Angry about NFP

[jonnlaureng]

I would also appreciate it if people would stop questioning my love of my children. Everyone was made differently, with different wants and goals in life. I can have a job and love my children just as much as a stay at home mother. I do not love them any less because I work out of the home.

As for in regards to what I was looking for, why don’t you go read the last line of my post.

 

[Mayita30]

I would also appreciate it if people would stop questioning my love of my children. Everyone was made differently, with different wants and goals in life. I can have a job and love my children just as much as a stay at home mother. I do not love them any less because I work out of the home.

As for in regards to what I was looking for, why don’t you go read the last line of my post.

Dear Op,

I am sorry about the frustration and the hurt you are going through but I do not think you shoud direct your anger towards God and his Church. All I can say is that you pray and ask for enlightenment from God. Ask him what he wants from you and visit the blessed sacrament.

The Church is not here to make us suffer. As a matter of fact there is a reason why the Church is against pre-marital sex, abortion, contraception. and euthanaisa. All of this are accepted by the modern world but is it really the right thing to do? These things have a common denominator and that is selfishness and pride. Can we really be happy with this? Ask yoursef that? I am not judging you. I do not know you. I too had a hard time accepting Church teaching and that was because of lack of prayer and ignorance of church teaching. The only way we can be happy is to humble ourselves, love and pray to God and ask him for his guidance…

May you find the peace that you are looking for in these forums. People express their opinions in different ways. I don´t think they are here to hurt. Please do not feel discourage and keep on posting and praying for guidance. God bless

 

[faithsmind]

Someone pushed me to share my story over here on this thread, and i honestly didnt want to because, well, it’s a zoo over here. LOL!

My personal account shared here is to display to people that God loves an impossible situation because this is how He displays His might and I view my situation as impossible. lol. I can’t believe that my kids and I are actually surviving! It’s not logical at all, and as I learn and watch my children change and grow each day, I have come to see that the decision to have children is not quite as simple and logical as many people have made it out to be, especially those who have few or no children, or those who have little or no faith.

God is taking care of me and my 6 kids, and it’s a miracle, and I can’t contain myself! I tell everyone I meet! They are well-adjusted, happy, social, and beautiful, with plenty of cousins and friends to love them. I trusted in God with my fertility despite our finances and our horrible marriage. My hub was not committed to NFP. In fact, he was not committed to me, either. My cycles were hard to gage with NFP since they were irregular. I was afraid of leaving the abusive marriage and making it on my own. It was a terrible cycle. What was my option but to go on the pill, I thought? How can i raise all these kids myself? I had no marketable skills. i felt trapped. Once again I found myself pregnant. Was i a victim of this ridiculous rule? This subjugation of a male-dominated Catholic Church that is out of touch? But I kept feeling a call deep within my bones to do my art. What? Are you kidding me? What idiot supports a family of 6 on the risk of her artwork?? I kept thinking of the words “Be not afraid. I go before you always.” I refused to go on the pill. But I also refused to enable my husband any more. I left. Pregnant with my 6th. A van full of 5 young children. Holding His hand.

And what is my story today? For the past 4 months, I have brought in over 8,000 a month from this artwork, working on the weekends alone (during the time my kids are visiting their dad, who is head-over-heals in love with them and is currently going to counseling to work on his struggles and get better). Because he loves his kids. He loves his family. And so you see, human “reason” is necessary when making decisions, but never, NEVER forget your faith and trust in God and the Church that Jesus established. He wants to bless you abundantly. That is why Jesus came, so that you might have life ABUNDANTLY, Can I get an AMEN? I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous on this forum, but i feel a strong call to share my story here.

There are a host of issues that have been brought up in this thread that I’d love to have the time to address individually, but, don’t have the time. I just thought I’d share my insane story.

 

[etmom]

etmom;9230455:

I am sorry if I have misunderstood your post however , if a woman is in the menopause stage, I don´t think she is still able to conceive or could she? I am not an expert maybe you can share more information. I am just very vocal agaisnt contraception because this thing has not helped women at all. How could it? It will just make a man more selfish and think of his needs more than that of his wife. That´s just my point.

At menopause, which is defined after you have completed 12 months with NO period, a woman cannot conceive. Premenopause, however, can last 2-8 YEARS prior to actual menopause. Conception is still possible, fertility signs are hard to read, cycles can shorten AND lengthen, ovulation can occur extremely early in the cycle, or take 60 days or more to occur, or not occur at all.

