Abusive relationships

  • Thread starter Thread starter 4tomorrow
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
yes I have a restraining order. However, A piece of paper will not stop my husband. It is not in his nature to adbide by the law. I cannot obtain one for my daughter because I have already filed for divorce. There has to be a trial for her to get one.

I’m trying to make things as easy as possible for my child. I don’t want to move her around a lot, changing schools and homes, but I do want her to be safe. She is happiest with her routine. Also I really need to go to work. I do not receive any child support because husband simply wont pay. Child support enforcement is looking for him, but that is not going well.
Scared to leave my child tomorrow. I’m afraid being served exparte papers has probably enraged my husband. I’ve seen his rage, and don’t want to receive it ever again.
 
Ok, I don’t want to frighten you more than you already are, but I’m very concerned about the child care situation. A large percentage of child abductions happen from daycare. I was a preschool teacher for several years and many of our policies were aimed at preventing that.

You know this man better than anybody. Is he the kind of guy who would go check out the playgrounds of all the daycare centers in town to look for your daughter? Call them up? There’s no friend or family member you could leave her with? Fellow parishioner? I mean, I’d take her with me to work if you lived close to me. There has got to be somebody willing to help you out. 😦

Do you have the YWCA number for where you live? These ladies have a lot of resources. There may even be safe child care on site.
 
Are you sure you can’t get a restraining order protecting her? They can be issued on an emergency basis. I know mine originally covered my children as well and he had to stay away from their schools and could only have supervised visitation until we went to mediation and he had been going to AA and took anger management classes. I really think you should contact the domestic violence shelter. They have people that can walk you through this.
 
all i can say is…
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!
EVERYTHING HE DOES!
KEEP A JOURNAL WITH EVERYTHING IN IT!!!
you need to tell the police EVERYTIME he does something, this will help you if you ever get divorce and will ensure you legal custody. He may get supervised visits but thats all!

Oh and see if you can stay with your dad or brother, a male prefferably! Do you have any male family members you can stay with just until you get this resolved?
 
I do document everything. My lawyer told me to do so. It is just that I’m so nervous. I’m REALLY scared that he will have visitation rights. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if he were a positive role model for her. The only reason he would want to see her is to get to me. (or hurt her to get back at me for leaving him)
I spoke with the bank yesterday. The bank still hasnt found the motorcycle he has been hiding from them since august. They told me that they have begun the legal process, but that is all they could say.
I do live with my parents. I plan to continue living here until spring. They don’t really have much room for me and my daughter here, but we feel safer here. They live on a farm, and there is a gate that we close at the top of the road.

again I want to thank everyone for all the suggestions and support you have shown me.
Thanks for listening.
 
tomorrow said:
I do document everything. My lawyer told me to do so. It is just that I’m so nervous. I’m REALLY scared that he will have visitation rights.
Click to expand...
Are you concerned about visitation or custody. Because he will have visitation - no doubt. Though he may have supervised visitation if the judge thinks he needs it. Documentation helps with this.

I have survived a similar situation. My husband was into all sorts of things, didn’t work, eventually planned to kill me in my house.

The judge did not award joint custody - however he did get visitation. Unfortunately, the kids did not ever see him as a destructive and bad role model. They just saw him as dad and loved him same as always.

It is very hard on the responsible parent to know that the other parent is a horrid role model. Pray for guidance, strength and perseverance and do not bad mouth to your kids no matter what happens.
 
4tomorrow said:
yes I have a restraining order. However, A piece of paper will not stop my husband. It is not in his nature to adbide by the law. I cannot obtain one for my daughter because I have already filed for divorce. There has to be a trial for her to get one.

I’m trying to make things as easy as possible for my child. I don’t want to move her around a lot, changing schools and homes, but I do want her to be safe. She is happiest with her routine. Also I really need to go to work. I do not receive any child support because husband simply wont pay. Child support enforcement is looking for him, but that is not going well.
Scared to leave my child tomorrow. I’m afraid being served exparte papers has probably enraged my husband. I’ve seen his rage, and don’t want to receive it ever again.
Click to expand...
You are right, it is just a piece of paper, BUT, it makes being around you against the law. If he is calling you need to call and make an incident report to start a paper trail.

