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MissRose73
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My father is Catholic but he doesn’t practice his faith. My mother who does practice her faith only asks him to go for Christmas, Easter, and any special family occasions like funerals etc.
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Gordon_Sims
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Since last November the only time I missed Mass was Ash Wednesday, and that was due to illness. My wife works Sundays and is usually unable to go with us then, so I’m the one who’s almost always the lone parent with the kids at Mass. In our parish, I see that just as often as I see the lone mothers with the kids, although I agree with the OP that that seems to be more typical than seeing dads there alone. My honest take on it is that it’s due to guys being a bit more taken with secular ideals in general, a large part of this being due to football’s influence. A large portion of my male friends and family are up early on Sundays, religiously watching Sports Center and getting ready for a full day of football. They carry this over to the non-football season and view Sunday as a day to worship themselves. It’s hard to commit that hour to Mass when they have their own importance to attend to.
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PatriceA
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Business trips, the way my husband’s work schedule happens, he might be home for one weekend a month. I would hope if you saw me and my daughter in Mass, you wouldn’t jump to any conclusions without knowing our situation.
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CallMeDad
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I heard this issue discussed on a Christian (not specifically Catholic) radio show recently. I believe the participants in the discussion were Baptists. Anyway, the upshot of the discussion was that they believed that much of the service appealed to women more than men, in terms of cultivating a “personal relationship” with Christ, the singing, the sitting, and some other activities they said were not seen as classically masculine.
They agreed that more interactive, physical worship might more attract men. There were some examples of some churches trying such things during the service involving a group of men doing a joint activity with a lesson at the end.
I’m a man and never miss a day of obligation. I think fulfilling obligations is something that generally appeals to a man.
My son, who goes with us, and is 11, has already told me that he always feels himself yawning and getting tired during Mass.
Anyway, it does appear to be an issue not limited to Catholics. It also is possible that some males view the Mass as too feminine, or too boring.
I’m not sure what the cause is myself, although I guess I can see the point that many aspects of the Mass appeal to women more than they would men.
They agreed that more interactive, physical worship might more attract men. There were some examples of some churches trying such things during the service involving a group of men doing a joint activity with a lesson at the end.
I’m a man and never miss a day of obligation. I think fulfilling obligations is something that generally appeals to a man.
My son, who goes with us, and is 11, has already told me that he always feels himself yawning and getting tired during Mass.
Anyway, it does appear to be an issue not limited to Catholics. It also is possible that some males view the Mass as too feminine, or too boring.
I’m not sure what the cause is myself, although I guess I can see the point that many aspects of the Mass appeal to women more than they would men.
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teresadeavila
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It is a sad statistic - all you have to do is look around to see the majority of husbands/men are simply not attending church. It took years for my hubby to go to church with me and our children - he still does not pray much, go to confession, etc. but it’s better than nothing. 
We are all his children and need the Eucharist to sustain us. I pray for their souls, God knows, in a male-dominated society (in some respects), men should be in love with God and his church, not just the women. Who else will be the example to our children? How do we explain to our children why daddy does not want to go to church? Everything we say comes out as a weak excuse in their ears.
We are all his children and need the Eucharist to sustain us. I pray for their souls, God knows, in a male-dominated society (in some respects), men should be in love with God and his church, not just the women. Who else will be the example to our children? How do we explain to our children why daddy does not want to go to church? Everything we say comes out as a weak excuse in their ears.
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EasterJoy
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Across Christian denominations, I think it is more common for women to go to church more frequently than men. It is also more common for women to attend church regularly before marriage. My understanding is that it is also more common for women who are Catholics to continue to practice as Catholics if they marry outside the faith than for male Catholics who marry non-Catholics. Finally, women tend to live a good deal longer than men, and so of course there are more living widows than widowers to go to Mass.
Having said that, I can think of a lot of guys who attend Mass without their wives, too, both daily Mass and Sunday Mass, and who attend while they are still single or after they lose their wives to divorce or death. The women are more observant by general trend, but the difference is not so vast that you see no married men at all who attend without their wives.
Having said that, I can think of a lot of guys who attend Mass without their wives, too, both daily Mass and Sunday Mass, and who attend while they are still single or after they lose their wives to divorce or death. The women are more observant by general trend, but the difference is not so vast that you see no married men at all who attend without their wives.
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maryjk
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No, it doesn’t. My husband doesn’t attend Mass. He isn’t Catholic and he doesn’t believe in God. Going to Mass on a regular basis would be hypocritical, don’t you think?
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The_Bucket
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Not necessarily. He could go because it’s important for family unity. My mother and my brothers and sisters attended synagogue on the high holidays with my father before he converted from Judaism a few years ago.
