Absolution Withheld

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Yes but couldn’t she just say look I don’t feel right about this - can we have some time apart so we can stop getting into these situations ? Surely that would be enough. I am assuming this guy is at least supportive of her faith
 
halogirl said:
Yes but couldn’t she just say look I don’t feel right about this - can we have some time apart so we can stop getting into these situations ?
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Which is a LIE. She does not want to break up at all.
 
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Hang on I tell people what I confess all the time by choice. That isn’t breaking the seal if I choose too is it ?
 
halogirl said:
Hang on I tell people what I confess all the time by choice. That isn’t breaking the seal if I choose too is it ?
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You are free to tell people whatever you want.

You may not be compelled to do so
 
She doesn’t feel right about the near occasions. She doesn’t want time apart. But she has been advised she might benefit from time apart . Why can’t she just explain this to to boyfriend if she chooses to ?
 
PeterT said:
If you’re meant to marry your current boyfriend, a three-month total separation from him won’t derail the marriage, at worst it would only delay it.
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Amen! For the sake of two souls, it will be time well spent. As it is, the nature of the relationship itself may very well have become a near occasion of sin. We are called to avoid all near occasions of sin.
 
She would do it by choice then? As you would when having any discussion with a significant other . I think I am misunderstanding you here. “ my priest has advised we spend time apart. I don’t want to but my faith is so important to me that I need to go into any marriage knowing that I’ve done the right thing and I need to feel that I’ve tried to stick to church teaching on sexual matters.”
 
The pentitent is free to reveal their sins to anyone to whom they choose, as well as any advice they received. So if she chose to tell her boyfriend the reason why she wishes to have a temporary break - she is not sinning.

The priest cannot force her to tell her boyfriend, but she is still free to do so of her own choice.

The priest is bound by the seal, as are interpreters or anyone else overhearing her confession.
 
We were not in that confessional, so, it is difficult to chime in.

I would suggest you make an appointment with Father outside of confession time and talk to him. He may sense that you do not have contrition, that there is resistance to removing the near occasion of sin.

If you were my sister, I would advise you to turn down the burner. What you are doing now is not working if you keep falling into sexual sin. For 3 months, hang out only in groups/public places. No late night phone calls, texts or Sype. Get back to where you are serious about staying out of sin.

Have serious discussions about why you are not planning marriage. Find a spiritual director.

If you two know that this is the person you want to marry, then, decide you are going to start from a clean slate and not play around on the slippery slope.

Talk to Father, ask if that is the sort of break he is suggesting.
 
halogirl said:
Yes but couldn’t she just say look I don’t feel right about this - can we have some time apart so we can stop getting into these situations ? Surely that would be enough. I am assuming this guy is at least supportive of her faith
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That would hardly be being completely honest. Not exactly a good way to go in a relationship one hopes is leading to marriage.
 
Why isn’t this completely honest ? She can say the priest advised her if she wishes to.
 
Who says she would leave it out ? Feel like we are going round in circles here. I would assume the OP would tell the bf the whole story.
 
Well, your post said:
Yes but couldn’t she just say look I don’t feel right about this - can we have some time apart so we can stop getting into these situations ? Surely that would be enough.
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It sort of sounded like you were encouraging her to just make it sound like it was an idea she came up with on her own. It didn’t imply full disclosure. That is all I was saying.
 
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That is not what I was meaning to say. And let’s hope the young man is also confessing and seeking advice similarly - equally important
 
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I like @theLittleLady 's advice. No need to break up.

If the behavior is a problem for OP, then she needs strategies for dealing with it and avoiding it. Breaking up seems to be using a grenade to kill a mosquito. Seeking a solid spiritual advisor, who is willing to talk through these issue as needed, with continuity, would seem important.

Breaking up and running away from the situation is not the best way to go, IMO. For a lot of reasons.
 
I am well qualified to weigh in. Actually I didn’t say anything that goes against Church teaching. I would suggest some of the other posters need to read up on what to do if it seems you are not dealt with fairly in the confessional, based on some of the responses here.
 
catholic03 said:
To be fair, you are not a practising member of Christ’s Church. You are agnostic. Your opinion and discussion is valued, but maybe it is better for people who support the Church’s teachings to help the original poster.
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To be fair, I completely agree with her and think that breaking up with her boyfriend on the advice of a priest after a few minutes in confession is at best cooky and at worst something I can’t say here.
 
This is unbelievable.
At least you’re honest.
He should not be making such a proposal. This is why young people are turned off from the Church even when they accept what it teaches.
 
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