A little whine about mode of dress

  • Thread starter Thread starter HoosMommie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
Coming out of a Protestant background, I have always dressed my very best to go to church. My sister, brother and I had a special outfit and shoes just for church and other special occasions and we did not wear them to school. Ever. It took me years to even consider wearing pants to church. So here comes the whine–I have been rather shocked at what parishioners wear to Mass on Sunday morning. If I have an audience with the Queen of England, I will dress up nicely. I have an audience with the King of the Universe each time I go to Mass so why wouldn’t I wear my best for Him? I know, I know, I should be happy that they are in the pews. However, I was very dismayed when a teenage girl in the pew in front of me last Sunday was wearing short shorts. Over and over I’ve reminded myself that at least they ARE in church and it’s really none of my business how they dress. Do I need to get over this? In the great scheme of things this is not an earth shattering issue, but I find it disrespectful and a bit disconcerting.
Click to expand...
Welcome to the church! As far as attire for Mass, it’s been casual for as long as I can remember (i’m in my late 30’s) and today, when it comes to dressing up, i’m a “Crister”, only wearing a shirt and tie on Christmas & Easter. Other than that it’s jeans and a nice polo shirt and in the summer, it’s kahki shorts and a nice polo shirt.
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
I have to tell you, the more I read this silly little whiny post, the more I realized just how trivial it really is. My time should be spent, not worrying about whether someone is dressed to MY standards, but contemplating whether MY life is measuring up to God’s standards. Apparently, it’s not. So I began my morning devotions this morning with a prayer to get that stuff right outta my head and let me focus on what’s really important.

Thank you ALL for being tolerant of one who has a loooooooong way to go.
Click to expand...
Good for you as yes, it’s very trivial!
 
I have to admit it, I am one of those that wears jeans to Mass. It’s more a matter of weight loss and economy for me though. I’ve been losing weight slowly for the past 6 months and no longer fit in any of my skirts or dresses (Either the sleeves fall off my shoulders–showing my bra straps or in the case of skirts, they fall down when I walk unless I hold them up. I used a safety pin once and got stabbed by it–ouch). I wore that outfit again on Easter and took it off as soon as I got home (before it fell off).

Anyway, all I have left right now that fits me are jeans. I wear jeans to work, I never have meetings with anyone important that I need to dress up for–so it’s the only outfit I need. Most times I just wear the jeans to Mass since I am not distracted by trying to keep them up/on like my dresses. Plus, so many other people wear jeans that I really don’t feel out of place. And to be honest, I kind of take the view that dressing up for Church is more of a recent thing (as in the past few hundred years). It used to be that people just came in what they had.

Although soon I am going to have to “give in” and buy new clothes–including jeans since mine are so baggy now. I hate doing it since I think (hopefully) I will lose more weight, but I have to wear something :D. When I buy the new clothes, I will buy at least one dress up outfit for Church again (and other occasion of course). I’ll probably end up wearing the same thing each week, but c’est la vie.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I sat in fear that the guy drinking would go up for communion, but (thank God!) he didn’t. I guess he was either lapsed or an atheist - I don’t know anyone even of one of the denominations who would go so far as to bring a beverage into a church and think ti’s totally OK to do so.

One problem is that we don’t have enough ushers to monitor those types of things and tell people not to bring drinks into the sanctuary. The other problem is that for years now, the priest has been emphasizing “come as you are” and every year, the standards descend further and further…
Click to expand...
I recall flipping through the channels on TV one night and seeing Joel Osteen. I didn’t realize that was his church…I though he was giving a conference in an NFL stadium! I would imagine that those in the audience probably had Starbucks or another upscale brand of coffee to drink as they listened to him. Gotta love those megachurches 😛
 
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
I have to tell you, the more I read this silly little whiny post, the more I realized just how trivial it really is. My time should be spent, not worrying about whether someone is dressed to MY standards, but contemplating whether MY life is measuring up to God’s standards. Apparently, it’s not. So I began my morning devotions this morning with a prayer to get that stuff right outta my head and let me focus on what’s really important.

Thank you ALL for being tolerant of one who has a loooooooong way to go.
Click to expand...
First - welcome!!! I became catholic in 2006. The dress thing is something I noticed even when I was protestant.

