Absolution Withheld

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holyholyholy said:
After some inquiry
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Where are people getting this idea that this was the work of ‘a few minutes’. We don’t know and weren’t there is the bottom line, but I am sure we can all agree that marriage needs to be carefully discerned and we need to avoid occasions of sin. A period of separation is not a bad idea and will help the couple discern and cement their vocation without falling into sin. OP I am sorry I am speaking about you as though you’re not here. Ultimately follow your conscience and listen to the Holy Spirit. See another priest and explain all of this. Try and see the original priest again too.
 
“Father, I commit mortal sin when I do this”

Father “Then stop doing that”.

Really, this advice is about as basic as can be.
 
We are not perfect. Noone is. We all have our struggles. I commend this woman for being honest with herself and trying to right this.
 
Yes, we do, but we are all called to work out our salvation. When we are forgiven our goal is to sin no more. If we do sin again, we repent again, however, we don’t say “oh well, I am just going to keep on sinning”.

Our goal is nothing short of perfection.
 
It’s why we must turn to God for forgiveness, before we go to Confession

Do you suppose God doesn’t understand the OP and her contrite heart ?

Do you suppose God would want her to hurt the man whom she loves and who loves her by breaking up with him ?

I think not

Salvation is mystical, not just for those who have the strongest willpower…

Jim
 
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Of course. However many people struggle with sins of the flesh. Many men will go to Confession for impurity and really want to amend their lives but the habitual nature makes it very difficult. It doesn’t make it okay, but the point that they know it is wrong and are trying to overcome this is admirable. I know, because I struggled with fleshly sins for years and felt like I was saying the same thing in confession weekly. With Gods grace I eventually overcame it. We can’t change overnight. It is possible theoretically but in reality it is hard to change lifestyle.
 
We must always remember that when the Lord closes a door, he opens another. If the Lord closes a door to a relationship then maybe he will open a door to another vocation.

The original poster must remember this.
 
We are, but at the same time every courtship / dating relationship will, by its very nature, involve some occasion of sin. Even in a very traditional courtship situation where there are chaperones at all times, simply being young and in love is a near occasion of mental sin in terms of thoughts. Marriage itself is a constant near occasion of sin for many, especially if one partner is say pushing for contraception. Point being, we need to strive to avoid occasions of sin, but it’s not always practical / possible.
 
Sorry, I’m going to go against the trend here. A three month separation? Presumably that would mean no interaction with one another at all? How is a relationship meant to grow under those circumstances? A priest is not infallible and (in matters of relationships) may not be the best guide. A relationship should be nurtured in the correct; split up implies no longer together, so if one party finds another person in that time…?
 
Well, the parishes make people wait, around six months for pre Cana classes. So if they can’t be chaste now, the time in the classes they might not be either.
 
To the OP, I am curious about your boyfriend? Is he also Catholic? If he is not Catholic and not respectful to our religious beliefs, then I would strongly encourage you to take stock of this relationship and consider ending it permanently - such a relationship will only bear bad fruit.

I understand how hard it is to be pure, I am engaged and me and my fiancée do go to confession occasionally because we goofed up. There was a time not long ago we almost fornicated, we both felt terrible afterwards. We went the confession and boy, did the priest confirm the gravity of the seriousness of our sin by what he told us in the confessional and the penance he assigned us to do before he gave us absolution.

Another time when we confessed to being impure, we were told to avoid kisses on the mouth until we’re married. In the meantime, do kisses on the cheek or hand. It’s hard yes, but we both know this is for our own good! When we’re both married, then we can enjoy the pleasures and wonders of sex (and only with a willingness to be open to the conception of new life).

Remember, sex is a most beautiful gift from God, and He wants us to enjoy this gift in the proper manner. Sex is so powerful because when we make love we are imitating God in the most intimate way possible, because it is through the act of sex we create new life! God loves us so much he chose to share his awesome power of creation with us! How wonderful of a gift is that!?

It is no wonder the devil seeks to pervert human sexuality and marriage, because these are most holy to God!

Sins against purity are very serious. If memory serves, Our Lady of Fatima said more souls go to hell for sins committed against purity than any other sin.

Remember, you hear the words of Christ through the lips of the priest. God is a strict and loving father to us, and only wants what is best for us.

As for what you were told in the confessional, this may also be a test for your relationship to see if it is truly love or lust.

If you two are both Catholic and are practicing, maybe this is a good time to discern marriage with each other? Remember, for us Catholics the purpose of dating/courting is to discern our possible calling to the vocation of marriage.

If this man is not Catholic, or is not a practicing one, perhaps this may be a wake up call for him to repent? Remember when Our Lord proclaimed the Kingdom of God and called on sinners to repent and do penance?

All in all, if your boyfriend isn’t Catholic, and won’t respect Catholic beliefs, I would seriously consider ending the relationship permanently as it is not good for your spiritual health. If he is Catholic, you both need to follow the instructions you received in confession.
 
holyholyholy said:
After some inquiry, he stated that I needed to remove the occasion of sin (which I agree with), but then stated that the only way to do so would be to break up with my boyfriend for 3-6 months. And, until I break up with him, absolution would be withheld. He stated if any priest gave me absolution at this time, that priest would be committing a mortal sin.
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This seems really off to me. Especially the part about another priest giving absolution being a mortal sin. That seems really, really odd.
 
holyholyholy said:
I mean, fair point, and I agree. But that’s not the issue at hand here, it’s whether I’ll be committing further sin by seeking out counsel from another priest
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Here is a quote from an experience I had…
As I was confessing, Father and I entered into a dialog about my purpose and a good penance. I differed and began to disagree with him. It struck me very suddenly that I was not arguing with Father, but with Christ!I I spiritually collapsed and submitted to the advice and penance I was assigned.
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What happened next was purely supernatural. Humility and obedience are well rewarded by the Lord.
 
CTBcin said:
This seems really off to me. Especially the part about another priest giving absolution being a mortal sin. That seems really, really odd.
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That is really, really odd and necessitates taking the whole matter - importantly, not omitting that aspect of it - to another priest.
 
With no communication?

Absence may make the heart grow fonder (although that is a trite notion anyway - out of sight; out of mind - just saying?) but silence and self imposed alienation from one another is just damaging.
 
holyholyholy said:
I guess my question is thus: is it sinful/disobedient of me to go to another priest, explain the situation honestly, and try to get a second opinion? Or am I truly faced with the option of breaking up with a man I’m nearly convinced I may be called to marry? Thank you and pray for me.
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I think the priest’s point is that you’re not getting it done on your own. You’re not converting from the sin, you’re continuing in it. That’s the opposite of contrition (cf. Council of Trent, Sessio XIV, on penance).

Remember that His Divine Majesty said that it would be better to enter into life maimed than go into hell whole. The priest gave you a hard pill, passionately speaking, but it seems that looking for a second opinion is proving the need to break up.

It is also well to note that it is not a good way to start into a marriage on mortal sins and lack of contrition thereof. Mortal sins do more to a person than simply destine him or her to the everlasting fires of hell; mortal sins also attract demons into your life as those without the supernatural virtue of charity are the slaves of Satan (cf. Council of Trent, Sessio VI, on justification). That is not the type of situation that you want to bring children into.
 
Dunno. Remember that we get exactly half the story here - and then only as the OP perceived it. In 31 years of conducting investigations, I had to constantly re-learn the importance of obtaining both sides before deciding.

Since there is apparently substantial doubt and/or confusion, it would be wise for the OP to contact that priest and have a discussion outside of the confessional, so as to clear all points up.
 
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