Age difference

[purplesunshine]

I have a best friend.
I’m a girl, he’s a guy

I’m going to be 25 in June, he’ll soon be 42.

We met in late October.

We spend alot of time together as friends. We have similar interests, like music, seeing nature and the ocean, playing with my dog, talking. Neither of us have a TV, or believe in that. And that I’m a good cook and have no one to cook for and he’s…well…a typical bachelor when it comes to that and loves eating my food.

We also pray together, in a very close way. I REALLY love praying with him. Almost every time we get together we go to Mass…especially on Saturdays…and we’re always doing religous things together.

We’ve never discussed “us” as he had a romantic interest, and in this time I’ve had a few. But recently both fizzled, we’re both fully single. That and we have plans for practically every weekend until November…all but two of them are plans to do stuff together.

I’d be fooling myself if I said I wasn’t falling for him. I never ment to. We started out praying for healing…thats all. But its getting harder to just be friends. I have no idea if he likes me, but seeing as he initiated many of our summer plans it seems like he likes hanging out with me.

Alas, guys are so mysterious.

I really do care for him. I’m not 100% sure I’d want to date him, but I care about him more than anyone else in this world…well anyone outside my family. I hate people my age, I really struggle with relationships with anyone under 30. I have one neighbor I get along with who’s 25…but she has a kid so thats a bit different. I’ve never identifyed with someone this well, in my spiritual life, etc.

I’m not well versed on dating and things. I’ve had almost-boyfriends and sort-of-boyfriends but they had major problems and I dumped them before things got too serious.

Is this even good and moral to be friends and spend so much time together? No one else seems to share our interests (and believe me we’ve tried to get others to do stuff with us) but, honestly, it seems much more fun when its just us. But my friend said that if you spend that much time with a guy feelings are bound to happen with BOTH parities.

I just need guidance.

And I wonder if it did progess if it could ever work.

 

[Katie1723]

I have a best friend.
I’m a girl, he’s a guy

I’m going to be 25 in June, he’ll soon be 42.

And I wonder if it did progess if it could ever work.

My 42 y/o brother recently married someone who is 26. So, yes, it can work.

Kathy

 

[Little_Katie]

My mother and stepfather have about the same amount of age differance between them (he’s in his 60’s now and she is in her 40’s) and they are very happy together.

When you are both adults age doesn’t really matter, honestly.

Age is only bad when you have one person who is still a child.

 

[whatevergirl]

***I married a man 10 years my senior…so if I were 25, he would be 35. 42 isn’t that far off from 35. I say this, because I think 15 years above the age of the other person isn’t all that out there…if you click, you click.

Now if my daughter brought home a man 17 years older than her…at 25…I would definitely have questions.

My question to you…

1. has he ever been married, and if so, was that marriage annuled?
2. If he was married, does he have kids from that marriage?
3. If he does, what do you feel about having kids closer to your age, than their dad’s…probably would be the case.

Just some things to think about.

But…just the age difference? Not a problem so long as he doesn’t seek out younger women, as a pattern or habit. I think that could be a problem, if a man exclusively*** only dates women almost 20 years younger than him, you see what I’m saying? But…it sounds like you have developed a lovely friendship…you are an adult…he is an adult…so, if there are no mitigating circumstance that would prevent you both from dating…I say, why not. And there’s nothing immoral about being this man’s friend, just wanted to answer your question there.

May I ask, how you met?

 

[purplesunshine]

He was never married before.

I don’t think I would mind my kids being closer to my age. I feel it will be a struggle for them as teens, but thats about it.

I only know about one of his relationships, and there was a 12yr age difference both he and she struggled with. It could of been overcome but she didn’t like other aspects. I don’t think he would seek it out, neither of us did, this is a developing close friendship.

We met at a bible-study.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Ditto Whatevergirl’s post… even down to the 10 year age difference in my marriage too.

 

[whatevergirl]

***I am not old enough to be your mother, BUT…for whatever it is worth, I approve. haha

It sounds so nice…I hope things work out for you two. Please keep us posted.