Also, you need to get in touch with your States Victim Witness Program (VWP), they can get you funds to help you relocate, get counseling, job training… You would be amazed. I am not sure where you live, but, every State has the program, but the services might differ. Please contact them. As a DV victim you don’t even have to have a police report to get the help.

I also wanted to make a point. I worked for the VWP for 10 years, and left just receintly. Children who are in the home with domestic violence are considered Direct Victims by State law… That means just being their for them is just as bad as being hit.
 
The judge did not award joint custody - however he did get visitation. Unfortunately, the kids did not ever see him as a destructive and bad role model. They just saw him as dad and loved him same as always.
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t discredit your kids and knowing what was going on/or who their dad really was. No matter how bad a parent is a child (not an adult child) will NEVER stop loving them, even in the mist of mind-numbing fear. However they never had to LIVE their dad’s destructive lifestile…thats what matters most.
 
I am so terrified of my daughter being in my husbands care - even if it is for only visitation. He has threatned to kidnap her. He is a drug addict, theif, liar, he even admitted to me of trafficing guns. He is capable of anything. Only I don’t have proof. He is very clever. He gets away with it all.

I desperately need some help. I need for him to get caught at something he is doing illegally.

He hasn’t paid rent in over a year. The landlord is having trouble evicting him because he has someone tell the process server that he doesn’t live there.

The bank has been looking to reposess his motorcycle since aug 2006. He has been hiding it and himself. What kind of trouble can he be in for that???

He has never gotten caught with major drugs ofr theft. I did find about a dozen papers where he has bonded out of jail or hired a lawyer for things I don’t know.

I’m not looking for revenge. I just want to protect my daughter. He doesn’t know her. He doesn’t care to. Before I left he had only spent a couple of hours total with her in her first year of life. He only threatnes me with her to hurt me.
Most nights I sleep on my daughters bedroom floor because I am so afraid of him grabbing her.

Also I do have a couple of letters he has written to me in reference to his drug use, drug deals ang “hustle” (stealing)
I wonder how much they will count towards anything in court.
 
4tomorrow said:
I am so terrified of my daughter being in my husbands care - even if it is for only visitation. He has threatned to kidnap her. He is a drug addict, theif, liar, he even admitted to me of trafficing guns. He is capable of anything. Only I don’t have proof. He is very clever. He gets away with it all.

I desperately need some help. I need for him to get caught at something he is doing illegally.

He hasn’t paid rent in over a year. The landlord is having trouble evicting him because he has someone tell the process server that he doesn’t live there.

The bank has been looking to reposess his motorcycle since aug 2006. He has been hiding it and himself. What kind of trouble can he be in for that???

He has never gotten caught with major drugs ofr theft. I did find about a dozen papers where he has bonded out of jail or hired a lawyer for things I don’t know.

I’m not looking for revenge. I just want to protect my daughter. He doesn’t know her. He doesn’t care to. Before I left he had only spent a couple of hours total with her in her first year of life. He only threatnes me with her to hurt me.
Most nights I sleep on my daughters bedroom floor because I am so afraid of him grabbing her.

Also I do have a couple of letters he has written to me in reference to his drug use, drug deals ang “hustle” (stealing)
I wonder how much they will count towards anything in court.
Click to expand...
Can’t your lawyer request an ex-parte on an order to show cause for a temporary custody arrangement that would include only supervised visitation? I know it is different from state to state, but I would think there is something that your lawyer could do. Your case is much more extreme than mine, and there was no problem in mine.

Now that you are back with your parents, have you tried to go to confession and maybe spend some time in Adoration? I think you would find a lot of healing and strength through this.

I am keeping you in my prayers.
 
I know more than anything what you are going through now but you know what IT DOES GET BETTER WITH TIME.

