I don’t think I have the desire or energy for a drawn out debate again on the Book of Mormon. Sufficeth to say that your “evidence” is not very credible. You have also left out the 12 witnesses and the statement from Emma herself. However, as I said before, a mountain of evidence would not convince you to seek the truth.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, I love You and only wish to do Your will, and have confidence that in Your love, I may abide in you and be with You forever. You are my love, and my only desire. Sacred Heart of Jesus, I have confidence in Thee, Confidence in everything! Come into my heart, and mold me and shape me into everything that Thou desirests of me, my Love, and my Life. Let me not live my life in You, but live Your life, of charity, of sacrifice, and of living only for the glory of the good God who loved me first.
deep breath
Also? I would appreciate it if you would not use the
Double Bind on me. Because I do not see the LDS religion as you do, it is my fault? You accuse me of not seeking the truth? That’s why I don’t believe? Because I demand evidence? And because I refuse to search for the truth?
Do you know how much I prayed, and begged, and fasted, and worked and hoped and read to find the truth in the Mormon church? Do you have any idea how long it took me to even think that there might be a God after the damage done to me when the veil was lifted from my eyes and I realized that for 30 years my life had been a lie?! Do you know how many people in my life have suffered because of the lack of ability to trust after leaving the LDS church? Can you fathom how amazingly foolish I felt when I finally connected the dots and realized that there is no possible way that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God?
I had to lie to my family for fear of breaking their heart that I had left the Church. I kept a pair of garments that I only wore when I visited my mother so she would not know I left the church. I lost friends, I lost my social structure. And most importantly, I lost my ability to love the Good God, oh merciful God who has given me all and whom I have only returned rebuffs and pride and shame.
It is NOT my fault that the Mormon religion is false. It is NOT my fault that I do not agree with your world view because I “demand evidence”. It is NOT my fault that there is not enough evidence to prove one single drop, one page, one word in the Book of Mormon to be divinely inspired. For you to use the “Well, if you don’t believe, that’s you’re fault” argument is always the last-ditch, last-gasp, last-straw argument used by Mormons, right before the “You were hurt by someone at the church, weren’t you?” or “You were living a sinful life, that’s why you left, wasn’t it?”
No! I left because
Joseph Smith lied! Joseph Smith lied and Brigham Young lied and Spencer W. Kimball lied and Gordon B. Hinkley lied and my Seminary teacher lied and my Young Women’s teacher lied, and my parents lied. They may not have intended to lie, but they lied.
It absolutely blows my mind and gives me an unimaginable sense of humility to realize that at one point of my life I was as ignorant and as arrogant as you as to the truth of the Mormon church. I judged people, and knew that I was right and they were wrong. I made friends simply so that I could someday convert them. Every non-Mormon was a potential convert. Because, of course I was right! How could I be wrong? I mean, I felt so good about it, right? Well, except maybe not so good, because I didn’t have the testimony of everyone else, but hey, what harm did it cause? I believed in Jesus, they believed in Jesus, same thing right? Except my Jesus wasn’t “Jesus” at all, but a made up figment made to look like Jesus but not Jesus at all. But I was living a good life, so that’s okay, right? Except I wasn’t. I was judging, and every person was a “mission field” convert and not someone who was a true Child of God, who God loved just they way they were. I had no concept of how to truly Love as a Mormon. And more importantly, I had no idea what it was like to be truly loved by God.
And my good life? Wasn’t a good life at all. It was a “checklist” mentality, if I do A then B. And if B doesn’t happen, then it’s my fault. Like your little passive aggressive comment above about me not believing because I refused to believe without a mountain of evidence. Do you think I left the Mormon church lightly? Do you think that even now I don’t have those doubts sometimes? It’s been a while since I had a panic attack when I realized I wasn’t wearing my Garments, but sometimes those doubts nibble. Then I pray, Precious blood of Jesus, wash over me, purify me and protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil. I throw myself at the foot of the Cross, and cry out like a little child: “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!”
And He protects me, and loves me, and keeps me safe from those horrible temptations of doubt and despair. Not out of obligation, and not because I’ve done a single thing to deserve one drop of the blood that was shed for my sins. God loves me, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except accept his love, not for my own happiness but for His. It delights the lover to love the beloved, and it delights the lover for the love to be accepted unconditionally. My priest said that once, and I try to think of that every day. I kneel and pray to live in His presence not for my own happiness, but because it delights the one who made me to love Him.
How in the world can I turn away from this love to see if, say, I should be practicing secret handshakes in a white veil and green apron? Or how can I reject this love and instead spend my time reading “And it came to pass” 1,297 times? Or how can I reject this love to read a book that claimed to be a translation from writings of Moses but was later found to be a
common Pagan burial scroll?
The beauty of the love of Christ is that it is because He Is. It’s as simple as that. As St. Augustine once said, “Love God, and do what Thou wilt.” While the laws of God have been clarified and are taught by the Catholic church, the truth of the matter is that the more spiritual one gets, the simpler one gets. The bible, the church, the sacraments are all assistance to fulfill what should be our ultimate goal - to love Christ as perfectly as we can in this life so that we can be united to His perfect and infinite love in the next.
I have no need to search for more evidence of the Book of Mormon, as I have found Christ as He really is. My thirst now is nothing less than to drink from the pure fountain of His love, to quench that yearning to be one with Him. Each one of us was born with a God-sized hole in his heart, and mine desires nothing more than to conform totally to His holy will and to love Him so that He may be loved.