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faithfully
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I imagine we all work these things out. DH is not Catholic but believes in God. He agreed upfront to raise the children Catholic. Which means not to undermine this by silently stating that mommy is wrong and not being supportive.
IMO, there is nothing hypocritical by holding up his end of the bargain. But then perhaps in a situation as yours you never made an agreement to stick to.
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Chesterton18
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Women have pretty much always been more likely to attend church. Or at least, since church stopped being closely tied to worldly success.
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maryjk
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Sorry, that roll eye isn’t for you, but for someone that told me that my marriage isn’t normal. And that most people that are married to atheists have a hard time.I never said that my husband undermines the raising of our son. In fact, my husband regularly drives our son to Mass, picks him up from CYO or reminds him to pray before eating. He has driven me to Mass when I didn’t feel well, and tuned the TV to EWTN after I had surgery so I could watch Mass.
After being married for 11 years, I reverted. At that time, my husband agreed to backing me in going “on in.” We practice NFP; we had our marriage convalidated; I even work at our parish as a paid employee.
The question was:
So I said, no, my husband’s excuse doesn’t sound weak. My husband is an atheist. Although he attends Mass about 5 - 7 times a year, it very well could be considered hypocritical if he attended every week.
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EasterJoy
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Although honestly seeking out whether or not God exists is a moral imperative, converting or pretending to be a believer when one is honestly convinced God does not exist would be hypocritical. That doesn’t meant that it is hypocritical to attend Mass. Catholics do not require belief as a condition of even attending, so mere attendance does not imply belief. An atheist who comes to Mass to support his wife is not a hypocrite, but rather exhibits great generosity of heart. I would think most Catholics would see it that way, and also see such behavior as an indictment on the Catholics who say they know the truth and yet do not come.
The Church does teach that while those who fail to recognize and worship God out of honest invincible ignorance do suffer from their lack of faith, they are not culpable for their predicament if their lack of faith is not due to an act of their own will.It is a sad statistic - all you have to do is look around to see the majority of husbands/men are simply not attending church. It took years for my hubby to go to church with me and our children - he still does not pray much, go to confession, etc. but it’s better than nothing.
We are all his children and need the Eucharist to sustain us. I pray for their souls, God knows, in a male-dominated society (in some respects), men should be in love with God and his church, not just the women. Who else will be the example to our children? How do we explain to our children why daddy does not want to go to church? Everything we say comes out as a weak excuse in their ears.
If a husband is in the situation where he is doing his moral best and is supportive of those in his family who do have faith, it is not something the children will hold against him. It is kind of like having a family member who does not go to the child’s sporting events when they take place outdoor in the evenings because her lungs will not take the cold air.
As for who will be an example, while it is best to have both parents be examples, I have found that there are many good Catholic men who are an example to our boys, since my husband is not Catholic. They see the example of the priest, the sacristans, lectors, choir members, extraordinary ministers, the Knights of Columbus, and the many men who not only go to Mass but who aslo volunteer to keep the parish running. It is when the Catholic adults of the parish fail to live the faith that the children of the parish take notice. When one parent is not Catholic, these models take on extra importance, but IMHO they are very important even when one’s parents both practice.
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wondrousgnat
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This is just a thought here and maybe others have comments. Many parents, including Protestants, want their kids to go to Catholic schools. My former parish had Protestant students and the nearby high school (Rosary) even hada Moslem. I knew Protestants who attended Sunday mass. They wanted to be united in their faith to support their children.
Now many parishes have no schools or they are closing. Do you think this may discourage some couples from attending mass together?
Now many parishes have no schools or they are closing. Do you think this may discourage some couples from attending mass together?
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teresadeavila
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At least for family unity - of course, hubby cannot receive the Eucharist if he is not a practicing Catholic but it seems women in general bear the heaviest burden of raising their children in the faith. I’m not saying there are no men at church, I have seen faithful men, single, married, widowed, at church regularly and daily Mass and certainly atheists may argue it’s hypocritical to attend Mass and can support his family’s faith in other ways (although the family unity argument makes sense to me when we talk about attending Mass) BUT the fact remains - women are there in larger numbers. And very active in various ministries, helping run the parishes, leading prayer groups, etc.
So far you hear on this forum and elsewhere, work schedule, too tired, football (really? really? we make time for football but not God, need I say more??), boredom, etc. Still, excuses. Even I’m guilty of making them, too - thank God for confession. Now, we go every Sunday or Saturday evening, rain or shine. Can’t survive without my God. I think it’s crucial for men to attend - for our children, especially.
