ADHD experiences

[Clementine14]

I would request a special education evaluation from the school. You should be able to accomplish this within a couple of months, rather than waiting another six months or a year.

This evaluation should give you some more insight into what is going on, by professionals. He can start getting any services he qualifies for, and it will be at no cost to you. Maybe it’s ADHD, maybe it’s Autism, maybe it’s Sensory Processing Disorder, or maybe something else.

It can be hard to face the fact that your child needs extra help (I have personal experience with this, and also with having to pay a lot of money for therapy out of pocket. We’ve put off buying a home). The bottom line is that your son is suffering and needs help. At nine years old, this isn’t something he will just grow out of or learn to deal with.

 

[Xantippe]

The ADHD I can see, but the Autism is harder for me to agree with. I’ve read a few books on the topic and Jason only

I haven’t caught up with the thread, but a few quick thoughts:

–2 of my 3 kids are somewhere on the autism spectrum, and until you can get the evaluations done, I would work on the assumption that he is on the autism spectrum. The therapies/approaches will be beneficial no matter what.
–Go back to your pediatrician and explain the financial problem with the medication costs and ask for a lower-priced option. There are a variety of different medications, and a number of them have been available for some time.
–The teacher is being WAY out of line. No more afternoon pickup complaint sessions. Tell her if she has something to say that isn’t urgent, that she can email it to you. If this were the beginning of the year, I’d tell you to rat her out to her principal, but at this point, just try to ride it out to the end of the year. This lady has (ironically) NO SOCIAL SKILLS.
–Talk to your principal about his classroom placement for next year and the issue with the delay in evaluation. It might be that there is a teacher in the next grade who is especially talented with special needs children. (We had the glorious good luck in 3rd grade one year of getting a teacher who had worked as a special education aide before getting her teaching certification–she was both angelic and very capable of dealing with our oldest.)
–Is there a college in your area? Some of them have special autism centers and very low cost services. (We used to do social skills circles at our local college for a couple years–although I see that the services are no longer offered.)
–Go to your local special needs/autism/ADHD parent support group and ask for suggestions. (The one in our area has childcare.)
–Here are some book titles for you to have a look at: Transforming the Difficult Child, The Explosive Child, Tony Attwood’s Complete Guide to Asperger’s, Don’t Shoot the Dog (positive reinforcement). I don’t have any pure ADHD suggestions, but I have to mention that ADHD is a common comorbidity with the autism spectrum, so any book about Asperger’s/high functioning autism will talk at length about dealing with ADHD.
–There are a lot of home “therapies” for many of the issues you’ve mentioned. I suspect your son probably has balance issues and low muscle tone and also some fine motor issues. All of those things can be worked on at home. We got a lot of benefit out of our oldest doing Wii balance board exercises (for example, skateboarding). My husband also did a home program for learning to do the fine motor skills associated with dressing herself. (She wasn’t consistently dressing herself for school until she was 8 and in 3rd grade.)

Good luck!

 

[Xantippe]

He has an almost stutter. Instead of stuttering sounds, he repeats whole words like a broken record- like his sentences are getting lost somewhere between forming in his mind and getting out his mouth. “Mom, Mom… Mom… Can I… Can I… Can I watch TV?” etc.

I’d throw in speech therapy, too.

I will look in on that documentary- but I am very sceptical about documentaries in general. Most seem to have agendas. I would rather look up the research myself. I have access to lots of studies through my college library. I will try that

I love documentaries, but not ones with an ax to grind–which some definitely do.;

 

[Xantippe]

When you live in a city, literally everything is crazy expensive. Heck- the baseball alone would be 200 bucks to register for before going out and buying pants and cleats etc.

Another thing–a lot of special needs families wind up finding their urban areas do not meet their needs.

You may need to move.

Also, I’ve heard good things about eliminating processed foods/dyes/HFCS/gluten from diet… It certainly can’t hurt

Aside from driving the parent nuts.

