Am I being unreasonable to my wife?

[jrabs]

I support the traditional family. I applaud your attempt to be a traditional husband, father and breadwinner.

There is a definite difference between being the traditional husband and bread winner and being possessive and controlling.
Yes?

Or is the traditional woman to be a “kept” woman and ask for her needs and ask for shoe money?

Is the husbands money his to dole out or both of theirs equally?

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

There is a definite difference between being the traditional husband and bread winner and being possessive and controlling.
Yes?

Or is the traditional woman to be a “kept” woman and ask for her needs and ask for shoe money?

Is the husbands money his to dole out or both of theirs equally?

I don’t believe that’s Patrick’s intention at all. Still, I’m surprised that a great number of posters are lashing out at traditional male and female roles.

I just checked. Yup, this is a Catholic site. For a minute or two…

Do your best, Patrick—and congrats on your growing family.

 

[Nordar]

Wow. I’m surprised to learn that you know me in real life and can therefore “tell” how I am around kids.

Pretty much the same way that you know that the OP’s wife wants everything her way. Do you know her in real life?

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Pretty much the same way that you know that the OP’s wife wants everything her way. Do you know her in real life?

You mistook my comments on the devastating effects that feminism has had on society for a personal attack on a particular woman.

 

[Nordar]

I don’t believe that’s Patrick’s intention at all. Still, I’m surprised that a great number of posters are lashing out at traditional male and female roles.

I just checked. Yup, this is a Catholic site. For a minute or two…

Do your best, Patrick—and congrats on your growing family.

Who and where are posters lashing out at traditional male and female roles?
Where has anyone posted anything contrary to Catholic values? I am clueless as to why your need to mention this is a Catholic site.

 

[Nordar]

Sorry, but I feel it’s the woman here who’s being selfish.

“MY needs. MY fulfillment. ME-me-me.”

That is a personal attack! no misunderstanding.

 

[whatevergirl]

Mary, Jesus’ mother, worked in the fields…where did this notion of traditional male and female roles originate? (traditional being a woman should not work outside of the home?) I don’t recall Jesus mentioning this in the Bible-he spoke of the relationship between a wife and husband…but not specifically about working. Most likely, over the course of time, since women are the childbearers, it made sense for us to stay home, and not work outside of the home. But, I hesitate to turn that into Christian/Catholic ‘doctrine’ because it isn’t.

That being said…I think that whatever works for one’s family, should be taken into consideration. Most importantly…both parties should discuss their respective roles, or potential roles…before getting married. A man or woman should not force upon one another, their expectations of marriage or role playing, because it just doesn’t make for a healthy marriage.

Patrick–you and your wife sound like you just have a little bump in the road…nothing that cannot be resolved, but always try to discuss things as soon as they occur…so the bumps don’t become hurdles.

 

[SeekerJen]

Chalk me up as another who has no idea what Catholicism has to do with whether the mother or father stays home with the children, or whether women work.

And before some start declaring that the wife is selfish and only cares about her needs, here’s another reminder that we’re only hearing the husband’s side of the story. I don’t think Patrick sounds unreasonable, he does seem to be genuinely concerned, and I think the main issue appears to be a lack of communication between the spouses. We have no way of knowing his wife’s feelings on the matter as she is not here. Thus, personal attacks on her seem to be doubly inappropriate.

 

[whatevergirl]

Chalk me up as another who has no idea what Catholicism has to do with whether the mother or father stays home with the children, or whether women work.

agreed…whether or not women ‘stay at home’ or ‘work outside of the home’ is not Christian doctrine, let alone Catholic doctrine, but it is something that is widely scrutinized not only among Catholics, but evangelicals debate it even further. Not sure when or where it became a Christian idea of doctrine?

 

[Nordar]

SeekerJen;2862928:

Chalk me up as another who has no idea what Catholicism has to do with whether the mother or father stays home with the children, or whether women work.

agreed…whether or not women ‘stay at home’ or ‘work outside of the home’ is not Christian doctrine, let alone Catholic doctrine, but it is something that is widely scrutinized not only among Catholics, but evangelicals debate it even further. Not sure when or where it became a Christian idea of doctrine?

Women have always worked outside of home for generations, I have no idea when this Traditional role playing came into being!
In reality there is no such thing, it is like you said a decision each married couple makes! ( if they can afford it)

 

[Patrick7]

Let deviate from the current subject abit.

Biblically speaking, whose Godgiven responsibility is the care of the household? To make sure it is tidy and in order.

I am not talking if one has the ability to do it, since anyone can willing learn to keep a house in order.

I am asking whose responsibility is it?

Are there any scriptures on whose job this is?

Patrick.

 

[jmcrae]

whatevergirl;2862936:

Women have always worked outside of home for generations, I have no idea when this Traditional role playing came into being!
In reality there is no such thing, it is like you said a decision each married couple makes! ( if they can afford it)

It came about after World War II, when they were trying to get women out of the work force in order to provide jobs for returning war veterans.

