A single woman's rant

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Loving everyone sounds good, unless you work in customer service, then you hate everyone except for friends and family. Lol. I’m so called for the married life, because I can’t possibly love or even like everyone. 😃
 
Loving everyone sounds good, unless you work in customer service, then you hate everyone except for friends and family. Lol. I’m so called for the married life, because I can’t possibly love or even like everyone. 😃
Oh, I’m currently working as a bank teller, so you have no idea! :D;)
 
Everything you wrote looks great to me…
I was kind of worried, since I thought a lot of the married people who posted on this thread would be upset with what I wrote, since I said that they couldn’t help me, and they only made things worse. But that’s the truth. 🤷
 
Loving everyone sounds good, unless you work in customer service, then you hate everyone except for friends and family. Lol. I’m so called for the married life, because I can’t possibly love or even like everyone. 😃
Oh, I’m currently working as a bank teller, so you have no idea! :D;)
Yeah, I’ll probably fail miserably at loving everyone. (To be honest, I already did today.) But it’s a challenge! And, in all likelihood, learning to love will probably make me a better wife and mom. If you can love everyone, loving one person should be easier.
 
I HATE MY SEX DRIVE and as long as I am single, Christianity gives me no other choice but to hate it.
I could have written that exact sentence half a century ago…

…as well as half an hour ago… since being married to someone “incapable” essentially leaves me sexually “single.”

:banghead:
 
I was kind of worried, since I thought a lot of the married people who posted on this thread would be upset with what I wrote, since I said that they couldn’t help me, and they only made things worse. But that’s the truth. 🤷
Like I said, I think they were trying to help. Their hearts were in the right place. It’s just that I think this is an area in which married people simply cannot help single people.
 
I had a customer threatened to kill me (I work in a call center, so I only talk to angry people).
Oh no! You have an even worse job than I do! (Oh well. We can both be glad we’re not coal miners. They have the worst job in the world.)
 
I could have written that exact sentence half a century ago…

…as well as half an hour ago… since being married to someone “incapable” essentially leaves me sexually “single.”

:banghead:
I’m sorry to hear that. 😦

Well, I’m going to read The Courage to be Chaste by Fr. Benedict Groschel. Obviously, he’s well respected, and he’s a priest, so we know that he understands our situations, and he can help. If it’s good, I’ll let you know.
 
I don’t actually blame Christopher West, or the other married people whose advice I read. It’s just that, I think in this area, they were out of their league. Married people simply can’t help single people develop a healthy, positive view of chastity and of their sexuality. They can explain the teachings of the Church, but they can’t give advice on what a single person should do at this moment, in day to day life, and they can’t exemplfy the self giving love that singles are called to. On the other hand, a priest or religous who is truly living and embracing his vocation can teach this, not only with words, but through his whole life.

I really hesitated whether or not to post this. After writing it, I copied and deleted it, to give myself a few minutes to think it over. But I decided that I had to be honest. After all, that’s what this thread is all about. I needed to say this, because this is how I feel at this moment.
It is true that many married people do not understand long term chastity. Some do more than others because they waited longer to get married, others, like me, understand due to the fact we tried religious life ourselves.

I really am so happy you found this priest helpful. I found your post VERY helpful to me too! So thank you so very much for posting this tonight! :hug1: We might be married, but we have a different marriage vocation than most, as we are infertile. I, too, am finding the witness of priests and religious helpful, when no (or very few) other married people seem to understand things from our point of view of infertility. I, too, sense I am having a vocation to love everyone. I do not have a few particular children to love, so I need to reach out and make the whole world my children.

If this post isn’t helpful or doesn’t make sense, please ignore it. Just know you helped a very in need soul find more meaning and purpose in their life. Thank you SO much! :hug3:
 
It is true that many married people do not understand long term chastity. Some do more than others because they waited longer to get married, others, like me, understand due to the fact we tried religious life ourselves.

