A valid reason for annulment

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If a couple has been married for many years, but one partner has been unable to engage in sexual intercourse for more than half their marrried years, is it understandable that the other spouse should consider moving forward with seeking an annulment?😦
 
Before marriage, yes. Physical inability to perform sexual intercourse is an impediment to a valid marriage. But anything that hapens after marriage does not make it invalid. It has to have been invalid from the very beginning.
 
A permanent, complete, and irreversible physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse at the time of the marriage ceremony is grounds for annulment.

However, medical science today makes such a condition far less common than it was in the past.

So, for example, erectile dysfunction is NOT grounds for annulment if a couple has ever successfully engaged in intercourse, even if only once, after their wedding.

I once knew a man who was married to his wife for over 50 years. They had made love only one time before he went off to WWII, where he suffered injuries that made it impossible for him ever to have intercourse again. He also lost both legs.

I also am friends with a man who has taken care of his wife, who has had a progressively debilitating neurological disease for over 50 years. She developed this disease after only about a year of marriage and they have not made love since that time. While both of them agree that they would never have asked for this burden, they also agree that it has been a wonderful blessing for them and has made them grow in love for each other.

Clearly, both couples have lived their marriage vows heroically. But lest we think that we would not be called to the same heroism under similar circumstances, we have to remember the vows we took when we got married. We promised to be faithful “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.” These people just show us that it can be done, but only with God’s grace.
 
As was said in the other thread, if it was possible when they were married, and they consummated their marriage, but then later it became impossible it does not change the validity of the marriage. These threads should be merged by a mod, I think.
 
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
 
gracemary said:
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am not married so I don’t know how you feel, but I think you should talk to your priest right away. Despairing is no good and you could use some help I think! I’ll remember you in my prayers!
 
Maybe go to the Ask an Apologist Forum and write a question to Fr Serpa, or maybe PM him. he gives very helpful and insightful answers.
 
gracemary said:
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
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It is possible that you weren’t meant for marriage. You don’t need an annulment to separate. That being said you need to talk to someone because it sounds as if you are depressed. I am worried about you. Please seek professional help. :hug1: I will pray for you. Prayer is a good start.
 
Gracemary,

If my previous post made to your burden more difficult to bear, I am truly sorry. I was only trying to be clear, and to offer encouragement to those who are in similar circumstances. I know it’s difficult to see a path to happiness when you’re feeling like you do, but the truth is that there is such a path. It is the path of surrender to the Lord’s will in all things, without exception, and without counting the cost.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t search for solutions, as if surrendering to his will means that we don’t do anything to fix our situation. Rather, it simply means that we should do what we think is right, as we discern it in prayer, and accept what happens as coming from the hands of a loving father who knows what’s best for us. Even if the situation we are in is not his direct will, he will support us and give us the strength to live as he is asking us to live.

So if the cause of your loneliness and sadness is your husband’s sexual dysfunction, do what you can to see if there is a medical solution. If, on the other hand, your loneliness and sadness are due to other problems in your marriage, his sexual dysfunction may be more of a symptom than a cause.

In either case, there is a lot to be gained by going to a good, qualified counselor, and like others who have responded, I encourage you to get help from one.

In the meantime, I’d like to pass on something a priest once told me. Most of us are asked for something truly heroic only once or twice in our lives. Usually we’re simply asked to do the ordinary things with extraordinary love. But all of us will be called to certifiable heroism at least once in our lives. And usually that one time will be a call to the heroism of perseverance and fidelity to our vocation.

I, too, will keep you in my prayers.
 
gracemary said:
Is sexual dysfunction grounds for annulment?
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There is no way to know until you go to a priest and discuss your ENTIRE marriage situation and what was going on leading up to the marriage.

One sentence cannot possibly describe all that was and is going on in your courtship and marriage.

While sexual dysfunction, in and of itself, is not “grounds” for a decree of nullity that does not mean that you have no grounds. An otherwise healthy and functioning man (not a person who is a survivor of catastrophic event rendering them unable to engage in he marriage act, but your basic “regular Joe”) that has sexual dysfunction could have a physical problem, but he could also have a psychological problem and if the psychological problem was antecedent to your marriage and you were not informed of it… then that may be something worth investigating. You don’t know until you really dig in very deep into the marriage and background. And, is your DH willing to go to a doctor and a counselor to solve this problem?

You should go talk to a trusted priest.
 
gracemary said:
If a couple has been married for many years, but one partner has been unable to engage in sexual intercourse for more than half their marrried years, is it understandable that the other spouse should consider moving forward with seeking an annulment?😦
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not unless the condition was know to have existed at the time of the exchange of vows and was considered to be permanent. Anything that transpired after the marriage does not affect validity.

if we are dipping into a previous thread I think there should be some kind of link
 
I agree with all here that if the condition was not an issue when the marriage was entered into that it cannot be grounds for calling the marriage invalid.

That said… I’m new to the forum, and I don’t think it’s against any rules to ask another question under this same banner (if so, I apologize and would be more than happy to start a new thread with my question). I wanted to ask if it is “wrong” to enter into a marriage when it is a possibility that sexual dysfunction may be a reality of the marriage due to an individuals past experiences with sexual-type abuse? And if, once in the marriage, it did turn out to be a reality, would it be wrong to stay in the marriage, even without evidence that the condition would be a permanent one?
 
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