 

[Xantippe]

On a personal level, you are doing the very best you can. I hope you puzzle this one out. If the teacher complains daily, it might be time to set up a meeting and really be open to her suggestions. You can try just a few of them, but the important thing is that the teacher is on your team. She can give clues which you will need when you go to the specialist.

This might be good advice in general, but in this particular case, it does not sound like the teacher has constructive (name removed by moderator)ut to offer.

I’m not sure how to respond on the funding for medication issue. Other than my blood is boiling. I’m in the UK and we have “free at the point of delivery” healthcare here, so that wouldn’t be an issue. Once he has a firm diagnosis maybe charities or support organisations could advise.

Theoretically speaking, a lot of services are available for free through the public schools in the US–BUT first you have to demonstrate that the kid has the issue, which is a real Catch-22 if you don’t have the resources to prove that, or if the school is not willing to see issues. Schools can be very good at not noticing things.

So, in a sense, it’s good news that the OP’s kid’s teacher is complaining so much–that’s evidence.

Come to think of it, I suggest the following. The next time the teacher goes into their big venting sessions, say “That sounds very serious! Let’s set up a meeting to talk about how we can help Jason and get him the help he needs!”

 

[Mi_Rose]

I have 2 kids who were diagnosed with ADHD, one severe and your son seems to have more going on.
His eyes need to be tested by an eye doctor not just your family doctor. He needs to be checked for hearing problems. He may need therapy for gross motor skills issues. He does sound like there is mote thab ADHD there but I would not want to speculate over the internet. Call ariund about the autism referral.
Whatever your son"s problems this will be expensive. You may get more fir your money if you can change insurance plans next year to a mote expensive one that covers more. I know sometimes you have to take what wirk offers but if there is a choice I’d look into it . The more expensive premiums may be made up for in what you are paying out of pocket.
ADHD meds are expensive and have side effects. We only used them for my son for a few years because ofthe side effects. Theother son did not use them at all.
You are in my prayers. God has given you someone very special to love.

 

[Sunflower98]

Katie, my son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7. Stimulant medications, which I know are ridiculously expensive, were life changing for him. Given their expense, I would reaearch the cost of every generic drug out there (still expensive, but cheaper) and also non-stimulant prescription medications that can be used off-label for ADHD. You might find these more cost effective. I will say black coffee does help but only marginally. As I understand it, one cup of coffee would be roughly equivalent to the lowest starting dose of a stimulant medication…and that’s assuming you could get him to drink it.

Beyond that, I can’t recommend physical activity enough. Based on my own experience, I will advise you to stay away from team sports (at least for now). If your son isn’t well coordinated and is already having trouble with friendships, a group setting where he’s judged for his physical skill or lack thereof, will be a challenge. Kids can be very mean. Neither of you needs that pain.

I’ll advise you to do what we did: Take your son to a junior high or high school track and let him run. It’s free and a great way to burn off all that energy. Let him run as long or short, fast or slow as he likes. Just let him get in the habit of being active. I can personally attest this works. Exercise was also life changing for my son (I pray this next part brings you some additional hope). Because running was the ONLY thing we found activity-wise our son could do, he became very good at it. He’s 20 now and has run on two NCAA Championship qualifying cross country teams. An OK (but not great) student in high school, he now carries a 3.6 GPA. Many, many ADHD folks are far more successful than he. This is a hard time but you will get through it. Please DM me if you have any questions or I may be of any help at all. Blessings to you and your son.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It can be helped at his young age by reading with graded prisms so that he may not have to wear glasses later in life if he does have astigmatism.

Excellent catch. A visit to the optometrist is an easy thing.

 

[Xantippe]

Based on my own experience, I will advise you to stay away from team sports (at least for now). If your son isn’t well coordinated and is already having trouble with friendships, a group setting where he’s judged for his physical skill or lack thereof, will be a challenge. Kids can be very mean. Neither of you needs that pain.

Yeah, we’ve had some very painful team sport experiences.

There are special needs sports teams, though.