I really am so happy you found this priest helpful. I found your post VERY helpful to me too! So thank you so very much for posting this tonight! :hug1: We might be married, but we have a different marriage vocation than most, as we are infertile. I, too, am finding the witness of priests and religious helpful, when no (or very few) other married people seem to understand things from our point of view of infertility. I, too, sense I am having a vocation to love everyone. I do not have a few particular children to love, so I need to reach out and make the whole world my children.

If this post isn’t helpful or doesn’t make sense, please ignore it. Just know you helped a very in need soul find more meaning and purpose in their life. Thank you SO much! :hug3:
Wow, I’m surprised my post helped someone else, but I’m glad! 🙂 Yeah, I saw your posts on infertility, and I do feel for you. It’s terrible to want something you can’t seem to have. “People say that children aren’t everything, but the people who say that are the ones who have children.” (random Law and Order episode.)

But yes, adopt lots of spiritual children. (You can adopt me if you like. I could use the prayers 🙂 I mean that.) St. Therese says that, in heaven, we’ll know and recognize all the saints to whom we are indebted. Pray, and give your sufferings to Christ, and make everyone your child!

I’ll pray for you tonight.
 
Ponyguy and Prolifewife, I remembered both of you in my rosary last night. 🙂
 
Sometimes I think I should ask my doctor to put me on the Pill, so that my sex drive will diminish. If I can’t make it go away, then at least I can minimize it. I know it’s not a solution, but there is no solution. I HATE MY SEX DRIVE and as long as I am single, Christianity gives me no other choice but to hate it.
As for the pill, don’t even THINK of going on it:
payingattentiontothesky.com/2010/04/26/reading-selections-from-the-pills-deadly-affair-with-hivaids-by-joan-claire-robinson/

And as for your rant:

Mature Purity
The teaching of John Paul II is clear: liberation from concupiscence – or, more precisely, from the domination of concupiscence (John Paul II used both expressions) – is not only a possibility, it is a necessity if we are to live our lives “in the truth” and experience the divine plan for human love (see TOB 43:6, 47:5). Indeed, Christian sexual ethos “is always linked . . . with the liberation of the heart from concupiscence” (TOB 43:6). And this liberation is just as essential for consecrated celibates and single people as it is for married couples (see TOB 77:4).

It is precisely this liberation that allows us to discover what John Paul II called “mature purity.” In mature purity “man enjoys the fruits of victory over concupiscence” (TOB 58:7). This victory is gradual and certainly remains fragile here on earth, but it is nonetheless real. For those graced with its fruits, a whole new world opens up – another way of seeing, thinking, living, talking, loving, praying. But to those who cannot imagine freedom from concupiscence, such a way of seeing, living, talking, loving, and praying not only seems unusual – but improper, imprudent, dangerous, or even perverse.

Why, we should ask ourselves, does such a cloud of negativity and suspicion seem to hover over the realm of sexuality? The distortions of sin are, of course, very real. But through the grace of redemption, can our sexuality not become in our practical, lived experience the realm of the sacramental and the holy? Can it not become the realm of a truly sacred conversation? “To the pure all things are pure,” St. Paul said (Titus 1:15). But to those bound by lust, even the pure seems impure. Oh, how tragic when we label as ugly that which is beautiful!

Some people say the redemption of the body is something reserved only for the resurrection at the end of time. While it is certainly true that the fullness of our redemption awaits us only in the final resurrection, John Paul II insists that the “‘redemption of the body’ …expresses itself not only in the resurrection as victory over death. It is present also in the words of Christ addressed to ‘historical’ man … [when] Christ invites us to overcome concupiscence, even in the exclusively inner movements of the human heart” (TOB 86:6).

And here we enter the tension of what theologians call the “already – but not yet” of redemption. The not yet aspect means we must be cognizant of the many distortions of our fallen nature and the ease with which we can be lured into temptations. The already aspect means there is also a power at work within us which is able to do “far more than we ever think or imagine,” as St. Paul said (see Ephesians 3:20). Both truths must be held together…

More here.