So far you hear on this forum and elsewhere, work schedule, too tired, football (really? really? we make time for football but not God, need I say more??), boredom, etc. Still, excuses. Even I’m guilty of making them, too - thank God for confession. Now, we go every Sunday or Saturday evening, rain or shine. Can’t survive without my God.
I think it’s crucial for men to attend - for our children, especially.
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The_Bucket
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This is unfortunate and not the way it should be. Obviously in interreligious marriages where the husband is not Catholic it’s quite difficult for him to do much more than back mom up on everything. How can he take the lead in raising the kids in the faith if he does not believe himself? Sure he can provide some basic education and take the lead in areas where the faiths are lined up (like in a Protestant/Catholic marriage for instance, he can lead on a number of subjects) but it’s not the optimal solution.At least for family unity - of course, hubby cannot receive the Eucharist if he is not a practicing Catholic but it seems women in general bear the heaviest burden of raising their children in the faith. I’m not saying there are no men at church, I have seen faithful men, single, married, widowed, at church regularly and daily Mass and certainly atheists may argue it’s hypocritical to attend Mass and can support his family’s faith in other ways (although the family unity argument makes sense to me when we talk about attending Mass) BUT the fact remains - women are there in larger numbers. And very active in various ministries, helping run the parishes, leading prayer groups, etc.
So far you hear on this forum and elsewhere, work schedule, too tired, football (really? really? we make time for football but not God, need I say more??), boredom, etc. Still, excuses. Even I’m guilty of making them, too - thank God for confession. Now, we go every Sunday or Saturday evening, rain or shine. Can’t survive without my God.
In my life I know that I have not done enough to be the spiritual leader of my household and that’s because of my own sin. I just didn’t feel like I had the moral authority to do it and so turned it over to my wife. As you might imagine, that’s been a source of tension and made me look worse in her eyes. And for good reason.
But in the last few months I’ve been striving to shake that off. I’m in charge at Sunday Mass and whenever we go during the week. I’m doing more spiritual reading and leading the evening prayers. My wife is on the Christian Formation board at our parish and I’m not, but that’s because she’s a certified teacher. She’s just better at knowing how to put together an educational plan. I’m trying to lead an adult discussion group at that parish and joined a men’s prayer group at another nearby parish.
Given that ours has been a marriage of two people in the same faith, I realize that I totally failed in my responsibility to be not just the temporal but spiritual leader of my family for some time. Fortunately I’m still relatively young and my kids are just reaching preschool age so I’m hopeful I can reclaim that mantle and ease the burden from my wife so she can return to the role she desires as being the heart of the family.
My roundabout point is that there should be more lay men taking leadership roles in the church. I think in many cases we men might think that women should do that stuff because hey, men are already the priests and bishops. Why put more on our gender by taking up positions of authority in the laity?! Well I’ll tell you why; because we men are called to be leaders in everything that we do and we lead by following Christ.
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teresadeavila
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Bucket, that’s awesome you’re on this journey and recognize how crucial it is that we have men who lead by following Christ. I’m not saying men should be superhero faithful leaders doing the impossible (God knows, they get enough pressures at home and in this society) but to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses as men and offer their service to the Church and God unique to that male individual. I’m sure your wife is thrilled at what you’re doing - imagine what a positive role model you are being when your kids see you up there reading and leading prayers. I pray all men reach the same spiritual journey as you.
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The_Bucket
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She is certainly seeing the positives but it took going through a pretty hellishly dark place to get there. I was flat out mean and unpleasant for quite some time because I just hated myself for having destructive habits and I suppose for those that have first-hand experience with people like that, it can be obvious about what I am speaking.
The wounds she sustained are still pretty fresh so any day-to-day breakthrough is huge. I can understand her caution in believing that I’m making a real and permanent change but hey, that helps me develop patience so I have to take that as opportunities to grow.
As I alluded to, it’s only been a few months but I certainly feel revitalized and in control of my life. Turns out all I had to do to feel this way is turn control of everything over to God! All the panic and anxiety I felt about being inadequate, not-well-adjusted and less of a man just disappears when I did that. Of course, it takes a conscious decision multiple times per day to relinquish control but that’s our small part; our drop of water in the wine.
The wounds she sustained are still pretty fresh so any day-to-day breakthrough is huge. I can understand her caution in believing that I’m making a real and permanent change but hey, that helps me develop patience so I have to take that as opportunities to grow.
As I alluded to, it’s only been a few months but I certainly feel revitalized and in control of my life. Turns out all I had to do to feel this way is turn control of everything over to God! All the panic and anxiety I felt about being inadequate, not-well-adjusted and less of a man just disappears when I did that. Of course, it takes a conscious decision multiple times per day to relinquish control but that’s our small part; our drop of water in the wine.
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