Am I being unreasonable to my wife?

[Patrick7]

Patrick, I have a mixed opinion about you being unreasonable just based on what I’ve read so far. To let you know where I am coming from…I’m a woman in school now, not married yet so take my opinion for what its worth.

I noticed you mentioned she is a corporate lawyer. Are you proud of her for this? She must have worked really hard through school to achieve that career. Do you tell her that you are proud of her? It seems you are taking the right steps by talking to the priest. If she can keep her career which she worked hard for and still perform certain house duties would you be happy with that and help her with these duties? I can see her perspective…why go to law school in the first place for all those years if you aren’t going to be a lawyer? Your time could have been spent elsewhere. After working hard through school myself, I know this issue would be something I would discuss with my partner before marriage. If I chose not to pursue my career it would be my choice.

As far as knowing where your wife is, I don’t think you are unreasonable at all about that as long as you let her know where you are also. Good luck!

Yes I am proud of her for getting and education and I think its an admirable quality to have. And yes I wouldn’t mind a part time arrangement were she works during the day and is home in the afternoon. She wants to be a corporate lawyer and many times that may involve a lot of travel like I travel and lots of work. We would hardly see each other.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Sailor Kenshin;2863602:

This is not the fault of working mothers; rather, it is the fault of irresponsible and absentee fathers.

You want a dinosaur? I’d like to see us go back to the days when the home was over the shop or on the farm, and both

parents worked from home.

Nothing replaces the father’s role, either - yet, we’ve been pulling fathers out of the home for more than 200 years, and relegating his parenting role to evenings and weekends.

First you’re blaming the fathers, then US for 'pulling them out of the home?"

Which is it?

I happen to believe it’s the latter. Men don’t feel like men any longer, and when they try to act like men, they’re called abusers.

Fathers are crucial to the development of children of both sexes.

 

[TraditionalCath]

I fainted three times with all three pregnancies and that was scary, I have asthma so that is why I only had three it was hard on me.
I broke the straps that were holding me down but my doc knew me so he was prepared. It was hard to tell who was who because they all had masks but my hubby has the most beautiful blue eyes so I could pick him out and they smile when he looks at me. but he didn’t say much . I think he also almost fainted
The first one was long labor but it was because the cord was wrapped around her neck and ccuased her head to be face up not face down so they used forceps, poor one I always felt sorrier for that poor babl trying to make it out that small opening than for me, but the second it was over I couldn’t wait til again maybe in a year, but we spaced them 3 years and then my doc recommended maybe no more unless we realy wanted them. We have a girl and two sons all grown and nine grandkids and a great one due in feb.

D.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Of course Catholicism doesn’t necessitate a “full quiver.” I didn’t say that or imply that. However, NFP does make it difficult to hold off child bearing as days of abstinence coincide with a woman’s fertile days (days which are some of the most difficult to abstain on, for various hormonal reasons). Since it makes it more difficult, it makes it easier to have more children as one reconsiders the reasons for abstaining in the first place (many times finding them inadequate, resulting in a decision not to abstain on that day). Since NFP does seem to make having more children easier than having fewer, a good Catholic with respect to contraception will more than likely have more children than those who contracept. It’s no law, since some people have strong will power, but it is a useful prediction. And this more frequent baby-making does make the new-wave female role particularly difficult to maintain; repeated time out of the office makes it both difficult to come back and difficult to progress. That’s good, I think, as that wasn’t an ideal vocation for them in the first place; likewise, childbirth frustrates an unnatural and unhelpful desire.

So those who have valid reasons to use NFP to avoid conception (and are able to use it successfully) are not good Catholics?
Those who have infertility problems are not good Catholics?
Women who have to work to help the family financially are not good Catholics?
A woman’s desire to work is *unnatural *and *unhelpful *after having children?

None of these are the teachings of the Catholic church…
(please use references if you are going to insinuate that they are)

I’m glad you and your wife have found a lifestyle within the faith that works for you!.. That’s fantastic!

But please don’t suggest that there is only one single lifestyle that is dictated by the faith for holiness!

You will turn more people *away *from the faith by making opinionated statements like that!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

OK, Patrick, I’ve collected a lot of information here by reading what’s been posted. This thread has gone on way too long over this.

