Almost 40 and still single. Is there any hope? Someone PLEASE help

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Honestly, what’s wrong with this? Our unhealthy fixation on having sex ASAP is disturbing! I’m single. I’ve known guys who’re in their 70’s and happily single. Don’t allow society to dictate your life. Now, on the other hand marriage is a vocation and a calling. My folks have been married 43 years. It’s a lot of work and nothing to rush into! I’ve heard people say, “Well, everyone should have a mate” or “You’ll die younger” or “You’ll get desperate and fornicate”. That’s all hogwash rubbish! Maybe it’s true for the person who spouts it; however, it’s not true for everyone. Because you’ve exhausted every resource I would consider seeking a psychologist and discuss this frustration. He may have valuable insight! Obviously, doing a Novena and seeking God’s will is critical. You’ve tried “Your way” now ask God. Finally, give back to the community. Being single makes you available for all manner of charitable work. Also, you may meet someone! If you’re destined for marriage God will nudge the two of you together. Desperation will only lead to unhealthy relationships.
 
Bataar said:
Recent studies show that chronic loneliness is more unhealthy than obesity, smoking, etc. People who suffer from it are 40% more likely to die prematurely. Is that something we should be happy with? Would you tell a cancer patient that they need to be happy with their cancer before they could get better? People who are chronically lonely are miserable and the only way to change it is to not be lonely anymore. For some of us, that seems an impossible task.
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I’ve never heard being single compared to cancer! The 90+ year old religious that pass away in my Diocese seem perfectly fine. Perhaps had they been married they would’ve lived to 92?! They live in a community. People who are single and lonely should either find a roommate or move back with family. I’ve never heard of people dying from “Failure to Copulate”. “Doctor, what was the cause of death?” He grimly responds, “Failure to copulate I’m afraid …” “The poor chaps reproductive system imploded killing him instantly!”
 
SAYS WHO? Certainly not God, since it was HE Who said “It is not good for the man to be alone”.

Although not the only vocation in life, Jesus said regarding the eunuchs for the kingdom that not all can accept that teaching, only those to whom it was given, and that people should accept it as they are able to. Lifelong celibacy in the ordained or religious life requires supernatural graces, and we cannot presume that it is handed out to everyone. Not everyone can handle lifelong celibacy, and if a person has discerned that they cannot handle it, we should not be criticizing them.

Additionally, CCC 1603 states that the vocation to marriage is written into our very nature, coming from the hand of God. So, if there is a “default” vocation, it is marriage.
 
Are your expectations way too high?

Like are you trying to find a Rachel Ray, Martha Stewart and Carmen Electra all rolled into one gorgeous, professional homemaking, top chef knockout package?
 
Cruciferi said:
I’ve never heard being single compared to cancer! The 90+ year old religious that pass away in my Diocese seem perfectly fine. Perhaps had they been married they would’ve lived to 92?! They live in a community. People who are single and lonely should either find a roommate or move back with family. I’ve never heard of people dying from “Failure to Copulate”. “Doctor, what was the cause of death?” He grimly responds, “Failure to copulate I’m afraid …” “The poor chaps reproductive system imploded killing him instantly!”
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There have been studies that show that, as a whole, married men live longer than unmarried men.
 
Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles! What will they postulate next?:roll_eyes: Well if God wishes me to live longer or shorter it’s up to him. The largest study only had 3.4 million individuals across various countries. That’s roughly the population of Puerto Rico :puerto_rico:. Hardly representative of the world.

www.apa.org

So lonely I could die

Loneliness and social isolation may represent a greater public health hazard than obesity, and their impact has been growing and will continue to grow.
www.apa.org www.apa.org
 
I thought I was being kind and charitable, it was an honest question mixed with a little humor.

I’ve had friends before who were single, then I show them dozens of girls I know and girl after girl after girl they find something wrong with them.

Unrealistically high expectations are a common reason for people being single.

If you look like Tom Brady it’s reasonable to expect a Gisele.

If you look like Quasimodo, expecting a Gisele is unrealistic.
 
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Norseman82 said:
There is a currently a topic on this and the almost-unanimous consensus is that since children need both a mother an father, it is not a good idea for singles to adopt.
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I agree that the best family is a mother and father, but considering many foster children are never adopted and end up being kicked out onto the streets without a family of their own, having a single mother or a single father is better than not having any family at all.
 
