Am I overreacting and worrying too much

[stayathomemom]

ok…I have been watching this thread from the beginning, and I think it’s time I put in my 2 cents.

This woman is T-R-O-U-B-L-E!:bigyikes:

Why does your husband need someone to entertain him while you are at work? Can’t he mow the lawn? Wash the car? Bathe the dog? Clean the house? … There has to be SOMETHING he can do.

This woman is trying to be your FRIEND so you can trust her and the she can invade your marriage. Why isn’t she at home tending to HER marriage and HER children? Doesn’t she have a family life of HER own?

You need to tell your hubby point blank - “Look, I have no problem with you befriending this woman at work as long as it is ONLY a mutual friendship. We have our own lives, and that does not include her.”

Why are you going to waste time figuring out this wierdo on Sunday, when you and your hubby can be spending quality time with each other as a married couple? It seems like (from the way you talk) that Sunday is your only day off…and you are going to let her have that day too? :dts: :ehh:

Please, leave her alone! She is BAD NEWS!

I’m sorry if it seems that I am fussing and being super blunt, but I feel like this :banghead: from reading this thread.

Oh, and this house that you and hubby live in is OUR house…not HIS house anymore.

 

[whatevergirl]

I know and I DO appreciate your concern. My husband bought that house 5 years ago before he met me and I feel sort of rude telling him who he can’t and can not invite to the house. Plus I trust him. I also told him she could come, she can’t come, she can come. I am going to be flip flopping which would probably frustrate him. So instead of flopping again, I am going to just trust my husband and meet her Sunday and let her know that I DO NOT appreciate the antics that are being played.

I understand you trust your husband. But, why hasn’t he put an end to this himself? If he sees how much this bothers you, why doesn’t he call her and say…enough. I love my wife, and her opinions, more than I need a friendship with you (Belinda) I don’t think that the decision should have ever come your way, see. I think that when she asked…as your husband, especially seeing how much angst you have over this–he should have told her no. Not you. He should have.

We care about you, girl. Too bad I don’t live in PA anymore…I’d come to this Church, so I could go with you.

You and your husband are one now. It’s not his house, it’s both of yours. It’s not him having a friend–it’s a friend of both of yours. If you don’t feel good about something, he shouldn’t push it, as long as you’re reasonable. This is reasonable.

Just be careful…you and your husband might be opening the door of your marriage, up to trouble.

 

[Carjack1]

I thank you all for your advice. I am definitely alot more mellow than some of my fellow sisters in Christ. . It could be that I am beginning to grow spiritually and I try to look at all sides of the situation and then discern a solution. I do appreciate that some you the ladies on this thread are older and are speaking from experience(I do appreciate your feedback) I hope to one day be as firm and strong as some of you out there and to be more grounded.

On the current subject,

Belinda has asked my husband and I out to the Chinese buffet on Labor Day with her and her husband. We are going to go. As for the house thing, my husband doesn’t feel that way. I do.

For anyone that is feel frustrated with me, please don’t. I am very patient person.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hey now…see? That sounds like it could very well be a great time. I hope it works out.

I’m pretty patient too, but women hanging out with hubby while I’m at work just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. And he would be most unhappy if I had male pals hanging out with me, too…watching Lifetime movies, no less. ha

It’s ultimately your call, Carjack. Hope things work out.

God bless.

 

[lottied]

Hey, i will pray for you and your husband, God bless and i hope your meeting on saturday goes well,

I reckon you should pray too and ask the Lord to help you know what to say. maybe talk it over with your husband- i probably wouldn’t say anything to her at all- this is a matter between you and him. be polite and calm coz you probably have nothing to worry about with regards to him- and talk to him about how him not introducing this woman to you has made you feel.

She on the other hand has been very disrespectfull in that she would not come and meet you when she had the initial opportunity and she is gonna have to try mighty hard to prove herself to you, but try to be forgiving (i know it must be hard coz she is in the wrong and you have done nothing wrong) and just see how it goes

remember Proverbs 31 :10… you are worth more than rubies!!!