Best thing I’ve found is to just try to remind myself - maybe they have a good reason for dressing that way and that I am glad they are at Mass. Maybe it is their first time ever or first time back in a really long time.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I sat in fear that the guy drinking would go up for communion, but (thank God!) he didn’t. I guess he was either lapsed or an atheist - I don’t know anyone even of one of the denominations who would go so far as to bring a beverage into a church and think ti’s totally OK to do so.
.
Click to expand...
Oh no, many of the non-denominational churches allow and encourage drinks in the church. The church my husband and I went to had coffee out in the morning and many people would get coffee and drink it during the service. We had coffee in church every single Sunday.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
🍿

Oh yay, it’s been at least 2 weeks since we had a “proper dress” thread!

😉
Click to expand...
Isn’t it amusing how quaint the titles usually sound? 🙂 By far this one is one of the best.

Sometimes I wish the Catholic Church would just put out an objective, cut-and-dry criteria.
 
Bezant said:
Isn’t it amusing how quaint the titles usually sound? 🙂 By far this one is one of the best.

Sometimes I wish the Catholic Church would just put out an objective, cut-and-dry criteria.
Click to expand...
The Catholic Church is much too large for that.
Incorporate dress-customs for Europe, Africa, Asia, S America, etc.?

Won’t be happening.
 
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
I have to tell you, the more I read this silly little whiny post, the more I realized just how trivial it really is. My time should be spent, not worrying about whether someone is dressed to MY standards, but contemplating whether MY life is measuring up to God’s standards. Apparently, it’s not. So I began my morning devotions this morning with a prayer to get that stuff right outta my head and let me focus on what’s really important.

Thank you ALL for being tolerant of one who has a loooooooong way to go.
Click to expand...
Believe me, you are farther along the path than many who are cradle Catholics.

I wear jeans and a long top (sans logo of any kind) to Mass. I admit I’m not happy with this. Once I showed up in denim shorts because of circumstances. I stood outside of the church, unsure of what I should do. A group of older women was there and I asked them if I should go into church wearing shorts. They all told me “yes.” Certainly it is more important for me to be at Mass than to not be because I’m wearing shorts!

I’ve only done that once. I don’t think it’s respectful to God to wear shorts to Mass. But I know He saw that in my heart I was trying to show respect. And I don’t often make it to Mass because of health issues.

To be honest, I have no idea what people wear to Mass because I really don’t see. I’m looking at the tabernacle or altar or I have my head down on the front of the pew, praying. It’s not my place to determine if people are being disrespectful. I can’t look into their hearts and souls. Maybe what they are wearing is all they have. At least they are there! How many Catholics only show up on Christmas and Easter? And didn’t Jesus have something to say about Pharisees who pray out loud to show how “good” they are? Isn’t it kind of the same thing - wearing a beautiful dress to Mass may look respectful but is it? Perhaps the woman wearing the dress is showing off and that is not right.

I want so much to be respectful in God’s House. I’ve seen something that bothers me tremendously and I hope it’s OK if I bring it up here. I don’t watch people normally but one day I was in deep despair and the church was open but empty so I went inside to pray. I was in my normal pew - the one for the “infirm” (I have to admit I laugh at that). It’s close to the tabernacle. When I genuflect I face the tabernacle and put my head to the floor. I’m not saying this to be boastful. Believe me - I should be in the back, dressed in sackcloth with ashes on my face. I shouldn’t even be in church because I’m an awful sinner. But Jesus wants me there and has given me an invitation to come. “Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” He heals me. So I go into church when I can.

When I was there all alone, two women came in. I noticed them because they walked past the tabernacle and their shoes made echoing noises and I looked up and saw them. The first woman walked by the tabernacle without even looking at it. The second woman made a slight bow and continued on her way.

THAT shocked me. They were both wearing dresses while I was in jeans. I tried to ignore their behavior. I’ve tried to forget it. I’ve tried praying. But I’m still shocked that anyone would walk by the tabernacle and ignore it completely or else give a slight dip of the head and then go on. What happened to genuflecting? This is GOD! Oh - they were also talking to each other as they walked past the tabernacle and didn’t stop their conversation. They went into a room behind the altar so they were there for a reason.

I agree that drinking from Starbucks is awful, although once I took a bottle of water into church with me. It was for health reasons - I have TMJD and take a lot of meds which cause dry mouth. Dry mouth becomes dragon mouth and is bad for my teeth. So I discreetly took a sip every once in awhile. I felt uncomfortable doing it so now I use Mentos instead. It’s medicine. It’s OK. Coffee? Gee, why not bring in the donuts and put out a table with creamer and sugar and napkins and those stir-sticks?

I agree that wearing a tank top with shorts and being barefoot or wearing flip-flops *may *be disrespectful. But it’s not my call and it’s not my business. If it presents a problem there are ushers and the priest is free to speak about it (and probably should).