I don’t know about in the UK, but here, a professional education such an attorney is an expensive proposition to acquire, not only in money to pay for it (and somebody had to pay for it someplace), but in time spent by said attorney. If I had spent that kind of time getting the necessary education and credentials, I’d be peevish about somebody expecting me to give it up in favor of “charity work”.

It isn’t the charity work persay, and it isn’t money. As somebody who has just come off a three-year mission using a very professional skill, I can safely say that not all charities are created alike, and some are very abusive of their volunteers, to the point where the people who run some of them will expect your wife to work for free and take abuse because, after all dear Patrick, some will assume you have “enough money and don’t need it”. There is nit-picking and backbiting and self-esteem/ control issues in not-for-profits. And those that run it often don’t want to lose one volunteer for another, because of fears of not finding a replacement.

Instead of looking at your wife’s career and “deciding” she should be a SAHM for her, why don’t you look at this as an opportunity to BOTH take care of the new baby? Why don’t you BOTH cut back your hours where you can, change to flextime, develop a new business that requires your interests in the home-based venture, rather than on Fleet St.? Be creative, see what it takes, scale down, and both of you get off the maddening roller coaster of Big Business. It is not un-Catholic to have a family concern, even if, given both of you appear to be quite talented, it turns into something bigger and better.

As for the birth situation- I don’t think any man is less of a man for not wanting to be in the labor or delivery room, or wanting to limit his activity there. That’s why there are doctors, nurses, midwives, birthing coaches and dulas. Only you know what you can handle in that regard, and what you can’t. You have the income. Go private instead of NHS, and hire who you need.

 

[murpho]

I voted that he the OP is not unreasonable nor is the wife. But ultimately she should WILLINGLY submit to you and do as you request if she has any faith in you at all.

And I will explain my reasons in another post probably tomorrow.

Suarte

 

[MariaG]

I hope you know what you are saying.

You make a statement that basically says that all husbands would give up their life for their wives/families without their personal testimony.

Yet you question how many women would give up their lives for their husbands and you doubt the personal statement of one woman.

Why?

I think you need to examine this doubt you have. I believe that spouses should trust each other so much, that either would be willing to give up their life for each other. You apparently don’t believe your wife would do so for you? That is a serious trust issue. You don’t trust your wife with your life? That is what marriage is. Trusting the other completely with your life.

Now, the question is, is she deserving of your trust and the problem lies with you, or has she personally done things to make her untrustworthy? As odd as it may seem, I pray that the problem lies with you because you can only change yourself. You are actively seeking help and if the problem lies with you, you can fix it.

God Bless,
Maria

 

[whatevergirl]

That wasn’t a dig! Most dads are not expecting to be required to catch the baby or do other nurse type duties and are surprised when they are put in that position. You seem to be looking anywhere for excuses of man-bashing to discredit what is said while holding yourself up for asking in the first place.

I don’t believe our presence is fruitful and I won’t be returning to this thread. And it has nothing to do with you being a man and everything to do with what kind of man you are being.

Thank you for ‘defending’ my post…It wasn’t a dig, whatsoever. I also see what you see in this thread, starting to emerge as well.

 

[Patrick7]

whatever girl, by the way I thought you were joking by the way thats why I jokingly responded back the way I did. I thought it was alittle hilarious the way you put it.

 

[Patrick7]

She said she would give her life for her husband. Why do you question her as if she doesn’t know what she said? Are you woman bashing?

No woodstock I wasn’t woman bashing but as you can see from the admission of the poster she is not in a marriage so how can she say she is going to do something if she hasn’t known what it feels like to be in a relationship?

 

[whatevergirl]

whatever girl, by the way I thought you were joking by the way thats why I jokingly responded back the way I did. I thought it was alittle hilarious the way you put it.

LOL–Ok…we’re all a little guilty of misreading posts I think. I truly meant it in a lighthearted way.

 

[space3math]

No woodstock I wasn’t woman bashing but as you can see from the admission of the poster she is not in a marriage so how can she say she is going to do something if she hasn’t known what it feels like to be in a relationship?

Okay, name confusion.

“Maria_” said she is not in a marriage. “MariaG”, the woman you originally quoted, describes herself multiple times throughout this thread as a stay-at-home-mom of 18 years. A mistake anyone could make, given the circumstances, but it would be best to be absolutely sure you have your facts right before questioning something so personal.

 

[kellyann]

if she likes her job, let her keep it

 

[MariaG]

Okay, name confusion.

