'Adult' surprise for husband.

[Netty1]

 

[georget]

Mindless tripe

There are some 200,000 threads on here at the moment. You might want to ask yourself why you just couldn’t resist visiting this one, and posting, despite having nothing of any interest or worth, to say.

Sarah x

::yawn:

 

[atheistgirl]

It’s apparent that atheistgirl is just trying to start something or is mocking the Church for her stance on "adult “” movies (even though there’s nothing mature about them)

No.

I asked a question to get clarification on whether me, a wife, making a dance video for my husband (adult in nature) would be classed as pornography by the Church and if so, why.

I wouldn’t want my future wife to make a movie of herself to “spice things up”. In fact thinking about the girl i love doing that outrages me. I would never marry her if she did that.

Well, that’s just fine for you and your future wife. You don’t have to

A man doesn’t love his wiffe if she ddoes that.

You’re in a position to declare my husband doesn’t love me, because I made a dance video for him Wow.

It’ll happen eventually. Studies even show it. And of course the thousand
s of marriages destroyed by it.

Why you’re bringing porn addiction into this I have no idea.

It seems to me, that when it comes to asking a question with an adult content, some people simply cannot remain rational, and in fact, become quite hysterical.

The amount of hysterical, irrational, trollish responses in this thread show that.

I think I’ll leave it there.

My thanks to those who tried to clarify for me why the Church would think a wife making an adult content media for her husband was pornographic.

That’s all I was asking - to try and get a better understanding of the ‘why’ not the declaration that it ‘is’.

Naturally, I wasn’t going to agree with the Church if I was told it was pornographic and sinful, but that’s not a barrier to talking with the faithful and trying to understand why from their perspective that’s the case.

I find it all very interesting.

I’ll continue to make videos for my husband, and we’ll continue to enjoy this one small aspect of the much wider adult fun in our loving marital relationship.

And good luck guys (you know who you are) with your evangelizing of those who don’t believe as you do.

You might want to work on your technique a little though, before hitting the streets

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

That’s exactly how it is.

Rather than going into detail, I just used dvd as shorthand for the fact such media exist, and I create them for my husband occasionally.

Only he and I can view them.

The chances of them being found are almost zero, and the chances of being viewed if found, are zero.

They’re also not kept longer than necessary and are just a bit of fun

Sarah x

Recording is recording. There is no place (either physical or online) that you can put them that is safe enough to guarantee that third parties cannot and will not view them.

 

[atheistgirl]

::yawn:

In the context of your other ‘‘prayerful’’ posts, you realize how trollish you’re revealing yourself to be by simply coming here, contributing nothing and being inane, right?

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

No.

I asked a question to get clarification on whether me, a wife, making a dance video for my husband (adult in nature) would be classed as pornography by the Church and if so, why.

Well, that’s just fine for you and your future wife. You don’t have to

You’re in a position to declare my husband doesn’t love me, because I made a dance video for him Wow.

Why you’re bringing porn addiction into this I have no idea.

It seems to me, that when it comes to asking a question with an adult content, some people simply cannot remain rational, and in fact, become quite hysterical.

The amount of hysterical, irrational, trollish responses in this thread show that.

I think I’ll leave it there.

My thanks to those who tried to clarify for me why the Church would think a wife making an adult content media for her husband was pornographic.

That’s all I was asking - to try and get a better understanding of the ‘why’ not the declaration that it ‘is’.

Naturally, I wasn’t going to agree with the Church if I was told it was pornographic and sinful, but that’s not a barrier to talking with the faithful and trying to understand why from their perspective that’s the case.

I find it all very interesting.

I’ll continue to make videos for my husband, and we’ll continue to enjoy this one small aspect of the much wider adult fun in our loving marital relationship.

And good luck guys (you know who you are) with your evangelizing of those who don’t believe as you do.

You might want to work on your technique a little though, before hitting the streets

Sarah x

Of course your husband might well decide, after getting worked up for some adult fun by you with no chance of immediate satisfaction, that he can get more and better adult fun right away, wherever in the world he is, without you.

What happens when the dancing video isn’t enough?

 

[atheistgirl]

Of course your husband might well decide, after getting worked up for some adult fun by you with no chance of immediate satisfaction, that he can get more and better adult fun right away, wherever in the world he is, without you.