The great thing about NFP is that it takes each woman’s cycle as it occurs regardless of circumstances that can effect their cycle (PCOS, postpartum, nursing a baby, premenopause, etc) individually, So regardless of whether you ovulate on CD8, CD15, or even CD50, or not at all for a given cycle it can still work. But the days a couple might need to abstain can really very, from a very short number of days, to a very long time.

I’m 100% in agreeement with you on the opposition to contraceptives. I just think sometimes NFP is over simplified, and that results in dissillusionment and abandonment of the method when it fails to be as simple or easy as promised.

 

[admonsta]

I’ve been trying to think of what to say to you to help the most, and it’s pretty hard to know what will help and what won’t.

I’ve been in a situation something like yours, but different. After I had my fourth child, I got really scared about the possibility of being fertile for two more decades and having twenty children. I couldn’t see a way that I could remain faithful to the Church’s teachings, but avoid having more children than I could handle. I do have a husband who comes home every night, and I wasn’t angry, just scared and frustrated.

I prayed a little bit about it (I’m not the greatest at storming Heaven with prayer), and I thought about it a lot. I do believe that God helped me, because eventually I decided that I’d just have to accept that NFP was the only thing I could do, and I would abide by God’s decision to give or withhold children. I knew that more kids would have a great impact on our lives - it would mean that we would have more expenses, that our kids would not have as many things or experiences as other kids from smaller families. I would not be able to go back to work for a longer time, I would have to be much more creative with finances and space in the house, our car would not be big enough. And so on.

I stopped worrying about all this, and just agreed that I would go with God. I got a great amount of peace once I let go of all the fear. Once again, I believe that I didn’t do this for myself, but God gave me abundant graces to help me. I didn’t deserve this - I didn’t pray enough or do much to help myself, so I thank God for his great mercy.

I did get pregnant, and I was miserable for a few weeks, then I managed to rekindle my agreement with God, and I let go of the fear. I knew that I would love my little one once I met them, and I would never give them back. I’m looking at her right now as I type this, and she makes my heart warm every day.

We have had another baby since then, so that’s a total of six. I will be tied to the house for the next five years at least, and my career is all but over. And I’m really happy. I’ve learned to let go of the need to fill my life with achievements, and to realise the great vocation that is motherhood. It’s an opportunity to give so much to others, it’s a great help in our quest to become saints. It has helped me to learn humility as well (I think).

May I suggest a book to you? It’s called “A Mother’s Rule of Life” by Holly Pierlot. It can help you to evaluate your life and get a different perspective.

I’m not trying to tell you you’re wrong or that I’m better than you, I just hope that my experience can help you in some way. I’m actually a little worried about the possibility that I will get pregnant again. I pray to God that six is enough, but we’ll see what He has planned.

 

[Aggies08]

/HUGS
/MORE hugs

I think you have several things to think about, and several things to be thankful for.

I remember being as angry, frustrated, and disparing as you seem to feel. I was very recently your age, and I remember learning to be an adult, and I didn’t have the added stress of kids- just the stress of learning I couldn’t have all I wanted when I wanted. Then I was able to go through ANOTHER complete 180 when I learned how unselfish my child (1st at the time) truly made me. You have a LOT on your plate. Recognize it, it’s OK to be feeling overwhelmed!

What finally flipped the switch for me, was to realize, really what the purpose in life was for me.

I don’t mean this in a career is bad, be a SAHM who makes everything from scratch, home schools 7 kids AND blogs on the side type (because there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s just NOT my calling). I am college educated myself, NOT a Stay-at-home-mom, send my kids to public schools, etc.

It also used to make me frustrated to see all these “great Catholics” with 7+ kids… of course they can afford them, they have parents who write books, give talks, etc- how many are living on 40 or 50k a year?

I do want you to consider, though, in the long run, what in life does matter? When you die, and stand before the Lord, what will you present to him? What did you do with your life? Does he care if it was a brick or siding house? Will it matter more that it was clean, and you worked to provide those things your children needed to THRIVE? I’ve come to understand that the material really doesn’t matter- as long as my DH and I are able to provide nutritious food for our children, clothes, a roof over our heads, and do our best to save for our retirement, then the kids 539’s as we are blessed with extra. It’s simple ot understand on paper, but there is also a deeper feeling that comes, a peaceful feeling, when this truly sinks in.

