Am I going to Hell for being a Father?

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I don’t think I want to be a part of such a church, or for a forum like that, where one feels no peace, no welcome, no acceptance, and no rest, and no sense that God is present as mercy and love, and instead we are doomed to hell because we don’t live up to an external standard of the law or holiness which for one reason or another we can’t live up to.
No rest? Who says Christianity is supposed to be restful? Did Paul have a nice cushy life? or Peter? Or Christ himself? Did HE promise an easy life or did He speak about his followers all denying themselves and taking up their crosses?
 
This is good. Matthew 5-31/32 Unless the marriage is an unlawful one. - now I ask you to please show me in the bible what constitutes an unlawful marriage.

Where exactly is my sin when I only married a woman who’s husband abandoned her and subsequently divorced her in a civillian court. Is it my fault that he did not feel an obligation to properly handle his divorce.
A woman who’s HUSBAND… you see? She has a husband. You said it yourself. She cannot have two husbands.
You cannot base your defense on feelings.
I was in a similar position. I had an annulment. My then, fiance needed to get one. I had to face the possibility that he may not have gotten one. I was fully prepared to accept the church’s teaching. If he did not get one, we would end the relationship. Sorry, but the church knows much more than you or me!
The church is God’s and the laws are His, whether we like them or not. You cannot bend the rules to suit yourself.
And what’s with the talk about celibacy? You think that not having sex clouds your judgement? That is a very narrow minded comment to make when people were answering with charity and concern, and very unkind.
Going without sex does not kill you, but having illicit relations will… it will kill your soul and send you to hell.
 
What may be more helpful for Chefboy is to hear from people who ACTUALLY have been through the same dilemma as him (with children included in the equation). He doesn’t seem to heed the advice of those of you who have not “been there, done that”. If there is anyone who has been through a similar struggle (both spiritually and physically) then please, step up and let him know about your experience and how you came to the decision that you made and why your decision was so important for you. Everyone else, accept the fact that, while you are expressing the Truth, you are doing it in a way that is more damaging for Chefboy and is causing him to have a worse opinion about Catholicism. Maybe some of you are not meant to be the sowers this time around. You have said all you can, now would be a good time to walk away and just pray for him.
 
I am really saddened by this whole story and the lack of compassion being shown to this poor guy. He married a woman and has children! Are you then saying his children are illigitimate.
 
I know I’m coming into this late and if the question was answered already, my apologies. Please direct me to that post.

Anyway, I can’t understand why your wife couldn’t get an annulment based on her first husband’s infidelity and abandonment. I know a person who was able to get an annulment from his first wife with no problems. Neither one was committing adultry, they were married in the Catholic Church, and he said the process wasn’t even that long or arduous. He would be first to admit that there really wasn’t anything truly wrong, they just stopped loving each other. (Please note, I’m not condoning this. I also believe in for good or ill.) How could he have been granted an annulment so easily and then your wife, who has a first husband who was unfaithful and abandoned her and their child, not be granted one? Is it because they had a child together whereas with the person I know they had no children? Do children make a difference as to whether a couple is granted an annulment? Or perhaps was there something fishy going on with that other person’s annulment that he was able to get one so easily? I do hear of people greasing the palm to get one, but I don’t want to believe that and really hope that wasn’t the case with the person I know. I’m sorry, I just don’t understand very well of what goes into the annulment process. Thanks
 
I know I’m coming into this late and if the question was answered already, my apologies. Please direct me to that post.

Anyway, I can’t understand why your wife couldn’t get an annulment based on her first husband’s infidelity and abandonment. I know a person who was able to get an annulment from his first wife with no problems. Neither one was committing adultry, they were married in the Catholic Church, and he said the process wasn’t even that long or arduous. He would be first to admit that there really wasn’t anything truly wrong, they just stopped loving each other. (Please note, I’m not condoning this. I also believe in for good or ill.) How could he have been granted an annulment so easily and then your wife, who has a first husband who was unfaithful and abandoned her and their child, not be granted one? Is it because they had a child together whereas with the person I know they had no children? Do children make a difference as to whether a couple is granted an annulment? Or perhaps was there something fishy going on with that other person’s annulment that he was able to get one so easily? I do hear of people greasing the palm to get one, but I don’t want to believe that and really hope that wasn’t the case with the person I know. I’m sorry, I just don’t understand very well of what goes into the annulment process. Thanks
You seem really confused about what a sacramental marriage is but then the US Catholic Church has become an anullement factory, no other part of the Church has as many anullments a year. Why?

