Am I being unreasonable to my wife?

[nobeerinheaven]

You know, I am a stay-at-home mom, but that was a decision DH and I made together. He would never “tell” me what I am to do, as if he were a master and I a slave. And neither would I do that to him. He was just saying to me last night, he has had discussions with two different women at work about how their boyfriends won’t “let” them do certain things. He totally does not understand the mindset, either of the men who think they have the right to dictate to their women, or of the women who sit there and allow the men to dictate their lives. He knows that if he ever tried to treat me that way, it would go over like a lead balloon. Being the head of his household does not mean he lords over any of us. And he is very much the head of the family, and I respect and treat him as such.

It’s perfectly acceptable that a husband take counsel from his wife about the decisions he makes with respect to the family, but the ultimate authority in the family resides with him (even if the methods of exercising that authority are conciliatory toward those in the family). Women should submit to their husbands as the Church to Christ, after all. The analogy is instructive both because it shows a hierarchical power structure in the family, but also because it bases that hierarchical power structure on the divine model it is derived from. Again, it might be helpful for him not to “Lord it over” you (and in the context of the verse, that’s an illuminating pun you use), but wives have an obligation to submit even if he acts as though he is the Lord and you are his submissive people. After all, that’s St. Paul’s divinely inspired analogy in describing marriage.

Your last comment about “being a good Catholic with regard to contraception” is offensive for a couple of reasons. Being a good Catholic does not have to mean having as many children as are physically possible. And you are furthering the biased idea that NFP means not controlling one’s fertility. There are people who prevent pregnancy for years at a time with NFP. They are using their God-given brains to limit their fertility in a way that corresponds with Church teaching and leaves the possibilities open to God’s will.

Of course Catholicism doesn’t necessitate a “full quiver.” I didn’t say that or imply that. However, NFP does make it difficult to hold off child bearing as days of abstinence coincide with a woman’s fertile days (days which are some of the most difficult to abstain on, for various hormonal reasons). Since it makes it more difficult, it makes it easier to have more children as one reconsiders the reasons for abstaining in the first place (many times finding them inadequate, resulting in a decision not to abstain on that day). Since NFP does seem to make having more children easier than having fewer, a good Catholic with respect to contraception will more than likely have more children than those who contracept. It’s no law, since some people have strong will power, but it is a useful prediction. And this more frequent baby-making does make the new-wave female role particularly difficult to maintain; repeated time out of the office makes it both difficult to come back and difficult to progress. That’s good, I think, as that wasn’t an ideal vocation for them in the first place; likewise, childbirth frustrates an unnatural and unhelpful desire.

 

[Patrick7]

You should be in there when she gives birth, I hope you will, do you plan to?

wouldn’t miss it for the world. hopefully its not as gruesome as people make out.

 

[whatevergirl]

Nordar;2863049:

Just slightly disingenuous, given what has become of society, don’t you think?

Oops, I think I see a dinosaur in the living room.

NOTHING replaces the mother’s role. I have to wonder why everyone seems to be arguing to the contrary. Did I blink and are men now able to bear children?

Um, that’s not my quote…you mixed up my name with another poster’s quote.

 

[whatevergirl]

Nordar;2863049:

It came about after World War II, when they were trying to get women out of the work force in order to provide jobs for returning war veterans.

Prior to that, both women and men were expected to work both at home and in the marketplace. Pope Leo XIII said in Rerum Novarum

that women should take jobs suited to their physical frame, so as not to stress the reproductive system too much, rather than factory work or farm labour. The fact that he mentioned it like that means that women were certainly expected to participate in the work force, and that the physical inappropriateness of some women’s jobs was causing him concern for their safety and the safety of their children.

Someone keeps attaching my name with someone else’s post…ha Again, I did not say the above.

 

[dessert]

wouldn’t miss it for the world. hopefully its not as gruesome as people make out.

No but if she is going natural and she screams don’t touch me or get me out of here then that is the time to hold her and tell her it is allright to cry. It will be over soon she will know you are fibbing but we all want to hear that. I only had a relaxer drug, I should have had more. Not patting myself on the back, but it was still painful.

Go to berthing classes, then after it is all over you can set everyone straight.

The first one is the most difficult, now so you know if it is twins are there twins in your families, GET THIS I said families plural

I take it you didn’t have an ultra sound, oh I’m getting excited a real birth on the CAF.
When is she due ? She has to be a girl! Or a boy!
I am so excited for your baby and oh yeah all three of you!
D.

 

[whatevergirl]

No but if she is going natural and she screams don’t touch me or get me out of here then that is the time to hold her and tell her it is allright to cry. It will be over soon she will know you are fibbing but we all want to hear that. I only had a relaxer drug, I should have had more. Not patting myself on the back, but it was still painful.

Go to berthing classes, then after it is all over you can set everyone straight.

The first one is the most difficult, now so you know if it is twins are there twins in your families, GET THIS I said families plural

I take it you didn’t have an ultra sound, oh I’m getting excited a real birth on the CAF.
When is she due ? She has to be a girl! Or a boy!
I am so excited for your baby and oh yeah all three of you!
D.

Yes…the first is always the hardest, I think…I pray that your wife has a safe and easy delivery…(meaning not in labor too long) and may God bless your parenthood.

 

[Patrick7]

No but if she is going natural and she screams don’t touch me or get me out of here then that is the time to hold her and tell her it is allright to cry. It will be over soon she will know you are fibbing but we all want to hear that. I only had a relaxer drug, I should have had more. Not patting myself on the back, but it was still painful.