I want to be able to say I did my best with the children we were blessed with- I did not turn any away- and* asked t*hat none be sent when we were feeling overwhelmed. Asked the Lord- we did do this by working within the way He made us- abstinence, conservative NFP. We worked within the limitations and design he gave our bodies and marriage.

So, there is that.

I also want you to realize how the different methods of contraception work. The pill (and other hormonal methods) work by trying to inhibit ovulation, then inhibit implantation of a 6-8day child by thinning the uterus. IUD’s keep embryo’s from implanting as well. Then there are the barrier methods, which I find the idea of using very distasteful for completely non-religious reasons. Frankly, without the teachings of the Church, I think I would be in an unhappy marriage because I would be unhappy feeling barrier was the only “option,” as I doubt I’d have learned about the different styles of NFP.

Keep in mind that the husband also has to accept the possibility of a child when he has sex with his wife. He may not have the body-changing, 2 year feat women go through (pregnancy + a year of breastfeeding, at least until mostly on solids), but he usually does feel the pressure of one more mouth to feed, body to clothe, and soul to care for just as much as his wife- I think it discounts the intelligence of the men to think they don’t consider these possibilities.

Now, there are some things I would ask you to take before the blessed sacrament:

It’s hard to have a DH who is deployed. Very hard. Especially with multiple kids. However, you have a unique opportunity here! This gives you a GREAT chance to learn NFP, get feedback, discuss your charts, etc without the pressure of a spouse who wants to be with you each night, or is sad when you- or he!- looks at the chart and sees “no.” Use his deployments to better understand yourself, and find a ROCKIN’ NFP teacher so you do know what is going on when he comes back.

I want you to get this SECULAR book: Taking Charge of your Fertility, Toni Weschler Ignore the comments on contraception; that is by far the best book about NFP I’ve seen. It will greatly help your understanding of what your body does when. She uses the sympto-thermal method; I’d combine this with the Creighton taught at a local church.

You have two healthy kids. They are yours. You are not 30, 35, 40, wondering if and when you will conceive, wondering if you will suffer secondary infertility due to contraceptives, wondering if they child will be born healthy, etc. Spend some time praying about the what you have already been blessed with.

Take some time to figure out WHAT YOU WANT from life. Do you need a career which makes a certain amt of money? Are you able to stay home, but feel called to work outside of the home and a paycheck does not matter? Do you want to stay home, but don’t feel you can handle a team of children? etc. Once you have discerned this before God, prayed about, and lined up your household financially to support it, WRITE DOWN, on paper, the steps you need to achieve it! Be explicit! 1) find a copy of transcripts/sat’s etc, 2)meet with someone from university XYZ by the 20th, etc.

I know it’s SO difficult to find time away from the kids (when they are little) to actually pray, much less get anything done, but this is something you will need to learn how to do- do you have a friend who would swap babysitting for an hour or two? happen to live by family? We don’t, if you do have family, enjoy it!!

Frankly, I’m looking forward to the day I can attend Mass and remember more than the color Father is wearing- and I wouldn’t know that, but my oldest always says, “Purple Father! Green Father!” etc.

If you think I can help, even as a sounding board, please feel free to PM me.

 

[Mayita30]

Someone pushed me to share my story over here on this thread, and i honestly didnt want to because, well, it’s a zoo over here. LOL!

My personal account shared here is to display to people that God loves an impossible situation because this is how He displays His might and I view my situation as impossible. lol. I can’t believe that my kids and I are actually surviving! It’s not logical at all, and as I learn and watch my children change and grow each day, I have come to see that the decision to have children is not quite as simple and logical as many people have made it out to be, especially those who have few or no children, or those who have little or no faith.

