K
Karin
Guest
Like stated earlier …time to find another Dr. It seems like this one had too many issues!
- Status
K
kaymart
Guest
Maybe I wrong about this, and I probably am. But seeing that little girl (my niece) who by the way is also named Karen,like you, struggle everyday of her life, could this have been prevented, if someone spoke up (my sister included) maybe her life could have been different if her Mother got the proper care. This is why I’m so passionate about this, I agree maybe I’m wrong about full parental notication about drugs, sex and whatever. But when another persons life is involved something has to be done. It’s no longer her “choice” its a matter of her baby’s life.
K
Karin
Guest
Yes this could of been prevented and in past posts you stated where it could of been prevented…her parents are too blame…she is too blame and the Dr. is too blame! Instead of pushing the issue that it is the Dr.'s fault we should look at the parents…it is a parents job to teach their kids about these things…what is right or wrong what is acceptable or not…we all need open lines of communication with our kids so this type of thing will not happen again!
If my son got an STD & was treated for it since he is only 14 I would know as I get copies of all insurance transactions etc. But I would still know even if I did not have insurance…why becuase we talk we communicate!!!
K
Karin
Guest
IMHO the big issue here is that parents as a whole feel that sex is a taboo topic and do not discuss it with their kids…once society stops viewing it as a taboo topic then things may get better!
K
kaymart
Guest
I totally agree here, that’s why lines of communication with my kids always open still today. My parents are closed minded of a different era, and we(myself and 7 sibs) grew up in the 60’s and 70’s(she apart from all was born in 1978) . Mother had her head in the sand for years, I mean so could have notice her slender daughter was getting chubby? I do understand your point, parents need to open their eyes and ears.
1
12345678
Guest
I also agree with the idea of the need of good communication between parents and children, but I think kaymart is very right in her saying that there should be some communication with parents. I don’t care how great your communication with your children is, there are some subjects, that even if you do everything in your power to keep the communication lines open, your child may be ashamed of what they have done, and although they trust you enough to tell you, they would rather keep it a secret.
Why isn’t a 16 year old mature enough to drink a beer, but she is mature enough to have an abortion without her parents ever finding out?
Why isn’t a 16 year old mature enough to drink a beer, but she is mature enough to have an abortion without her parents ever finding out?
K
kaymart
Guest
:clapping: yes, that too, my parents (mother especially) thought the less we know, the better. If you don’t discuss sex, kids will not want it or think about it??? Yeah, helloooo! In fact while HER daughter was in early stages of prenancy, she “yelled” at me how my 15 year old girl, should not allow her to go on a group dates. head in sand, chastise others and never looked at herself. that was mother.
K
kaymart
Guest
Karin and others, thanks I feel better now, got this off my chest after 10 years of holding this anger in me, sorry to rant but I needed to get it out, some how. God Bless and have a good day, I’m off to see my grandbabies for the day.
R
Rob_s_Wife
Guest
My husband goes with the older boys these days, but they are never left alone. Period. I suppose if a “personal” question had to be asked - dh could turn away and the boy could nod his answer.I took my almost 16 year old son to his annual physical. We weren’t able to get in with our regular pediatrician but what I thought was a worthy replacement. After 40 minutes of being taught how to parent
This is where I mention in a civil tone that we’re there for a physical exam not a parenting philosophy seminar.
At first I didn’t think anything about it but then my brain kicked in after the fact and I called the office asking what is the doctors responsibility on telling me if he divulged any information regarding sexual activity, drugs, alcohol use etc…to my surprise they told me the law is that at the age of 12 the child has to give PERMISSION to release that information to his parents. I asked what the policy is if I had refused to leave the room and again the child has to give PERMISSION. (Kansas and Missouri laws or so I’m told - on a brief internet search all I could find was information on parental notification and abortion - thanks ACLU and NOW!)
Actually, it’s a stretch to call that “law”. It’s S.O.P., but you are paying, you are legal guardian of the minor which makes you the best patient advocate for their health. You have every right to just get up WITH you child and leave - w/o paying.
Even if I was okay with someone explaining to my dc that abc or xyz is okay and mom/dad never have to know (it’ll just be a nice cozy dr./patient dirty secret) - I certainly wouldn’t tolorate it for a 12 year old! That is way too young to be getting such conflicting messages.
What has been running through my brain all afternoon is not only why this information for a minor is being withheld but what was discussed.
Because they know the best way to get a kid to do what you want is to make it as though it’s the dr./kids vs those stupid parents.
