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nodito
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The original post was only this morning. The thread is less than a day old.It is odd that he posted posted and ran. :coffeeread:
Maybe it’s a story.
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pianistclare
Guest
Amazing. 5 pages.
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msammiem
Guest
Or he couldn’t take having his feet held to the fire and being told how wrong he is.It is odd that he posted posted and ran. :coffeeread:
Maybe it’s a story.
I feel so sorry for his family and the family of that adulterous woman he’s sleeping with. I also hope that all of the innocent people involved suffer as little as possible. This is one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Well, he is in the UK, so he might be asleep for a while now too…
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EasterJoy
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You are right, but it is not either/or. It is both/and:Maybe I was harsh, and if so, I apologize. Resisting temptation is indeed hard. But true contrition does mean trying to avoid the behavior in the future. The OP has admitted he asked this woman into a guest bedroom in his home.I have a hard time seeing any effort to avoid the sin. His opening line of the post says he has “suffered the same fate” as his sister, as if he has fallen into an inevitable trap, when in reality he has freely chosen his so-called “fate” (sin). All I’m saying is, true repentance means avoiding the behavior, and the OP has yet to do so.
So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings. 1 Pet. 5:6-9
The devil prowls, looking to enslave–and sin does enslave. We cannot hope to resist without both vigilance and the help of grace. It can happen to any of us, and it does. When we are in our right mind, we see admonishment as the spiritual work of mercy that it is. Still, it is not shaming that admonishment seeks to achieve, but–as you put it quite clearly–repentance and a firm purpose of amendment. God does not override our free will when He rescues us from sin, but requires our cooperation.
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EasterJoy
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People do have jobs and duties. Even when they are wrestling with a problem like this, the rest of their life does not stop and wait.
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TexasCatholic13
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Personally, I dont believe in this story. I think he just made it up to troll everyone. His story is meant to get a rise out of people that may be sensitive to the subject.
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EasterJoy
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How many of the 1700 posts that he’s offered in his past two years on CAF have you read, though? Posters get to be known around here. You never know on an anonymous forum, but I kind of doubt he is shamming for sick jollies.
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ajecphotos
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People, this other woman has only ever had one man. Her husband. Just like me and the wife. We have been friends for many years so know each other very well.
I have since seen another 2 priests (1 Last night and one this morning 1 is a Canon) who also advised me not to tell my wife. In his words ‘why should she suffer’. I explained ‘everything’ to him. Told him it was all my fault. Just because the wife and I have not ‘been in love’ for years shouldn’t have made any difference, i agree.
I have been 100% truthful to the priests. Told them ‘everything’.
The priests know me very well indeed. Known them all a long time. They have all said i should continue to be an EHMC as if i stop now the devil has won and also, those that i take Communion to would suffer as they rely on me. One of the priests said that the devil would be so pleased if he managed to take me away from serving God! He would be rubbing his hands together. I have told the priests i feel 100% unworthy to carry out the ministry, that i feel sick about what i have done but they have all stated that to carry on the ministry is very important. Obviously i have to promise not to sin again! This i am very much determined to do! I love God and i will not sin this sin again! I pray that God will guide me.
I have promised not to commit this terrible sin again. I am determined to stay faithful to my wife and God.
The wife and i have decided to make a new start. We have both agreed that we need to get the love back that was lost. I dont want to lose her! Ok, i should have thought of all that before i sinned. These things happen. One of the priests told me that i have to be strong in my faith, to pray hard. I must not go near the woman.
This is hard as her daughter and mine are best friends. Plus my wife and her are very good friends too even though lately my wife and her have had a strained relationship.
You people, who am i to listen to? The 3 priests i have now seen or people on the internet? I need your advice too though.
I know i have been so wrong. So bad. But life is not easy and it is so easy to fall.
I so wish i didn’t do what i have done!! It kills me to think of the deception and hurt. But, i know the wife shouldn’t know as that would cause her extreme pain! It would tear her world in 2 and especially now as we have decided to start again!
I have lost a lot of sleep worrying about what i have done. It has stopped. I will not commit adultery again!! I am praying hard for that!