God is taking care of me and my 6 kids, and it’s a miracle, and I can’t contain myself! I tell everyone I meet! They are well-adjusted, happy, social, and beautiful, with plenty of cousins and friends to love them. I trusted in God with my fertility despite our finances and our horrible marriage. My hub was not committed to NFP. In fact, he was not committed to me, either. My cycles were hard to gage with NFP since they were irregular. I was afraid of leaving the abusive marriage and making it on my own. It was a terrible cycle. What was my option but to go on the pill, I thought? How can i raise all these kids myself? I had no marketable skills. i felt trapped. Once again I found myself pregnant. Was i a victim of this ridiculous rule? This subjugation of a male-dominated Catholic Church that is out of touch? But I kept feeling a call deep within my bones to do my art. What? Are you kidding me? What idiot supports a family of 6 on the risk of her artwork?? I kept thinking of the words “Be not afraid. I go before you always.” I refused to go on the pill. But I also refused to enable my husband any more. I left. Pregnant with my 6th. A van full of 5 young children. Holding His hand.

And what is my story today? For the past 4 months, I have brought in over 8,000 a month from this artwork, working on the weekends alone (during the time my kids are visiting their dad, who is head-over-heals in love with them and is currently going to counseling to work on his struggles and get better). Because he loves his kids. He loves his family. And so you see, human “reason” is necessary when making decisions, but never, NEVER forget your faith and trust in God and the Church that Jesus established. He wants to bless you abundantly. That is why Jesus came, so that you might have life ABUNDANTLY, Can I get an AMEN? I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous on this forum, but i feel a strong call to share my story here.

There are a host of issues that have been brought up in this thread that I’d love to have the time to address individually, but, don’t have the time. I just thought I’d share my insane story.

Thank you for sharing your life with us Faithmind We can learn a lot from other person´s experiences and it keeps pur faith to God stronger. I have known someone with 12 kids and it had made me wonder how they cope up with things but they seem to be a prayerful family and are happy.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Someone pushed me to share my story over here on this thread, and i honestly didnt want to because, well, it’s a zoo over here. LOL!

My personal account shared here is to display to people that God loves an impossible situation because this is how He displays His might and I view my situation as impossible. lol. I can’t believe that my kids and I are actually surviving! It’s not logical at all, and as I learn and watch my children change and grow each day, I have come to see that the decision to have children is not quite as simple and logical as many people have made it out to be, especially those who have few or no children, or those who have little or no faith.

God is taking care of me and my 6 kids, and it’s a miracle, and I can’t contain myself! I tell everyone I meet! They are well-adjusted, happy, social, and beautiful, with plenty of cousins and friends to love them. I trusted in God with my fertility despite our finances and our horrible marriage. My hub was not committed to NFP. In fact, he was not committed to me, either. My cycles were hard to gage with NFP since they were irregular. I was afraid of leaving the abusive marriage and making it on my own. It was a terrible cycle. What was my option but to go on the pill, I thought? How can i raise all these kids myself? I had no marketable skills. i felt trapped. Once again I found myself pregnant. Was i a victim of this ridiculous rule? This subjugation of a male-dominated Catholic Church that is out of touch? But I kept feeling a call deep within my bones to do my art. What? Are you kidding me? What idiot supports a family of 6 on the risk of her artwork?? I kept thinking of the words “Be not afraid. I go before you always.” I refused to go on the pill. But I also refused to enable my husband any more. I left. Pregnant with my 6th. A van full of 5 young children. Holding His hand.

And what is my story today? For the past 4 months, I have brought in over 8,000 a month from this artwork, working on the weekends alone (during the time my kids are visiting their dad, who is head-over-heals in love with them and is currently going to counseling to work on his struggles and get better). Because he loves his kids. He loves his family. And so you see, human “reason” is necessary when making decisions, but never, NEVER forget your faith and trust in God and the Church that Jesus established. He wants to bless you abundantly. That is why Jesus came, so that you might have life ABUNDANTLY, Can I get an AMEN? I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous on this forum, but i feel a strong call to share my story here.

There are a host of issues that have been brought up in this thread that I’d love to have the time to address individually, but, don’t have the time. I just thought I’d share my insane story.

I followed you over here from the other thread… God IS Good and Life IS Beautiful!!! (I took a look at your art, love the colors! Your art is beautiful as well )

 

[faithsmind]

Oh boy, I’ve been drawn into this thread like wildfire. What can i say, NFP has been a huge and controversial part of my life and I have huge opinions on it. Thanks to compliments and encouragement on that previous post. My situation is completely bizarre. And I’ll be the first to tell you it’s not all organic strawberries and white doves flying all over. I still drive my dumpy minivan and stick out like an oddball at the school as a single mom artist of 6 kiddos. lol. (which is really hard for me since Im self-conscious and shy). Thankfully i have a large family support system who understands. And being a good friend to other women is half the battle. With all my heart I would have given (almost) everything to live a quiet, simple life in a small town, home-schooling and canning , with 10 kids. That IS what I wanted, unlike the OP. But like the OP, we have found ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in because of early choices and unforeseen events.