Sheesh.

My husband could have any woman he wants, whenever and wherever he wants lol. (not literally but you know what I mean I’m sure)

He works with stunningly beautiful women all day long. One of his staff was a Spanish model ( spit ) That’s a joke we get on real well together

One of the cornerstones of our marriage is complete trust.

Long before he ever got himself into that situation (a situation he can easily get himself into every day of the week, he doesn’t need to go abroad to do so!) he’d have put the flag up and we’d be working through it.

What happens when the dancing video isn’t enough?

Context.

You don’t know me, and you don’t know my husband.

This is nothing but a little bit of fun we enjoy and it’s very much kept in perspective.

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

Sheesh.

My husband could have any woman he wants, whenever and wherever he wants lol. (not literally but you know what I mean I’m sure)

He works with stunningly beautiful women all day long. One of his staff was a Spanish model ( spit ) That’s a joke we get on real well together

One of the cornerstones of our marriage is complete trust.

Long before he ever got himself into that situation (a situation he can easily get himself into every day of the week, he doesn’t need to go abroad to do so!) he’d have put the flag up and we’d be working through it.

Context.

You don’t know me, and you don’t know my husband.

This is nothing but a little bit of fun we enjoy and it’s very much kept in perspective.

Sarah x

So says almost every woman who gets cheated on - we generally don’t go within a mile of men we don’t trust, after all

 

[pnewton]

Hmm. I think there are some answers here, that while they appear rather dogmatic, do not actually reference any Church teaching. I know this is a hard thing to talk to your priest about, but let us look at the catechism.

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

“The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

2361 “Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such.

One thing seems quite clear to me. Physical desire is not considered lust inside marriage. It is not disordered, but it is exactly how God made us. This idea that we can’t lust for our spouses is not something I have ever seen in Church teaching. I only use the word lust for lack of a better word. The theological term “lust” only applies to disordered desires. (2351) Burning for desire for one’s spouse is found in the Bible and is in fact one reason why St. Paul said we should marry, so that this burning desire can be used inside the Sacrament of Marriage. (1 Cor. 7:9)

I know that one of the problems is our terminlogy, but no doubt that physical desire in marriage is the way God made us.

I think the concerns of making any recording should be considered, but I do not know otherwise it is contrary to Church teaching.

 

[atheistgirl]

So says almost every woman who has ever been cheated on - we generally don’t go within a mile of men we don’t trust, after all

I can’t live their lives or marriages.

I can only live mine.

I know the quality of the marriage I’ve got, and the fun we have.

But hey, if he betrays my trust, so be it

What can I do.

Oh, apart from financially and physically crippling him, taking the kids, selling my businesses and buying that island off Greece I’ve had my eye on now for some time

Sarah x

 

[CopticChristian]

The intimate expression centers around lustful feelings rather than pure unconditional love. It is not only gravely sinful…it is also very harmful to every martial relationship.

Jm,

The catechism says this…

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

In consideration that the Catechismis outlined as follows

Profession of Faith
Sacramental Life
Life in Christ, morality and the 10 commandments
Prayer…

The Catechism addresses the production and to be involved in viewing, buying, or recording is participating and is not moral. It detracts from following Christ and leading to Holiness…and it an offense to God and so is sin…

 

[LilyM]

I can’t live their lives or marriages.

I can only live mine.

I know the quality of the marriage I’ve got, and the fun we have.

But hey, if he betrays my trust, so be it

What can I do.

Oh, apart from financially and physically crippling him, taking the kids, selling my businesses and buying that island off Greece I’ve had my eye on now for some time

Sarah x

There’s plenty you can do - for starters teach him to value you for things other than sex. After all, your brain and good character and personality won’t get saggy or flabby or wrinkly as you age - and no perky 20 year old will ever outfun you in those respects. But before that even how about valuing yourself for more than the price of your body.

Take it from someone who has a lot of successful long-lived marriages in her family to draw from. Sex is a poor foundation compared to these other things.

 

[Rence]

From the Catechism:

Quote:
2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties.

