It’s not about copulation, it’s about loneliness. Imagine not having anyone in your life you have a personal connection with. If something good happens to you and you want to share it with someone, or comfort you if/when you need it. As a man in this culture, we don’t do this with other guys. Granted, if you’re fortunate enough to have an old friend from childhood/high school you may be close with other male friends, but in general, men, especially older men, don’t form those kinds of relationships with other men. Men generally rely on their wives/girlfriends for that kind of relationship. Men without long/old friends who don’t have girlfriends/wives are generally very lonely.Bataar:
I’ve never heard being single compared to cancer! The 90+ year old religious that pass away in my Diocese seem perfectly fine. Perhaps had they been married they would’ve lived to 92?! They live in a community. People who are single and lonely should either find a roommate or move back with family. I’ve never heard of people dying from “Failure to Copulate”. “Doctor, what was the cause of death?” He grimly responds, “Failure to copulate I’m afraid …” “The poor chaps reproductive system imploded killing him instantly!”
Almost 40 and still single. Is there any hope? Someone PLEASE help
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Cloisters
Well-known member
So sad to see that you are idolizing marriage. We are all tempted according to our state in life. In your instance, the drive for physical relationships, which led to sin. I pray you haven’t contracted anything from that poor misled child of God. She needs prayers, too.
I have been married 27 years now. It’s no cakewalk. Everything has to be planned. There’s really no room for spontaneity. If the spouse or children have anything wrong with them, that has to be dealt with patiently and compassionately.
To find my spouse, I made a novena to St Raphael. My wedding colors were maroon and white in his honor. Because I was a secretary and he a student, we had to economize the wedding. Everything you have named that you want the joy of doing is secondary to the actual incidents. I hope you can see what I’m talking about where this idolatry – and jealousy – are concerned.
I would get a spiritual director, and an hour of Adoration. All that you posted in the original posts is exactly what should be said to Our Lord. Start your day with the morning offering. Try to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, rosary, and Chaplet of Divine Mercy. Daily Mass and weekly confession. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and all else will be given. Moses was given a wife after he spent weeks talking to God in a tent he pitched daily.
Pardon me if I came across as critical, but I am only calling it as I see it.
Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters, OP
Lay Dominican
Http://cloisters.tripod.com/
Http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
I have been married 27 years now. It’s no cakewalk. Everything has to be planned. There’s really no room for spontaneity. If the spouse or children have anything wrong with them, that has to be dealt with patiently and compassionately.
To find my spouse, I made a novena to St Raphael. My wedding colors were maroon and white in his honor. Because I was a secretary and he a student, we had to economize the wedding. Everything you have named that you want the joy of doing is secondary to the actual incidents. I hope you can see what I’m talking about where this idolatry – and jealousy – are concerned.
I would get a spiritual director, and an hour of Adoration. All that you posted in the original posts is exactly what should be said to Our Lord. Start your day with the morning offering. Try to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, rosary, and Chaplet of Divine Mercy. Daily Mass and weekly confession. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and all else will be given. Moses was given a wife after he spent weeks talking to God in a tent he pitched daily.
Pardon me if I came across as critical, but I am only calling it as I see it.
Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters, OP
Lay Dominican
Http://cloisters.tripod.com/
Http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
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PJM
Guest
Don’t give up, our SON is also 39 and single, but dating.
Have you considered that well advertised service which MATCHES one with likely candidates? Or a CATHOLIC dating service?
Do so and PRAY very much for GOD’s WILL to be accomplished in your life.
Blessings,
Patrick
Have you considered that well advertised service which MATCHES one with likely candidates? Or a CATHOLIC dating service?
Do so and PRAY very much for GOD’s WILL to be accomplished in your life.
Blessings,
Patrick
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IWantGod
Guest
That’s not a very nice thing to say. He’s falling down, and so you thought that you would kick him in his guts on the way down. I see that you are an opportunist.
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
You have to be careful about putting all your potential for happiness into one thing. That said these different life states, married, single, separated, children, childless, big family, small family all bring very their own lifestyles with pros and cons and it’s not unreasonable to have some preference.
Maybe focus on trying to build meaningful, emotionally intimate relationships rather than focusing just on romance.
Maybe focus on trying to build meaningful, emotionally intimate relationships rather than focusing just on romance.