The OP, Jonnlaureng, sounds as if she is in a marriage that would have a strong case for annulment. I think that’s the issue in her case. She feels trapped because she didn’t want to be committed to the marriage in the first place, but fell into it as a means to support her child. Marriage obviously does not free you from this! And NFP is very hard to live if there isn’t considerable commitment to God and grace from God on both person’s parts. If the couple wants to put God 1st in their marriage, then Hola! Miracles and beauty will happen. With some elbow grease to go along with it. lol. And I love those cracks in the pot (that double ovulation 1%), they sprout the most beautiful wildflowers in the dessert. Who doesn’t love and English garden, eh? God sends lunch boxes with all those unplanned babies. That sounds nice and sentimental. Believe me. It’s not. I’m capable of squeezing out lunch boxes now. It’s not pretty. But it’s pretty much amazing. I’m a believer. HA! We are pliable creatures, capable of a lot more than we think, with HIS GRACE! AMEN!

 

[searching04]

How exactly does it sacrifice a relationship to not have sex? I am utterly confused, because it seems such a crucial element of every couple’s life. I know what it is like to be around a woman (a girl really, but I’ll just say woman) and be in a completely fulfilling relationship with her, to be insanely happy around her, to be dedicated to her, with no sex at all, not even the thought of it. It’s called friendship. True, it could even be a childish crush. But the fact is, one can be close to someone in a very special way with no sexual acts at all. I suppose I see it as, if your entire relationship is somehow based on or around this one act, it can’t be very stable. It’d be sort of like liking a friend only for their money; it may work for awhile, but in the end it’ll fall apart.

Good Lord, where do I even start??? A friend? Really? She is MY WIFE, not only my friend. You have no idea what you’re even talking about to think that my realtionship is based only on sex.

Many couples are happy without any sex. Older couples or couples for whom it would be dangerous (due to a heart condition or something) or painful for one or more members of the marriage to have sex simply do without it. Some couples choose to live in a chaste marriage, after the model of the Virgin Mary and St. Joseph. I can’t understand how sex must be so fundamentally crucial.

Your last sentence. Therein lies the problem. It isn’t just sex, as so many here think it is. It is sexual intimacy with your God-given spouse. HUGE difference.

I’m not saying to never have sex ever, because it truly is an act of intimacy which is open to you two, and you can partake in as you think is good for you. But it isn’t like bread and water, it’s cake and brandy - nice in it’s way, but not necessary for the life of your relationship.

I also was curious, where did you find the teachings which said that sex must be made for child-making only? Litterally all my views on sex came directly from the Church, because they just make sense to me. But I have never seen anything like that, and I studied (and still study) my faith extensively since I converted.

Read the rules. Everything has to end in intercourse only.

It is true, children are emphasized because they are the obvious and natural gifts of having sex. In fact, Pope Pius VI stated that despite the fact that contraception is wrong, he was not denying the importance of family planning and planned parenthood. In his encyclical Humanae Vitae he said that a contraceptive act is had in any act of coition which is intended precisely to act against the procreative good, to prevent it from being realized. “Every act that intends to impede procreation must be repudiated … whether it is done in anticipation of marital intercourse, or during it, or while it is having its natural consequences.” Basically, it’s bad to choose to have intercourse, which is known to be essentially related to the procreation of human life, and just becaue one doesn’t want to allow life to blossom, to perform a “contraceptive act.” It’s wrong because it’s against the great human good of procreation, to treat it as if having children were an evil action, not a good one.

However, contraception or contraceptive intercourse is not identical in meaning to birth control or family planning. There are other ways to avoid birth than by contraceptive intercourse, by good means (NFP) or bad means (abortion). The issue with contraceptive intercourse is that it is aimed directly at stopping the life of a potential human being. It is a rejection of the “life-giving meaning of intercourse”, and “the wrongness of such an act lies in the rejection of this value … Procreative good is of its nature always a good, but this doesn’t mean that in every case it’s wise or right to promote the procreative good … real good can be intermingled with serious evils and harms.” the authors of this quote (Rev. Ronald Lawler, O.F.M. Cap. Joseph Boyle, Jr. and William E. May in their book Catholic Sexual Ethics) explain that while a greater good may come of using questionable means, that does not in any way validate the means (contraception) or make them good. Besides this, advocacy of contraception often leads to advocacy of abortion.

