All I want is a true friend

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Toi_nhan_31

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Sometimes I think among all the very few so-called friends that I have there is no one who is truly a friend to me. I don’t know. oftentimes I get along well with the people at first and then little by little the relationship would go bad, usually because I find them hypocrite, they say to others every good things , always trying to show themselves special, important and superior but very often doing the opposite. I’m so sick of it. In any relationship I always give much importance to mutual respect and observations, “do to others what you would have them do to you”, my favorite quote. So, I don’t know. I’m confused. Sometimes it makes me think maybe I’m too much strict, too much rigid.
Deep inside I badly feel the need for true friendship, need to have people with whom you can share everything, people to whom you can listen and get listened.
 
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We all need friends, if even just one good friend.

I don’t know how old you are, but sometimes, we have to learn to overlook people’s faults. None of us are perfect.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
 
I’ve had these kinds of feelings too. Yes, people will often let us down – that seems to be part of our fallen human nature. But I know I have let others down as well, and held them to too high a standard. I will pray for you.
 
If you’re looking for people with whom you can “share everything”, we’re lucky to find one or two people like that in our lifetime, and sometimes the friendships don’t last for other reasons. Sometimes people grow out of wanting to “share everything” with their friend and want to move on to other phases of life.
Sometimes people die.

Most people have boundaries and they do not want to “share everything” with another person, especially one who is a friend and not some closer relationship like a spouse (many people don’t even want to “share everything” with their spouses). You can still have a good friendship with them while respecting boundaries.

It honestly sounds to me like you have very high expectations for a friendship. The reality is that everybody has flaws, including yourself, and that no one is going to behave the way you want or expect them to all the time - not even someone super close like a spouse. And you’re not going to always behave the way they want or expect you to behave either.

How about learning to be patient with others and just focusing on enjoying the good times and shared experiences you can have together with them, instead of expecting them to meet some impossible ideal of friendship?
 
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You can still have a good friendship with them while respecting boundaries.
Of course I agree with you about this.
And I do see how imperfect and defective I am. But you know it’s exactly this awareness of being so imperfect (or so sinful) that makes me think that I need to get things done seriously.
You know, some kinds of thoughts like “life is short, I don’t want to waste time anymore”
 
True friends are wonderful, and in our lifetime, we will only have one or two. This is a very difficult topic…I too, thought that I needed some friends and so I decided to join a Church group and “get to know” some people and perhaps find a “friend”. 😉
This group consisted of women, and I really tried to show support for the group and became an elected Officer. I went all out…utilized my business skills and created professional reports! Well, my effort of trying to “fit” in slowly dwindled when I discovered that “gossip” was in full force! 😥 This devastated me! :open_mouth:I prayed about it and decided to resign my position…I feel 100% better. I only have two friends and that is enough! To have a friend, one must be a friend…accept, trust, and support them!
 
I am SO with you, Toi_nhan_31!

Length warning
A lady with whom I have been friends many years, and a neighbor, a person to whom I tried very much to show Christian charity and really put myself out for physically, bringing her food and comfort when she was in divorce aftermath – well, I don’t know where the relationship is now, frankly. I feel it may have been the last straw.
Fortunately for myself, I have my dear husband who cares for both of us, does the bulk of the cooking, buying groceries and food prep.
A little background: I knew from early on in the friendship that she was in a group that is anti-Catholic. She admitted she is a fundamentalist. Actually, just a couple years ago, I learned this is the ‘house-church’ movement of Watchman Nee, which started in China in the '70’s. They believe THEY are the true Church, though their main doctrine is that the Bible Alone is the sole rule of faith for Christians. She was kind of secretive of just who they are. One of her adult kids has left this community; one has become an acolyte.

Anyway, I’ve done more research on Living Streams Ministry (which is the official publishing arm of the group). There are also sites and some youtube vids where ppl who have left this group tell about it. These are not all folks who have been harmed, but saw how inconsistent the teachings are. I have surmised that this is a cult, or at least cult-like.

I have been praying for an opening to talk about faith, or even scripture. She is apparently not able to do so without getting emotional/upset. Not long ago, we had a conversation while she was driving & I tried to point out certain points, like where the Bible originated… can’t recall what else exactly. Then there was a text exchange - in general she sent me something regarding faith, and I felt the need to interject that (among other matters), the Bible cannot authenticate itself, that that is not logical. WELL… she responded with scripture, and not what I was hoping, which was an apologetic type argument. Oh well.

That brings us to last wk. We were out walking and in reference to the text exchange, she said I was just “doing Religion”. I said, “No, I was doing apologetics.” Then came the figurative smack upside the head: “Mimi, I HATE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. I HATE IT!” there was more, but I was taken aback at the vehemence and emotion with which this was said. I tried to keep my emotions in check and to reply with calm.

These ppl have been SO indoctrinated against Catholicism, the institutional Church, clergy and the Mass, that it is just unreal to me. I think she thought she was doing me some kind of favor. But, I’m the one who is prejudiced!

So my question now is: can I really be friends with her knowing just how much antagonism there is?

I have prayed about a response. I pray that God will prompt me and give me the words He wants me to say when it is time. We will undoubtedly run into each other, or she’ll want to go walking together. Advice would be appreciated.
 
“I went looking for a friend and found none. I became a friend and found many.”
If you want a true friend, then become a true friend. Will you be disappointed along the way? Of course! Persevere in friendship and you will be rewarded.
 