Go to berthing classes, then after it is all over you can set everyone straight.

The first one is the most difficult, now so you know if it is twins are there twins in your families, GET THIS I said families plural

I take it you didn’t have an ultra sound, oh I’m getting excited a real birth on the CAF.
When is she due ? She has to be a girl! Or a boy!
I am so excited for your baby and oh yeah all three of you!
D.

Thanks for the tips.

One thing is my wife looks alot more beautiful pregnant than when she isn’t.

 

[Patrick7]

Yes…the first is always the hardest, I think…I pray that your wife has a safe and easy delivery…(meaning not in labor too long) and may God bless your parenthood.

WHAT???My mother told my wife and I the first is the easiest and second, third and so on are hardest.

 

[whatevergirl]

WHAT???My mother told my wife and I the first is the easiest and second, third and so on are hardest.

oh. lol well…I went natural the first time–it was very hard…I am not a screamer, and I didn’t cry…but, I nearly blanked out from the duration…but my second–I opted for the epidural (sp?) …which was heaven on me during the birth. I don’t recommend either, it is a personal decision. But, God will see you both through this…what an exciting time!

 

[MariaG]

I don’t know. Why do men have to provide and protect their wives to the point of giving their lives. why can’t the wife do the same? How many women do you know are prepared to give their lives for their husbands?

I know I would.

But I also know that if the situation was were the whole family’s lives were in danger, my husband would give up his life for us and expect me to keep the kids safe.

 

[Patrick7]

oh. lol well…I went natural the first time–it was very hard…I am not a screamer, and I didn’t cry…but, I nearly blanked out from the duration…but my second–I opted for the epidural (sp?) …which was heaven on me during the birth. I don’t recommend either, it is a personal decision. But, God will see you both through this…what an exciting time!

one of colleagues i used to work with came into work one time with his fingers broken in like 3 different places. apparently his wife has squeezed his hand a little too hard.

 

[whatevergirl]

one of colleagues i used to work with came into work one time with his fingers broken in like 3 different places. apparently his wife has squeezed his hand a little too hard.

aw. That is something! Yes…maybe wear gloves or something. lol Don’t be surprised if you um…help out a little. They were short one nurse when my son was being born, and my husband had to help the doctor with holding my back up…when I was pushing. Ok, enough information. Just be there for her!

 

[dessert]

one of colleagues i used to work with came into work one time with his fingers broken in like 3 different places. apparently his wife has squeezed his hand a little too hard.

I fainted three times with all three pregnancies and that was scary, I have asthma so that is why I only had three it was hard on me.
I broke the straps that were holding me down but my doc knew me so he was prepared. It was hard to tell who was who because they all had masks but my hubby has the most beautiful blue eyes so I could pick him out and they smile when he looks at me. but he didn’t say much . I think he also almost fainted
The first one was long labor but it was because the cord was wrapped around her neck and ccuased her head to be face up not face down so they used forceps, poor one I always felt sorrier for that poor babl trying to make it out that small opening than for me, but the second it was over I couldn’t wait til again maybe in a year, but we spaced them 3 years and then my doc recommended maybe no more unless we realy wanted them. We have a girl and two sons all grown and nine grandkids and a great one due in feb.

D.

 

[Patrick7]

I know I would.

I hope you know what you are saying.

 

[Woodstock]

I hope you know what you are saying.

She said she would give her life for her husband. Why do you question her as if she doesn’t know what she said? Are you woman bashing?

 

[Patrick7]

Don’t be surprised if you um…help out a little.

LOL any chance you get to take a dig at me.

 

[Woodstock]

LOL any chance you get to take a dig at me.

That wasn’t a dig! Most dads are not expecting to be required to catch the baby or do other nurse type duties and are surprised when they are put in that position. You seem to be looking anywhere for excuses of man-bashing to discredit what is said while holding yourself up for asking in the first place.

I don’t believe our presence is fruitful and I won’t be returning to this thread. And it has nothing to do with you being a man and everything to do with what kind of man you are being.

 

[Nordar]

jmcrae;2863092:

Someone keeps attaching my name with someone else’s post…ha Again, I did not say the above.

They are doing the same thing with mine, I did not post some of the posts I am quoted as posting!

 

[jmcrae]

They are doing the same thing with mine, I did not post some of the posts I am quoted as posting!

People are forgetting to delete the extra names at the top of the editing box when they edit out the stuff that they don’t want to quote.

The one closest to the end-quote mark is the one that will show up as the name.

 

[Maria]

Patrick, I have a mixed opinion about you being unreasonable just based on what I’ve read so far. To let you know where I am coming from…I’m a woman in school now, not married yet so take my opinion for what its worth.

I noticed you mentioned she is a corporate lawyer. Are you proud of her for this? She must have worked really hard through school to achieve that career. Do you tell her that you are proud of her? It seems you are taking the right steps by talking to the priest. If she can keep her career which she worked hard for and still perform certain house duties would you be happy with that and help her with these duties? I can see her perspective…why go to law school in the first place for all those years if you aren’t going to be a lawyer? Your time could have been spent elsewhere. After working hard through school myself, I know this issue would be something I would discuss with my partner before marriage. If I chose not to pursue my career it would be my choice.

As far as knowing where your wife is, I don’t think you are unreasonable at all about that as long as you let her know where you are also. Good luck!