 

[dconklin]

Since this is Catholic Answers, I will sprinkle a little bit of Catholicism onto this discussion. For his faith formation/religious education/CCD needs, look for a parish that offers the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. It is a Montessori-based program that is suggested for kids with all of these differences.

As a dad to a kid with special needs, try not to discount a doctor’s or other professional’s thoughts and diagnoses because you know your kid better. When they say something you do not like, go get a second opinion.

 

[babochka]

If you have Netflix, I strongly suggest the documentary “Take Your Pills”.

From what you say, it seems he may have some gross/fine motor skills issues. That is not an ADD thing, it is a separate issue.

Can he catch/throw a ball? Swim? Try sports/fun that is also exercise for those hand arm muscles and coordination. Moulding things out of clay, climbing trees, riding a bike, all of these things can help develop motor skills.

Talk to his Ped about the motor skills, if you are in the US the public schools have programs to help with delays.

I agree. In addition to everything else that you’re doing, have him evaluated by the school for an IEP. Make sure that you request an Occupational Therapy evaluation. My son has ADHD and the meds help. but OT was life-changing. In addition to the ADHD, he has a sensory processing disorder and a variety of other issues. I also suspect autism. I used to look at him in wonder and frustration and sometimes anger. How does a kid fall out of his chair?!?! Why does he act this way? Has he never heard of personal space? Can’t he see? Hear? Feel? Turns out, he can’t. At least not in the same way as the rest of us. He wiggles so much because of weak core muscles. That’s why he falls out of chairs, too. It takes less energy for him to wiggle than to sit still. I’ve learned so much from his Occupational Therapist. While he’s still a challenging kid to parent and I still get frustrated and embarrassed, I understand so much better what’s going on.

If you go through the school for some of the evaluations, they are under strict legal timeframes. Don’t let them put you off and want to try other things first. As soon as you sign the request for an evaluation, the clock starts ticking, but not before then. They won’t do everything and you’ll still need the medical evaluations, but you can at least get started.

 

[Xantippe]

My son has ADHD and the meds help. but OT was life-changing. In addition to the ADHD, he has a sensory processing disorder and a variety of other issues. I also suspect autism.

One of my internet mom peers/models says (and I think she’s probably right) that “sensory processing disorder” just about always means autism spectrum.

How does a kid fall out of his chair?!?!

Yeah, my oldest would do that at 6 and 7, too. She’s also walk right into door frames and had a lot of trouble with buttons and zippers.

It was only rather later that we realized she wasn’t actually doing it on purpose.

Has he never heard of personal space? Can’t he see? Hear? Feel? Turns out, he can’t. At least not in the same way as the rest of us. He wiggles so much because of weak core muscles.

Yeah.

If you go through the school for some of the evaluations, they are under strict legal timeframes. Don’t let them put you off and want to try other things first. As soon as you sign the request for an evaluation, the clock starts ticking, but not before then. They won’t do everything and you’ll still need the medical evaluations, but you can at least get started.

Right.

 

[pensmama87]

The therapies/approaches will be beneficial no matter what.

Yes! My oldest was evaluated for ADHD and was not diagnosed, but still received therapy and we were all helped a LOT. We still have a ways to go, but it’s a lot better than it was.

 

[k.vasquez222]

The symptoms you described seem more in line with autism than they do with ADHD. I myself have been diagnosed with ADHD, and grew up around others diagnosed with it. None of these symptoms were present in my peers with ADHD.

 

[Clementine14]

One of my internet mom peers/models says (and I think she’s probably right) that “sensory processing disorder” just about always means autism spectrum.

Actually, the reverse is true (that most people with autism have sensory symptoms), but most people with sensory processing disorder are not autistic.

Co-morbidity | STAR Institute

This is why it’s so important to be professionally evaluated. The two have a lot in common, but because SPD is not a “recognized” disorder, it is much harder to get insurance to pay for things if a child is not autistic but has a lot of sensory issues. My son has been evaluated multiple times, by physical therapists, occupational therapists, and physicians, and not one professional thinks he is autistic. Yet he struggles with sensory problems and we struggle with trying to pay for therapy because there is no “legitimate” diagnosis, according to the insurance company.

