Abusive relationships

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I’ll be praying for you, sweetie. I know how scary it is to go through all this.

If you didn’t already do this, you might consider extending the order for protection to cover your daughter as well. That’s what I did to protect my son. I’m glad you’re taking the initiative to do what needs to be done. May the Lord continue to guide you and give you the courage you need to face whatever comes!
 
I am keeping you in my prayers too, 4tomorrow. In our today’s newspaper, there was a story about a woman with two daughters that were having the same problems as you and your daughter.

There is a program in our town called the YWCA supportive housing program. They gave her temporary housing, and she and her daughters also received personal necessities.One or the goals of the program is securing employment or schooling and another goal is to shape up the womans credit rating.

She was thousands of dollars in debt, and within 18 months she was debt free. They counseled her in all areas. The YWCA requires that women in this program participate in classes intended to enhance the life skills that will be required to maintain independence in the future.

They are given instructional classes that include worker education, family and/or personal counseling, love and logic instruction and family activities lessons.

On December 9th, she signed the low interest loan papers and now owns her own home. The program has an 85 to 90 percent success rate. Nearly all become homeowners. The goal of the program is to create a sense of self confidence and independence.

You could call the YWCA in your town or where your mother lives and see if they have this program.

When people are involved in drugs, they have no control over their actions and could murder their family. Please protect yourself and your beautiful daughter.

Hugs,
Annie
 
A few more things about the YWCA program is that it is funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and it helps the organization maintain furnished houses for the women in the 2 year program.

The program was established to meet the needs of single, homeless women with children who are dealing with issues of mental and physical violence.

Please let us know how you are doing,
God Bless You,
Annie
 
first of all I want to thank everyone so much for all the support!
thank you!

As for an update…
On jan 2, 2006 I was granted a restraining order against my husband. I filed one for my precious daughter, but it was denied because of my pending divorce. Because I filed for divorce in aug 2006, And there are child custody issues schedulled to go to court, my daughter cannot be granted a protective order.
The court date for my divorce and for custody issues isnt until march 29, 2006! I have to wait that long worring about if my husband is going to kidnap my child! It is that long from now because the courts have to allow a certain amount of time for him to be served.
i also was told that If he found her at her daycare that the daycare center had to release my child to him, since he is the father. However, the daycare director said she would first call the police and he would probably leave since he has at least 6 warrants. I’m so scared!
Today I found out that the bank still has not found the motorcycle that he is hiding.
The other day I was sorting old papers and I found a letter addressed to someone with the same first name and address of my husband. The letter was a bill from a psychatriatic and substance abuse treatment hospital. The date was for services rendered on feb 22, 2006! Why would someone give our mailing address to this hospital if they didn’t live there. I wounder If it was my husband who was there using a phony last name. I wonder if I could find out.
also I have all of our old cell phone records. it shows all itemized calls. The calls from and to his phone were nonstop for all hours of the day or night. Does this prove in anyway that he wasn’t sleeping and was on drugs? Who else recieves and makes calls for days at a time with no time to sleep unless they are on drugs?
thanks for any suggestions on this matter.
p.s. He called harassing me again last night.
 
Saint Rita of Cascia, please pray for this woman as you know what it is to be abused and threatened by your husband. Please pray that God give her the strength to protect her daughter and fight for what is right.
 
4tomorrow said:
p.s. He called harassing me again last night.
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If phone calls are covered by the restraining order, please be sure to notify the police to file charges. As for proof, check with the phone company to find tracing options. This could up the number of warrants he has against him and maybe it can be used by the daycare center. You need all the ammo you can get.
 