The American way, easy Catholicism, riding in an armchair to heaven.:mad:

“I’m soo tired of you Liberal Church of America.”
 
You seem really confused about what a sacramental marriage is but then the US Catholic Church has become an anullement factory, no other part of the Church has as many anullments a year. Why?

The American way, easy Catholicism, riding in an armchair to heaven.:mad:

“I’m soo tired of you Liberal Church of America.”
I’m definitely not confused about what a sacramental marriage is. I take the sacrament extremely seriously and faithfully. The priest who married my husband and I told us and all of our guests at the mass that we were one of the few Catholic couples he felt were truly prepared spiritually and sacramentally to be married in the Sacrament of Matrimony, especially in a time when marriage has become such a mockery and so many couples do it in the church just because or they want the pretty church. (I know some of my fallen-away family members who have been married twice, thrice, probably weren’t too happy with hearing that.) But thank you for your concern. 🙂

What I’m confused about, with my understanding a sacramental marriage, is how these annulments are granted so easily to some and not to others, especially when it seems as if some of the people who are granted annulments should not even be given one. I understand the annulments that are cut and dried and black and white, but there are annulments that seem to be granted without even blinking or investigating. And because of this inconsistancy, I’m just trying to figure out what constitutes an annulment now, since there seems to be so many different reasons for one. I never said that I agreed or understood why this person whom I know got the divorce or annulment in the first place. It was disturbing to me when I found out that they just fell out of love with each other and was so easily granted one. But your explanation of the Church of America does make some sense as to why this is occurring here in the states.
 
Some years back I got an annullment from my ex, which was a total surprise, it was a blessing in that it allowed me to come back to the Church and allowed me to receive the Eucharist and to remarry in the Church. My ex filed from a DIOCESE in a different state than were I lived in. It’s possible that Chef could still get an annullment from a different DIOCESE OR A DIFFERENT TRIBUNAL. I am not sure if they would reopen the case, but this means that they would have to move to a different city or the ex would have to file. It was just a thought.

As far as the Liberal Church of America…from what I undersatnd, we’re not so bad, 1/2 the Europeans don’t even go to church anymore and the Catholic faith is dying in Europe.
 
I don’t think I want to be a part of such a church, or for a forum like that, where one feels no peace, no welcome, no acceptance, and no rest, and no sense that God is present as mercy and love, and instead we are doomed to hell because we don’t live up to an external standard of the law or holiness which for one reason or another we can’t live up to.
Redemption is only as far as the nearest confessional…
 
You seem really confused about what a sacramental marriage is but then the US Catholic Church has become an anullement factory, no other part of the Church has as many anullments a year. Why?

The American way, easy Catholicism, riding in an armchair to heaven.:mad:

“I’m soo tired of you Liberal Church of America.”
Wow!!! Your lack of seeing things for reality amazes me. You don’t even take into consideration all those couples who married in a Church service to please their parents (not full consent of each spouses will if doing it to please their parents). That happens a whole lot and until priests cease to marry such couples, annulments will be granted if sought in such cases b/c they actually WERE pressured into marrying, therefore, not approaching the marriage by their own free will. This is just one of many examples on why annulments are granted. To ignore a generational problem for its entirety is just a shame and naive. Don’t blame the liberal church. There are many who return to the Church after being away for many years who realize they want to follow all the teachings and also realize that their former marriages just may have been invalid b/c they themselves said “I Do” at a church service they did not want.
 