I’m hoping that in the future I will be able to wear something like a skirt with a blouse. It’s hard for me for reasons that are weird and I don’t want to go into them. My priest is aware of them. I’ve gone to him for advice on what to do and I obey him.

Please excuse this poorly written post. It’s hard today for me to express what I am thinking. On the one hand I understand that people can be remarkably disrespectful in church. On the other hand I also understand that it’s not my business or my place to interfere.
 
LittleSoldier said:
Please excuse this poorly written post. It’s hard today for me to express what I am thinking. On the one hand I understand that people can be remarkably disrespectful in church. On the other hand I also understand that it’s not my business or my place to interfere.
Click to expand...
Your post was just fine, LittleSoldier. In fact, it was very clear, and has helped me to consider many aspects of my own attitude toward people in church, what they are wearing and how they are behaving in church. Your story of the two women who walked right by Jesus, still chatting away, was :eek: Now THAT is something everyone should be horrified by!

At the opposite end of the spectrum, I have seen several people in the adoration chapel, walk backward out of the room so as not to turn their back on Jesus. When we stand in line for confession, I never turn my back on Jesus. The people who back out of the room inspire me!

I have also been the recipient of the judgmental, “who let you in here like that?” stare…I didn’t know that clean and neat jeans would be viewed as if I had come into the sanctuary wearing rags…I felt humiliated and at that moment, wasn’t sure I wanted to return…I would hate to project that onto someone who hadn’t been in church for years, maybe decades, took the chance and showed up to Mass…what if I were the reason they left and never returned??

😦

Better to keep my eyes and my judgment to myself, I think!

😊
 
I know I’m going to catch some heat for this, but it’s worth the dialogue every now and then:
My brothers, show no partiality as you adhere to the faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. For if a man with gold rings on his fingers and in fine clothes comes into your assembly, and a poor person in shabby clothes also comes in, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say, “Sit here, please,” while you say to the poor one, “Stand there,” or “Sit at my feet,” have you not made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil designs?
Click to expand...
Listen, my beloved brothers. Did not God choose those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom that he promised to those who love him? But you dishonored the poor person. Are not the rich oppressing you? And do they themselves not haul you off to court? Is it not they who blaspheme the noble name that was invoked over you? However, if you fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law, but falls short in one particular, has become guilty in respect to all of it. For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not kill.” Even if you do not commit adultery but kill, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as people who will be judged by the law of freedom. For the judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.
Click to expand...
~James 2:1-13~
Click to expand...
How other people dress is only our concern when it is a matter of modesty. I admit that I wear jeans to mass regularly, though I do always wear a shirt with a collar. I wear jeans because I want my family to look respectable as a group, like we belong together.

Occasionally, I wear slacks, but I need to wear those Mon-Thur already. For Days of Obligations and major feasts, I’ll wear a tie. The suit (and I only have one) is saved for Christmas and Easter. This past Easter, I barely had enough money to get dresses for 3 daughters, 2 Wal-Mart suits for my boys, a blouse and slacks for the Madame, and new shoes for everyone. Number six wore a sleep-n-play since she can’t even sit up yet. 😉

This stuff will only cost more as they get bigger. Wearing jeans is simply a matter of being practical, which allows be to contribute financially to the parish. If people think I’m not trying hard enough, oh well. At least they keep it to themselves. But if someone did say something to me, I would invite them to trade places with me. Most of the men I see wearing suits (or at least a tie every Sunday) are at least 10 years older than me, and I’m willing to bet they have higher salaries to match. What kind of car you drive is almost a giveaway.

A few years ago, I took some flack on this website for saying the same thing. I never know how people will react. To each his own, I guess.
 
Interesting.

How would you feel about someone wearing non-western (but formal) clothes to mass? For example, this (outfit on the left) is how I often dress when I attend mass. Not because I live in Mongolia, but because I simply like Mongolian culture and it’s some of the more formal clothing that I own.

 
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
I have to tell you, the more I read this silly little whiny post, the more I realized just how trivial it really is. My time should be spent, not worrying about whether someone is dressed to MY standards, but contemplating whether MY life is measuring up to God’s standards. Apparently, it’s not. So I began my morning devotions this morning with a prayer to get that stuff right outta my head and let me focus on what’s really important.

Thank you ALL for being tolerant of one who has a loooooooong way to go.
Click to expand...
Good for you.👍👍👍
 
ahollars said:
I know I’m going to catch some heat for this, but it’s worth the dialogue every now and then:

How other people dress is only our concern when it is a matter of modesty. I admit that I wear jeans to mass regularly, though I do always wear a shirt with a collar. I wear jeans because I want my family to look respectable as a group, like we belong together.