Read the books, read the teachings, still disagree wholeheartedly. Couples should indeed be given the leeway to decide when and if they are ready, able, capable of supporting more children WITHOUT giving up sexual intimacy, whether that is intercourse or not. Doesn’t mean couples forego intercourse or having kids all together.But the church does not allow couples to make that decision.

Of course, there is your objection that the Church, by its teaching, shows marriage to be solely about having children. But the fact is that if life is a basic good, we should never act directly against the unitive good of marriage, in the sense that, like other finite goods, it imposes an absoloute obligation. In short, procreation is a basic human good, and while ulterior purposes can be had for procreation and having children, these reasons do not exhaust their reasons for having children.

As for your statements on sex without intercourse, it seems to me to either be or be on the verge of masturbation. Could you please explain this so that it is clearly shown not to be so (without being overtly vulgar), or else explain why you believe it not to apply in your specific case? Thank you.

Yep, you got it. There are many other acts of sexual intimacy that couples can engage in, but yes, the church says it all has to end in intercourse.

 

[searching04]

The last posts and stories are amazing, they really are true examples of faith and life and courage, to be followed if possible.

Problem that runs through all threads and posts is that not every person or couple is there; it is something to shoot for in this “journey” that it seems everyone had called it. Never to give up on, but it is a very long journey.

 

[Rita77]

The OP, Jonnlaureng, sounds as if she is in a marriage that would have a strong case for annulment. I think that’s the issue in her case. She feels trapped because she didn’t want to be committed to the marriage in the first place, but fell into it as a means to support her child. Marriage obviously does not free you from this! And NFP is very hard to live if there isn’t considerable commitment to God and grace from God on both person’s parts.QUOTE]

the thread is about nfp not annulment. sorry to be harsh but your suggesting annumlment as a solution to nfp troubles!!! I know you didn’t mean to come off that way…

 

[Rita77]

Someone pushed me to share my story over here on this thread, and i honestly didnt want to because, well, it’s a zoo over here. LOL!

My personal account shared here is to display to people that God loves an impossible situation because this is how He displays His might and I view my situation as impossible. lol. I can’t believe that my kids and I are actually surviving! It’s not logical at all, and as I learn and watch my children change and grow each day, I have come to see that the decision to have children is not quite as simple and logical as many people have made it out to be, especially those who have few or no children, or those who have little or no faith.

God is taking care of me and my 6 kids, and it’s a miracle, and I can’t contain myself! I tell everyone I meet! They are well-adjusted, happy, social, and beautiful, with plenty of cousins and friends to love them. I trusted in God with my fertility despite our finances and our horrible marriage. My hub was not committed to NFP. In fact, he was not committed to me, either. My cycles were hard to gage with NFP since they were irregular. I was afraid of leaving the abusive marriage and making it on my own. It was a terrible cycle. What was my option but to go on the pill, I thought? How can i raise all these kids myself? I had no marketable skills. i felt trapped. Once again I found myself pregnant. Was i a victim of this ridiculous rule? This subjugation of a male-dominated Catholic Church that is out of touch? But I kept feeling a call deep within my bones to do my art. What? Are you kidding me? What idiot supports a family of 6 on the risk of her artwork?? I kept thinking of the words “Be not afraid. I go before you always.” I refused to go on the pill. But I also refused to enable my husband any more. I left. Pregnant with my 6th. A van full of 5 young children. Holding His hand.

And what is my story today? For the past 4 months, I have brought in over 8,000 a month from this artwork, working on the weekends alone (during the time my kids are visiting their dad, who is head-over-heals in love with them and is currently going to counseling to work on his struggles and get better). Because he loves his kids. He loves his family. And so you see, human “reason” is necessary when making decisions, but never, NEVER forget your faith and trust in God and the Church that Jesus established. He wants to bless you abundantly. That is why Jesus came, so that you might have life ABUNDANTLY, Can I get an AMEN? I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous on this forum, but i feel a strong call to share my story here.