I am inclined to agree with you. Atheistgirl didn’t get into much detail, but you’re right, she never said they were sexual acts. And there is nothing to prove that her hubby wouldn’t be anticipating coming home to her rather than being “sinful” in a corner somewhere whereever he is by himself. And no, desiring sexual intimacy with one’s spouse is not disordered. I think Atheistgirl really just needs to talk to a priest rather than an online forum that includes people with varying opinions.

I can see where Atheistgirl is coming from by sending videos of herself (whose content we really don’t know to begin with) because of course every wife in a healthy marriage wants her husband to want or desire them. Perhaps these videos make him anticipate coming home to her rather than leading him to sin. We don’t know. And it’s not really fair to assume.

In answer to your question Atheistgirl, I would think anyone with a lick of common sense would say: “it depends on the content of the video and what your husband does as a result after viewing it”. Life doesn’t come with a rule book that encompasses every single senario down to the last letter. I would think there is a video out there made by a wife for her husband, designed to entice her husband, that followed Church rules and laws from the making of the video to the desired end result

 

[atheistgirl]

I think the concerns of making any recording should be considered, but I do not know otherwise it is contrary to Church teaching.

Right.

So teasing your husband, provided nothing happens in between, and the culmination of this teasing, this flirting, this building up of desire for your spouse, ending in the properly ordered unitive act of husband and wife in the marital embrace - is not sinful, and not against Church teaching.

Is that what you’re saying?

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

Hmm. I think there are some answers here, that while they appear rather dogmatic, do not actually reference any Church teaching. I know this is a hard thing to talk to your priest about, but let us look at the catechism.

One thing seems quite clear to me. Physical desire is not considered lust inside marriage. It is not disordered, but it is exactly how God made us. This idea that we can’t lust for our spouses is not something I have ever seen in Church teaching. I only use the word lust for lack of a better word. The theological term “lust” only applies to disordered desires. (2351) Burning for desire for one’s spouse is found in the Bible and is in fact one reason why St. Paul said we should marry, so that this burning desire can be used inside the Sacrament of Marriage. (1 Cor. 7:9)

I know that one of the problems is our terminlogy, but no doubt that physical desire in marriage is the way God made us.

I think the concerns of making any recording should be considered, but I do not know otherwise it is contrary to Church teaching.

I must be reading a different catechism. It is pretty clear that sexual desire is disordered when you desire sex for itself absent the unitive and procreative elements.

It is entirely possible to have this sort of disordered desire within marriage - that is why, for example, spouses sometimes selfishly demand sex from a partner who is not ready or ‘in the mood’, regardless of how awful such an experience is for the other. Or demand that their partners engage in sexual practices in the bedroom that they are uncomfortable with or find distasteful. Or fantasise about other people during sex with their partners.

So lust is not something confined to the extramarital sphere.

 

[pnewton]

I must be reading a different catechism. It is pretty clear that sexual desire is disordered when you desire sex for itself absent the unitive and procreative elements.

I quoted that. Why do you think I am not aware of that? I was answering the original question. Yes, one can still sin within marriage, but not just by wanting too much. One can contracept. One can not love their spouse. One can abuse their spouse. I do not think one can desire their spouse too much. Therefore, one can not make their spouse desire them “too much”.

Again, let me also say this does not mean idolatry or any other off topic sin. I am only speaking of using intense visual stimulation to maximize desire.

 

[atheistgirl]

There’s plenty you can do - for starters teach him to value you for things other than sex.

Oh my Gosh. I don’t think you meant to be offensive, but that post sure was as offensive as can be.

Thanks.

But my husband loves me and values me for who I am, for my intelligence and tenacity and the fact I came from such poverty and have built a wonderful life for myself and my family by never letting life knock me down when it tried it’s hardest to. He loves me for my free spirit, and kindness and gentleness and the enormous amount of love I have in my heart for every living creature. He loves me because I make him laugh, challenge him, support him. He loves me for the fact the wrong road would have been so much easier for me and I never took it, but worked hard to get to where I am now in life. He loves and values me for the love and values I’m instilling in our children. He loves and values me for going out into the community and teaching kids how to make and grab the breaks and not get suckered into a life of crime and giving ex cons back their pride through work when no one else would look at them and I could just stay at home just riding the horses.

He loves me for the fact I was a virgin when I married him and wouldn’t indulge in premarital sex and had values and principles I stuck by.