Was he instructed on condom use? Was he instructed that sexual activity is normal part of being a teenage boy? Did he admit to masturbation and told that it is perfectly normal? Did he talk about possible thoughts about being gay and being told that is also perfectly normal. That’s my territory and I don’t know this doctors moral values.
You can pretty much bank that all of the above was covered to some extent. Well, except for the moral part - that’s taboo to discuss.
**I don’t buy the “privacy” for the exam arguement. It’s embarrassing to have mom/dad there seeing you with a paper sheet over your lap, but being alone with a nurse &/or dr. , of either or both sexes, seeing everything all out is perfectly okay??? I would think many (including me!) would feel exposed and vulnerable in that situation. It often does not make them more comfortable. It makes them very uncomfortable. If given information, they often don’t know what questions to ask and assume that whatever the dr. says is fine and best. **
The thing is, time and time again, we see that this type of attitude does not give good medical care to these kids. They offer major medical choices to CHILDREN who aren’t even old enough to make the choice to vote! Then when things go wrong - they wash their hands of these children like so much refuse and blame the parents.
Should parents have a relationship with their kids where these things are talked about? Of course they should! But, you know, it’s mighty hard to develop that relationship when from day 1 parents are treated like they are too stupid or strict to be given information and make decisions for their own children. And their kids are told to ignore mom/dad - just whisper what they want in some teacher or nurses ear and they’ll make it happen w/o the parents ever finding out.
It’s wrong. Situation ethics of not - it’s just wrong.
1
12345678
Guest
I think it is great that you have that relationship with your son and I congratulate you for woking on it, things would be better if all parents worked on such relationships with their kids.
Nevertheless, there are a lot of great parents that work hard on that relationship and in a naive way think they have it, just to find out later on the hard way that they don’t or that things happened without them knowing anyways.
I have been in contact with a field in which this happens commonly. “This doesn’t sound like my son/daughter”, “My son/daughter would never do that”, “I trust my son/daughter and know he/she would never do that”, “I can’t belive this happened”, “Why didn’t he/she come to me?”, “I taught him/her better than that” etc, etc. A parent can do all they can think of doing to help their child, and encourage communication, but in the end communication is a two way thing and there is only so much a parent can do when the ball is on the other side of the court.
A lot of these new child laws are just talking things out of the parents hands and putting it in the child’s hands.
M
maendem
Guest
Rob's Wife:
To assume that most people feel exposed and uncomfortable in such a situation, and to act accordingly, does a disservice to both your kids and the medical practitioners seeing them. It handicaps them with all kinds of unecessary reactions that distort the clinical nature of medicine into something shameful, secretive, or sexual. If your kids are already saddled with these feelings, they will have a much harder time distinguishing between proper conduct on the part of the doctor and situations of ethical malpractice. When an exam is properly conducted, and a nurse is present, it is normal and fine for teens to be unaccompanied by their parents.
(I don’t know how old your kids are.)
Rob’s Wife - obviously you should do what works for your family and what you’re comfortable with…but the above paragraph was a little unerving for me. Being alone with a doctor or nurse of either sex…IS PERFECTLY OK AND ROUTINE. Yes! And your kids should know they have the right to request a same-sex nurse to witness an exam.
To assume that most people feel exposed and uncomfortable in such a situation, and to act accordingly, does a disservice to both your kids and the medical practitioners seeing them. It handicaps them with all kinds of unecessary reactions that distort the clinical nature of medicine into something shameful, secretive, or sexual. If your kids are already saddled with these feelings, they will have a much harder time distinguishing between proper conduct on the part of the doctor and situations of ethical malpractice. When an exam is properly conducted, and a nurse is present, it is normal and fine for teens to be unaccompanied by their parents.
(I don’t know how old your kids are.)
J
Joan_M
Guest
I do not know what is the layout of the doctor’s offices posters go to, but in my doctor’s office the examining table is the other side of the room from his desk and has a standing screen. This means that a parent accompanying their child can sit at the doctor’s desk while the child is being examined in privacy by the doctor.
I have always accompanied my sons (when they were teenagers) into the doctor’s office. There was no problem with this, since I could not see the doctor examening them. And there was a great advantage, since teenage boys (in particular) can be monosyallibic when answering the doctor’s questions. I could assist by reminding them to tell the doctor about things that could have had a bearing on their problem that would have been ignored had I not been present.
There is no way on earth that I would allow a minor child to see the doctor alone and I just do not understand the practices or laws of the United States (never lived there and never will) that so emphasise “privacy”. A child’s health cannot be private from his or her parent.