God bless

L

 

[joandarc2008]

I would definetly be concerned. Not that he may cheat in the physical manner - but he seems to already be cheating emotionally. If he is receiving texts, spending time, and carrying on that level of intimacy (remember intimacy is not just physical) that usually means it is being taken away from you. That has nothing to do with your weight. And from your posts before, you seem like a very beautiful person. I would sit him down and ask him how he would feel if you were to do these same actions with another man. Not to be hurtful and spiteful but to try to make him realize the depth of what he is doing. Maybe it will lead to a more loving discussion on boundaries.

 

[Carjack1]

I did address it and he said that he would not be jealous because he is secure in who he is and knows that I would not hurt him in that way.

I would definetly be concerned. Not that he may cheat in the physical manner - but he seems to already be cheating emotionally. If he is receiving texts, spending time, and carrying on that level of intimacy (remember intimacy is not just physical) that usually means it is being taken away from you. That has nothing to do with your weight. And from your posts before, you seem like a very beautiful person. I would sit him down and ask him how he would feel if you were to do these same actions with another man. Not to be hurtful and spiteful but to try to make him realize the depth of what he is doing. Maybe it will lead to a more loving discussion on boundaries.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I’m really glad that you’ll be meeting this lady so at least you can form your own opinion about her, Carjack! And I think it’s a great idea that you and your DH are meeting her and her husband. I think, all things considered, that this is the best plan yet.

I really hope it goes well!

 

[joandarc2008]

Carjack I wish you the best of luck - i wonder too if you are actually getting the full story - is there a chance like maybe the same chance the it is warm in Florida in July that your husband may be giving you both stories about each other to excuse his behavior and keep you from meeting? Do you even know that this woman has a husband for sure?

 

[Carjack1]

Carjack I wish you the best of luck - i wonder too if you are actually getting the full story - is there a chance like maybe the same chance the it is warm in Florida in July that your husband may be giving you both stories about each other to excuse his behavior and keep you from meeting? Do you even know that this woman has a husband for sure?

I spoke to her over the phone about not wanting to meet me. She has been married 4 years. Her husband spoke to my husband on the phone in front of me. Actually, my husband doesn’t hide in front of me. He let’s me see all texts and hear the other of the conversation. We are meeting Monday(all of us).

 

[newbetx]

Thank you for that perspective. I spoke with the girl on the phone once and she gave me background of marriage and kids and that she goes to a “bible” based church that has no rituals.So I figured if she could speak to me on the phone she could meet me. So when she told me and my husband that it is nothing personal and she is not good at first impressions. I felt that was a red flag. I am all thumbs because this situation has never occured in our almost 5 years together. I met other females that he worked with no problem

OK, maybe another possibility… maybe she heard you were going to RCIA to become Catholic (I realize you were baptized) and maybe she wants to meet with you to change your mind?

 

[beckyx5]

Good news! My husband calmed down yesterday. The woman called yesterday and asked if she could meet me after church Sunday. She doesn’t want my husband to go. (which I think is weird) Should I go. She said something to the effect that she can’t hang out with both of us at the same time. Should I go?

W H A A A A A A A A A A TTTT !!!

 

[Carjack1]

OK, maybe another possibility… maybe she heard you were going to RCIA to become Catholic (I realize you were baptized) and maybe she wants to meet with you to change your mind?

This is possible because we all know that the CC is a ritualistic, non-bible based Church

 

[Carjack1]

The meeting went well and I thank each and everyone of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice

 

[whatevergirl]

The meeting went well and I thank each and everyone of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice

aw come on now, carjack…you’re just gonna throw us a wee lil crumb? Kidding…I’m glad…hope your meeting today, put your mind at ease.

