As for the discussion about what to do when someone is treating us with a remarkable lack of courtesy, I firmly believe that we TEACH people how to treat us. When we excuse criticism and thinly-veiled rude remarks as “jokes,” we’re teaching the other person that behaving in that way is appropriate. A minor protest only once in awhile, plenty of silence or the worst–laughing along with the antagonist, simply reinforces the other person to believe that they are totally within their rights to continue speaking that way to us.
If someone says something that is extremely offensive or insensitive to me, then I address it immediately. I don’t care if it’s a child or a friend or a parent or a stranger or a peer or a co-worker. I expect courtesy and there are plenty of ways to set that expectation in a kind but firm way. Fortunately those times have been few and far between, but people generally feel entitled to express their opinion and some are more skilled at tact then others. However, I am also blessed with a very sensitive husband who doesn’t have an unkind or judgemental bone in his body. I can’t imagine having these sort of comments to deal with in my very own home.
I don’t buy that a husband who truly is seeking to love his wife will absolutely refuse to cease his unkind behavior when confronted again and again with the result of his comments–his wife’s protests, hurt feelings, frustration and dislike. But, if we laugh along with him or don’t let him know how we feel each and every time it happens, we’re just encouraging him to belittle us. If he claims that’s not his intention–great, but that still doesn’t change how his behavior is perceived and he should respect his wife’s feelings about comments he chooses to make specifically about her, to her.
I don’t think it’s necessary to stop doing laundry, having sex, making dinner, etc.
But when a husband is continuing to make extraordinarily insensitive comments, then at some point he’ll notice that it’s destroying intimacy, affection and trust–not even consciously, perhaps, on the part of the wife–but by the very nature of his behavior. If a woman is told she’s fat all the time, how much is she really going to want to get naked with her husband? How many of us want to feel judged by those who share our very flesh? As for the husband’s end of it–if he truly loves his wife, he wants to be a source of encouragement and not detraction. Motivating someone to lose weight is usually best done with love and care, not judgement, jokes and rude assessments. However, wives have to let him know each and every time a joke or rude remark is made that it is NOT acceptable. Preferrably in the moment.
!! May God bless you with a healthy pregnancy–even if it means a few extra pounds. Nature knows what the babies need and provides accordingly. Go with the flow and worry about “your figure” once you’re off the nest!!