Also, i have never had an affair before!! This was my first and last!!
The woman in question as said that she will not tell her husband or my wife. She has agreed that it should end!
And yes, my twin sister went through a very similar experience of which is now sorted as she is no longer seeing the other guy but unlike me wants a divorce of which she is in the process of going through.
I have since seen another 2 priests (1 Last night and one this morning 1 is a Canon) who also advised me not to tell my wife. In his words ‘why should she suffer’. I explained ‘everything’ to him. Told him it was all my fault. Just because the wife and I have not ‘been in love’ for years shouldn’t have made any difference, i agree.
I have been 100% truthful to the priests. Told them ‘everything’.
The priests know me very well indeed. Known them all a long time. They have all said i should continue to be an EHMC as if i stop now the devil has won and also, those that i take Communion to would suffer as they rely on me. One of the priests said that the devil would be so pleased if he managed to take me away from serving God! He would be rubbing his hands together. I have told the priests i feel 100% unworthy to carry out the ministry, that i feel sick about what i have done but they have all stated that to carry on the ministry is very important. Obviously i have to promise not to sin again! This i am very much determined to do! I love God and i will not sin this sin again! I pray that God will guide me.
I have promised not to commit this terrible sin again. I am determined to stay faithful to my wife and God.
The wife and i have decided to make a new start. We have both agreed that we need to get the love back that was lost. I dont want to lose her! Ok, i should have thought of all that before i sinned. These things happen. One of the priests told me that i have to be strong in my faith, to pray hard. I must not go near the woman.
This is hard as her daughter and mine are best friends. Plus my wife and her are very good friends too even though lately my wife and her have had a strained relationship.
You people, who am i to listen to? The 3 priests i have now seen or people on the internet? I need your advice too though.
I know i have been so wrong. So bad. But life is not easy and it is so easy to fall.
I so wish i didn’t do what i have done!! It kills me to think of the deception and hurt. But, i know the wife shouldn’t know as that would cause her extreme pain! It would tear her world in 2 and especially now as we have decided to start again!
I have lost a lot of sleep worrying about what i have done. It has stopped. I will not commit adultery again!! I am praying hard for that!
Also, i have never had an affair before!! This was my first and last!!
The woman in question as said that she will not tell her husband or my wife. She has agreed that it should end!
And yes, my twin sister went through a very similar experience of which is now sorted as she is no longer seeing the other guy but unlike me wants a divorce of which she is in the process of going through.
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KD8TZC
Guest
I keep saying to myself while reading the posts here and wanting to comment the phrase Jesus said in John when the Pharisees were questioning Him about the adulterous woman… “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”
I know I am not without sin, so I have no room to comment. But I also know that Jesus was not excusing that woman’s guilt either. I think the OP knows his guilt. All I can say is the enemy is lurking among all of us and we can all fall victim to him. Let us pray for everyone that this does not happen.
OP, I have no idea what the best course of action for you to take is. I hear what you have said about the three priests, and I also hear what many people have said online… I have to believe that at some point in your life you wife will find out or at last suspect you were not faithful. I think if it was me, I would go to a priest who I did not know, and who my wife does not know (you mention all the priests that you spoke with know you well. This is all fine, but their pastoral duties might be overshadowing things possibly) and speak with another priest who is impartial to the situation. He may tell you the same thing the other three did, but then I would pray… pray really hard for a few days… meditate over the rosary and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede for me and help me find the right decision. The evil one has invaded your life and you need serious spiritual help from our Father. We all know we can fall from grace easily, but by turning to our Father, He can keep us safe.
Next, I would pray for your wife like you have never prayed for her before. Do this though-out the day. Ask God to bless her, fill her with His grace and His love, and to bestow on her a beautiful day and remove all anxiety from her heart, as you would want done for you. Do this for at least 10 days if not longer.
I will continue to pray for all involved as that is all that I feel I am qualified to do.
God bless,
John
I know I am not without sin, so I have no room to comment. But I also know that Jesus was not excusing that woman’s guilt either. I think the OP knows his guilt. All I can say is the enemy is lurking among all of us and we can all fall victim to him. Let us pray for everyone that this does not happen.
