Abusive relationships

[4tomorrow]

another thing that is sad…

On Easter I was at my sisters house with my daughter. Sis had an old picture of the family at Christmas on her bookshelf. My daughter had a great time pointing to each family member and saying their name. Then she pointed to the picture of he father and said, “Some guy.” She doesn’t know him as daddy. She doesn’t know him at all. He doesn’t care.

 

[dulcissima]

I know that this might seem like a strange thing to post on a Catholic forum, but…congratulations on your divorce! I am praying that you and your daughter find some healing and fresh hope.

Guess what though, you’ve beat me to it. My trial dates keep getting pushed off, and my ex (I can’t bear to call him anything else) keeps inventing new reasons why we can’t finalize this thing. So, I could really use your prayers now…I need some closure and an end to this really, really soon.

 

[4tomorrow]

I know that this might seem like a strange thing to post on a Catholic forum, but…congratulations on your divorce! I am praying that you and your daughter find some healing and fresh hope.

Guess what though, you’ve beat me to it. My trial dates keep getting pushed off, and my ex (I can’t bear to call him anything else) keeps inventing new reasons why we can’t finalize this thing. So, I could really use your prayers now…I need some closure and an end to this really, really soon.

I hope all goes well for you, and it doesn’t keep getting continued. When is your next courtdate? Hopefully I wont have another one!

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

 

[dulcissima]

I hope all goes well for you, and it doesn’t keep getting continued. When is your next courtdate? Hopefully I wont have another one!

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

It was supposed to be tomorrow, but it is being continued since the court has an out of state move case to deal with. I worked all day with my attorney trying to work on a settlement. I made all kinds of financial concessions, and it looked like we were finally going to make it happen. Then I ran into my lawyer at Trader Joe’s tonight and he said my ex won’t agree unless I drop the restraining order. That is one thing I just can’t do, so it looks like I wait until I can get another trial date scheduled and hopefully won’t get bumped again. It is getting really frustrating.

 

[LittleDeb]

I am so sad for both of you, and my prayers are with you. On the positive side, what incredible witnesses you are becoming on the importance of entering a valid marriage. This many horrible things must have been present before the marriage, no matter how well these “men” hid it. I hope you will both find healing if you go through the tribunal process and have your marriages declared null. My husband’s ex wasn’t nearly as traumatic as what is presented here, but it was healing for him to know that it was not a marriage from day one.

God bless you and your families. 4tomorrow, remind your daughter that her Real Father, her Heavenly Father, is not just “some guy” and loves her for eternity.

 

[chevalier]

Good luck on your journey and Godspeed. Perhaps this is a new beginning.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi
I don’t know if anyone remembers me. I used to post under the name Anna’s Mom.
well, if you don’t here goes…
My husband is absolutely messed up. he lies, cheats, steals, does drugs. ect ect… He only let me go to work or take care of his mother. he did not work. I worked 2 jobs and soley cared for our child. He took all of the money that I made. If I didn’t give him my pay, he became enraged. I continued to live this way because I loved him and thought he would go back to normal.
Finally he became violent towards me. this has been going on since the birth of our daugheter in may of 2005. we had been together since 2000. Our relationship had had it ups and down before, but not like this! He became violent and I finally moved out one day without notice in july. He became very enraged. I called the police on him on several occassions. he tried to steal my car, the baby and have me arrested by saying I assulted him when I never touched him. Then I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks. I figured he was either in jail or lost interest.
3 days ago he called me saying how much he loves me. he said he changed and wants me to come home. I don’t know what to do, or If I should believe him. He has even lied to me about who his father is!
I don’t want to raise my child without a father. I am also afraid of visitation rights, because of his rage and the activities he does. I thought at least If I stayed with him I could moniter his being with the baby(as little that there was of it. sometimes we didn’t see him for a week at a time) Please help!
I also am afraid of divorce, because I always believed that If you got married, you stay married. I worry how all this will affect my daughter. We also do not have a place to live. currently I am staying with someone, but it is temporary. should I go back to him?

DO NOT go back to him. Men like this only change, when they sense that they need to change, for themselves. You cannot make someone change. I dated an abusive guy eons ago, and when we broke up…he apologized…begged me to come back…he promised he’d change. But, I never looked back the last time. Now, granted, it was nowhere near the level that you describe…but it could have gotten there, had I chosen to marry him. I beg of you, please do not go back to him…pray pray pray for strength that God will protect you, and your family.

He needs help, but you cannot help him. Abusers typically were abused when they were kids. I read up on this a lot, during my ordeal with my ex bf. They have a problem with women, because either a) their dad abused them and their mom did nothing, or the abuse came from their mothers. (many times, emotional abuse for mothers) He will not change…abusers will say they will change, to just get back to where things were–abusing you.

There are hotlines to call…for abuse. Please seek help…and keep praying. God doesn’t want us to be in painful relationships like this…He loves you too much.

Please heed my advice…

 