“Maria_” said she is not in a marriage. “MariaG”, the woman you originally quoted, describes herself multiple times throughout this thread as a stay-at-home-mom of 18 years. A mistake anyone could make, given the circumstances, but it would be best to be absolutely sure you have your facts right before questioning something so personal.

Yup. I, MariaG, am the stay at home mom of 18 years who said she would be willing to give up her life for her husband, also knowing that if the entire family was in danger, husband would want me to get kids to safety while he put his life on the line.

The OP does not seem to believe it is plausible that a woman would be willing to make such a sacrifice for her husband.

Since in my book, marriage is about trusting your spouse with your life in everyway literally or otherwise, I think the lack of belief that the OP has about his wife being willing to give up her life for him speaks to a lack of trust in the marriage.

Whether she is untrustworthy, or the problem lies with Patrick

 

[Patrick7]

Sorry MariaG,

I mistook you for Maria .

Surely a loving wife would give herself up for her husband. However men naturally are more likely to do that sort of thing.

I mean imagine a man and a woman facing a robbery. Now the robber threatens to shoot them both. Who is more likely to try and engage the robber in combat first and risk his neck? knowing how men are of an agressive nature?

 

[Patrick7]

LOL–Ok…we’re all a little guilty of misreading posts I think. I truly meant it in a lighthearted way.

I thought you did. when I first saw that bit I started laughing because I thought you were pulling my leg.

 

[dessert]

Sorry MariaG,

I mistook you for Maria .I got their names confused a lot tooo. Go look at the member and see how many Mary’s there are.** Now this is dessert talking . **

Surely a loving wife would give herself up for her husband. However men naturally are more likely to do that sort of thing.

I mean imagine a man and a woman facing a robbery. Now the robber threatens to shoot them both. Who is more likely to try and engage the robber in combat first and risk his neck? knowing how men are of an agressive nature?

Unless you get killed like Patrick Swatze did in Ghost
**Did you see 6th sense he got killed too I did not even know that till the end. What is it with the movies these days the guys are always getting it? OOps that’s another thread **

My niece is training in Karate: She is good, I want her to go shopping with me if I go to Madtown that is our nickname for our capitol.
D.

 

[whatevergirl]

Sorry MariaG,

I mistook you for Maria .

Surely a loving wife would give herself up for her husband. However men naturally are more likely to do that sort of thing.

I mean imagine a man and a woman facing a robbery. Now the robber threatens to shoot them both. Who is more likely to try and engage the robber in combat first and risk his neck? knowing how men are of an agressive nature?

…unless you watched the Matrix Revolution The woman in that movie defends the main character (‘her man.’)

God created man and woman with different characteristics…neither is better than the other…just different. Men are naturally physically stronger than women–in most cases. But, there are women who are very strong physically, but most men are stronger, by nature. So, a man defending a woman in say a robbery as you post above, would actually be instinctive…same way a female tiger defends her cubs. If someone were attacking my children, my physical strength would probably be ‘super human,’ as this is also a natural instinct for mothers and fathers to defend their ‘young.’

I don’t think that we can say because of this that a woman would be less likely to defend her husband…but if the two were being attacked, it would merely be a more natural instinct for a man to protect the woman. (even if they are not married or even together) I personally wouldn’t want to be married to a man who expected me to stand between him and a robber. But–that being said, I would try my hardest to protect my family, if I found myself in such a state…again, instinct would most likely take over.

ok…sorry, we are sooo off topic now! Suffice to say, women and men are different…and God knew what He was doing most certainly when He created man and woman to balance and complement one another.

 

[jmcrae]

I mean imagine a man and a woman facing a robbery. Now the robber threatens to shoot them both. Who is more likely to try and engage the robber in combat first and risk his neck? knowing how men are of an agressive nature?

The woman might not try to engage him in direct combat, but she might try to talk him down, or distract him in some way to make time for her husband to be able to get away and call the police, or something.

And if my husband were in some kind of danger, I would certainly be doing everything possible to get him out alive, without regard for my own safety - I wouldn’t just stand there and wait for someone else to come to the rescue.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I would and I bet the guy would end up pulling me back. That’s what usually happens anyway.

I’ve become a lot more aggressive lately. But then again, I play a contact sport so it’s expected.

I don’t disagree with you. I was actually at that phase. But I’m just saying there are ladies who are pretty aggressive.