OP, I have no idea what the best course of action for you to take is. I hear what you have said about the three priests, and I also hear what many people have said online… I have to believe that at some point in your life you wife will find out or at last suspect you were not faithful. I think if it was me, I would go to a priest who I did not know, and who my wife does not know (you mention all the priests that you spoke with know you well. This is all fine, but their pastoral duties might be overshadowing things possibly) and speak with another priest who is impartial to the situation. He may tell you the same thing the other three did, but then I would pray… pray really hard for a few days… meditate over the rosary and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede for me and help me find the right decision. The evil one has invaded your life and you need serious spiritual help from our Father. We all know we can fall from grace easily, but by turning to our Father, He can keep us safe.
Next, I would pray for your wife like you have never prayed for her before. Do this though-out the day. Ask God to bless her, fill her with His grace and His love, and to bestow on her a beautiful day and remove all anxiety from her heart, as you would want done for you. Do this for at least 10 days if not longer.
I will continue to pray for all involved as that is all that I feel I am qualified to do.
God bless,
John
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pensmama87
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The issue with telling, in this instance, is more about how on earth you’re going to manage actually avoiding this other woman without making your wife suspicious. Your priest(s) may have a point in a general instance about disclosing, but they may not fully understand that your lives are pretty entangled.
Can you drop this woman and avoid all contact with her without your wife suspecting a thing? I don’t think it’s possible. And yes, you absolutely do need to drop this woman from your life, completely. Pretending otherwise is foolish. And this woman needs to drop you.
At any rate, you need to be working on getting a clean bill of health before you’re intimate with your wife again. That by itself might require some kind of disclosure.
Can you drop this woman and avoid all contact with her without your wife suspecting a thing? I don’t think it’s possible. And yes, you absolutely do need to drop this woman from your life, completely. Pretending otherwise is foolish. And this woman needs to drop you.
At any rate, you need to be working on getting a clean bill of health before you’re intimate with your wife again. That by itself might require some kind of disclosure.
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Maine52
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I apologize for my harsh response. Only God knows whether you are truly repentant of your sins, and I should not have said that you are not sorry in the least. It sounds like you have a good plan of action. Listen to what the three priests told you, and pray for strength and grace from God.
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Beryllos
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Listen to the priests who know you and have heard all you have told them.
Make sure you understand clearly the priests’ advice regarding secrecy. Specifically you must understand the difference between remaining silent and lying. It has been argued that remaining silent about the adultery will protect your families from harm. It is difficult, however, to argue in favor of speaking a lie, for example, saying that no such thing ever happened, particularly if your wife asks you.
When you have the time, please review the Catechism, paragraphs 2482 to 2487 on lying, and paragraphs 2488 and 2489 on privacy. Briefly, the Catechism does not say it is okay to lie with good intentions, but it does say one may remain silent for the good of others.
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pianistclare
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I’d add that you say that you will listen to the THREE priests, and then you go onto ask for advice.
Stop posting about it, and go with your Spiritual Directors.
Stop the affair too.
Period.
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ajecphotos
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I am seeing yet another priest on Saturday because so many on here have advised me to tell my wife and to stop being an EHMC! I am confused and torn in 2,
I know i have been so so bad. I know i am unworthy of forgiveness. I know i need to suffer really badly. People, i so want to keep my wife!!! I have been so bad. I cannot believe i have done the same as my twin sister!!!
I need closure. I need to see this other priest. I want to see what his advice is. I so so love God. I dearly want my wife in my life. I have betrayed her and God. I deserve death at the very least.
Sorry people if i ask you advice too but dont know where else to turn.
I know that i am 100% determined not to sin again and also to give my life to my wife. I have been foolish and stupid etc. It has dawned on me that i have been so selfish etc! I am hoping that God has made me feel how stupid and selfish i have been. I know i need GOD so much in my life! I need Gods love. I need to be one with God and unlike my sister i need my wife!! I have been so selfish so stupid!!