…That happens a whole lot and until priests cease to marry such couples, annulments will be granted if sought in such cases b/c they actually WERE pressured into marrying, therefore, not approaching the marriage by their own free will. This is just one of many examples on why annulments are granted. To ignore a generational problem for its entirety is just a shame and naive. Don’t blame the liberal church. There are many who return to the Church after being away for many years who realize they want to follow all the teachings and also realize that their former marriages just may have been invalid b/c they themselves said “I Do” at a church service they did not want.
You have a point to that as well. If you go on the secular bridal boards, you can see that is happening a lot, although they’re not getting pressured into marriage, more just pressured to get married in a church. It also makes you wonder what kind of religious education people of my generation are getting. So part of the blame is on the a “liberal” or whatever kind of Church who is permitting these marriages in the first place and also not providing a good solid religious education and catechesis so that these couples wouldn’t even find themselves in these kinds of “dilemmas”. I’m not saying that it is the total fault of the Church. There are a lot of factors of what is happening today with the morals and practices of our society, especially in my generation. It’s also not the total fault of my generation either, as we learn from the previous generations. How have priests and religious leaders tried to deal with this? Some have become more easy-going and liberal about it. Others have not and then are blamed for being unreasonable and out of the times. I don’t know what the answer is. You are right, though, we shouldn’t put all the blame on a liberal Church, but they are partly responsible for it.
 
Hi Chefboy, From what we were discussing last night I had hopes that you would seek to understand Church teaching. Scripture flows from Tradition which flows from Apostolic authority. I can show you in Scripture where it says it, but I am not sure you are in a place yet that you are willing to hear it. You have been in my prayers all day. I even asked my chef husband to pray for you too.
If its really so easy for you to believe this then please explain why there is so much argument within the church itself. ie. Some people can get an anulment in one diocese but not in the diocese they live in. As I have said before my wife never made it to a tribunal with her anulment as the diocese where she initially inquired rejected her. By the way this was in a different country. I only bring that up as I have been told that she will have a much better chance of getting the marriage annuled here in the United States which I fully intend to pursue. Until then I will use internal forum as my guiding light. By the way I am not a Chef. My son was asking me to make him Chef Boyardee when I had to pick a name; but thank you for your prayers although they are misguided.

Lilly a pre disposition to alcoholism is correct. Every alcoholic is born an alcoholic. They may not know it at the time they are born but scientifically they are pre disposed to alcoholism. Just as we are now finding genes for Alzheimers you can bet that the gene mutation for Alcoholism will eventually surface.

I know this is off topic but my understanding of what your saying is that if a person was an alcoholic prior to marriage then that would be a reason for anulment. If they became an alcoholic after marriage then that is not a reason since the vows include the words “in Sickness and in Health”. Well just because they were not a noticeable alcoholic prior to marriage does not mean they were any less of an alcoholic. The disease is progressive and in many cases does not truly manifest itself until later in life at which time many people have been married for years. You see, the disease was always there.

Again, we are back to common sense and this seems to be lacking for many of you bent on hell and fire in your responses. I hope your listening here :mad: Henry. I actually pray for those individuals who have fundamental blinders on. The church is not always correct on everything, and they realize that. That is why the church periodically has its leaders convene to discuss the laws of the Church.

God Speed to All of You.😉

Henry you truly need to get a grip on reality. Y
 
Well, I think the Catholic view that marriage should be entered with free will and full consent is probably a recent idea. Historically people have always entered marriage to improve their lives and the Church said nothing about that. Prince and princesses were bethrothed to one another not for love but for political gain and strategic alliances, a widower would marry a woman because he needed someone to care for his children, girls looked for a man to escape poverty or an oppressive father. Sometimes these marriages worked out as you “grew” to love your spouse, sometimes not and you spent your earthy life in hell with no easy way out. Things are a little different now as we have many more choices in life. There are still many people - mainly women in eastern countries who have little or no choice in choosing their marriage partner.
 
I know I’m coming into this late and if the question was answered already, my apologies. Please direct me to that post.
Did you read my earlier response to you?
Anyway, I can’t understand why your wife couldn’t get an annulment based on her first husband’s infidelity and abandonment.
No, the Church cannot break the marriage any more than anyone else can. It’s not an “annulment” - this is a very common misunderstanding - it’s a “Declaration of Nullity.”

They can’t look at anything that happened after the wedding, unless it points to a situation that may have existed at the time of the wedding. In my previous message to you, I was using the example of alcoholism.

The only thing they can look at is whether or not the actual wedding itself was valid. Once you take the vows of “for better or worse” then whatever happens after the wedding is included in that vow, and cannot be grounds to say that no wedding ever took place.