That would be nice, the problem is that it’s not always an option. It’s definitely a problem with men in our culture/society. Middle age men, I believe, commit suicide at a higher level than almost any other group. Men generally don’t make close, personal friendships with other men. Granted, like I mentioned earlier, if a person is fortunate to have a friend they grew up with or met in high school or college and have been able to maintain that friendship throughout the years, that might work out as such. For men that don’t have that option, it’s pretty much impossible to make friends that get beyond the simple “buddy” status. Most guys in their 30s are probably married or at least in a relationship that meets their needs at that level so they don’t need to form “serious” relationships with other men.
So if men can’t form deep, meaningful, intimate, relationships with other men, what option does that leave us? Right, women. I could be wrong here, having never experienced it, but I believe it would be pretty much impossible to form a deep, meaningful, intimate relationship with a woman without romance being involved.
I have a couple of male buddy/friends that I hang out with a few times a month. They’re both married and have kids so their social time is very limited outside of their families. Outside of those few times a month, I have no one to interact with or talk to. I come home from work every day and just stay home because I can’t think of anything to do by myself, that just compounds the situation and forms a catch 22. It truly is miserable.
D
daverod
Guest
do you have a desire to get married? Have you asked God to provide a ‘wife’ for you? Ask and ye shall receive… But don’t ask on behalf of the pleasures and lusts of the flesh.
B
Bob1963
Guest
Yes, very well said.
G
Greenfields
Guest
Kind hearted is for everyone
I
IWantGod
Guest
And you’re a grown up calling somebody dumb?
That’s your interpretation. What i see is some one that’s probably felt inadequate all his life for varying reasons and now he is suffering with severe depression. His inability to connect with the opposite sex is a symptom of his lack of self esteem which exists for other reasons and probably effects every facet of his life, not just in regard to women. What do you know about his life? Have you walked in his shoes. I wouldn’t assume that the real problem lies in his inability to get laid.
Who are you to judge, macho-man.
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ChunkMonk
Guest
I didn’t call him dumb, I said his thought process was dumb.
I’ve never had a girlfriend in 27 years and I’m staring down the long barrel of that likely never changing so I know exactly what he’s talking about and I’m walking down the same road he is. The difference is that I didn’t let the feminists and the Left convince me that my value is determined by what women think of me.
The real problem is that everyone thinks they were put on this earth to be haaaaaaaaappy and if they aren’t haaaaaaaaaaaappy then they can call it worthless and give up. Well I think that is stupid! I refuse to accept that and especially if it’s because the ugly, scheming, worthless mass that composes the majority of modern women don’t want to marry me. I am sick and tired of the men of my country and religion using women as a measuring stick for their value and I am sick and tired of hearing them whine about it.
Especially non-virgins. We have the least, the absolute least, right to complain about being alone. We already committed the sin! By all rights, we not only should be single forever, we should be in Hell!
I want this guy to man up, and acting like a woman and trying to kiss his booboo ain’t gonna help him do it. I care more about him than any of you, because I am him.
I’ve never had a girlfriend in 27 years and I’m staring down the long barrel of that likely never changing so I know exactly what he’s talking about and I’m walking down the same road he is. The difference is that I didn’t let the feminists and the Left convince me that my value is determined by what women think of me.
The real problem is that everyone thinks they were put on this earth to be haaaaaaaaappy and if they aren’t haaaaaaaaaaaappy then they can call it worthless and give up. Well I think that is stupid! I refuse to accept that and especially if it’s because the ugly, scheming, worthless mass that composes the majority of modern women don’t want to marry me. I am sick and tired of the men of my country and religion using women as a measuring stick for their value and I am sick and tired of hearing them whine about it.
Especially non-virgins. We have the least, the absolute least, right to complain about being alone. We already committed the sin! By all rights, we not only should be single forever, we should be in Hell!
I want this guy to man up, and acting like a woman and trying to kiss his booboo ain’t gonna help him do it. I care more about him than any of you, because I am him.
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IWantGod
Guest
Good for you. Now lets help the man dealing with severe depression. Calling him dumb and telling him to “man up” isn’t going to help him. He does not require your services He requires understanding and compassion and people that are going to boost his confidence in a positive way. Not somebody that thinks hes better than everyone…
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JamalChristophr
Guest
I think that not everyone who wishes they were married is called by God to marriage in this life. What is essential is discerning and accepting God’s plan for your life.
I’m older and still single. If I don’t marry, it’s not the end of the world. All my heroes in life chose a life of celibacy. So many of the great saints were single persons.
