Adultery 2

[Loly_Maria]

I agree with everyone saying that your wife needs to know about this. You’re deceiving her by keeping her in the dark about this. She needs to know about the affair in order to make an informed decision about her relationships with both you and her friend. Until she knows, you’re just betraying and disrespecting her over and over again, in my opinion.

I know that if I was in your wife’s position, I would definitely want to know about the affair. If you tell her soon, it sends the message that you still have some respect for her and you believe that she has a right to know.

Not to mention that breaking contact with your friend won’t be very easily done without your wife knowing why, especially since they’re friends too.

Although, I don’t know why everyone is talking about STDs. I would always recommend that both partners get tested, especially if you didn’t use protection, but the reactions on here make it sound like sex outside of marriage equals automatic STDs.

 

[ajecphotos]

How would I know if he didn’t tell me? I wouldn’t, obviously. If I found out he could have an STD and he didn’t tell me? I would be furious, and I would make him get an STD test immediately.

It is not a matter of trust. It is a matter of “If you have been sexually active in a relationship before me, get an STD test, because I don’t know what you could have picked up”. Physical health is important. Mental health is important. Spiritual health is important. Why should sexual health be brushed under the rug with a simple “I trust you”?

But, he could tell you he was clear, that he had had not sexual relations but in fact was lying! What if you trusted him? Do you trust anyone? How would you trust your future spouse? Would the trust have to be built on numerous health checks etc?

I am not trying to tell you I know your wife and the other woman better than you. All I know about them is what you’ve told us on this thread. You’ve told us how “sexy” this other woman is, but that you’ve decided to commit to your wife. All I am suggesting is that this woman herself may not know id she has an STD, and you do not 100% know that she has an STD.

**I know but, she has never ever been with another man. Not had relations with her husband for many many years because they cant. She is 100% healthy as are her kids. I am exactly the same! We have know each other for many many years!! Its not just about trust. Its also about knowing someone very very well indeed too.
**

If I met Mr Right, it would be even more important for him to get checked.

But, what guy would want to do that when it would be obvious from the outset that you dont trust him?

Yes, this one thing that has so far created 16 pages of debating whether to tell your wife or not, and then why you should or should not get checked for an STD because of an affair that your wife didn’t know you had . I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I don’t think you know this woman as well as you claim to.

**Well, maybe people should stop posting trying to tell me the same thing again and again! Only i know if i know this woman. Nobody on here knows me or my wife or my ex! Your advice has been well intentioned and i appreciate it but there comes a point when one must change the record! Thank you
**
Lou

Lou

 

[iepuras]

Oh…but, what if one knows someone 100%? Do you think that is at all possible? Would you ask a prospective husband for full STD screening? Or would you be able to trust his word?

Only God knows you 100%. Not your wife and not your mistress. None of you can read each other’s minds. I wouldn’t even say that your wife knows you 99% if she doesn’t know about your infidelity. Adultery is a big secret to keep. Maybe she knows you 60%.

There are countries where, in order to obtain a marriage license, the couple needs a physical exam which would include testing for at least HIV if not for other STD’s. STD testing in order to obtain a marriage license used to be fairly common in the US. I wouldn’t know about the UK.

When I got married, both my husband and I had to have a doctor sign a form stating that we were both healthy. In addition, we both had to be tested for HIV and have chest x-rays to check for tuberculosis. Even before I met my husband, I got myself vaccinated for HPV because I didn’t know who I would marry or what his “history” would be. I wanted to protect myself. So no, I am not opposed for STD or general health screenings prior to obtaining a marriage license. Nor do I find it to be highly offensive.

My question is, what is the big deal about going to the doctor and getting some blood drawn for an STD screening? Are you afraid of doctors or getting blood drawn?

While I agree that you know your mistress in the biblical sense, unless you have been with her 24/7 her entire marriage, you really don’t know if she has ever been unfaithful to her husband before jumping into the sack with you. If this woman is willing to keep secrets from her husband and her supposed best friend, what makes you think you are so special that she wouldn’t keep secrets from you?

I followed the adultery thread about your sister and now this one. I think the reason you kept trying to justify your sister is that you were really trying to justify yourself. I think your protestations against going to the doctor to getting tested for STD’s are because you are in denial and don’t want to admit that maybe your mistress is lying to you.

The fact that you refuse to see a doctor to get standard STD tests makes me wonder about the respect and love you really have for your wife. You cannot undergo a short period of discomfort to ensure that you don’t have an STD? Really? You don’t care about your wife to do that?

