And find a good Catholic marriage counsellor as well.
WHAT! I’m so dissapointed yuo said this…
Others might disagree. Follow the advice of your confessor.
I don’t necessarily agree with that.
Absolutely under NO circumstances should the wife/husband be told about an affair. Extramarital affairs are evil, but a greater evil is committed when a spouse is told about the offense, especially where children are involved. The offender should get tested immediately for sexually transmitted disease if unprotected sexual activity took place and avoid relations with spouse until results are known. Ask the doc to put a “rush” on the results! **Confessing this to a spouse is marital suicide and just plain stupid. **This is nothing more than another manifestation of all that 1960s “openness” insanity that has destroyed millions of marriages. If you’ve had an affair, find out what is going on in your soul that made you do this. Then fix the problem and just shut up about it!
**Having an affair is is like pointing a loaded gun at your marriage. Admitting it to a spouse is pulling the trigger. The spouse does NOT NEED TO KNOW! **
And then what happens when the spouse finds out later, and it is years later? Secrets often have a way of coming out.
There’s an even better chance that if you act prudently in the future, the secret will not come out. The affair is dead, it needs to be burried deep into the dark cold ground of one’s past. If the spouse finds out years later, at that time, you owe the spouse the truth and will have to deal with the consequences.
It is much worse finding out later. And for some to keep such a secret can hold themselves back, for it is never buried. It cannot be forgotten. One can confess to a priest, but the one that you promised to remain faithful too has a right to know, otherwise it is a marriage lived on a lie, and not true love. For true love would not be unfaithful.
There seems to be a two edged sword. I don’t know the right answer or if there is one size that fits all.
**I agree…What is the purpose of crushing the heart of the innocent spouse and destroying the lives of the children? This is almost as selfish as the affair itself. PENANCE is the medicine for the burdened conscience, not ripping your wife’s or husband’s beating heart out and crushing it under your heel… just to make yourself feel better. What you owe your husband/wife is a Godly and loving spouse. Find out what made you act like this and fix it.
This is not so simple. You are assuming something bad happened once and it is put behind. It might have gone on for years. It might be an ongoing problem and happened with more than one person. People do not escape this so easily. It is an addiction, or can be. Burying it deep and never doing it again does not always work.**I agree…What is the purpose of crushing the heart of the innocent spouse and destroying the lives of the children? This is almost as selfish as the affair itself. PENANCE is the medicine for the burdened conscience, not ripping your wife’s or husband’s beating heart out and crushing it under your heel… just to make yourself feel better. What you owe your husband/wife is a Godly and loving spouse. Find out what made you act like this and fix it.
Make ammends by donating time and (or) money worthy charities and thank God every day for the blessings in your life and pray for insight and increased gratitude to appreciate your family. For the sake of your spouse and children, keep your mouth shut!** Bury this sin so deep that it never sees the light of day again…On the other hand, if you WANT a divorce, then go ahead and tell all!
If a spouse has committed adultery and he/she is **truly repentent **and goes to Confession then the Confession is between penitent, priest and God. The other spouse does NOT have to be told. Nothing said in Confession (whether its adultery or something else) by a spouse should be discussed with the other spouse. Once someone has confessed and received absolution then its done.
I agree. I find using the fact someone has confessed adultury to a priest as being done and dried, using the excuse that it might hurt the other spouse and/or children if one confess’s adultury to the other spouse as just that, excuses. I believe it is a form of cowardness. If one commits adultury in effect I regard it as a divorce already, an adulturer has divorced his spouse in his heart.