 

[Pro_Domina]

:crying:

So. My husband made a new friend at work. Her name is “Belinda”. She is always texting and talking to him He spent all day with her Saturday because I was working. She didn’t want to come in and meet me because she is not good at first meetings and it is nothing personal Supposedly her husband is the jealous type(which is strange because she has all the time to do this) My husband shows me all of her texts. He doesn’t go and hide from me when he is on the phone with her. (which is a good sign). He mentioned that she is “cute” and slender, which in turn made me insecure, because I am overweight. I don’t know. I feel like I am overreacting. I don’t want to seem like I am a jealous psycho. I want to meet this woman and feel that I have every right to. If I was hanging out with somebody’s husband I would introduce myself since I don’t have any inappropriate intentions.

I can tell you from close up experiences and from recommendations on morality that even among the married there should be a vigilance and evasion. Work places are houses of perdition these days. Everyone sins and no one says a word about it. Everyone knows except the wife.

You have to prevent a disaster. Simply said. Go together to the B. Sacrament. Pray the Rosary together. Have fun together.

Men should never be alone with other women and vice-versa.
Even priests are recommended to hear confessions in open areas where everyone can see.

Temptation only needs a possibility. And to fall is the mathematical probability. Now grace goes above math, but playing russian roulette is no help.

 

[duskyjewel]

Men should never be alone with other women and vice-versa.

I think if people remember who they are and what they have promised, then this is not necessarily true. I don’t see how my husband could refuse to go into his boss’s office when she needs to speak to him. They are accounting professionals, and sometimes need to talk about financial details of the organization they work for without being overheard.

Carjack… glad to hear you feel things went well. Were any of the issues you had before addressed and resolved? Is she “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” as one poster described? What was agreed about your DH and the “other woman” spending time alone with each other? BTW, if you would rather not answer and let this thread die, I understand. But we are understandably curious…

 

[Pro_Domina]

Graces of state exist obviously. A genecologist is protected by a special grace of state.

But going out for lunch alone…

I don’t see where the grace of state would be because there is no neccesity to have lunch with a woman who is not your wife.

 

[Nino]

well what is to be will be…we are all tested…thats what life is all about I guess. We have a tendency to take each other for granted till sometimes its too late etc. First how stay with the one you know 100% about…the reflection in the mirror…you,yourself. When he married you what kind of person were you then…are you really any different. How is your sense of humor? Do you uplight him in his work and life etc etc etc. Remember we guys have a way of kinda,well living in a fantasy world…we want to marry a princess but sleep with…etc etc…we leave you in the morning with hair curlers on,still half asleep and just a cold indifferent kiss on the cheek while I go out the door. at the office my secretary is always sweet ,‘understanding’,has all day to listen to my sighs and moans etc etc…of course she is on the clock and thus cant care less…but her hair looks perfect and just seems to want to please me constantly…wow ,if I had only married her…and so it goes…so just try an out of body sequence…observe this whole affair…oops…from a third party perspective…after that…who knows gue sera sera…

 

[duskyjewel]

well what is to be will be…we are all tested…thats what life is all about I guess.

This sounds like you believe in some impersonal fate, instead of the fact that we have free will and make our own choices. That is not a Catholic belief.

Remember we guys have a way of kinda,well living in a fantasy world…we want to marry a princess but sleep with…etc etc…we leave you in the morning with hair curlers on,still half asleep and just a cold indifferent kiss on the cheek while I go out the door. at the office my secretary is always sweet ,‘understanding’,has all day to listen to my sighs and moans etc etc…of course she is on the clock and thus cant care less…but her hair looks perfect and just seems to want to please me constantly…wow ,if I had only married her.

Living in a fantasy world is a sign of serious immaturity. Choosing to dwell on your wife’s imperfections while comparing her to a seemingly “perfect” outsider who is paid to pay attention to you… is marriage poison. But you have to choose to sit there and do that. No one who values their marriage at all would choose to do that. Maybe her kiss is cold and indifferent because she can sense that you are not putting any energy into her and your marriage, instead fantasizing about the secretary? Or maybe her kiss is warm and loving, but you don’t see it that way, because you are mentally comparing it to a passionate kiss you think your secretary would give…

That is one sick post.