I Have

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I went to my goddaughter’s First Holy Communion at an upscale (read: modern) parish in an upscale (read: filthy rich) neighborhood. There was not enough seating, so I stood in the back of the church. There were 2 guys next to me talking about their boats, and getting their docks in that weekend. I very politely asked them to stop conversing, as I was having trouble concentrating on the Mass and was being distracted by their conversation. They looked like guilty little grade school kids, but they were quiet the rest of the Mass.
 
Petertherock: Take your mixed emotions and straighten out your thinking - The Real Presence is not bread in the tabernacle! Mixed? More like something else!
 
I totally agree that the lack of respect for the Real Presence is a disgrace, I have even been to Parishes where the Priest did talk about it and asked them to please be respectful and quiet and the very next Mass he did the same thing, and then following week again and then went to that Parish again in a couple of weeks and He was still saying it, then don’t even listen while he is saying it apparently. It’s sad, disrespectful and rude. Even the ushers are yacking away half the time or greeting people when they get up to go to Communion. (Get a clue here-BE QUIET especially then!)

On a funnier note, an older lady once told me that she was praying after Mass(with her head bowed and kneeling no less), and that a lady came up to her with her whole family yacking away very loudly and asked her if she was alright, she said, “Yes, I am praying that people like you quit talking in here while people like me are praying.” :rotfl:
 
I honestly had NO IDEA we were not supposed to talk after mass. Everyone it seems does at my church. I actually feel sort of silly for singing both verses of the closing hymn because it seems that everyone is visiting by then. If being quiet is the rule, I can tell you that it’s SO NOT observed where I go & I’ve been told we have a very conservative parish. Also, are you supposed to genuflect (sp?) when you leave? Only maybe 1/2 do that. My DH said maybe it was optional?
 
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allhers:
On a funnier note, an older lady once told me that she was praying after Mass(with her head bowed and kneeling no less), and that a lady came up to her with her whole family yacking away very loudly and asked her if she was alright, she said, “Yes, I am praying that people like you quit talking in here while people like me are praying.” :rotfl:
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To me, this seems sad.
 
to me, this is the sad part–

I have even been to Parishes where the Priest did talk about it and asked them to please be respectful and quiet and the very next Mass he did the same thing, and then following week again and then went to that Parish again in a couple of weeks and He was still saying it, they don’t even listen while he is saying it apparently. It’s sad, disrespectful and rude. Even the ushers are yacking away half the time or greeting people when they get up to go to Communion.
( I thought it was very quick witted of her to come up with that reply.)
 
and the part in red here is very sad that someone would think or believe this:

Originally Posted by Petertherock
I have mixed emotions about this issue. Although I feel people should be respectful to people who are praying I also feel to be social to the parishoners (who are just as much the real presence of Christ as the bread in the tabernacle is) is important. I don’t think people should be socializing during Mass of course but before and after Mass is a sticky subject. I think if it’s a Church like my church that has a Narthax that would be appropriate for conversating before and after Mass that’s where people should go. But I have been to churches that don’t have any area outside the Church and in that cases I think talking is appropriate but it should be kept to a minimum as not to interfere with people who are praying.-----------I think if they have no place to gather and talk, then there is always outside.
 
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mgy100:
You know, address this issue to the priest.
He might smack down the gossip before mass.
Institute a lunch/coffee hour after mass. This is a gripe I would have at a Roman Church. Wait until after mass, outside or in the parish hall to get the gossiping done.
Tell the priest. A good priest will listen and correct this situation. There is nothing more rude than people talking about what their neighor did last night while you are on your knees rappin’ with Jesus.
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In my church, the priest is the one that is doing the talking with the readers and altar servers.:crying:
 
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allhers:
the Priest did talk about it and asked them to please be respectful and quiet and the very next Mass he did the same thing, and then following week again and then went to that Parish again in a couple of weeks and He was still saying it, they don’t even listen
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I agree, this is sad.😦 I hope they do eventually listen to him and maybe stay and pray in front of Jesus after mass.
 
My mother has been battling with the woman who leads her parish’s bible study group on this subject. The woman has been encouraging the bible study group to do MORE socializing before and after Mass – her rationale is that we come to Mass for a celebration and that socializing, inside the church, is entirely appropriate for a celebration. My mother respectfully disagreed and gave many of the same reasons that have been noted in earlier posts – respect for the Real Presence, worship, prayer, and consideration for those in prayer. The woman’s response to being considerate of those in prayer was that if people want to pray in silence they should come to Eucharistic Adoration.

