Annulment - diocese waited 2 years to tell us ex spouse hadn’t replied to them - 2 years, should have been 30-60 days

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Thank you. I appreciate the info just so I know I’m not crazy that this situation is weird.
 
LucyRita said:
For all of you charitable Christians here who made up that I want everyone to say oh you poor dear let’s change canon law…you said that not me.
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Yes, I said no one is going to say that to you. It was not sarcastic or uncharitable.

In fact, everyone here has told you the truth, you are the only one that has been uncharitable in this thread.
 
I guarentee I’ve read more about it than you, why do you assume ignorance of church teaching?

I’ve NEVER heard of this happening. Everyone is telling me that their ex didn’t even reply and it didn’t matter. At most they moved on when the ex didn’t reply for a month or two. I’ve never seen this where the ex heard from them 2 years ago and never replied and then two years later the tribunal tells us so and that this means they can’t move forward; essentially letting an ex spouse put the annulment on hold which is obviously insane. Please link me to any cases where this happened.
 
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Because this man is still considered married in the Church, I wouldnt consider him your only option. Since he isnt an option, but potentially an option.

Let him handle his petition.
 
LucyRita said:
What’s insane is that if they truly didn’t hear from her after the attempts 2 years ago is they should have informed us of that at the time. If you don’t see why it’s bad that they did not inform us for 2 years then I can’t help you.
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No one is arguing that it wasn’t “bad”. Maybe bad isn’t the right word. Unfortunate, certainly. Unless it was done on purpose with malice, which nothing in your story indicates, it’s unfortunate, frustrating, maybe even rage inducing— but it can’t be changed.

It happened. Someone dropped the ball, or did something wrong, or failed to do something. No one did it on purpose, and certainly not for the express purpose of ruining your life or your fertility.

Your question in post one was what could be done to expedite the situation. The answer is: only your own tribunal can tell you this. No one here can give you that answer.

Engage the services of a canon lawyer to help you, if you don’t feel you are getting anywhere with the tribunal now that the situation has come to light. I’ve suggested that in each of my posts and given the link to a reliable group of canon lawyers.
 
Oh okay I shall just stop loving him somehow and go down to the marriage store where there are lots of eligible never married sane catholic men interested in marrying 34 year old women and try to force myself to love them instead. Or perhaps I shall rejoin single life where my physical health means I can barely survive on my own.
 
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Lol! I’m just sayin… you are getting anxiety feeling he is the only potential. Peace my sister.
 
And… what? Do you think that automatically assures you of having happiness forever?

My niece is a cloistered nun and finds happiness in the sacrificial nature of the vocation she has chosen. No one is forcing her to live “like a nun”. I assume no one forced you to, either.

The point is, no one is guaranteed happiness and no one is owed it, no matter how much suffering they have endured or how “good” they have been. Even if your fiance’s former marriage is investigated and found null and you are able to marry in the church, you don’t know if you’ll have children or how many. My husband and I weren’t able to, and we were married at a young age. We learned to find joy in the cross we were given. That is the only Christian way to deal with life’s ups and downs.

I can see you’re hurting and since I have nothing more to offer than my prayers, I’ll step out now. I’ll ask my niece also to keep you and all those who are hurting in her prayers as well.
 
I am not uncharitable at all. Lol. Standing up for myself against unfair condemnation is allowed.
 
Why are you making up things?? Why do people here think they can read my mind? Where In Gods name did I say I thought anything like that? Do you see how opening with deeply insulting my intelligence and character isn’t going to warm me up to you?

I literally shared that only to say that I do not think I am called to be a nun and that at a certain point “deep reflection” for those of us called to live in the world, can simply become burying ones head in the sand and avoiding real life. I am inclined to isolate into a spiritual world too much and for me to do that again wouldn’t be responsible

I don’t think any of the horrible insulting things you fabricated. I just think it’s nonsense that ever uke is being so sympathetic to the church “oops we took two years to do this which if it happened at any other job in the world we would get fired for such an oversight” but acting like I’m so horrible. I certainly would be fired if I ever made a similar misstep.
 
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LucyRita said:
Thank you. I appreciate the info just so I know I’m not crazy that this situation is weird.
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No, you are not weird. The annullment process is very trying and time consuming.

I was not in a situation like you where I was waiting to start a family so I can understand your frustration.

I did not become Catholic until I was 56 and when I got married I was not a church attending, committed Christian. I wasn’t even married in a church, but had a civil marriage so I was confused why that was seen as a valid marriage.

My annullment was granted, but I did not find the process healing and I would rather have not gone through it.

Anyhow, I hope you can find someone to help you get this moved along.
 
I don’t have anxiety over it. I love him. I don’t “want to get married.” I like him.
 
They were saying it wasn’t bad lol. They were arguing not only was it not bad but that I am bad and my fiancé must not love me and I should just get on. Lol. So kind. Imagine doing essential something two years too late at any other job. Imagine any other topic about a relationship and you immediately start telling the person they aren’t actually loved.
 
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You dont have anxiety over your biological clock?

Anyway, I’m not saying you cant wait for the tribunal judgment, or that you cant be frustrated at the process.

But commiting to marry someone who is not free to marry might be preventing your options to find a potential good other man.
 
Again I urge you to let your fiance handle the tribunal but please please please if you step in, sarcasm is going to get you nowhere~
 
Because I am a constructive person I do not believe in giving sanctimonious hindsight advice. I think some people here should think about that.
 
I don’t believe in it being okay to say horrific character attacks in a passive aggressive “charitable” tone like people here are doing. Being blunt isn’t worse than being cruel and judgmental and condemning.

People go through this every day. Funny how when Kennedys date before their marriage is annulled no one acts like it’s bad, they act like it’s a routine thing. It’s interesting to me how common my situation is (the dating before an annulment, not the 2 year mishap) and yet I’m being singled out as some monster.
 
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