I need Gods forgiveness. But i also need God 100% in my life. I need my wife so much. It is only this week that i have realised how much i really need her. It has hit me like a hammer on the head! Please forgive me God!
I know i have been so so bad. I know i am unworthy of forgiveness. I know i need to suffer really badly. People, i so want to keep my wife!!! I have been so bad. I cannot believe i have done the same as my twin sister!!!
I need closure. I need to see this other priest. I want to see what his advice is. I so so love God. I dearly want my wife in my life. I have betrayed her and God. I deserve death at the very least.
Sorry people if i ask you advice too but dont know where else to turn.
I know that i am 100% determined not to sin again and also to give my life to my wife. I have been foolish and stupid etc. It has dawned on me that i have been so selfish etc! I am hoping that God has made me feel how stupid and selfish i have been. I know i need GOD so much in my life! I need Gods love. I need to be one with God and unlike my sister i need my wife!! I have been so selfish so stupid!!
I need Gods forgiveness. But i also need God 100% in my life. I need my wife so much. It is only this week that i have realised how much i really need her. It has hit me like a hammer on the head! Please forgive me God!
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pianistclare
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Go to confession. Everyone can be forgiven if sincere. That’s the whole point of the sacrament. For forgiveness, reconciliation to God, and healing.
Stop this feeling sorry for yourself.
Go to confession and listen to the priests you’ve already told, if you have told them everything. Why see yet another one? What exactly are you looking for?
Repent.
If we are confusing you, stop posting. Simple.
Do the right thing. Go to confession, repent, repair your life.
Good luck.
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ajecphotos
Guest
I am seeing yet another priest because people on here have said that the other priest/s may have been wrong in their advice?
I am repenting and have begged God for forgiveness.
I post because i appreciate everyones advice however it affects me. I just need peoples help as well as my priests.
I do repent. I feel so bad. So filthy. So unclean and sinful.
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pianistclare
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If three priests already said the same thing I don’t think you need to look further.
Pick ONE as a Spiritual Director and follow his instructions.
Good luck.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Take the advice of these priests, because they will be there to help you if it becomes a problem with your wife that you did not tell her. They will be able to tell her that they advised you as they have not in order to deceive her, but in order to spare her pain. Since her relationship with her friend has become strained and she is newly open to “a new start,” I suspect very strongly she may already know in her heart and possibly even in fact about what you and her friend have done. It may be her preference to not be openly confronted with the truth of what you did or she may not want to know with certainty what you did. Some people want to know and would feel positively deceived if they were not told, but other people DO NOT want to be told unless some necessity compels it.
On the matter of whether you are “worthy” to be an EMHC: You never have been. None of us are. You must never ever serve as a EMHC when you have an unconfessed mortal sin on your soul, just as surely as you must bow out if you have a serious and communicable disease (although for different reasons–I am not trying to make those into the same thing). Having said that, priests do not require that their EMsHC have never committed a mortal sin. They require that the faithful not offer themselves to do this work when they are not in a state of grace, and certainly not when they are giving scandal on a day-to-day basis. You are not in that category. Provided you follow those guidelines and disclose anything that might disqualify you, you may feel free to trust your pastor about whether you are suitable in that role, and do not worry about it.
There is a truth that I learned some time ago that has served me well: You cannot NOT do something. Try to obey the command: Do not think of elephants. You can’t do it! You can only DO things. Therefore, avoid telling yourself “I will not cheat again.” Instead, you should coach yourself with the positive actions that will preclude what you do not want to do: “I will be true to my wife always. Every day, I will look for ways to show her and others that I love her and honor her.” Do you see the difference? One way, your mind dwells on the sin. The other way, your mind dwells on the virtue you want to live.
I would ask the priests about this, though: How should you handle it, if she asks you point-blank whether or not you have been unfaithful? Obviously, you cannot lie to her. You have to tell her the truth. You may want their advice about how that should be done and (perhaps more importantly) how that should not be done and what you should not say.
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Beryllos
Guest
I agree. You can’t decide it by internet town meeting, or even by a panel of priests. Keep it simple. Pick one priest as a Spiritual Director.
Do not despair. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His mercy endures forever.
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