You can separate from your spouse and even get a civil divorce if he or she is making the common life unbearable, but you are married to him or her for life in the eyes of God - you cannot remarry.
I know a person who was able to get an annulment from his first wife with no problems. Neither one was committing adultry, they were married in the Catholic Church, and he said the process wasn’t even that long or arduous. He would be first to admit that there really wasn’t anything truly wrong, they just stopped loving each other. (Please note, I’m not condoning this. I also believe in for good or ill.) How could he have been granted an annulment so easily and then your wife, who has a first husband who was unfaithful and abandoned her and their child, not be granted one?
Becaues they don’t look at anything that happens after the wedding takes place. In the case of your friend, the most likely thing is one or both of them didn’t know what was going on at the wedding, and didn’t understand the vows they were taking, for some reason - immaturity, not being in their right mind at the time, or whatever the case may be.
I do hear of people greasing the palm to get one, but I don’t want to believe that and really hope that wasn’t the case with the person I know. I’m sorry, I just don’t understand very well of what goes into the annulment process. Thanks
This is extremely unlikely.
 
The church is not always correct on everything, and they realize that. That is why the church periodically has its leaders convene to discuss the laws of the Church.
Aaah. You are correct. The church is not always correct on everything.

The church IS always correct on matters of faith and morals though. Do you agree with that statement?

The church periodically convenes when there is a deception that is running rampant and threatens the flock. The purpose of these councils are to discern the truth from the lie. It has always been understood that the conclusions of these councils are correct (so long as they pertain to faith and morals).

As for hellfire and brimstone - you have to understand that God is perfectly just. Hitler and Stalin will get what is coming to them. It is a great comfort to know that our sufferings will not be in vain. Justice will be served.

But if God were ONLY just, we would all fry in hell. The cool thing is God is perfectly merciful.

So knowing that God is just, and that means we all deserve hell - what do you do? Well, we also know he’s merciful - so we throw ourselves at his mercy.

So how does one go about throwing oneself at God’s mercy?
 
Ask yourself, what is a woman to do if her husband abandons her and she falls in love years later with another man. Should she truly live a live of celibacy because the man she married broke his vow before God and her?
Good heavens! You make choosing to live a life of celibacy sound like the equivalent to cutting off one’s limb! The drama of "should she truly live a life of celibacy:eek: " is really something [emphasis mine].

As a woman whose husband (and the father of a miraculous two year old boy) announced he didn’t want to be married last summer, I can tell you that I have not died from having to be celibate. Quite the contrary. In choosing to follow Church teachings, not because I’m a mindless banana slug, but because of the outpouring of God’s love, and my feeble attempts to return the favor, I have found such tremendous joy and freedom. Celibacy is not a curse. It is just celibacy. And chosen in love, it is absolutely lifegiving. It’s all about the attitude, man.
Is it because many of the respondants are celibate for their own personal reasons and would like to know that there are many more who must carry that cross with them?

No, dear one. It is because I know you to be a human being created in the image and likeness of GOD. You are not a wild beast of the field who has no option but to fight to the death or serious injury for the prize of impregnating a female in heat. That’s all chemical response. Most creatures must do whatever the chemicals tell them to do. You were given the power of CHOICE, to be used for God’s glory and the salvation of souls. YOU are a magnificent, radiant soul who can choose your actions.

It is truly amazing how clouded minds can become while living in lives of celibacy.

See my first comments on celibacy above. And I do forgive you for the slander of your words against me.

There are just some people you dont want making decisions about your life. As for the people who were more rational with their responses I thank you and know that you are truly inspired by Jesus in your comments.
One of the most humbling (and therefore profitable) moments of my life was when I realized that “the people who were more rational with their responses” were not necessarily “inspired by Jesus.” They were simply saying things with which I agreed.
Are the children subject to Catholic law in the sense that they cannot enjoy the presence of a father in the home? Is the woman scarred for life because the church does not recognize the fact that she was abandoned. Please people think with your brains and stop following blindly.
Just because I defend the Church’s teachings does not mean I follow blindly. As for thinking with our brains, I have a master’s degree and am working on a doctorate. I bring that same brain power to my faith and my understanding of the Church and her teachings. They are NOT easy. They challenge me to the very core, and some of them I all but abhor. Not surprising in the culture in which I was born and raised. But bringing some brain power, not just the very real power of feelings (and chemicals that cause them), to the deepening of my faith has brought rich blessings.
Sometimes opening the wound is the only way to fully heal it. The deeper the wound, the deeper the reopening. You do your wife a grave injustice to think her too weak to handle this process. You limit God’s mercy and strength, and you underestimate His powerful love for you both. Through His strength, rather than your own stubborness, you and the woman you love will fulfill what God has planned for your life.