yes, phone calls are covered in the restraining order. However, if my husband cannot be found, then he cannot be served any papers. This way he can claim that he didn’t know of any restraining order and continue to call me. I was advised not to accept any calls from him, because if I do then I am violating my end of the protection order. Now any messages he leaves are on the answering machine.
Last night a car drove by my parents house and stopped in front of the driveway twice. Then the car turned around just passed the driveway. My folks live out in the country and there isn’t much traffic. Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I was scared. My parents do have a farm gate and it is being kept closed with no tresspassing signs on it He didn’t call today. I’m glad he didn’t, but part of me wishes he did. Only because the more he harasses me the better it is for my court date right? Does anyone know if there is a way to prove a history of drug use if the person never got caught? I know there are drug tests, but there are ways around them. He could buy one of those drinks you take to flush your body’s system. I also worry about him cleaning up his act long enough for the court date. He probably wont show though. (I hope)
What do you think my chances of sole custody for my daughter are? I’m really scared he will be granted visitation rights. I’m terrified of her being in his care. He is a monster.
I’m sorry for rambling here…
 
I am not a lawyer. All I have to go on is my personal experience and that of people I have known.

The fact that he has disappeared may help you win full custody. Courts don’t tend to look kindly on people who evade the law or simply drop out of their children’s lives. If you have witnesses to abusive behavior or drug use, and these witnesses are willing to make a sworn statement regarding all they have seen, so much the better. You don’t need proof, just evidence.

You have a lawyer, right?
 
yes, I have a lawyer. I also have 2 different letters that my husband wrote me apoligizing for his behavior. The letters reference his drug deals and what he called “hustle”. He was selling stolen merchandise!
In the months from december 05 to July 06, things got REALLY bad for my family. My husband started “using” everyday. I became terrified of him during this time. He once brought home FULLY automatic weapons and tried to hide them underneath my daughters bed! When I argued this insane decision he became irate and threw 2x4s at me in the garage. His brain is completely destroyed. Among other things he tried to run over me with his van twice. He insisted on installing the baby carrier in the front seat of the car facing foward. When I put my foot down on that he threw the carseat on the ground. He has terrified me and my child. My husband threatned to hurt me and run off with our baby if I ever tried to leave him. I finally got the courage after I had proof of his abuse towards me. (he badly bruised my face, and I went to the police. They took pictures.)
I’m just trying to figure out how to prove to the courts that he is an unfit parent, and should not be allowed near his child unsupervised. I don’t know, or wish to know the people he hangs around with, so I have no witnesses. I do know that 2 of his “friends” went back to prision.
I guess I just need to prove his character. I’m I worried for nothing? I wish he would get caught doing this stuff! I don’t wish bad things on him. I just wish he would get what he deserves in legal matters. I know I drone on and on about all this. I’m just so nervous. Nervous he will get custody, or nervous he will pop up and kidnap my child.
 
4tomorrow said:
The lawyer says I cannot deny my husband from seeing our daughter.
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While this may be true, you can also push for supervised visitation … which sounds utterly appropriate in this circumstance.
 
Sounds like you have all of your evidence well-documented. I wouldn’t worry about him being able to convince the court that he is a fit parent. Actually, he sounds far-gone enough that he likely will avoid the court. As far as him getting custody of her, I would not lose any sleep over it. I can see though why you are losing sleep over the thought of him turning up at your parent’s place. I will keep you in my prayers though.
 