You seem to have hit the nail on the head.

dj
 
As for the pill, don’t even THINK of going on it:
payingattentiontothesky.com/2010/04/26/reading-selections-from-the-pills-deadly-affair-with-hivaids-by-joan-claire-robinson/

And as for your rant:

Mature Purity
The teaching of John Paul II is clear: liberation from concupiscence – or, more precisely, from the domination of concupiscence (John Paul II used both expressions) – is not only a possibility, it is a necessity if we are to live our lives “in the truth” and experience the divine plan for human love (see TOB 43:6, 47:5). Indeed, Christian sexual ethos “is always linked . . . with the liberation of the heart from concupiscence” (TOB 43:6). And this liberation is just as essential for consecrated celibates and single people as it is for married couples (see TOB 77:4).

It is precisely this liberation that allows us to discover what John Paul II called “mature purity.” In mature purity “man enjoys the fruits of victory over concupiscence” (TOB 58:7). This victory is gradual and certainly remains fragile here on earth, but it is nonetheless real. For those graced with its fruits, a whole new world opens up – another way of seeing, thinking, living, talking, loving, praying. But to those who cannot imagine freedom from concupiscence, such a way of seeing, living, talking, loving, and praying not only seems unusual – but improper, imprudent, dangerous, or even perverse.

Why, we should ask ourselves, does such a cloud of negativity and suspicion seem to hover over the realm of sexuality? The distortions of sin are, of course, very real. But through the grace of redemption, can our sexuality not become in our practical, lived experience the realm of the sacramental and the holy? Can it not become the realm of a truly sacred conversation? “To the pure all things are pure,” St. Paul said (Titus 1:15). But to those bound by lust, even the pure seems impure. Oh, how tragic when we label as ugly that which is beautiful!

Some people say the redemption of the body is something reserved only for the resurrection at the end of time. While it is certainly true that the fullness of our redemption awaits us only in the final resurrection, John Paul II insists that the “‘redemption of the body’ …expresses itself not only in the resurrection as victory over death. It is present also in the words of Christ addressed to ‘historical’ man … [when] Christ invites us to overcome concupiscence, even in the exclusively inner movements of the human heart” (TOB 86:6).

And here we enter the tension of what theologians call the “already – but not yet” of redemption. The not yet aspect means we must be cognizant of the many distortions of our fallen nature and the ease with which we can be lured into temptations. The already aspect means there is also a power at work within us which is able to do “far more than we ever think or imagine,” as St. Paul said (see Ephesians 3:20). Both truths must be held together…

More here.

You seem to have hit the nail on the head.

dj
Don’t worry, I’m not planning on going on the Pill.

I’m not interested in reading what Christopher West has to say (see the previous page or the thread titled Do Protestant churches handle sex and dating issues better than Catholic parishes? for more information) but I appreciate the thought.
 
The other thought I had while reading your rant (not Christopher West and John Paul II) has to do with Genesis and Man in the Image/Likeness of God. Got this from a little book on Christian Anthropology.

"The human person is not created simply as an individual and we cannot exist humanly as isolated individuals. From the first moment of life we are social beings who can only be human in communion with others. To be human means to be-in-relation, to be-with. Even more pointedly, it is something which is radically from others. It is essential that we recognize our real relationality, a truth often obscured by classical theology which, following Boethius, stressed the radical individuality of persons (the human being is an “individual substance of a rational nature”). This truth has also been forgotten by much modern thought since the Enlightenment, which stressed the freedom, rights and autonomy of the individual human subject. What and who my real “self” is, is a mystery which is constituted by the mystery of others.

This means that my humanity is something always profoundly greater, even other, than I am. Sexual differentiation highlights this. Scholars in a variety of disciplines have begun to take seriously what the poets and song writers have always told us: men and women seem to experience and understand reality in some remarkably different ways. Christian theology has tended to ignore this, treating human “nature” independently of its sexual concretization.

While there is much that we can say about being human which is true about both men and women, perhaps we are only now beginning to realize that there is much which cannot be said quite so simply. Each of us, male or female, must realize the fact that there is another mode and experience of being human which is different from, and not reducible to, one’s own. There is another way of being human which remains inaccessibly mysterious. [Claiming this profound mystery can somehow be a product of “sexual orientation,” as those who advance the gay agenda do, is simply a parody or cheap trick compared to this profound Christian Truth.]