It is important to have friends. I currently don’t have any friends, because I don’t trust people. I learned a lot this year. Yes, sometimes people let us down, but we have to overlook people’s faults. It is ok to have boundaries and to not want to share everything with another person. But, sometimes if you choose to trust people, they can surprise you. I chose to trust someone in one of my classes and I opened up to them. That conversation ended in a hug. That relationship is growings.
 
po18guy

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“I went looking for a friend and found none. I became a friend and found many.”

If you want a true friend, then become a true friend. Will you be disappointed along the way? Of course! Persevere in friendship and you will be rewarded.​

Well, that’s what I tried very hard to do, despite knowing she thinks all my beliefs are bogus (we worship Mary, Mary isn’t the Mother of God, Jesus was not always Divine, religion is bad, clerics are not needed, all the Fundamentalist stuff about Catholics). I went through a couple of years of mild depression, and feel somewhat emotionally spent, so maybe it’s time for some separation here. I think our relationship can never be the same, and I am sad for that, though if that is what God wants, so be it.
 
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Jesus had friends, friendship is important.

Best way to have a good friend is to be a good friend and be patient, intimate friendship does not happen overnight.
usually because I find them hypocrite
A true friend has flaws and realizes that their flaws are no better than the other guys. We are all hypocritical from time to time.
 
I relate to this SO much. I think it’s difficult for devout Catholics, especially, to have anything more than basic friendship with those that don’t have “growing in holiness” or maybe just “Love of God” as priority. Not sure, but something like that? I know it’s half my fault. I’ve become much more isolated the last several years due to emotional injury as well though. My heart has become over sensitive to harsh words and rejection (real or just perceived).

Keep in mind, though, that the devil is working overtime nowadays to divide us, isolate us, and sew discord between us. I’m at the point of just submitting to God’s will, while offering prayers of trust that He will send me that special friend at the right time❤️
 
Here’s a question for the OP or anyone…

Is it possible to have a close friend when there are differences in religion? Even hatred of your religion…but, obviously not you personally?

I’m an agnostic and if my closest friends had to be agnostic as well, I wouldn’t have any. We view religion very differently but I understand not only what their beliefs are, also how important those beliefs are to them. So, we have boundaries. We don’t discuss religion except on rare occasions where we agree to disagree ahead of time.

I realize an ideal situation is a best friend that is also of the same faith. It rarely works out that way and sometimes, the differences are what makes the friendship special…that you can so very much disagree on your beliefs but still love that person and can’t imagine your life without them.

I’m sorry your friend has made it known that she hates Catholicism…it doesn’t necessarily mean she hates you but I agree, this is a tough situation as she obviously has no respect for your beliefs and that respect needs to be included in a friend. I don’t know if you could move past it. Time for some new friends…
 
I’ve become much more isolated the last several years due to emotional injury as well though. My heart has become over sensitive to harsh words and rejection (real or just perceived).
Same problem, when I got disrespected by someone to whom I showed respect (even those who are much more younger than i am) I felt like being betrayed so, in response to this, I easily become indifferent towards the person. I know it’s not the right way but it’s hard for me to do otherwise
 
Same problem, when I got disrespected by someone to whom I showed respect (even those who are much more younger than i am) I felt like being betrayed
I had this happen to me once, too.: Had a friend that was, what I would call, a Bible Christian. When faith came up in conversation, I tried to focus on common ground (should be easy, right?). But she was so anti-Catholic that she couldn’t help letting out little barbs all the time. It was frustrating and became hurtful. Especially, “Catholics aren’t saved”. I realize she had good intentions - wanting to save me - but because she wasn’t even open to discussion on the reasoning behind Catholic teachings it became more bad than good. I eventually had to end the friendship😕
(Plus, it was annoyingly hypocritical since her faith was based on “if you accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior then you’re Saved”. And, obviously, I had)
 
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I trust the experience of people who are older than me in this thread and said that true friendhip someone with you can share some thoughts that you would not with others people are a rarity that happened at best one or two times in a life…

That’s what i suspected. We know when the degree of relationship i special with someone and when you share what you had never ith any other individual and when we have common views that you have not with other people. We know that this person could not e replaced…

And that’s what makes the situation much more harder and damatic for me. As someone who lost someone’s contact without any warning, for no known reason of me. That’s very difficult because I tust enough this person enough to share what I had never with someone else. i believed that this person who share deep values with me would be there for me, my faith and my family as I am for her, but no i was probably a disposable person if not worst. Thanks you christian support. With people like it would never happened.

That’s a grieving process, It is very very hard. I should be there for my obligations and family when I am lost with my suffering and know that to completely recover may be impossible.

I am not sure that it is prudent to have tue friend or an intimate friend. Definitely it makes life more meaningful, but if the other disappear we are empty life lost her color, and we only have our eyes to cry…

I am sure that we we became to know a person more deeply we would found some incoherence and so would find her hypocritical. it can make us angry against her and dispointed, but it worked for both friends…
 
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But if You treat somebody nicely and the person, in return, always jokes and teases you and doesn’t show any sign of willingness to talk with you in a serious manner.
You think you should continue to be patient with the person?
What did God tell you to do? If you haven’t asked Him, now’s the time: Just find a quiet place to talk to Him about it, then sit quietly listening. May take 15 minutes or more of quiet communion, but I believe He’ll show you.❤️
 
Different friends fit into our lives in different ways. I’d not cut ties with someone simply because they are always sunny and fun.
 
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