There are a host of issues that have been brought up in this thread that I’d love to have the time to address individually, but, don’t have the time. I just thought I’d share my insane story.

Oh boy, I’ve been drawn into this thread like wildfire. What can i say, NFP has been a huge and controversial part of my life and I have huge opinions on it. Thanks to compliments and encouragement on that previous post. My situation is completely bizarre. And I’ll be the first to tell you it’s not all organic strawberries and white doves flying all over. I still drive my dumpy minivan and stick out like an oddball at the school as a single mom artist of 6 kiddos. lol. (which is really hard for me since Im self-conscious and shy). Thankfully i have a large family support system who understands. And being a good friend to other women is half the battle. With all my heart I would have given (almost) everything to live a quiet, simple life in a small town, home-schooling and canning , with 10 kids. That IS what I wanted, unlike the OP. But like the OP, we have found ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in because of early choices and unforeseen events.

The OP, Jonnlaureng, sounds as if she is in a marriage that would have a strong case for annulment. I think that’s the issue in her case. She feels trapped because she didn’t want to be committed to the marriage in the first place, but fell into it as a means to support her child. Marriage obviously does not free you from this! And NFP is very hard to live if there isn’t considerable commitment to God and grace from God on both person’s parts. If the couple wants to put God 1st in their marriage, then Hola! Miracles and beauty will happen. With some elbow grease to go along with it. lol. And I love those cracks in the pot (that double ovulation 1%), they sprout the most beautiful wildflowers in the dessert. Who doesn’t love and English garden, eh? God sends lunch boxes with all those unplanned babies. That sounds nice and sentimental. Believe me. It’s not. I’m capable of squeezing out lunch boxes now. It’s not pretty. But it’s pretty much amazing. I’m a believer. HA! We are pliable creatures, capable of a lot more than we think, with HIS GRACE! AMEN!

I’m trying to be as nice as posible, your story is a extremely rare case of divorce fairy tale ending. your come off blissful about it and you may really offend others who are in nightmare marriages, divorces, and annulments and painful custody battles. divorce isn’t a fairy tale ending to a marriage… I’m glade it was for you and I know thats not what you where trying to say but thats how it came off. I don’t want to derail the thread I’m just letting you know how you may come off to others.

 

[faithsmind]

Hi Rita, I think i understand that you’re worried about the possibility of people understanding my posts to be a negative commentary on one’s commitment to marriage. (BTW I AM facing heart-breaking custody battles and am in the middle of a painful divorce. It is no fairy tale ending. The fact that my hub is in counseling for his physical abuse and sexual addiction is a ray of hope, though). That’s the problem with simple, come-and-go short posts on such complicated issues as marriage, NFP, divorce, etc. And that’s why this thread has shattered into a million different directions, which is why I’ve become apprehensive about entering these larger thread topics.

The OP is in a difficult marriage. That plays into a commitment to NFP. NFP is intertwined in the relationship of a man and woman. No disrespect (double thump to the chest at ya).

Ladies-Do not short-sell yourselves and bury your gifts of femininity out of fear! God is great!

 

[happymommy]

I’m trying to be as nice as posible, your story is a extremely rare case of divorce fairy tale ending. your come off blissful about it and you may really offend others who are in nightmare marriages, divorces, and annulments and painful custody battles. divorce isn’t a fairy tale ending to a marriage… I’m glade it was for you and I know thats not what you where trying to say but thats how it came off. I don’t want to derail the thread I’m just letting you know how you may come off to others.

So she shouldn’t share her story because it worked out well for her? And it didn’t read like a fairy tale to me! I think a lot of it is her attitude. People can’t relate to someone who has a good attitude in a bad situation.

 

[CajunsforChrist]

So you had sex outside of marriage but you’re mad at the Church and God? That act is designed to create offspring, or did you miss a few critical lessons growing up?

I am very disgusted with the tone of your post. You make it sound as if having 2 beautiful blessings has been a curse. “I do not want to stay home and care for 6 children.” Well I could say something very uncharitable such as that I hope you do not have those 6 children if you are not going to love and appreciate each one. I feel sorry for you if that is how you view being a mother.

How do you get from making love to your husband and having 2 children to being “barefoot and pregnant” your entire life? That is so insulting to mothers of many children!