No one else in my mom’s bible study spoke up, but there was a lot of head nodding for my mom’s position. After the class, a few others did tell my mom that they agreed with her. “Go Mom!!”

I’ve inadvertantly overheard conversations while I’ve been trying to pray before Mass about people’s surgeries, vacations and problems balancing their checkbooks.

I recall in Thomas Merton’s book, The Seven Storey Mountain, that one of the incidents that influenced his conversion, was walking into a Catholic Church prior to Mass and seeing a young girl, maybe about 16 years old, kneeling, head bowed in silent prayer. He was so struck by her quiet devotion that he felt there was something truly powerful there, i.e. the Real Presence. I suppose there is some argument that a friendly, social atmosphere welcomes possible converts to the faith, but how many others have we lost because we have failed to demonstrate through our actions the summit of what we believe – that Jesus, our Lord and Savior, is present before us?
 
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Spooky7272:
This is my number one pet peeve. It seems to happen especially at our 5pm Saturday vigil Mass. And the majority of the offenders aren’t who you would usually suspect: the “seniors” (people over the age of 65 or so). They talk about EVERYTHING! “Oh, didja hear about Joan? She had her hip replaced”
“Oh no, didn’t her husband have a heart attack 2 months ago?”
“Oh, yes, he had to have quadruple bypass”
“How’s your hip?”
“Oh, this weather makes it ache”
“Oh look, there’s Bill and Rose, they just had a baby”
“Really? When”
Yelling: “HI JOE! WHEN DID YOU GET BACK FROM ARIZONA?”
(just a sampling of what I heard around me the last time I was at the 5pm Saturday Mass. And I was trying NOT to hear)
I understand when you get older, your hearing gets worse and you speak louder than normal, but NOT BEFORE MASS!
Why can’t people talk in the “gathering space”? Isn’t that what it’s there for.

The only way I can deal with it (other than not attend that Mass) is what St Therese of Lisieux did once when a sister’s clicking rosary beads were driving her crazy: She offered up all her irritation for the benefit of that sister. That and make reparation to Our Lord Jesus Christ for the horrible way He is ignored at Mass.
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This is part of the reason I am taking a hiatus from our parish choir. No matter how many times our director, our pastor, or various parishoners request that they keep the noise down to at least a whisper before Mass, it never sinks in and we all get to hear about so-and-so’s latest hospital stay, so-and-so-other’s grandkids, who’s going to the coney place for breakfast after Mass, who’s got great sales on begonias, etc. I love them all dearly, but it’s like family- sometimes you can only take so much before they start driving you nuts and you need to escape. I’m very much enjoying the peace out in the pews (chatterbox syndrome seems to infect only the elder choir members in our parish).
 
I am in the same situation as Carol Marie. I had no idea that we weren’t supposed to talk before Mass because a lot of people, maybe most of them, are engaged in a conversation. We are asked to settle ourselves and stay silent for a minute or two right before the mass begins.

Honestly I do appreciate the point being made and will definitely make a huge effort not to get engaged in conversation. But as Carol Marie said, it’s hard to know this isn’t proper when everyone is chatting, the choir is warming up and often wants to ‘run through a new song’ with all of us before mass. I do think this is the real issue because these same people will walk silently into an adoration chapel and not even breathe loudly. It really must depend on the priest. Ours has never said anything about entering or leaving in silence.

Lisa N
 
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gardenswithkids:
While sadly some Catholics do not believe in the Real Presence, it’s a huge jump to say that everyone talking in Church does so because they are heretics.
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Gardenswithkids,

I was not implying that most Catholics don’t believe in the Real Presence, it’s just that they forget that the same Jesus who walked the earth is also residing in the tabernacle. They need to be reminded of this from the pulpit. I struggle with this myself. Before Mass today, I said my prayers and then found myself daydreaming. Then I remembered that Jesus was physically present and I started to talk with Him again.

When I’m about to receive communion, I’m constantly reminding myself that this is REALLY Jesus. Even though I totally believe in the Real Presence, my senses fail me many times. I don’t know about other folks, but the concept of Jesus being physically present in a piece of bread is a difficult one. I heard a priest say once that if we really understood what Holy Communion was, we’d crawl up the aisle on our hands and knees.

As long as I still get distracted while at Mass, I need to work on believing more in the Real Presence.

God Bless,
Gary
 
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Lux_et_veritas:
In the Church is a place where we give ourselves entirely to God, forgetting about everyone and everything else for a time. For many of us, especially in traditional oriented parishes, this begins from the moment we walk through the doors into the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, until we walk out those doors. Not only is talking in the Church disprespectful of those who want to worship, it is disrespectful to God.