I feel your pain bro. God bless. heres hoping for the both of us!!!
 
In society, there is this idea that if you don’t have an intimate partner there is something wrong with you. Also it doesn’t help that sex seems to saturate everything around us. Sex sells of course.

I have come to the conclusion that you need to fall in love with yourself first, and that love will shine through and attract people towards you. Men with low self esteem or confidence issues are unfortunately shunned. So instead of waiting for some women to give a crap about you. Learn to enjoy yourself just for you. I have a sneaking feeling that some women out their might want to be a part of that enjoyment.
 
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Some might find it condescending and mocking rather than good humour
 
Then why did God say “It is not good for the man to be alone”? You need to face facts - we were not built to be alone! (Those who were given the supernatural graces for a vocation involving lifelong celibacy are a separate case).
 
Hi there. I am single female. One of the things I realized is that no matter how much we overanalyze why we are single, and list down all our defects, things we could work on, and strengths, listen to all the dating advice, unless God tells us explicitly, there’s no knowing why.

I would like to meet a practicing Catholic guy. As it is, it is hard, even after joining onlin dating. I do not get to meet them in real life so far. I already told God that I am okay with meeting a non Catholic guy too, if that is what He wants. If God wants me to be single, then okay. Whatever He wants. I pray that I would want what God wants for me, and remove whatever is not His will for me.

Most people who found their spouse did not overnalyze or plan their meeting. It happened without them knowing beforehand.

I pray for you and your vocation. I do not know whether you are to be married or not, because I am not God. However, I pray that you would meet your wife to be soon, someone who is God fearing and kind. Please pray for my vocation to marriage as well.
 
Maybe it is not about finding something wrong with the girls, but simply not clicking or not much in common?
 
Also when it comes to looks I have seen several couples who are unsimilar. Either boy attractive girl not, or girl attractive boy not. Or differences in age, education, socioeconomic status, values, hobbies, height, religion, culture, ability or disability, personality,you name it. There really is no knowing what could happen, because we are not God.
 
fin said:
As it is, it is hard, even after joining onlin dating. I do not get to meet them in real life so far.
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I wonder if online dating is only making the problem worse? The reason I ask this is that we may be spending so much time behind our keyboards and not enough in real life.
 
Good question. For me, I signed up because I wasn’t meeting practicing Catholics in real life. I think most people I meet are good, but nominal. Although i have been readjusting this, whatever God wants.

Online dating is kind of a supplement. Assuming I have done whatever I could in real life situations.

I have also read that usually when one graduates from school there are less opportunities for meeting people. Well, there are clubs, classes, seminars, activities one can attend in one’s area to broaden the circle of acquaintances and friends. It also depends on one’s interests, and where one lives.
 
Love knows no age. So it’s never too late for you. Sometimes, the love of your life would come in the least expected circumstances. Do not lose hope. Instead of focusing on not having a companion right now, why don’t you focus your attention into other things such going to the gym or doing your hobbies.
 
I think you need to call the girl that lived two hours away. I think you could learn something from her about why she didn’t pursue you further. She may have wondered why you didn’t drive the two hours to see her on a Sunday. Or she may have wondered why you didn’t send her a bit of money to ease her unemployment woes. Or she may have given those reasons for breaking it off to let you down lightly.

For me, I wouldn’t likely be tempted to date you once you told me about the one night stand. It’s not just that you had it, but the way it happened with a friend arranging it. It would be far better to hear somebody was overpowered by a feeling of love while dating, than by a desire to meet a target of non-virgin by 40. As for the line, “…but it was time to get it done,” those words are painful to read. I hope you have confessed that sin.

Anyhow, a few thoughts come to mind. When I was looking for a place, I reached a point of utter frustration and essentially got mad at God. I think this is what worked, because He knew I trusted that He existed, and that He would provide what I asked of Him, otherwise it would be irrational to get mad at Him, right? I have thanked Him. Remember, ask and ye shall receive.

But as a woman coming into a relationship with you, it would be hard to fulfill all your unwritten expectations. What if the girl of your dreams dislikes camping, going on vacation, taking walks along the beach, going to Thanksgiving dinner, spending time with your family, and is jealous of the time you spend with your friend down the street? This is more realistic scenario from where I’m standing. Love is all about finding out who you’re stuck with, and loving them anyways.
 
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