Save your marriage? You mean, you would leave your husband if you can’t use contraception to prevent another baby? How does your husband feel about your 2 blessings? Or do you cancel off his opinion because he doesn’t get to experience the joy of carrying a baby inside him, like you do?

I had all day nausea for 3 mos. with my 1st son, 4 mos. with my 2nd. Still, I loved being pregnant, even when my ankles swelled, my feet spread out, and I felt like Sigourney Weaver with an alien growing inside me because the babies would wake up when I wanted to sleep.

Get yourself to confession, sister. Do it now. Confess your selfishness. That’s what it is, selfishness. You are a MOTHER NOW. Not a college student any more. Be a mother to your children. You can go back to school later on. What were your plans anyway? You have just been given 2 eternal souls to foster here on earth! What career could top THAT?

:banghead:

Snap out of it.

THIS! You have said all that I would’ve liked to say and exactly how I feel about this post. Coming from one who is currently pregnant and who practices NFP. Children are blessings!!!

 

[robwar]

I would also appreciate it if people would stop questioning my love of my children. Everyone was made differently, with different wants and goals in life. I can have a job and love my children just as much as a stay at home mother. I do not love them any less because I work out of the home.

As for in regards to what I was looking for, why don’t you go read the last line of my post.

I wish you well with your family on journey. It is very hard to be in your early 20’s and now busy raising 2 young children. I am sure you have beaten yourself up over the pre-marital sex. Hopefully and over time you could become a spokeswomen for waiting till marriage. I think to tone of your first post was very angry and harsh about NFP and whether you intended it or not you seems to have focused that on NFP and you have a lot more issues here than that. Your very special babies deserve the best and it seems you are trying to do that. God bless you on choosing life and I hope you will get the help and support you and your husband need.

 

[robwar]

Very sadly the real issue here is not NFP but what happens when people engage in premarital sex. While it is easy to look at someone and think could’ve and should’ve but the decision was made to marry and parent and I think all of us on this who are already parents know that being a mom and dad makes one up grow up fast. When you are still very young in your early 20’s, it is much more difficult task and the success for this family is very very slim. Chasity programs for our youth that emphasize waiting till marriage are very critical. Also support to decide not to parent but make an adoption plan should also be strongly encouraged even over the decision to parent and raise a child when you are not truly ready to do so. Lets keep praying for OP and her family.

 

[faithsmind]

I can understand Rita being upset, because my comment did come across as…“well, she just needs to get an annulment”. Heh heh, not so simple as that.

What I’m just thinking is that the OP needs to get real and face the deeper questions, the ones she doesn’t want to answer. Sometimes it’s easy just to put all the anger on the resulting issues without getting out the scalpel. Her struggles with NFP are a result of her deeper issues within the marriage, if you ask me. Seems like some other people here are seeing that as well. Annulment? There’s no easy way out, baby. She’s gotta take a closer look at her life and be ready to make the commitment to what she really wants. Otherwise she short-changes everyone who is with her on her lost path.

 

[losh14]

Seconding two thoughts:

Heck she can return to college right now if she wants to. Take online courses when the kids go to bed. They’re young; plenty of accredited schools have night classes online these days. Or go even faster with virtual classes during naptime AND bedtime.

I’d encourage the OP but I can tell you this is really tough to do. It may have to be something she waits until the kids are in school to really be realistic about doing - remember she’s juggling handling a household by herself, so that naptime and bedtime are probably consumed entirely by chores, cooking, and whatever social time she can get - and yes, social time is a necessity to be healthy.

I can understand that having two kids by yourself with a husband across the world with so much unfinished can be extraordinarily stressful. I do hope she’s able to complete her degree and acheive other goals she’d like as well.

Go to your doctor and discuss your frame of mind. You might have post partum depression. In that case, medication can help (usually) and some form of therapy can also help you get back to a positive attitude.

I’ll take this as a charitable offer - OP (I’m so sorry I’m blanking on your tag), please consider that you may be enduring Post-Partum as well. Even if you’re not suffering under PPD it may help a great deal to talk with a counselor to help focus through what has to be a very difficult period. I’ve personally received counseling several times, and my wife and I have had relationship counseling before and after marriage, and it’s been very helpful each time in addressing issues that we’re happier to be past.

If you were our neighbor, you’d be over for dinner tonight and we’d watch your kids tomorrow morning so you could take some time to do whatever you needed.