God bless…***

 

[whatevergirl]

Ditto Whatevergirl’s post… even down to the 10 year age difference in my marriage too.

…and we both live in Florida. It’s getting scary, EM.

 

[Godfollower]

Yes, it can work, but you’ll both have to have a sense of humor about it – e.g., in the year you were born, the top 10 movies were Beverly Hills Cop, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, The Karate Kid, Police Academy, Footloose, Romancing the Stone, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, and Splash.

He was about to start college.

If you can’t both laugh about that, don’t go forward. If you can, then there’s hope for the two of you. I say, when the moment feels right, plant one on him. If it works, great. If not, apologize (“Sorry; I don’t know what came over me. Now about that movie . . .”) and move on.

 

[Little_Katie]

Yes keep us posted. I hope it goes well. There’s only 3 year age differance between my husband and sometimes I wish he were older because he acts like a teenager still. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

You’re 25, not 15! Sounds like a great relationship from what you’ve described. If he’s the one for you, then go for it. And post the wedding pics so we can wish you well.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, it can work, but you’ll both have to have a sense of humor about it – e.g., in the year you were born, the top 10 movies were Beverly Hills Cop, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, The Karate Kid, Police Academy, Footloose, Romancing the Stone, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, and Splash.

He was about to start college.

If you can’t both laugh about that, don’t go forward. If you can, then there’s hope for the two of you. I say, when the moment feels right, plant one on him. If it works, great. If not, apologize (“Sorry; I don’t know what came over me. Now about that movie . . .”) and move on.

*** Um, I disagree. If you are just friends, don’t make the first move…don’t kiss someone you are not actually dating.

I’m sorry Godflower…I can see where that could be a way to find out, but it might make her look too forward…too eager…they haven’t even discussed dating yet. There is no rush, go slow.

Just my two cents. :twocents:***

 

[Little_Katie]

*** Um, I disagree. If you are just friends, don’t make the first move…don’t kiss someone you are not actually dating.

I’m sorry Godflower…I can see where that could be a way to find out, but it might make her look too forward…too eager…they haven’t even discussed dating yet. There is no rush, go slow.

Just my two cents. :twocents:***

I agree… shouldn’t be too foreward.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yeah, I mean I’m not a stuffy type, but I don’t think at this level, she should be that forward. It could ruin the friendship, frankly, if he is not at all interested in a romance.

 

[Godfollower]

But the problem is that she doesn’t know how he feels.

I’d be fooling myself if I said I wasn’t falling for him. I never meant to. We started out praying for healing…thats all. But its getting harder to just be friends. I have no idea if he likes me, but seeing as he initiated many of our summer plans it seems like he likes hanging out with me.

The only way to find out is to ask him. Whether that takes the form of a kiss or a question doesn’t really matter; the point is, if she’s falling for him and doesn’t know how he feels, she needs to ask him.

I’ve never understood the “She’s too forward” thinking. If it’s inappropriate for her to do, then it’s inappropriate for him to do, too – and that would leave everyone not dating. I don’t accept the idea that men have to do all the asking and women have to just sit there and wait to be asked. That isn’t fair to either sex.

If she wants to go out with him and he isn’t asking her, she should ask him out. This has been true for generations (though previous generations resorted to the “my aunt gave me tickets” ruse because of this perception).

Meanwhile, though, back at the point: once you’re both past 21 or so, there’s no real problem from the age difference if each of you can handle it. So I say, go for it.

 

[purplesunshine]

Yes, it can work, but you’ll both have to have a sense of humor about it – e.g., in the year you were born, the top 10 movies were Beverly Hills Cop, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, The Karate Kid, Police Academy, Footloose, Romancing the Stone, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, and Splash.

He was about to start college.

If you can’t both laugh about that, don’t go forward. If you can, then there’s hope for the two of you. I say, when the moment feels right, plant one on him. If it works, great. If not, apologize (“Sorry; I don’t know what came over me. Now about that movie . . .”) and move on.