4tomorrow said:
yes, I have a lawyer. I also have 2 different letters that my husband wrote me apoligizing for his behavior. The letters reference his drug deals and what he called “hustle”. He was selling stolen merchandise!
In the months from december 05 to July 06, things got REALLY bad for my family. My husband started “using” everyday. I became terrified of him during this time. He once brought home FULLY automatic weapons and tried to hide them underneath my daughters bed! When I argued this insane decision he became irate and threw 2x4s at me in the garage. His brain is completely destroyed. Among other things he tried to run over me with his van twice. He insisted on installing the baby carrier in the front seat of the car facing foward. When I put my foot down on that he threw the carseat on the ground. He has terrified me and my child. My husband threatned to hurt me and run off with our baby if I ever tried to leave him. I finally got the courage after I had proof of his abuse towards me. (he badly bruised my face, and I went to the police. They took pictures.)
I’m just trying to figure out how to prove to the courts that he is an unfit parent, and should not be allowed near his child unsupervised. I don’t know, or wish to know the people he hangs around with, so I have no witnesses. I do know that 2 of his “friends” went back to prision.
I guess I just need to prove his character. I’m I worried for nothing? I wish he would get caught doing this stuff! I don’t wish bad things on him. I just wish he would get what he deserves in legal matters. I know I drone on and on about all this. I’m just so nervous. Nervous he will get custody, or nervous he will pop up and kidnap my child.
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If you told friends, family, doctors, or anybody else about these happenings around the time that they ocurred, they can at least write up a statement saying things like, “Sally came to me in March of 2006 and told me that Bob had attempted to store an automatic weapon in his child’s bedroom. She was crying and expressed her fear that he might hurt the children.” Even if someone wasn’t an eyewitness to the event, they can confirm that this is something that has been concerning you for a long time. The more you document, the better your case is… but like dulcissima says, I don’t think you need to worry much. If you’ve told your lawyer all about the bad things he has done, that you’re terrified of this man, and you have made it clear that your first preference is for the father to have no visitation (your second preference being short, supervised visits), you should be fine. Your lawyer will know what kind of evidence is permitted in your state, and how best to present the case.

I’ll keep praying! Try to stay calm and have faith that this will all work out in the best way possible for your little girl. From what I know, you’re extremely likely to get what you want in this case.
 
I would think that the 2 different letters that your husband wrote you that reference his drug deals and what he called "hustle…that he was selling stolen merchandise would be enough proof to show the court that he is not a good parent.

:blessyou:
Annie
 
thank you all for your reassurance! I hope what I have will be proof enough to keep my daughter safe from her father. I think about what I will tell her when she is older and asks about him. It is very sad when I think about the potential my husband used to have. I always read about families destroyed by drugs, but never gave it much thought until it happened to mine. I look back on who my husband was when I met him and who he is today. Then I wonder if he was always a mean and violent person who just hid it from me. Was I blinded by the promise of love, or has his brain been destroyed?
Everyday that goes by I learn more and more about who my husband really is. For example: He hasn’t worked since Aug 2004! He used to do remodeling work. For a very long time I thought he was working and useing his pay to pay our rent and his mothers. Then this last summer the land lord told me he was going to evict my husband because he hadn’t paid since I was pregnant! I think about all the things he put me through. I always made excuses for him because it was for better or worse. Then he went too far.
I am excited at the promise of actually being divorced and beginning a new life with my daughter in our own apartment. I wonder if I will live in constant fear of my husband comming after us. I pray that his trouble catches up with him.
Thank you all again for listening. It helps to get it all out.
 
hi everyone.
I’m really needing to talk to someone. I just found out that my husband was served the exparte papers that I filed against him. I filed on jan 2nd and went to court on the 18th. My husband hadn’t been found, so the judge issued a continuance.
My mother in law has been trying to move back to her home town. She had all of her furnature and belongings stored in her home that my husband was supposed to fix up for her almost 2 years ago. Well all he ended up doing was tearing all the shingles off the roof and trashing the house. There is graffiti all over inside of it. He made it his drug home, and all this time without shingles, much of the roof fell in. To make matters worse he put the house in his own name, and not my mother in laws. He took the money from the sale of her old house and instead of using it for a down payment it is all gone! Now that my mother in law tried to move her things out of the house my husband wouldn’t let her inside. She ended up calling the police, and that is how he got served my exparte papers.
I’m really scared of what he is going to do. I have been receiving anonymous phone calls tonight, and when I answer no one is there. I’m afraid to go to work tomorrow. Most of all I’m afraid to take my daughter to daycare. He has always threatned to kidnap her. Should I stay home? or am I making too much of this? I wonder if he will just stay away.

REALLY nervous. I have been sleeping on the floor in my daughters room. I’m scared every seccond that she is out of my sight. (he doesn’t know where I work or where she goes to daycare, but I don’t know how easy that would be to find out. I worry that he was watched or followed us.)
 
