Angry about NFP

[JNdoum]

Yep, you got it. There are many other acts of sexual intimacy that couples can engage in, but yes, the church says it all has to end in intercourse.

I suppose you are right, I don’t and never will understand. however, I maintain that friendship should be a good example. Isn’t your wife supposed to be your best friend. I mean, yes, the physical is important. But I can see it isn’t healthy when it becomes all consuming.

I also wanted to apologize for any inconsideration I showed you. I truly cannot fully understand what you’re going through precisely, and I don’t have the right to pass unfair judgements without fully understanding your situation. It was unkind of me, and I will strive to be better in the future.

I also must say that I sort of have to hold on to my beliefs, and as they sort of necessitate that I try to share them. If I got overzealous or “holier-than-thou” as the OP stated, it was never my intention and I apologize, again.

Still, I don’t see how necessitating intercourse, which seems to be more like a full union, versus “other ways,” which seem to be solely for pleasure, is a bad thing. I suppose that as in most cases that is the case, then it isn’t wrong for the Church to stand firm on what She has always held to be true. She does have reasons for all that she says, if you only look for them. I suppose I am more opposed to your tone of “the Catholic Church is a prude so it’s never right” (I realize that those weren’t your exact words, but that is the impression I got) than to your views per se.

I also suppose even now that the Church tends to be reliable in what she proclaims to be true, so I am still more inclined to side with her. I apologize once more if I seemed to target and attack you or alienate you because of this. But I do beg you to reconsider both sides of the argument, with less of a “the Church is wrong” stance than you seemed to. Thank you, and God bless.

 

[faithsmind]

Why couldn’t I have ended up with someone more like losh? Wait don’t answer that question. I must blow his mind… wonder what he thought of my lunchbox joke.

 

[faithsmind]

That last post was random and weird, and maybe a tad trollish. Alright, it was flat out trollish. Ack, I’m sorry guys! Sorry to put a weirdish spin on this and kill the thread.

 

[jatayloRN]

Jonnlaureng,

I have to say that I am a bit concerned for you, and I pray you’ll find some help with your situation. I am military myself and I understand the challenges of NFP with deployments. However reading your post I really don’t believe you understand the Catholic Church’s view of women (otherwise I can’t understand why you would be angry with it), and I don’t think you have a grasp of what a Catholic marriage is. Please don’t think I’m putting blame on you, because I’m not, I honestly think you and your husband may have a communication barrier and both of you need to reassess your situation your feelings and your goals as a married couple and family.

At this point, I don’t believe a priest is going to help or me for that matter. What I believe you need is a good Catholic counselor to assist you and your husband in recognizing the issues and formulating a workable plan. I realize they are hard to locate. If you are still reading these threads and are interested in meeting with a Catholic counselor I know of one who is very good and used by a couple different dioceses. Just leave a note on here or email me and I’ll see if he can take you on or recommend someone in your area. May Jesus hold you and allow you to feel his presence during this difficult time in your life.

I find that I am angry with God, angry with the role that the Catholic Church has assigned to women. I hate that I am forbade from using birth control and am supposed to accept a possible pregnancy every time I have sex with my husband. I hate it, but I follow the Church’s teachings. Yet, it is ruining my marriage. I got pregnant at 19 with my son and had to leave my dream college to marry my husband and start my family. Despite using NFP, I became pregnant again 7 months later and had our daughter. I do not WANT any other children right now. I am so completely adamant against having another child that I refuse to have sex with my husband. It has been over a year now since we last had sex. It also doesn’t help that he is military and deploys quite often.

I have read other posts about NFP and I must admit to getting angry when women in my situation are called irrational about their fear of getting pregnant. I also get angry when they are told to go talk to a priest. I don’t want to talk to a priest. It’s easy for a man to say, “No, we can’t use condoms because it’s against the Church” because HE is not the one who has to worry about getting pregnant. HIS few minutes of pleasure lead to a woman being pregnant for 10 months, going through labor and delivery (which could kill her, mind you), raising a newborn (and the other children), trying to get her body back, etc. Men will never understand, and I find that men are the ones constantly telling me no. I’m sorry, but sex is not worth it to me. I cannot stress how much I absolutely do NOT want another child right now. To me, abstinence is the only sure way I will not get pregnant. I don’t care if NFP is 99% effective, because I was that damn 1%.

Call me selfish, but I do not accept that women are supposed to just blindly accept a possibly pregnancy every time her husband wants to have sex. It is completely unfair. I want to go back to school and finish my degree, I want to focus on my career. I do not want to stay home and care for six children.

I need some guidance from women who are in my situation. Women who want to follow their faith, but also do not want to be barefoot and pregnant their entire lives. How do you handle this? How can I get rid of this anger? How can I save my marriage?

 

[faithsmind]

OK I’m really sorry Losh. I’m a fool and highly charged and emotional (if you didn’t catch that). And I really apologize. It’s leftover bitterness. And now that everyone knows who I am, and my name, and what I do, and, well, maybe even where i live :sad_bye: I am going to go crawl back into “that life” and pay attention to what I really should be doing.

OP, Sweetie (from one imperfect soul to another), we are in spots that we really would not have chosen for ourselves. I find myself complaining to myself quite often. Wondering why i couldn’t have a husband more like so-and-so, thinking “i deserve this, I should have gotten that”, and why on earth didn’t I do that? The fact is, we are where we are. And we can change our steps, little by little. We can learn from our mistakes, learn from others, as much as we can. But most of all, we have to work on releasing our bitterness and working on our own attitude, and choose to focus on everything that is beautiful in this temporary situation here. We have to work towards those glimpses of beauty that we can see. walking towards those little cracks of light, instead of sitting down in the cave and being like, 'whatever". I find myself clinging to Jesus. It’s so hard to be on your own trying to raise little ones. especially when you had to let go of what you thought you wanted for your life. If we cling to those joys that he allows us now, and TRUST in Him, He will bring those joys to perfection one day when he sets us free from our earthly body. One day. I really hope you follow this thread through to the end, girlfriend. In Christ! In Christ! We need Him so much. Hugs.

 

[constantconvert]

I’m really sorry you are having such a rough time. When the Church gets into certain parts of our lives, like our sex life, that’s where the rubber meets the road, isn’t it? I admire the fact that you are being obedient even though you don’t want to. You must be exhausted from all the anger you feel.

I will only address one of the things you asked about, which is “How do I get rid of this anger?”

Let me ask you, are you praying? Not just about this, but are you building a relationship with God and Holy Mary in prayer? Are you sitting before the blessed sacrament?

I would just start with continually thanking God through the day for how much he loves you and all the wonderful blessings he gives you. I100% guarantee it will zap your anger.

Whenever I felt angry about having to practice NFP, or anything related with that issue, I would pray what Jesus prayed in the Garden, “If it be possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, thy will, not mine, be done.”

Or maybe you’re too mad at God? You’re not on speaking terms? I would pour your heart out to Mary, and at the end of each prayer to her, like whenever you say the rosary, or any prayer to her I would ask her to help you see how much God LOVES you. Because I don’t think you know. I don’t think you know God is on your side, He is **for **you, you are his precious daughter. He is not against you. He’s not punishing you.

Lastly, I would ask God or Mary to help you ***want ***to be obedient. That is a prayer that she will answer.

I will pray for you today at mass. Peace be with you

 

[lovemyboys]

I am in the position of being scared to death to get pregnant right now. I have had 100% success with the Marquette Model so far. It’s the most technologically advanced form of NFP. Check it out at: nfp.marquette.edu/