Being single gives me tons of time to spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, so I always feel a bit remiss in complaining too loudly to God about the whole thing.
I’m older and still single. If I don’t marry, it’s not the end of the world. All my heroes in life chose a life of celibacy. So many of the great saints were single persons.
Being single gives me tons of time to spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, so I always feel a bit remiss in complaining too loudly to God about the whole thing.
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ChunkMonk
Guest
He needs a swift kick in the butt. Understanding and compassion and a gentle world are what gave him the severe depression.
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IWantGod
Guest
I said what i have to say. You continue as you want. This isn’t about you. Just remember to pray the greatest good for him…
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Norseman82
Guest
- And in all that, you still are avoiding the issue that it was God Who debunked your original false premise that one has to be satisfied with aloneness first when He said “It is not good for the man to be alone”.
- Who decides who has what it takes to get married and who doesn’t? Some elitist snob? CCC 1603 states that the vocation to marriage is written into our very nature - not just an elite few!
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jofa
Guest
I noticed nobady has mentioned spiritual warfare here.
I am often dismayed to see this overlooked so often by good Catholics because we need remember (and remind eachother) about the enemy’s tireless efforts to discourage us and to erode our trust in God’s love for us.
I would recommend doing simple spiritual warfare before leaving your house each morning. Specifically pray against theses spirits:
rejection
lies
discouragement
fear
anxiety
negativity
sorcery
witchcraft
divination
If you haven’t done spiritual warfare before, this is how I was taught to do it (and it is SO powerful!)
“In Jesus’ name I bind and rebuke the spirit of rejection, the spirit of lies, discouragement, …etc., and I command all of you to FLEE in Jesus’ name. Leave me now! Go immediately and directly to the foot of the Cross where Our Lord Jesus Christ will deal with you according to his holy will!”
Then I just ask God to surround me with his Holy Angels and strengthen my guardian angel, etc. AND I thank him for all his care and protection.
It may be, crazy as it sounds, as much a spirit obstructing you as circumstances. If any other words like “loneliness “ or “despair” or “idolatry” etc… pop into my head as I’m doing the warfare, I add them as they may be inspirations of the Holy Spirit.
In addition to the those I’ve mentioned, here is a further list of spirits that can become sort of attached to us, though I’m certain this list is not exhaustive:
Sloth
Anger
Rage
Unforgiveness
Resentment
Envy
Lewd Spirits
Pornography
Homosexuality
Lust
Confusion
Occult
Racism
Oppression
Depression
Death
Suicide
Obsession
Rebellion
Disobedience
Accusing Spirits
Addiction
God bless you. Never give up!
I am often dismayed to see this overlooked so often by good Catholics because we need remember (and remind eachother) about the enemy’s tireless efforts to discourage us and to erode our trust in God’s love for us.
I would recommend doing simple spiritual warfare before leaving your house each morning. Specifically pray against theses spirits:
rejection
lies
discouragement
fear
anxiety
negativity
sorcery
witchcraft
divination
If you haven’t done spiritual warfare before, this is how I was taught to do it (and it is SO powerful!)
“In Jesus’ name I bind and rebuke the spirit of rejection, the spirit of lies, discouragement, …etc., and I command all of you to FLEE in Jesus’ name. Leave me now! Go immediately and directly to the foot of the Cross where Our Lord Jesus Christ will deal with you according to his holy will!”
Then I just ask God to surround me with his Holy Angels and strengthen my guardian angel, etc. AND I thank him for all his care and protection.
It may be, crazy as it sounds, as much a spirit obstructing you as circumstances. If any other words like “loneliness “ or “despair” or “idolatry” etc… pop into my head as I’m doing the warfare, I add them as they may be inspirations of the Holy Spirit.
In addition to the those I’ve mentioned, here is a further list of spirits that can become sort of attached to us, though I’m certain this list is not exhaustive:
Sloth
Anger
Rage
Unforgiveness
Resentment
Envy
Lewd Spirits
Pornography
Homosexuality
Lust
Confusion
Occult
Racism
Oppression
Depression
Death
Suicide
Obsession
Rebellion
Disobedience
Accusing Spirits
Addiction
God bless you. Never give up!
Tis_Bearself
Patron
To the OP:
I’m sorry you feel lonely. I think it’s important to note that a romantic partner or marriage is not going to be the cure-all for that though. Even in a good marriage, people have their times of loneliness or other negative feelings. You’re idealizing partnership quite a bit - it’s not all cuddles and walks on the beach.