I feel very, very sorry for your wife. She doesn’t deserve the utter lack of respect you have for her.

 

[ajecphotos]

“he” is a she. Not that it matters. People “hound” you? Really?
You keep posting !!!

Posting!!!
Posting!!!

**Why are you posting now then please?
**

You are trying, vehemently, to convince yourself.

No need to convince myself. Its you that wants to convince me of your views!!

I don’t think you believe those 4 priests at all.
That’s why you hunted for a second, a third, a fourth.
It’s pretty clear.

Again, read my posts and you will the answer to that statement

Hoosier Daddy is right.
Xantippe is right.
Bookcat is right.
LongingSoul is right.
IrishMom2 is right.

I guess you are all right. You are all perfect and truly good caring Catholics. Thanks people

But keep telling us how swell everything is.
No need to thank me, btw.

Another kind and useful remark and post!! Thank you kindly

 

[ajecphotos]

My husband had a full set of test before we married and so did I. Why? because both of us were HONEST with each other about having had sex with someone else before meeting. As a matter of fact, where I am from a full set of STD testing is required by law to get married in the court house. You can do as you wish but you were unfaithful, deceitful, lying, so you cannot expect complete honesty from yourself or affair partner when you are keeping you wife in the dark about your actions, the least you could do for her is test to be 100% sure you are clean!

I am sorry but I don’t see how you can trust someone who not only betrayed her spouse but also her best friend. She is deceitful, obviously, just like you. I do not say this to be cruel but it is the truth. It does not mean you cannot or should not be forgiven but you should do 110% to ensure your wife’s health, just in case! ONCE would have been a mistake but you were involved more than once, so you both knew what you were doing.

Thats the difference you see. I have never had any sexual relationships before i got married. The Adultery i just went through was a one and only. This is exactly the same for my ex. Exactly! Not everyone sleeps around and needs test after test!

I am clean thank you. Please dont worry so much about me.

 

[Lou2U]

But, he could tell you he was clear, that he had had not sexual relations but in fact was lying!

What point are you trying to make?

What if you trusted him? Do you trust anyone? How would you trust your future spouse? Would the trust have to be built on numerous health checks etc?

OP - this is why people are saying you are irrational. You have jumped from an STD test to me being able to trust people.

If I trusted him, I would expect him to tell me if he’d had sex before, and I’d expect him to tell me if he had any STD’s. My trust of his sexual health would be based upon if the number of sexual partner’s being the same as the number of STD checks taken.

I know but, she has never ever been with another man. Not had relations with her husband for many many years because they cant. She is 100% healthy as are her kids. I am exactly the same! We have know each other for many many years!! Its not just about trust. Its also about knowing someone very very well indeed too.

Okay, OP. I’m not going to argue with you on this point any more.

But, what guy would want to do that when it would be obvious from the outset that you dont trust him?

In my mind, gettting an STD test doesn’t equal a lack of trust. It equals “I care about my sexual health”. I think this is where we differ - you seem to think that having an STD test means there is a lack of trust. This is not the case.

Well, maybe people should stop posting trying to tell me the same thing again and again! Only i know if i know this woman. Nobody on here knows me or my wife or my ex! Your advice has been well intentioned and i appreciate it but there comes a point when one must change the record! Thank you

Again, I’m not going to debate you on this point any more. May I instead suggest you take some time away from this thread and and focus on rebuilding trust in your marriage, which I wish you all the best with.

Lou

 

[ajecphotos]

I agree with everyone saying that your wife needs to know about this. You’re deceiving her by keeping her in the dark about this. She needs to know about the affair in order to make an informed decision about her relationships with both you and her friend. Until she knows, you’re just betraying and disrespecting her over and over again, in my opinion.

**What i think is that you all want my marriage to fail as i am the only one who knows my wife. You dont! To tell someone to act in a certain way when you dont know the facts or what will happen can be very dangerous. **

I know that if I was in your wife’s position, I would definitely want to know about the affair. If you tell her soon, it sends the message that you still have some respect for her and you believe that she has a right to know.

I do respect her. Even more so now since i got forgiven and have been guided by my confessors.

Not to mention that breaking contact with your friend won’t be very easily done without your wife knowing why, especially since they’re friends too.

Did you read some post quite a few pages back? Have a read and the above statement you just made will have an answer for you!!

