TZiggy:
We sit in the front row with 4 kids from 14 to 2. The two year old eats cheerios during the first 1/2 of mass and quietly “reads”, “magna-doodles” ,or loses his cool (and has to be taken out)during the second.
I didn’t think it was possible for kids that young to sit through Mass without toys and food. However, my current parish, and the loads of large families with children proved me wrong. I was shocked to see a pew full of children, many very young like yours, and they sit quietly, looking forward and are not running or moving around. Believe it or not, there is no one standing there with a switch either. In parishes with a large traditional and orthodox base, you will find lots of kids, mostly without toys and food, and you will find them sitting quietly, standing quietly with the rest, and kneeling with the rest.
Observing one very young mother, with what appeared to be her first child revealed the secret to getting kids to sit quietly through Mass (and at Grotto that means at least 1.5 hours for the Latin Novus Ordo). I’ll tell the story of how I witnessed her and other parents, consciously or subconsciously teaching their children from infancy.
I’m sitting there midway back in the Church and in front of me is this mother with a child no more than 4-5 months old. During the Prayers of the Faithful, the baby kept tapping her mother’s face. However, mom did not respond to the child. Rather, she kept her head down and remained still, simply not giving in to the baby looking for attention. Then I realized, she was teaching the baby an important lesson from a very young age: This is not your hour, it is God’s hour and we must give our attention to Him. I quickly scanned a few other parents with babies, some walking in the back of the Church. I noticed something they all had in common. None were paying any particular attention to their babies, cradled in their arms. Rather, they focused on the Mass with their heads down, or looking at the altar, but none were entertaining their babies with looks, “goo-goo” faces, or anything remotely similar. Obviously, this was at a time when I was still not focused on the Mass myself, which is how I became so observant.
In the following weeks, I began to pay attention to children of different ages at the 9:30 Latin Novus Ordo. A family of 5 sat in front of me one day and in the mix were a 3 and a 4 year old (approximated). Now, at this age, they have a mind of their own and want to wander and not sit still. However, this parent brought back memories of how my mom and dad treated me at that age in Church (as young as I was, it was deja vu when I observed this). The children were all gently made to stand with the rest of the congregation. They obliged the motion of the parent to stand and faced forward. As young children at that age have a very short attention span, it didn’t take long for the 3 year old to turn and have her back to the altar. However, the father gently turned her around and pointed to the altar, then continued to focus there himself. He had to repeat this several times before she stayed focused. At no time was he nasty or impatient. He simply just kept turning her until she finally realized that she may as well just face the front.
Once they hit 5 years old in that parish, those kids are as good as gold, sitting easily through a 1.5 hour Mass - attentively, and without toys or food. Once the boys hit 8 and have made Holy Communion, they are serving at the altar in a corp of about 60 boys/men.
I’ve never seen a better disciplined community of people and so highly reverent. Now, there are some exceptions, but the bulk of families are as I described with regards to behavior of their children. And, Grotto has tons of very large families, many of which are over 5 kids and up. We have many families of 10-12 and one that has 18. All are happy, decently dressed and spend plenty of time at church functions.
The books on the Mass truly belong outside of the Mass. That is when instruction should take place - maybe in the parent’s home just before Mass or even after, or the night before. The lesson parents need to be teaching during Mass is that, “this is God’s hour”, as opposed to reinforcing the idea that Mass is for our entertainment through the use of “props”.
If it doesn’t start from infancy, then yeah - you may be stuck with children that need toys and may need to wander. However, if dealt with right out of the shoot, the baby will soon learn that during Mass they don’t get attention and food. Think of all the parents you see on programs like Nanny 911 who cannot get their kids to bed and work for hours to make it happen. What does Nanny teach in every situation? Give them no attention after putting them in that bed when they look for it and eventually they stop seeking it.