4tomorrow said:
hi everyone.
I’m really needing to talk to someone. I just found out that my husband was served the exparte papers that I filed against him. I filed on jan 2nd and went to court on the 18th. My husband hadn’t been found, so the judge issued a continuance.
My mother in law has been trying to move back to her home town. She had all of her furnature and belongings stored in her home that my husband was supposed to fix up for her almost 2 years ago. Well all he ended up doing was tearing all the shingles off the roof and trashing the house. There is graffiti all over inside of it. He made it his drug home, and all this time without shingles, much of the roof fell in. To make matters worse he put the house in his own name, and not my mother in laws. He took the money from the sale of her old house and instead of using it for a down payment it is all gone! Now that my mother in law tried to move her things out of the house my husband wouldn’t let her inside. She ended up calling the police, and that is how he got served my exparte papers.
I’m really scared of what he is going to do. I have been receiving anonymous phone calls tonight, and when I answer no one is there. I’m afraid to go to work tomorrow. Most of all I’m afraid to take my daughter to daycare. He has always threatned to kidnap her. Should I stay home? or am I making too much of this? I wonder if he will just stay away.

REALLY nervous. I have been sleeping on the floor in my daughters room. I’m scared every seccond that she is out of my sight. (he doesn’t know where I work or where she goes to daycare, but I don’t know how easy that would be to find out. I worry that he was watched or followed us.)
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I think this is a time where it would be really good to call the domestic violence shelter and see if you can stay there. Your husband does sound very dangerous. Have you called the police to let them know about your situation? You can probably call the non-emergency line to have someone maybe keep an extra eye on you and your daughter. Most of all call the domestic violence number. They would have the best advice for a safety plan. I’m praying for you!
 
Praying for you, sweetie. 😦 I’ve been in your shoes and I know how frightening it is. Coming home and searching all the closets before you even take your coat off. Looking over your shoulder when you take a walk. Trembling every time you see a man who looks like “him” from far away… I was so thankful when I received confirmation that my abuser had left the country and was barred from reentering.

I’m sure you’ve already made sure that every single worker at your daughter’s daycare understands that no man is to pick her up, right? I can imagine how scared you are to leave her alone. I think it’s fine that you sleep in her room if it makes you feel better. I would!

You are NOT making too big of a deal over this. I think your little girl will be fine at daycare, but you are right to take every precaution and keep looking over your shoulder. These kinds of men are capable of doing anything to their ex-wives and children. You’ll have to find peace enough to go about your daily life, but keep listening to your intuition and don’t ever begin to overlook the possibility of danger.

One thing I did is that whenever I gave out my new address (like at the doctor’s office, parish, etc.), I asked the receptionist to please make a note in my file/account alerting anybody who works there to the possibility that my abuser may call up and try to find out my contact information.

You’re a good mama who is watching out for her little one. God bless you!
 
I spoke with my daycare a long time ago about this. Since he is her father they legally have to release her to him if he goes threre asking for her. They cann’t tell him if she is there of not, but if he knows she is there he cannot be stopped. I’m scared about him finding out where she is.

Also, he was part of my family for almost 8 years. He knows my family. He knows that I am living with my parents. He knows everything about me. He knows I am scared. He knows that I am aware of what he is capable of.

I need help.
 
I thought you had a restraining order. Is your daughter not included on that? She should be. You can provide the daycare center with a copy and they don’t have to release her to him.
 
4tomorrow said:
I spoke with my daycare a long time ago about this. Since he is her father they legally have to release her to him if he goes threre asking for her. They cann’t tell him if she is there of not, but if he knows she is there he cannot be stopped. I’m scared about him finding out where she is.

Also, he was part of my family for almost 8 years. He knows my family. He knows that I am living with my parents. He knows everything about me. He knows I am scared. He knows that I am aware of what he is capable of.

I need help.
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Are the males in your family able to physically protect you if it came to that?

Is mace or pepper spray legal where you live?

I really want to reiterate what others say about contacting a shelter. There might be someone there who is an expert in keeping you and your daughter safe and/or hidden.
 
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