In any case, it can be really easy to pretend a kid is just “quirky”, and no matter what the actual diagnosis, it’s not good to put off evaluations due to fear. I hope the OP get her son evaluated by the school.

 

[babochka]

Xantippe:

One of my internet mom peers/models says (and I think she’s probably right) that “sensory processing disorder” just about always means autism spectrum.

Actually, the reverse is true (that most people with autism have sensory symptoms), but most people with sensory processing disorder are not autistic.

Co-morbidity | STAR Institute

This is why it’s so important to be professionally evaluated. The two have a lot in common, but because SPD is not a “recognized” disorder, it is much harder to get insurance to pay for things if a child is not autistic but has a lot of sensory issues. My son has been evaluated multiple times, by physical therapists, occupational therapists, and physicians, and not one professional thinks he is autistic. Yet he struggles with sensory problems and we struggle with trying to pay for therapy because there is no “legitimate” diagnosis, according to the insurance company.

In any case, it can be really easy to pretend a kid is just “quirky”, and no matter what the actual diagnosis, it’s not good to put off evaluations due to fear. I hope the OP get her son evaluated by the school.

Right. There is so much help for autism and very little for sensory processing disorder. Even school-based OT can’t officially work with SPD because it doesn’t directly affect academics. A creative therapist can work around it, though, if you can qualify for the initial services for school-based OT, maybe for poor handwiring or something similar.

Our insurance company authorized 6 sessions when my son was 4. He couldn’t dress himself or open a drawer, not to mention the aforementioned falling out of chairs (which he still occasionally does, at 11).

 

[katiecall87]

Oh wow! So many wonderful replies! I have been reading these as they pop up in my email on my phone, but I’ve been so busy w mom stuff- haven’t had a chance to sit down and individually reply yet.

I really appreciate all of your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[katiecall87]

Do you guys have a yard/park nearby? If so, just take him there, and let him blow off steam. If he wants you to play with him, do it- kick a

OH! We definitely go to parks all the time and he still loves them. This is good advice.

 

[katiecall87]

our son notice things are “off”?

You sound like a wonderful mother. I have a much younger sister who is a teenager still. She has down syndrome and most of her therapies never helped when she was growing up. It took them many years to theorize that she ALSO had autism.

I joined the Air Force at 18, got married, and have lived all over since- so I’m not very involved in her life. I do remember, though, what it was like when she was little.

She’s a very sweet girl, but definitely challenging. I completely understand what you mean about blissfully unaware.

 

[katiecall87]

I have not applied for CHIP. I will try. I have applied for other forms of assistance in the past (such as pregnancy medicaid) and have always been denied, usually on the basis that my husband is still in the application process of receiving VA benefits. I may want to wait until that process is finally over to apply. It might increase my chances of getting approved. It’s basically a situation where because the welfare office doesn’t know how much disability he will be making (if any, mind you) that they can’t approve anything.

I also have student loans, so that makes it harder to get things approved.

I’m definitely going to cross my fingers and hope, though.

I plan to start sub teaching in the fall and I’m crossing my fingers for childcare subsidy too- otherwise I can’ t keep the job. It pays less than the cost of childcare for my three kids. It’s near to impossible for a mom to work without subsidy in this city. We’re talking 600 dollars a WEEK for a 3 year old and an infant at most preschools. About 400 a week at home care centers. Then it would cost me 50 bucks a week to get my older son into an afterschool program. It’s pretty brutal.

I’d honestly prefer to just be at home with my kids, but we can’t afford that anymore either. Now that my husband is out of the military- he just isn’t pulling in enough money to pay our bills.

I don’t know how my civilian friends have managed all these years. D:

I will also definitely speak with my son’s teacher about the school psychologist, speech therapist, and OT. I already have a note from his doctor requesting that we begin the 504 or IEP process.