Although, I don’t know why everyone is talking about STDs. I would always recommend that both partners get tested, especially if you didn’t use protection, but the reactions on here make it sound like sex outside of marriage equals automatic STDs.

Again it all boils down to knowing someone so much that trust is automatic! If you really dont know someone, if you really dont trust them, the yes, get a full MOT at your nearest hospital and fast!!

 

[ajecphotos]

Only God knows you 100%. Not your wife and not your mistress. None of you can read each other’s minds. I wouldn’t even say that your wife knows you 99% if she doesn’t know about your infidelity. Adultery is a big secret to keep. Maybe she knows you 60%.

Well, i know her 100%. I know my ex 100%. I would trust my life in both their hands!

There are countries where, in order to obtain a marriage license, the couple needs a physical exam which would include testing for at least HIV if not for other STD’s. STD testing in order to obtain a marriage license used to be fairly common in the US. I wouldn’t know about the UK.

**Not in the UK. **/B]

When I got married, both my husband and I had to have a doctor sign a form stating that we were both healthy. In addition, we both had to be tested for HIV and have chest x-rays to check for tuberculosis. Even before I met my husband, I got myself vaccinated for HPV because I didn’t know who I would marry or what his “history” would be. I wanted to protect myself. So no, I am not opposed for STD or general health screenings prior to obtaining a marriage license. Nor do I find it to be highly offensive.

My question is, what is the big deal about going to the doctor and getting some blood drawn for an STD screening? Are you afraid of doctors or getting blood drawn?

**Already answered thank you
**

While I agree that you know your mistress in the biblical sense, unless you have been with her 24/7 her entire marriage, you really don’t know if she has ever been unfaithful to her husband before jumping into the sack with you. If this woman is willing to keep secrets from her husband and her supposed best friend, what makes you think you are so special that she wouldn’t keep secrets from you?

**Already answered thank you
**

I followed the adultery thread about your sister and now this one. I think the reason you kept trying to justify your sister is that you were really trying to justify yourself. I think your protestations against going to the doctor to getting tested for STD’s are because you are in denial and don’t want to admit that maybe your mistress is lying to you.

**Already answered thank you
**

The fact that you refuse to see a doctor to get standard STD tests makes me wonder about the respect and love you really have for your wife. You cannot undergo a short period of discomfort to ensure that you don’t have an STD? Really? You don’t care about your wife to do that?

**Already answered thank you
**

I feel very, very sorry for your wife. She doesn’t deserve the utter lack of respect you have for her.

**Many thanks for your kind post.
**

 

[pianistclare]

"I know this woman very well".

Truer words were never spoken.

 

[iepuras]

What i think is that you all want my marriage to fail as i am the only one who knows my wife. You dont! To tell someone to act in a certain way when you dont know the facts or what will happen can be very dangerous.

Everyone here is supportive of marriage and doesn’t like to see marriages fail. You are the one who committed adultery. You are the one who has acted in a way that is damaging to your marriage.

I do respect her. Even more so now since i got forgiven and have been guided by my confessors.

Yes, you have been forgiven by God, but your wife has not had an opportunity to forgive you. And I don’t think you respect her nearly as much as you say you do. You were unfaithful to her, after all, which is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

Again it all boils down to knowing someone so much that trust is automatic! If you really dont know someone, if you really dont trust them, the yes, get a full MOT at your nearest hospital and fast!!

But does your wife know you well enough to trust you? Should she automatically trust you? The fact that you are an adulterer means that maybe she shouldn’t trust you one bit, but you won’t tell her so she doesn’t know that she shouldn’t trust you. If she finds out, I would bet that she will head to the doctor fast!

 

[ajecphotos]

What point are you trying to make?

OP - this is why people are saying you are irrational. You have jumped from an STD test to me being able to trust people.

What i have said, is that if you trust someone 100% then you wouldnt even think of having an STD test

If I trusted him, I would expect him to tell me if he’d had sex before, and I’d expect him to tell me if he had any STD’s. My trust of his sexual health would be based upon if the number of sexual partner’s being the same as the number of STD checks taken.

What if he told you he had never had sex with anyone ever? Would you trust him or still want him to take some tests?

Okay, OP. I’m not going to argue with you on this point any more.

Thank you.

In my mind, gettting an STD test doesn’t equal a lack of trust. It equals “I care about my sexual health”. I think this is where we differ - you seem to think that having an STD test means there is a lack of trust. This is not the case.