Occasionally, I wear slacks, but I need to wear those Mon-Thur already. For Days of Obligations and major feasts, I’ll wear a tie. The suit (and I only have one) is saved for Christmas and Easter. This past Easter, I barely had enough money to get dresses for 3 daughters, 2 Wal-Mart suits for my boys, a blouse and slacks for the Madame, and new shoes for everyone. Number six wore a sleep-n-play since she can’t even sit up yet. 😉

This stuff will only cost more as they get bigger. Wearing jeans is simply a matter of being practical, which allows be to contribute financially to the parish. If people think I’m not trying hard enough, oh well. At least they keep it to themselves. But if someone did say something to me, I would invite them to trade places with me. Most of the men I see wearing suits (or at least a tie every Sunday) are at least 10 years older than me, and I’m willing to bet they have higher salaries to match. What kind of car you drive is almost a giveaway.

A few years ago, I took some flack on this website for saying the same thing. I never know how people will react. To each his own, I guess.
Click to expand...
I don’t believe there is anything wrong with what you wear, but your post made me a bit curious. If you wear slacks Mon.-Thurs. for work, you obviously own them, so why wouldn’t you wear them to Church? If work requires dress clothes, then why not wear the same to visit with Jesus? If you bought your boys Walmart suits for Easter, why not get your money’s worth and have them at least wear the pants from the suit every week.

You certainly don’t need to have a full wardrobe of nice clothes. I guess I just find it funny that people can wear the same pair of jeans every week, but seem to have an issue with wearing the same pair of dress slacks or the same skirt etc.?

I"m just curious because you mentioned these things.

But in the end all that matters is that you are there.
 
ahollars said:
I know I’m going to catch some heat for this, but it’s worth the dialogue every now and then:

How other people dress is only our concern when it is a matter of modesty. I admit that I wear jeans to mass regularly, though I do always wear a shirt with a collar. I wear jeans because I want my family to look respectable as a group, like we belong together.

Occasionally, I wear slacks, but I need to wear those Mon-Thur already. For Days of Obligations and major feasts, I’ll wear a tie. The suit (and I only have one) is saved for Christmas and Easter. This past Easter, I barely had enough money to get dresses for 3 daughters, 2 Wal-Mart suits for my boys, a blouse and slacks for the Madame, and new shoes for everyone. Number six wore a sleep-n-play since she can’t even sit up yet. 😉

This stuff will only cost more as they get bigger. Wearing jeans is simply a matter of being practical, which allows be to contribute financially to the parish. If people think I’m not trying hard enough, oh well. At least they keep it to themselves. But if someone did say something to me, I would invite them to trade places with me. Most of the men I see wearing suits (or at least a tie every Sunday) are at least 10 years older than me, and I’m willing to bet they have higher salaries to match. What kind of car you drive is almost a giveaway.

A few years ago, I took some flack on this website for saying the same thing. I never know how people will react. To each his own, I guess.
Click to expand...
Well, you won’t get any flack from me! I’ve been on nasty, nasty threads in this forum and accused of all sorts of awful things - just because of the clothes I wear. I didn’t think about families in these hard times. I’m by myself. I don’t have to put clothes on my children because I have none at home. Everything is expensive and getting more so. What about families where there are seven or eight children? Surely their place is at Mass. I remember seeing a relative with a very large family. Her sweater had a rip in it. That’s the way it is now. She didn’t have the time to fix it or the money to buy a new one and I know her well - I’m sure she was much more concerned with the state of her soul than the state of her clothes. She’s not taking her clothes with her when she dies.

I remember seeing a picture of my Grandma when she was a teenager. She’s standing on the porch of a farmhouse and her clothes are ripped. Now who wants to have her picture taken with ripped clothing? But she was poor! She made it through sixth grade and that put her ahead of her future husband, my Grandpa. He only made it through fourth grade. And they raised seven children during the Great Depression.

Times were hard then and times are hard now. I think that I have been very greedy and materialistic and I’m deeply ashamed of myself.

You know what? Your post made my eyes tear up a little because it was so honest. I hope you don’t get any flack for what you said because you certainly do not deserve it. God bless you and your whole family. It sounds like you’re doing it just right.
 
Maybe we are all growing, dear forum friends! So far, this thread hasn’t taken a snippy or nasty tone ONCE!

:clapping::clapping:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top