You need to move forward and not to look back. I know that you feel sad, lonely, disappointed and hurt but don’t let those feelings and emotions control you. It will destroy you one day. I am not trying to scare you but I want you to get out of this bondage that you are in right now.

Things never worked out between you and your husband but you know something it is not the end of the world. There are so many people going through the same feelings and emotions that you are going through right now including me. So you are not alone but when you let God in your life then you will never be alone. Having friends etc is not everything having faith in God and believing and telling him all your hurts, feelings and emotions you will get a break through.

But you must want to be healed. Stop worrying about your husband because he is not he see all and be all and end all of life. You still have Anna and that is the most important thing in this world nothing else matters.
BE POSITIVE
Postive minds produce positive lives. Negative minds produce negative lives. Positive thoughts are always full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt.

Some people are afraid to hpe because they have been hurt so much in life. They have had so many disappointments, they don’t think they can face the pain of another one. Therefore, they refuse to hope so they won’t be disappointed.

This avoidance of hope is a type of protection against hurt. Disappointment hurts! So rather than be hurt again, many people simply refuse to hope or to believe that anything good will ever happen to them. This sets off a negative lifestyle. Everything becomes negative because the thoughts are negative.

Proverbs 23:7 For as he (a person) thinks in his heart, so is he…

Be positive leave the negative stuff behind. Stop living life with regret. Stop looking for faults in your husband and in yourself. All it does is brings back bad memories that should just be forgotten. Forgive you husband for what he has done and become and pray for him. Pray that he finds his way with it is back with you or not with you. Pray for him to find the healing and the power to put his life in order. And pray for yourself that you can get over this and move on with your life. Stop been the victim and become the Survivor. You are never alone never forget that.

When you are feeling that way take out your bible and read the word. That is what is going to heal you. That is what I am doing and I am learning and I reading and I am reading religious books and listening to Gospel music and to different preachers. And I am finding my way back to the real world and leaving behind all the pain and suffering. I am praying for my soons to be ex and his mistress that I can forgive them for what they have done to me. And I pray that he finds his way if he is meant to be with this girl them so be it God has a plan for me not sure what it is yet but he has a plan.

So take care of yourself and that beautiful baby. And if ever in doubt about life and what is happening go to the Bible you will get the answers that you need.
 
Hello everyone!
I was just poking around on the internet and found out that last friday another woman filed a protective order for herself against my husband! I wonder how this could help me with my divorce and child custody issues?? I feel bad for this other woman that she had to go through any abuse that my husband gave her. Bu for some reason I also feel some kind of releaf that other people are now documenting his violent behavior with the courts. Now his violent behavior is not just my word against his.

also does anyone know how I should file taxes?
my husband left me sept 2005. He continued to say he was going to work it out with me, but never actually came home. I left my residence in july of 2006.
Do I have to file married filing seperately. Or can I file head of household?
 
4tomorrow said:
also does anyone know how I should file taxes?
my husband left me sept 2005. He continued to say he was going to work it out with me, but never actually came home. I left my residence in july of 2006.
Do I have to file married filing seperately. Or can I file head of household?
Click to expand...
I believe that the IRS maintains a 1-800 help line. www.irs.gov might have that number.
 
Norseman82 said:
I believe that the IRS maintains a 1-800 help line. www.irs.gov might have that number.
Click to expand...
Good idea. I have had some lingering questions in my own mind about this. 4Tomorrow, check out irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p504.pdf. Pages 3 & 4 answer this specific question, but I would take a look at the entire publication.

I think my situation is going to be a bit more of a headache since CA is community property and my husband makes a large income. I’m hoping I don’t have to claim half of it, especially since I am getting ready to go back to college and would like to qualify for financial aid. I was hoping that I would just have to file based on spousal support and my own income. Maybe I need to go get Turbotax this weekend and run through it. Hopefully it will have the whole divorce/separation scenario scripted right into it.
 
I haven’t been able to read each post, but wanted to strongly suggest you move home with your mom – you need distance from your husband and emotional support from your mom.