Again, I’m not going to debate you on this point any more. May I instead suggest you take some time away from this thread and and focus on rebuilding trust in your marriage, which I wish you all the best with.

Rebuilding has already started with some solid foundation having gone in. I think that all the others who are constantly going around chasing their tails should have a rest from posting in my thread. Have a coffee and relax. Read some prayers. Thank God for his Mercy and Love. God bless you all

Lou

 

[Loly_Maria]

What i think is that you all want my marriage to fail as i am the only one who knows my wife. You dont! To tell someone to act in a certain way when you dont know the facts or what will happen can be very dangerous.

You might know her, but she doesn’t know you. You want your marriage to survive, but you know that if she finds out about the affair, then she might leave you, so you don’t tell her. A relationship like that isn’t really surviving; she doesn’t have the full story and so she can’t make an informed decision about what she wants to do.

 

[FrenzyJen]

If this woman and her husband are in a sexless marriage, I wonder if her husband will be suspicious if it turns out that one of your trysts have gotten her pregnant. Imagine that can of worms.

Would you tell your wife then?

 

[Lou2U]

What i have said, is that if you trust someone 100% then you wouldnt even think of having an STD test

If they’d been in a sexual relationship before, then I would. Trust is not a factor in that decision.

What if he told you he had never had sex with anyone ever? Would you trust him or still want him to take some tests?

I would be more inclined to trust him if he said he was a virgin, but if I had anything to suggest otherwise, I would ask him to take a test.

Rebuilding has already started with some solid foundation having gone in.

I am glad for you, OP

Lou

 

[iepuras]

My question is, what is the big deal about going to the doctor and getting some blood drawn for an STD screening? Are you afraid of doctors or getting blood drawn?

Already answered thank you

Actually, you never did answer why you have such a big problem with going to the doctor for your health and the health of the wife you claim you love and respect. You only claim that you don’t need to because you “trust” your mistress. To outsiders, that does not sound like a rational reason. It would make much more sense if you were afraid of doctors or hospitals.

 

[ajecphotos]

Everyone here is supportive of marriage and doesn’t like to see marriages fail. You are the one who committed adultery. You are the one who has acted in a way that is damaging to your marriage.

Yes, you have been forgiven by God, but your wife has not had an opportunity to forgive you. And I don’t think you respect her nearly as much as you say you do. You were unfaithful to her, after all, which is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

’You dont think’ is right. You dont ‘know’ me! Exactly. You are condemning me without knowing me.

But does your wife know you well enough to trust you? Should she automatically trust you? The fact that you are an adulterer means that maybe she shouldn’t trust you one bit, but you won’t tell her so she doesn’t know that she shouldn’t trust you. If she finds out, I would bet that she will head to the doctor fast!

**Yes, my wife trusts me 100%. She would never ever think i would do the bad deed that i did, ever! It would devastate her if she found out. Her life would explode. I would hate to imagine what would happen to her. But, seems to that you, like many others on here, know here very well! Well enough to know how she would react to me telling her that i just cheated on her!! You all seem to know that she would handle it very well indeed!!

I would never ever tell someone, i didnt know, something that could cause them serious harm and destruction in their life! Something that could push them over the edge!**

 

[ajecphotos]

You might know her, but she doesn’t know you. You want your marriage to survive, but you know that if she finds out about the affair, then she might leave you, so you don’t tell her. A relationship like that isn’t really surviving; she doesn’t have the full story and so she can’t make an informed decision about what she wants to do.

I want to save my marriage. If i told her now, it would destroy our marriage. There would be no way back!! Like i said before, it doesn’t mean that i will never ever tell her eventually. Just that now is definitely not the right time for her!! For me, i am worthless anyway so if she pushed me in front of a train then that would be what i would deserve.

 

[Irishmom2]

We should all just stop “hounding” the OP.

He is obviously in his happy place.

Everyone is wasting their breath and their time on this guy who knows all.

Though since he does, I am not sure why he posted to begin with…

But he knows it all now, so we should all just stop wasting our own time.

 

[ajecphotos]

If this woman and her husband are in a sexless marriage, I wonder if her husband will be suspicious if it turns out that one of your trysts have gotten her pregnant. Imagine that can of worms.

Would you tell your wife then?

Well, as everyone on here knows me and my wife and my ex so well i am sure one of you could answer that question.

 

[Irishmom2]

I want to save my marriage. If i told her now, it would destroy our marriage.

Of course it might. But you are making sure she doesn’t have a say in that.