God bless you and your families. We will remember you in our prayers as we hope you will remember us.

Gertie
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Well, I think the Catholic view that marriage should be entered with free will and full consent is probably a recent idea. Historically people have always entered marriage to improve their lives and the Church said nothing about that. Prince and princesses were bethrothed to one another not for love but for political gain and strategic alliances, a widower would marry a woman because he needed someone to care for his children, girls looked for a man to escape poverty or an oppressive father. Sometimes these marriages worked out as you “grew” to love your spouse, sometimes not and you spent your earthy life in hell with no easy way out. Things are a little different now as we have many more choices in life. There are still many people - mainly women in eastern countries who have little or no choice in choosing their marriage partner.
This is so true, Celeste. Many people, especially girls, were forced or pressured into marriage due to financial gains to the family or for other reasons. As children, my grandmother and her sisters were all betrothed to sons of Chinese businessmen back in the 1920s and 30s because it would bring more money into the family. They were of a very wealthy and affluent family in the Philippines. It had nothing to do with the happiness of the daughters. She escaped getting married to someone she didn’t love by eloping with the man she did love - a “lowly”, poor Filipino of Spanish descent. For this, she was disinherited and lived a “poor man’s” life compared to her previous one and had 10 children, one of which died while hiding from the Japanese during WWII. Despite that period of hell, her life was fairly good. But her sisters did not have happy arranged marriages, as those men were kind of abusive and didn’t take their marriage vows seriously. So back then, would the Church have granted an annulment to my great-aunts if they chose to leave their husbands, especially since they were basically forced into the marriage? The Church probably would today, but would it have happened at that time?
 
Well, I think the Catholic view that marriage should be entered with free will and full consent is probably a recent idea. Historically people have always entered marriage to improve their lives and the Church said nothing about that. Prince and princesses were bethrothed to one another not for love but for political gain and strategic alliances, a widower would marry a woman because he needed someone to care for his children, girls looked for a man to escape poverty or an oppressive father. Sometimes these marriages worked out as you “grew” to love your spouse, sometimes not and you spent your earthy life in hell with no easy way out. Things are a little different now as we have many more choices in life. There are still many people - mainly women in eastern countries who have little or no choice in choosing their marriage partner.
This is interesting. I’ve often wondered similarly. But you have to remember that the church didn’t “invent” marriage. The church came into cultures where marriage customs pre-existed the conversion to Christianity. When Christianity would come into a culture, it never sought to destroy the culture. Rather Christianity sought to uphold those cultural norms that were true and good, while eliminate only those cultural norms that were evil.

Although the Church is always right in discerning good from evil, she does not always find this task easy. Sometimes things could be left in the air for several decades before a determination is made.

I don’t know if the Church would even make the claim that she is always the leader in determing good from evil. Sometimes somebody else might make the discernment of what is good and what is evil before the Church finally affixes her approval. For example I don’t know of any Church proclamation against slavery that preceded its gradual phasing out.
 
Again, we are back to common sense and this seems to be lacking for many of you bent on hell and fire in your responses. I hope your listening here :mad: Henry. I actually pray for those individuals who have fundamental blinders on. The church is not always correct on everything, and they realize that. That is why the church periodically has its leaders convene to discuss the laws of the Church.

God Speed to All of You.😉

Henry you truly need to get a grip on reality. Y
Dear Chefboy,
I wish you all the best.
I know my friend, that the Church is the Body of Christ and she is also invested with the authority of Christ, that’s why we can be sure of that the teachings of the Church is in reality the teachings of Christ, who died for you so that you might reach heaven.
The Catholic faith has never changed and will not ever change, because it’s origin is divine.

Instead of looking for reasons to continue in a life of sin you should try and look for reasons to take a closer walk with Our Lord.

Peace and all good.
 
Did you read my earlier response to you?
Thanks for your response, jmcrae. Actually, what you quoted was to my first post on this thread, so perhaps you were responding to someone else that had a similar question? Anyway, I appreciate your current response. Thanks! 👍
 
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