As far as visitation with your daughter – if your husband was physically abusive toward you the court should be able to order that he have only supervised visitation with her. In my state it could be a mutually agreed upon relative or friend, or a social service agency at his expense.
 
just an update…
tomorrow morning I go to court about the restraining order that I have against my husband. The judge told me last time that if the court was unable to have my husband served the papers that he would dismiss the case. Well, my husband hasn’t been served, but another woman has now filed for a restraining order against my husband.

Also tonight I was poking around the internet and found that in addition to the 6 tickets that my husband has to go to court for in June, there are 3 more. Now there are 9 tickets set for June 14th. One of the latest ones includes receiving stolen property. Do you remember how I mentioned in the past that he had what he called his “hustle”? that was stealing merchandise and selling or trading it for drugs? I don’t see how he is going to get out of his mess. I don’t wish bad on him, just what is comming to him. I just want to protect my daughter from him. I wonder if he will go to jail?? ( tickets on june 14th! I just wish his court date was before my divorce hearing.

please pray that my daughter remains safe from her fathers harm and bad influences. Please pray that he is granted supervised visitation only. Thank you all.
 
Hi there. I just wanted to say, don’t worry too much about tomorrow. I think you have a very strong case for supervised visitation. Even if everything doesn’t go the way you hope, like if there is no way for the judge to continue the restraining order, just have some faith that it is all going to work out in the end. I know my first time in court I was in tears over one thing that had not gone the way I had hoped. I have found strength I didn’t know that I had, so it seems like even when things don’t go the way that you hope, it all works out. Tomorrow, just keep thinking “Courage and Faith” and I know it will all work out for you and your daughter. Know that you will be in my prayers too.
 
4tomorrow said:
just an update…
tomorrow morning I go to court about the restraining order that I have against my husband. The judge told me last time that if the court was unable to have my husband served the papers that he would dismiss the case.
Click to expand...
Hi there!

Please, if the judge tries to dismiss the case, ask him if you can do service by publication. This means that you publish a notice in the paper according to your state’s laws, and he will be considered served. Generally judges allow this (at least in my area) if the respondent cannot be reached or is evading service.

Still praying for you!
 
here is an update for everyone.
I went to court on march 29th for my divorce. My husband wasn’t there. The courts could never find him to serve him, so it was listed in the paper. The judge told me that I could not get a judgement for child support since he hadn’t been served. Just as everything was ending, my husband walked in the courtroom!!! He asked for a continuance. The judge looked at me and asked what I wanted to do. I said that I felt he had ample oppurtunity to present himself and get a lawyer, since I filed for divorce in August. The judge agreed and gave My husband only 2 weeks continuance, instead of a month. The judge then asked my husband why he hadn’t been paying child support. My husband stated that he didn’t know he had to. When the judge told him that was baloney, he said that he tried to give me a check once, but I wouldn’t take it. The judge said he didn’t believe him. My husband said that he had been in denver (across the country) for the past 2 months and that was why he wasn’t served. I had previously found that he had gotten 3 tickets in missouri during this time, so that proved it untrue. (one of the tickets was for receiving stolen property)!
Well, then I went back to court on April 12th. My husband didn’t show up. The judge granted me sole custody, and my ex gets supervised visitation only of our daughter. I was granted a child support judgement, although I know I will never actually get a penny from him. My ex does have 30 days to appeal all of this.
It is so sad that everything turned out the way it did. I’m glad that I have sole custody and my ex has supervised visitation because he is such a violent man, and does so many illegal things. I just don’t know how I am going to tell my daughter when she gets older and asks about her father. How do I tell her that he didn’t even show up to court to fight for her. Basically he just walked away from her. I believe the threat of having to pay child support scared him away. He does not care about her.
I hope and pray for the continued safety and happiness for my daughter. I pray that my ex husband never tries to harm her in any way. I pray that she remains healthy and happy.
That you all for all the support that I have recieved in posting here. GOD Bless!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top