The purpose of being IN church is to worship God, not to “worship” people in giving our time to them instead of giving it to God. This is people-centered. God is deserving of our undivided attention for this period (God-centered). When we give ourselves entirely to God while in the Church, christian values and personal interactions flourish outside of it. When we deprive God of the time that belongs to Him, we deprive the Mystical Body of our full participation and ultimately all of those people to whom we believe we are being charitable or personable with.
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Amen!!!
 
One time in my church, 2 kids my age were talking, laughing, etc, in the back of the church. One of the priests that helps my pastor out (not officially associate pastor), who is very easy to get along with, stopped mass and said,
“To the 2 kids in the back of the church. Please be quiet, this isn’t Yankee stadium, this is mass. If you can’t stop talking, then please leave, so you don’t distract others. Thank You”

Everyone was suprised, but I was glad, and the boys kept quiet. It was after CCD, and they went to church, and their parents would pick them up afterwards. THE PARENTS WERENT THERE THOUGH! From what i can tell, the parents made them go to mas, but didn’t go themselves.
 
carol marie:
I honestly had NO IDEA we were not supposed to talk after mass. Everyone it seems does at my church. I actually feel sort of silly for singing both verses of the closing hymn because it seems that everyone is visiting by then. If being quiet is the rule, I can tell you that it’s SO NOT observed where I go & I’ve been told we have a very conservative parish. Also, are you supposed to genuflect (sp?) when you leave? Only maybe 1/2 do that. My DH said maybe it was optional?
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If the eucharist is in the Church in the tabernacle you are supposed to genuflect upon leaving. Often, when I attend a roman rite liturgy (I am eastern rite) I see people not genuflecting at all, neither when coming in or going out. I see people chewing gum, talking on cell phones, chit chatting, flirting, and doing everything else but praying.
 
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allhers:
and the part in red here is very sad that someone would think or believe this:

Originally Posted by Petertherock
I have mixed emotions about this issue. Although I feel people should be respectful to people who are praying I also feel to be social to the parishoners (who are just as much the real presence of Christ as the bread in the tabernacle is) is important. I don’t think people should be socializing during Mass of course but before and after Mass is a sticky subject. I think if it’s a Church like my church that has a Narthax that would be appropriate for conversating before and after Mass that’s where people should go. But I have been to churches that don’t have any area outside the Church and in that cases I think talking is appropriate but it should be kept to a minimum as not to interfere with people who are praying.-----------I think if they have no place to gather and talk, then there is always outside.
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But this is what most polls show. Most Catholics (60-90% depending on the survey) do not believe in the Church’s teaching that the bread and wine become the true body and blood of Christ (Transubstantiation). Without getting into judging motives and the subjective states of people’s souls, by objective criteria, if you look at Catholics and birth control, real presence, abortion ,etc., it might be the case that as many as 95% of Catholics are making sacreligious communions every Sunday.

Can you imagine going before the judgment seat of God with thousands of unconfessed sacreligious communions on your soul? Its absolutely frightening. Yet instead of hearing a good sermon on this, the priest tells us to “smile, hug one another, recycle, and be good members of the local PTA.”
 
In our church, we have a separate Blessed Sacrament Chapel attached to the main church. The doors to the chapel are opened for mass. Anyone wanting silent time to pray before mass can go into the chapel. Meanwhile, the priests (we have 2) and the deacons (we have 4) visit with the elderly, shake hands with the children, and show an interest in people. (This is a parish with 4,500 families, so there are a lot of people to connect with). About 5 minutes before mass, everyone takes their seats and we all have a few minutes of quiet reflection time. Then mass begins. After mass, those who want to can go into the parish hall for coffee and cookies and visiting. Those who want to go to the chapel to pray can do so (that is where the tabernacle is). If someone wants to stay inside the church, that is fine also. We also have a large gathering space where the priests and deacons stand after mass, greeting yet more people.

I think it works quite well.
 
carol marie:
Also, are you supposed to genuflect (sp?) when you leave? Only maybe 1/2 do that. My DH said maybe it was optional?
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It is an excellent idea to genuflect to Jesus when leaving after mass. If there is no crowd and you are free to choose the location to genuflect, a good choice is as you pass in front of the tabernacle. However, you may choose another spot, like as you exit the pew or when you reach the head of the aisle. If I am going to the sacristy, I wait and genuflect on the side of the Church. I’m not sure how to explain that without you having a floorplan of my parish! The spot is closer to the tabernacle, that’s why.

Oh, and a profound bow is a good substitute if your knees don’t work.
 
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