I have always accompanied my sons (when they were teenagers) into the doctor’s office. There was no problem with this, since I could not see the doctor examening them. And there was a great advantage, since teenage boys (in particular) can be monosyallibic when answering the doctor’s questions. I could assist by reminding them to tell the doctor about things that could have had a bearing on their problem that would have been ignored had I not been present.
There is no way on earth that I would allow a minor child to see the doctor alone and I just do not understand the practices or laws of the United States (never lived there and never will) that so emphasise “privacy”. A child’s health cannot be private from his or her parent.
M
maendem
Guest
Joan M:
Sounds ideal.
R
Rob_s_Wife
Guest
M
maendem
Guest
I’m not clear what you mean by “insisting on a different environment” in your second paragraph. What is that environment?
Obviously, if your approach is encouraging your kids to be comfortable around medical personnel and, more importantly, comfortable in assertively voicing their concerns and questions, then it’s a good one.
Your initial post, however, seemed to indicate that you and your kids thought there was something terribly wrong with a doctor or nurse of the opposite sex of the patient examining the patient alone, and my response was that this is actually routine. Obviously, just because they are medical staff does not mean they are automatically above-board in their actions and decisions. That’s why I suggested that kids be informed from a young age on that they will always have the right to request a nurse witness, and why I was concerned that unecessary feelings of shame could inhibit someone’s ability to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate medical conduct.
You have a good point about providing “a second set of ears” by sitting in on your child’s exam. However, you note that “EVERYONE should ALWAYS” have someone with them." (my emphasis). Do you mean a second witness of the same gender? A friend or companion?
Obviously, if your approach is encouraging your kids to be comfortable around medical personnel and, more importantly, comfortable in assertively voicing their concerns and questions, then it’s a good one.
Your initial post, however, seemed to indicate that you and your kids thought there was something terribly wrong with a doctor or nurse of the opposite sex of the patient examining the patient alone, and my response was that this is actually routine. Obviously, just because they are medical staff does not mean they are automatically above-board in their actions and decisions. That’s why I suggested that kids be informed from a young age on that they will always have the right to request a nurse witness, and why I was concerned that unecessary feelings of shame could inhibit someone’s ability to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate medical conduct.
You have a good point about providing “a second set of ears” by sitting in on your child’s exam. However, you note that “EVERYONE should ALWAYS” have someone with them." (my emphasis). Do you mean a second witness of the same gender? A friend or companion?
V
vluvski
Guest
This is not routine.
In NC, SC, and GA, all the places I’ve ever been examined, it is actually the law that another person be present when sensitive areas are examined. For me it was always a female nurse looking the other direction with a doctor or specialist examining.
M
maendem
Guest
“Sensitive areas” is the key word. For an exam of the sexual organs, you are absolutely right. Those constitute a fraction of medical exams. For all other exams…I would have to disagree. Routine practice for overall health checkups usually stipulates that a nurse/witness be called in only for the pelvic portion of the exam. (Also, I was responding to Rob’s Wife, who I understood to be using “alone” in contrast to “with a parent.”
L
lifeisbeautiful
Guest
I am terrified at the idea that if a 13 year old decides to get contraceptive pills she can do so without her parents finding out. In fact, she can do so even if her parents do find out and object.
The problem isn’t as much when you are ok with your child being alone with the doctor, the problem is when you aren’t ok with it and you cannot do anything about it.
This makes it even more difficult for a parent that does want to be responsible (like if we didn’t have enough problems already). Parents can put the 101% in raising their children, but even with that, some children still do the wrong thing, or can be mislead or succumb to other pressures. If the government takes away part of the parents’ control in the situation, that is a threat to parental authority.
The problem isn’t as much when you are ok with your child being alone with the doctor, the problem is when you aren’t ok with it and you cannot do anything about it.
This makes it even more difficult for a parent that does want to be responsible (like if we didn’t have enough problems already). Parents can put the 101% in raising their children, but even with that, some children still do the wrong thing, or can be mislead or succumb to other pressures. If the government takes away part of the parents’ control in the situation, that is a threat to parental authority.
R
Rob_s_Wife
Guest
M
maendem
Guest
Thanks for your feedback, and sorry if I misrepresented what you said. We are coming from different backgrounds and experiences, and although I do think we agree on many points, we are articulating and emphasizing them differently. Since I come from a family of medical practitioners, I’m more likely to see things their way, and to have heard their frustrations about overly bossy parents, or patients with seemingly misplaced hangups about being examined by the opposite sex. My reaction is simply colored by this. Obviously there are two sides to every situation, and far be it from me to criticize a mother of seven! Bless you.
- Status