Let me point out something to you: we are ONLY talking to Debora here. It’s rather impossible to give advice to her husband for his part since he is not here discussing the matter with us. Surely you can see, then, why most of the discussion is tailored to what Debora can do to analyze the situation and begin to remedy it. In fact, we can’t even really tell her what to say to her husband, because “someone online told me that you NEED to consider my needs and talk to me” is an argument that has probably helped no situation ever.
Second, human behaviors have root causes. A guy who is generally a good, caring guy does not just wake up and decide that he’s going to be cold and withdrawn… there’s SOME motivating factor there. Just telling a guy in that position that he’s wrong for not caring about your needs is not going to make that root cause go away, nor is it going to promote a charitable satisfaction of their issue. Finding a means TO understanding what is causing a change in behavior, however, might allow that cause to be isolated and delt with in a constructive way. For example, if the root cause was stress over finances and possible rejection of a job, it could be as simple as meeting the emotional need of feeling needed and accepted to open the guy back up to talking… in that case, telling the guy that “You’re wonderful and I’m impressed by you whatever the air force decides” will go much farther than “Someone online said you’re wrong to not be talking to me, so what is your problem”
His behavior is a response to some sort of stimulus… and he may be responding poorly, but it’s a bit presumptuous to say that he’s wrong without understanding what the motivating cause for his change in behavior is.
Furthermore, you’re wrong that the ONLY information we have is in the OP… precisely because Debora has chosen to come back several times to defend her husband when people have blown his behavior out of proportion AND when some of us have been members of this forum for SEVEN YEARS and happen to have seen debora speak highly of her husband in the past. You see, some of us know that her husband is a decent guy and that this behavior is out of character for him. It’s not your fault that you don’t have that historical perspective, but stating that advice is cowtowing to the guy who’s simply flat out wrong is, well, let’s just say it lacks perspective on what Debora has previously revealed about her spouse.
I’m not offended but I’m sorry If I have offended you. This stuff isn’t worth getting upset over.