Here it is. He told her that HE was hurt, insulted her when she had told him the truth in vulnerability, and hasn’t called her since then.
I agree. What a jerky thing to do to someone. But, in reality, he did her a favor by exposing what a jerk he really is, so she can move on.
If I read it correctly it has only been a couple days. I suspect the OP is in shock form having that part of his world turned on its ear. All I am saying is that it seems people are angry that he is shocked and disappointed. That should be all of our reaction if someone were to tell us that, not a simple shrug or worse an expectation that everyone has been sexually active before marriage. That might be the reality of the broken world we live in, but the implication of many that his revulsion is a character flaw is what I take issue with.
True. I hope her self-esteem is healthy enough that she bounces back from the hurt he caused her and goes on to find someone who will love her for who she is.
If he truly loved her, he would ache for her aches, and rejoice in her joys. He would recognize the true repentance she had, and the sorrow for not having known better. He would not tell her that she had “given her virginity away so easily,” when that is not what she did. And he would not tell her that HE was hurt - that is pure pride and nothing else. What does her wound and shame have to do with HIM being “hurt?” Then he cut off communication. The way he handled this situation (if in fact, it is real) speaks volumes about him.
The fact that she told him the TRUTH when it would have been so easy to lie, speaks a great deal to her integrity and maturity. His reaction speaks a great deal about his lack of maturity and shallowness.
My thoughts exactly. Even if Dante was right and there are different levels of hell, does it really matter if its the second or ninth level of hell since either place you are eternally sperated from God? I’m not sure when we started thinking sin is better or worse since all sin is bad as it leads us away from God.
As a point of clarification, I agree that his reaction was really hurtful and damaging and that it may be a deal-breaker for HER, but the OP has not expressed that he loves this woman yet. It is my impression that he is trying to find his way, trying to figure out if he should give his heart to this woman, trying to figure out if he can move ahead in their relationship, taking her disclosure into consideration. It is pretty early in the relationship. She may walk away because of his reaction to the information she shared and that may be it. But, he hasn’t said anything about loving her, just that things appeared to be on track for a possible future together, that he might see loving her in the future. Just thought I’d point that out since it is a small consideration.
There’s two thing here. His own reaction and how he handled that reaction.
The way he positioned it, wondering if she is UNFIT to be a mother? Telling her she “gave herself away too easily”, saying that she “lost her virtue”? And then he doesn’t speak to her for days!
Those people in Dante’s work were still in hell; a mortal sin is a mortal sin, after all. His point is that these are sins of weakness, not of malevolence. In terms of our wounded human nature, they are the ones of which we should be most understanding.
And the fact that he clearly does not have a strong emotional bond with the girl in the first place. He might has well have been asking if we would advise buying a magazine off the rack if someone had folded the corner down. This is a human being for crying out loud, not a piece of merchandise! Perhaps he is just not mature enough for courtship, or maybe he just doesn’t really love this particular girl, or maybe he’s more fit for the contemplative cloistered life. At any rate, “being a jerk” is an fairly accurate description.
This is why I married a non-Catholic. By the time I hit my late '20s all the normal Catholic guys were married and only the creepy ones with Madonna/whore issues were left. I was even a virgin until the age of 27. Meeting men like this really turned me off to marrying a “devout Catholic”. Most of these guys I knew then are still single and all nice, normal women are either still single or married to non-Catholics. The Catholic dating scene after the mid-20s is terrible. This OP is a good example of why.
Again this completely misses the point. The point is that people treat sexual sin as being especially egregious when it is in fact much less worse than those sins that stem from pride and avarice.
Yes. I hope my boys find a girl with HALF her faith and convictions when they start dating! I mean, she was intimate with her boyfriend 5 times, went to confession, and then managed to continue dating him CHASTELY until they went off to college and grew apart. I think that’s awesome.
Good point. His language is pretty harsh.
All true. I forgot that he is a man of 29, rather than someone much younger.
His reaction may render a choice by HIM moot. SHE may have already decided that the relationship is over, considering his reaction to her disclosure. That would not surprise me at all.
Yes, his account and how he sees things is very materialistic. "I am good because I have this degree and will make a good provider; she is bad because she is “damaged goods.” For someone who is almost 30 years old, he is very immature, more like someone who is in high school might reason.
Wow. Way to paint with such a broad brush. I’m 28 and single and I don’t have any such complex. Granted, I have lived a pretty unchaste life myself, but still. I understand you speak from your experience, but such a sweeping generalization seems pretty uncharitable.
There are plenty of good Catholic men out there who are single who do not have “Madonna/Whore” issues. I met my husband in my late twenties and he loves me and accepts my imperfections. Actually, most of the “Madonna/Whore” types by their late twenties are already divorced, incarcerated, and/or have multiple restraining orders on them, so they’re easy to steer clear of. Hopefully, the OP is not among their number.