Therefore, no human being can claim to experience or understand the mystery of what it means to be human only from his or her humanity. The real humanity of each person, male or female, is something that points beyond itself to a real other. This is a paradox. Male and female are not simply accidental characteristics of human being; neither are they two different creatures. They are irreducibly different in one humanity.

This, it seems to me, expresses something of the mystery of God and about our relationship with God. The mystery of the sexually other human is a symbol of the absolute mystery of God’s other-ness and of our relatedness to and transcendence towards God as our final personal wholeness and fulfillment. Our humanity is essentially ecstatic, other-directed. We are whole and entire only in our relationships with others: both human others and with God, that divine Other."

A more complete post I made on this is here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/10/29/human-beings-in-god%e2%80%99s-image-and-likeness/

I know Christopher West has been controversial but didn’t really follow the controversy – I just used his writings on John Paul II and TOB. What did you find so negative about him (if I may ask)

dj
 
I know Christopher West has been controversial but didn’t really follow the controversy – I just used his writings on John Paul II and TOB. What did you find so negative about him (if I may ask)

dj
Christopher West is married. I’m single. Married people are incapable of helping single people develop a positive understanding of chastity or sexuality, no matter how orthodox they are. I’ve spent more than 10 years taking advice on chastity from married people, and all I’ve had all I can take. All I did was end up sinning, and wanting to role around in broken glass. Enough is enough!

After more than 10 years of their advice, I hated myself, and I had no idea how to live my life at the present moment. Then, this weekend on a retreat, a priest made a comment than explained to me in 2 minutes why I hated myself, and how I should be living my life instead. At that moment, I knew I was taking advice from the wrong people!

Even before then, I knew there was something wrong with taking advice about chastity from a married person. I remember listening to my married youth group leader talk to us about chastity, and even then I wrote in my diary, “There’s something wrong with this picture.”

Feel free to post comments from JP2 or from a priest or nun. They’re the only people I’m interested in listening to now.

As I said in my previous post, look at page 10 of this thread. Or click on the thread “Do Protestant churches handle sex and dating issues better than Catholic parishes?” I’ve posted more about it there.
 
Christopher West is married. I’m single. Married people are incapable of helping single people develop a positive understanding of chastity or sexuality, no matter how orthodox they are. I’ve spent 10 years taking advice on chastity from married people, and all I’ve had all I can take. All I did was end up sinning, and wanting to role around in broken glass. Enough is enough.

As I said, after 10 years, of their advice, I hated myself, and I had no idea how to live my life at the present moment. Then, this weekend on a retreat, a priest made a comment than explained to me in 2 minutes why I hated myself, and how I should be living my life instead.

Feel free to post comments from JP2 or from a priest or nun. They’re the only people I’m interested in listening to now.

As I said in my previous post, look at page 10 of this thread. Or click on the thread “Do Protestant churches handle sex and dating issues better than Catholic parishes?” I’ve posted more about it there.
Actually West is a popularizer of JPII, so for me he saves me from reading the formidable TOB (a huge book that sits on my bookshelf unread). The post I recommended to you is JPII via his popularizer West. It is loaded with quotes from the Catechism, Aquinas and John Paul II. Hardly West’s opinion but his marshalling of sources to answer questions.

Perhaps a better reference for you might be Dawn Eden. I reworked a list of reasons she gave for being chaste here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/12/30/dawn-eden%e2%80%99s-reasons-to-be-chaste-a-short-list/

Bad advice usually comes from nitwits – whether they are married or not is of little consequence (I would imagine). I became interested in the topic of prudence and temperance (of which chastity is a subset) so there are a number of readings on the topic at payingattentiontothesky.

I always found hating oneself is a developed taste. Glad you had an epiphany on the topic: I wish I had one but have nothing to offer. Please share if it is not too personal. PM me if you like.

dj
 
As I said in my previous post, look at page 10 of this thread. Or click on the thread “Do Protestant churches handle sex and dating issues better than Catholic parishes?” I’ve posted more about it there.
Left a post there too.

dj
 
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