[masondoggy]

here is an update for everyone.
I went to court on march 29th for my divorce. My husband wasn’t there. The courts could never find him to serve him, so it was listed in the paper. The judge told me that I could not get a judgement for child support since he hadn’t been served. Just as everything was ending, my husband walked in the courtroom!!! He asked for a continuance. The judge looked at me and asked what I wanted to do. I said that I felt he had ample oppurtunity to present himself and get a lawyer, since I filed for divorce in August. The judge agreed and gave My husband only 2 weeks continuance, instead of a month. The judge then asked my husband why he hadn’t been paying child support. My husband stated that he didn’t know he had to. When the judge told him that was baloney, he said that he tried to give me a check once, but I wouldn’t take it. The judge said he didn’t believe him. My husband said that he had been in denver (across the country) for the past 2 months and that was why he wasn’t served. I had previously found that he had gotten 3 tickets in missouri during this time, so that proved it untrue. (one of the tickets was for receiving stolen property)!
Well, then I went back to court on April 12th. My husband didn’t show up. The judge granted me sole custody, and my ex gets supervised visitation only of our daughter. I was granted a child support judgement, although I know I will never actually get a penny from him. My ex does have 30 days to appeal all of this.
It is so sad that everything turned out the way it did. I’m glad that I have sole custody and my ex has supervised visitation because he is such a violent man, and does so many illegal things. I just don’t know how I am going to tell my daughter when she gets older and asks about her father. How do I tell her that he didn’t even show up to court to fight for her. Basically he just walked away from her. I believe the threat of having to pay child support scared him away. He does not care about her.
I hope and pray for the continued safety and happiness for my daughter. I pray that my ex husband never tries to harm her in any way. I pray that she remains healthy and happy.
That you all for all the support that I have recieved in posting here. GOD Bless!

Wow, this is such a relief! What great news! I’ve been following your story from the start and I am so glad that you got the protection you need for you and your daughter.

I will pray for you so that you can make a fresh start and make a great life for yourself and your little girl. Don’t stress so much right now about what to tell your daughter about this. When she asks about her Dad, just tell her that her Dad is a very troubled person and needs her prayers. Teach her to pray for him and leave the rest in God’s hands.

 

[4tomorrow]

DO NOT go back to him.

QUOTE]

I have a picture of myself holding my daughter that I keep in my purse. In the picture I am sporting the last black eye my ex-husband gave me. It will definately be the last. I already went through all of his apologies, just to see his rage again. I never want my daughter to see me controlled by fear of someone else again.

 

[AnnieD]

I have a picture of myself holding my daughter that I keep in my purse. In the picture I am sporting the last black eye my ex-husband gave me. It will definately be the last. I already went through all of his apologies, just to see his rage again. I never want my daughter to see me controlled by fear of someone else again.

I am so proud of you, 4tomorrow!! I will be keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.

Hugs and

AnnieD

 

[whatevergirl]

whatevergirl;2116009:

DO NOT go back to him.

QUOTE]

I have a picture of myself holding my daughter that I keep in my purse. In the picture I am sporting the last black eye my ex-husband gave me. It will definately be the last. I already went through all of his apologies, just to see his rage again. I never want my daughter to see me controlled by fear of someone else again.

May God continue to give you the utmost strength to stay out of this dangerous situation…it’s hard, I know it is…but with God, you can do this. Good for you, tomorrow!!!

…and here’s to more tomorrows FOR YOU.

 

[mariam1976]

I will pray for both of you… dulcissima and 4tomorrow

It was actually sort of a miracle for me… I dont know whether you guys remember how worried I was about when my judgement would be entered into the court…
well guess what! I filed the final papers last tuesday in the court in the afternoon and by monday this week, it had already been signed by the judge and filed by the court clerk!!! everyone told me that it takes a week for the judge to sign and then another 1-3 weeks before it gets into the system…

I had prayed to Mother Mary that I would light a hundred candles to her if it was finalised on that day… and it was!!!
I just came back after lighting the candles…

 

[Robaynne]

Not sure if some of you know my story. But I will be going to sign my final papers tomorrow. Well he is finally getting what he wants the teenager must be very happy that this happening.

But anyway I have let that Chapter go in my life. It is over and finally I can move on with my life. And not be afraid when is he going to hit me again, when is he going to insult me again, when he is going to cheat on my again. He has made his choice now he must live with it.

But I am so surprised and some of the response that I read here. America is such a strong independant country but some people get away with so much. For example here in South Africa if my ex does not pay the maintanance even if it is one month that he is supposed to for his two kids the police will arrest him in at his place of work. If he does not have money for bail he will sit in jail until his court date. If you have a protection order against whomever they give you a warrant of arrest if that person phones you or comes to your house they will arrest him and he will go to jail for a long time. Don’t mess with Domestic Violence and Maintanance. The court is strict. If you have a restraining order/protection order against your husband he cannot come near you. So he will not even be able to see the children because he is not allowed near you.

I know 4morrow that you are afraid. But you need to start have faith in God and believing in him. You cannot life like this for the rest of your life. Yes, I know that it is not easy to be a single parent and having to explain to your kids about their father and why he is not around. Be honest about it don’t hide things from them. I am honest with my kids and I explain everything to them. It hurts but they need to understand that it is not their fault that this happened. That even though the father did what he did he loves them in his own way. And one day he will realise what he had done. But he needs to make that decision for himself all we can do is pray for him. Pray for you ex. STOP been afraid of him.

You are still standing, you are still alive, you still have your daughter. Let your child have a childhood don’t let your fears affect her. If you are going to be afraid that your ex is going to take her away from you then those feelings are going to eat away at you. And control your life and her life. You have God on your side. Put your faith and trust in him not in man. That man will never take that child away from you he is using that as a threat against you another form of abuse. Don’t do that to yourself anymore. Pray, pray and pray. God will never forsaken you.

Your ex his day will come maybe not today but someday. How he is destroying his life is not your concern. You need to pick up the pieces of you life and move on. Stop trying to find ways for him to get court in doing the evil things that he is doing. His day will come. You just surrender yourself to God and put all you worries, problems, hurt, pain and suffering in his hand. You will see how strong you will be.

I thank God everyday that I am still standing. That letting him in my life helped me on the road to recovery. That even though I still get knocked down so many times God picks me up. And I feel him in my life. That if I did not do that I would be down there on the floor saying why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve that. Things happen we do not know why but they happen but life goes on. I hating hearing that LIFE GOES ON but it does. If we lay in misery, pain and suffering things still happen around us. The sun still comes up every morning and goes down every evening.