He loves and values me for precisely the person I am. And I’ll be that person, and more, when everything is ‘‘wrinkly’’.

He loves me and values me for one million more profound reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex, or my body.

But I sure as heck want to enjoy my youth now with him, and give us both the times of our lives to remember!

But before that even how about valuing yourself for more than the price of your body.

It’s quite clear you’ve never read a single post of mine or you never could have written such a hideously offensive comment to me.

More than the price of my body.

My gosh, you really have no clue, do you.

And incidentally I too come from a long long line of marriages which terminated in death at a very old age, or are still going strong.

So does my husbands line.

There isn’t a single divorce or separation in the two families, no matter how far back you care to go! Nothing but happy, extended families. And I have no reason to think their sex life wasn’t as good as mine!!!

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

Oh my Gosh. I don’t think you meant to be offensive, but that post sure was as offensive as can be.

Thanks.

But my husband loves me and values me for who I am, for my intelligence and tenacity and the fact I came from such poverty and have built a wonderful life for myself and my family by never letting life knock me down when it tried it’s hardest to. He loves me for my free spirit, and kindness and gentleness and the enormous amount of love I have in my heart for every living creature. He loves me because I make him laugh, challenge him, support him. He loves me for the fact the wrong road would have been so much easier for me and I never took it, but worked hard to get to where I am now in life. He loves and values me for the love and values I’m instilling in our children. He loves and values me for going out into the community and teaching kids how to make and grab the breaks and not get suckered into a life of crime and giving ex cons back their pride through work when no one else would look at them and I could just stay at home just riding the horses.

He loves me for the fact I was a virgin when I married him and wouldn’t indulge in premarital sex and had values and principles I stuck by.

He loves and values me for precisely the person I am. And I’ll be that person, and more, when everything is ‘‘wrinkly’’.

He loves me and values me for one million more profound reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex, or my body.

But I sure as heck want to enjoy my youth now with him, and give us both the times of our lives to remember!

It’s quite clear you’ve never read a single post of mine or you never could have written such a hideously offensive comment to me.

More than the price of my body.

My gosh, you really have no clue, do you.

And incidentally I too come from a long long line of marriages which terminated in death at a very old age, or are still going strong.

So does my husbands line.

There isn’t a single divorce or separation in the two families, no matter how far back you care to go! Nothing but happy, extended families. And I have no reason to think their sex life wasn’t as good as mine!!!

Sarah x

Of course he loves you for your mind and your personality - that’s why you equate the dirty dancin’ videos - and only them rather than that mind and personality - with ‘fun’ and ‘youth’

Now it’s my turn to take offense - you’re basically saying that people who don’t make smutty videos for their spouses or indulge in similar practices are somehow missing out on something - not enjoying their life and their youth. My grandparents had 13 children, my parents 5. Evidence that they had plenty of ‘fun’ and well and truly enjoyed their ‘youth’. By which you clearly mean sex, since for you those words are synonyms for it.

And no electronic aids or video cameras required - such didn’t even exist. And I’m sure they didn’t miss out on a darn thing.

 

[atheistgirl]

I don’t think the video qualifies as pornography since it is not displayed to a third party and atheistgirl never said it involved sexual acts.

Correct. It’s between me and my husband. No other parties involved.

I don’t think it inspires her husband to lust since the desire of sexual pleasure with one’s spouse is not disordered.

I can’t see how having a healthy lust and physical desire as well as all the emotional, intellectual and ‘‘spiritual’’ desires for my husband, and he for me, could possibly be disordered.

Using a cameraman and lighting crew may change things.

Really???

Opps



No.

Just me and some strategically placed cameras

Sarah x

 

[LilyM]

I quoted that. Why do you think I am not aware of that? I was answering the original question. Yes, one can still sin within marriage, but not just by wanting too much. One can contracept. One can not love their spouse. One can abuse their spouse. I do not think one can desire their spouse too much. Therefore, one can not make their spouse desire them “too much”.

Again, let me also say this does not mean idolatry or any other off topic sin. I am only speaking of using intense visual stimulation to maximize desire.

Wanting too much is inherently disordered for a spouse. Just like not wanting at all - both extremes are very unhealthy for a marriage.