Its really funny that way. I grew up with older cousins and older ideals. I played with toys that were 10 years old. But when I was 7 I was in love with air shows.
He was in his 20’s but also was. We pretty much determined that we weren’t at the same air shows, but we saw the same squads in the same years. We both “discover” the same places. And in general, have a very similar spiritual life.

I dunno about kissing him. I’ve never been kissed. And he knows that.

 

[purplesunshine]

But the problem is that she doesn’t know how he feels.

The only way to find out is to ask him. Whether that takes the form of a kiss or a question doesn’t really matter; the point is, if she’s falling for him and doesn’t know how he feels, she needs to ask him.

I’ve never understood the “She’s too forward” thinking. If it’s inappropriate for her to do, then it’s inappropriate for him to do, too – and that would leave everyone not dating. I don’t accept the idea that men have to do all the asking and women have to just sit there and wait to be asked. That isn’t fair to either sex.

If she wants to go out with him and he isn’t asking her, she should ask him out. This has been true for generations (though previous generations resorted to the “my aunt gave me tickets” ruse because of this perception).

Meanwhile, though, back at the point: once you’re both past 21 or so, there’s no real problem from the age difference if each of you can handle it. So I say, go for it.

First, as I said, I’m falling…not competely fallen. And he’s my best friend…if it made things awkward between us I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself.

 

[whatevergirl]

***We’ll have to agree to disagree. You’re right, though, men kissing women they are not dating can be seen as forward also.

I am not saying women have to sit back passively…but, she should not kiss this man, as a way of finding out if he likes her. No. Way. :dts:

But, again, we can agree to disagree…that’s what makes the world go round. I dated quite a bit in college, and the men did all the asking…that’s just the way it was, with me. I was not going to ask a man out…if I liked a guy, and he didn’t ask…oh well. I didn’t date him, then. I didn’t even think about it, it just was how I approached dating men. Call that whatever you want to call that–it was how I was raised…that’s how my dh and I are raising our daughter. We are raising our son to know that he does the asking…That is just the way it is in my mind. You might think I’m very rigid on this…maybe I am, but it’s just how I feel about this issue.

My husband asked me a few times before I said yes…I appreciated that so much in him…I wanted confidence in decision making skills, in a man…I’m not against women asking men out…I think in this case…they are very close friends…it could be easily done.

purplesunshine…prayers for something positive to happen with your relationship…if it’s God’s will, He will provide you with the path to take. ***

 

[whatevergirl]

Its really funny that way. I grew up with older cousins and older ideals. I played with toys that were 10 years old. But when I was 7 I was in love with air shows.
He was in his 20’s but also was. We pretty much determined that we weren’t at the same air shows, but we saw the same squads in the same years. We both “discover” the same places. And in general, have a very similar spiritual life.

I dunno about kissing him. I’ve never been kissed. And he knows that.

Please, do not kiss this man…you are not even dating…and it will send a bad message. This is MY opinion only, for whatever it’s worth.

 

[Godfollower]

Its really funny that way. I grew up with older cousins and older ideals. I played with toys that were 10 years old. But when I was 7 I was in love with air shows.
He was in his 20’s but also was. We pretty much determined that we weren’t at the same air shows, but we saw the same squads in the same years. We both “discover” the same places. And in general, have a very similar spiritual life.

I dunno about kissing him. I’ve never been kissed. And he knows that.

So try talking instead of kissing. Ask him how he feels. Or tell him how you feel.

First, as I said, I’m falling…not competely fallen. And he’s my best friend…if it made things awkward between us I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself.

Speaking from experience, it would be awkward for a little while. I know that’s been true in my case from both sides of the fence. But I also know that the best way to get rid of a hopeless crush on a friend is to ask her (or, in your case, him) out. Either it works out (yay!) or it doesn’t. And, if it doesn’t, then the crush goes away in time and the friendship can resume.