Prior to that, both women and men were expected to work both at home and in the marketplace. Pope Leo XIII said in Rerum Novarum that women should take jobs suited to their physical frame, so as not to stress the reproductive system too much, rather than factory work or farm labour. The fact that he mentioned it like that means that women were certainly expected to participate in the work force, and that the physical inappropriateness of some women’s jobs was causing him concern for their safety and the safety of their children.

 

[Brenda_V]

Let deviate from the current subject abit.

Biblically speaking, whose Godgiven responsibility is the care of the household? To make sure it is tidy and in order.

I am not talking if one has the ability to do it, since anyone can willing learn to keep a house in order.

I am asking whose responsibility is it?

Are there any scriptures on whose job this is?

Patrick.

Do you know? If not I suggest you start reading the Book of Wisdom. You will find that not only is Wisdom called a “she” but you will find that “the wise woman” will work to make her husband oh, “richer” (this might not be in the Book of Wisdom). I have to go but will bring some quotes here when I get back.

 

[jmcrae]

Let deviate from the current subject abit.

Biblically speaking, whose Godgiven responsibility is the care of the household? To make sure it is tidy and in order.

The man, as I recall. He is also responsible for disciplining the children, according to St. Paul. (I Timothy 3, for example)

But there are also scriptures that show that the woman also has a role in this (Proverbs 31, for example) - if you take the Scriptures as a whole, it is the responsibility of both of the adults to make sure that things are orderly and peaceful at home. This means that neither of the adults should expect to be picked up after, as though he or she were a toddling child.

 

[Nordar]

Let deviate from the current subject abit.

Biblically speaking, whose Godgiven responsibility is the care of the household? To make sure it is tidy and in order.

I am not talking if one has the ability to do it, since anyone can willing learn to keep a house in order.

I am asking whose responsibility is it?

Are there any scriptures on whose job this is?

Patrick.

Nope not that I know of ( I could be wrong)

Why are you asking? I think by reading that, that you do have a problem with gender roles here!

Why does it have to be one persons responsibility? Why can it not be a shared responsibility?

sacrificial loving. If a couple is keeping God at the center of their relationship, this arrangement will not result in repression or power struggle, but a mutual giving to each other - a mutual “submission” (which is really what Paul is calling for, go read him).

 

[Nordar]

Nordar;2863049:

It came about after World War II, when they were trying to get women out of the work force in order to provide jobs for returning war veterans.

Prior to that, both women and men were expected to work both at home and in the marketplace. Pope Leo XIII said in Rerum Novarum

that women should take jobs suited to their physical frame, so as not to stress the reproductive system too much, rather than factory work or farm labour. The fact that he mentioned it like that means that women were certainly expected to participate in the work force, and that the physical inappropriateness of some women’s jobs was causing him concern for their safety and the safety of their children.

Thanks! I always wondered where it came from.

 

[FLCathMom]

I have to go but will bring some quotes here when I get back.

Here are some from Proverbs 31:
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

It goes on, but I’m sure you get the idea.

 

[Patrick7]

Nope not that I know of ( I could be wrong)

Why are you asking? I think by reading that, that you do have a problem with gender roles here!

I was asking in response to what you said about these roles coming about from WWII.

I don’t have a problem of gender roles and I don’t know what the roles are, which is why I am asking the question.

Why is it that you are accusing me of something just by asking a question? This isn’t a trick question.

Why does it have to be one persons responsibility? Why can it not be a shared responsibility?

I don’t know. Why do men have to provide and protect their wives to the point of giving their lives. why can’t the wife do the same? How many women do you know are prepared to give their lives for their husbands?

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I don’t know. Why do men have to provide and protect their wives to the point of giving their lives. why can’t the wife do the same? How many women do you know are prepared to give their lives for their husbands?

Huh? Are you saying that wives would not lay down their lives for their husbands? If this is what you are saying, I hope you will reconsider it.

 

[Nordar]

I was asking in response to what you said about these roles coming about from WWII.

I don’t have a problem of gender roles and I don’t know what the roles are, which is why I am asking the question.

Why is it that you are accusing me of something just by asking a question? This isn’t a trick question.

I don’t know. Why do men have to provide and protect their wives to the point of giving their lives. why can’t the wife do the same? How many women do you know are prepared to give their lives for their husbands?

Whoa!
I do believe we are getting to the real issue here,
Why are you so defensive and angry?
I was NOT accusing you of anything, You asked a question, and I answered. You do not like the answers you get, then don’t ask the questions.

Your last statement, I have no idea what it means nor how it pertains to your original question. Which was “Am I being unreasonable with my wife?” How do we get from your wife wanting to go to work to women dying for their husbands?

I am beginning to think that jmcrae was right, this is all just hypothetical! You are now going all over the place!