Some of the viewpoints you expressed in your posts, like not wanting to live if you can’t find someone, are a bit extreme for a grown adult, and from a spirituality standpoint, not a good way to think. Your purpose in this life is to love God and serve him regardless of whether you find a partner or not.
In addition, writing six emotive posts on this could be seen as desperate, among other things. I’m going to assume you just needed to get emotions off your chest in a safe environment, but if I were a single woman I would be tempted to run the other way from somebody who seemed so very anxious and needy.
I tend to think if you really got comfortable with yourself as a single person and started focusing on developing your own interests, spirituality and stuff important to you, this might naturally resolve.
I wish you the best going forward in any event.
I’m sorry you feel lonely. I think it’s important to note that a romantic partner or marriage is not going to be the cure-all for that though. Even in a good marriage, people have their times of loneliness or other negative feelings. You’re idealizing partnership quite a bit - it’s not all cuddles and walks on the beach.
Some of the viewpoints you expressed in your posts, like not wanting to live if you can’t find someone, are a bit extreme for a grown adult, and from a spirituality standpoint, not a good way to think. Your purpose in this life is to love God and serve him regardless of whether you find a partner or not.
In addition, writing six emotive posts on this could be seen as desperate, among other things. I’m going to assume you just needed to get emotions off your chest in a safe environment, but if I were a single woman I would be tempted to run the other way from somebody who seemed so very anxious and needy.
I tend to think if you really got comfortable with yourself as a single person and started focusing on developing your own interests, spirituality and stuff important to you, this might naturally resolve.
I wish you the best going forward in any event.
I don’t mean to speak for the OP, his situation and feelings might be completely different than my own, but I think too many people are focusing on marriage. The problem isn’t not being married, the problem is being socially isolated. For someone who’s never experienced it or only experienced it briefly, it can be a very hard thing to comprehend. As an adult male, often the only way to get around this is to be in a romantic relationship. Why is this? Because it’s the only way to have a deep, meaningful connection with someone as it’s practically impossible for men to do that with each other. Most men in our age range are married or at least dating someone so they have their emotional/relationship needs met and are not looking to forge those kinds or relationships with other men.
I’ll be honest, I mentioned before that I have a couple of friends/buddies that I hang out with a couple of times a month. While I’m hanging out with them, I’m not bored. I enjoy myself and my time with them, but I’m still lonely. Hanging out with friends at just a buddy level does not help loneliness. Like I said previously, they’re both married and have kids so often that subject comes up. After hanging out with them, I will often feel even more socially isolated after because hearing them talk about their families, homes, vacations, etc just kind of smacks me in the face.
People mention pursing your own interests and becoming a better person on your own, but that goes back to a catch 22. If you have no one in your life to interact with, it’s hard to develop interests and hobbies because most things require other people. Unfortunately, my life primarily consists of staying home and watching TV as I honestly can’t think of things I want to go do by myself which makes it even harder to meet people.
It’s not about marriage, it’s not about sex, it’s about having a personal connection with someone and eliminating social isolation.
I’ll be honest, I mentioned before that I have a couple of friends/buddies that I hang out with a couple of times a month. While I’m hanging out with them, I’m not bored. I enjoy myself and my time with them, but I’m still lonely. Hanging out with friends at just a buddy level does not help loneliness. Like I said previously, they’re both married and have kids so often that subject comes up. After hanging out with them, I will often feel even more socially isolated after because hearing them talk about their families, homes, vacations, etc just kind of smacks me in the face.
People mention pursing your own interests and becoming a better person on your own, but that goes back to a catch 22. If you have no one in your life to interact with, it’s hard to develop interests and hobbies because most things require other people. Unfortunately, my life primarily consists of staying home and watching TV as I honestly can’t think of things I want to go do by myself which makes it even harder to meet people.
It’s not about marriage, it’s not about sex, it’s about having a personal connection with someone and eliminating social isolation.
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
Bataar, I get where you are coming from. Even though I am married and have some good, albeit long distance, relationships I have really struggled to come to terms with the fact that the friends you make as an adult usually just feel like acquaintances and I have no doubt that this is worse for men.
If they made a T-shirt that said “I joined all these groups, went to loads of meetups and all I got were these lousy acquaintances” I would buy it.
If they made a T-shirt that said “I joined all these groups, went to loads of meetups and all I got were these lousy acquaintances” I would buy it.
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