Another parental notification issue

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All I can contribute from personal experience is that I am 23–and my mother always went to the examining room with me. However in this situation if I ever had some issue–sexual question ect.–I NEVER would have asked or told the truth if asked with my mother in the room. That’s the cold hard truth. Would I rather ask a doctor a sexual question at age 16? Or would I rather ask my mother who would go on and on about it and cry and get mad–and then refuse me from going out anymore. I guess the information from the doctor is better than no information at all in some cases.

What about in the cases where the parent ‘forces’ the teen to get an abortion–that happened to a cousin of mine (yes from a ‘catholic’ family)–perhaps had she been given other options–from a doctor, preist, friend–rather then coming straight to her mohter–it wouldn’t have happened this way…
 
I have a catholic doctor who knew my concern that my teen daughter was experimenting with drugs and he told her pot was OK. (Got this second-hand from daughter.) He later told me he had some friends in college who smoked it and it was not a big deal.

I got bills from Planned Parenthood and this is pretty common when kids are in college(routine things) as PP clinics are right near colleges.
 
I know this is an old post but an important topic.
I am terrified at the idea that if a 13 year old decides to get contraceptive pills she can do so without her parents finding out. In fact, she can do so even if her parents do find out and object.
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It depends on the state. I am not sure how this continues in some states, but it does.
Autumn
 
I let my teen daughters know, prior to their first gyn exams, what might be discussed. The older one said the Dr mentioned BC, but dropped the subject when dd said she planned to wait until marriage. I also told them both if they were uncomfortable w/ this Dr. we could certainly find another.

Definitely talk w/ your regular doc when he/ she gets back. —KCT
 
Our doctors office does the same thing. I warned my kids about it and told them they could say “my mom can stay” and then they wouldn’t make me leave. My older son did this, my younger son told me to leave but later signed a paper giving me acess to his medical records when we were updating the record. My daughter always says I can stay. Mostly because she doesn’t want to discuss these personal issues with a stranger and can’t believe they have the nerve to ask. She ignores those questions and gives me a pained look. Last visit for a skin rash she refused to answer the question of having started mentruation or not. I have to step in and remind her she needs to take charge of her healthcare etc and it is ok to discuss your body and health with your doctor. The doctor usually just directs the questions to me then. She’s 13 +. This attitide could change but that’s the way it is now.
 
I remember when I was 16 and having severe menstrual cramping. I complained each month to my non-responsive mother who finally decided to take me to the doctors when I tried to down an entire bottle of my dads’ 800mg motrin to kill the pain. When my mother came to pick me up from school to take me to the docs, she was really cold to me and talked down to me about possible questions the doc would ask. She then said “He’ll ask about any PETTING you may have done.” and the manner in which she said it made me feel soooooo dirty and it felt as if she was digging for information (yeah, like a 16 yr old is going to give that to her mother!). Then to make it worse, the stupid nurse didn’t believe me when I said I was not sexually active. To put the icing on the cake, the doctor himself said “Yeah, right. We’ll see if you’re a real virgin or not.” when he saw my records before the pelvic exam. Needless to say, I felt entirely dirty throughout the exam. I hated my femininity at that point.

The results of the visit? Birth control! I didn’t want them (not for moral reasons, as I didn’t even know birth control was against church teachings until three years ago- when I was 28) but just because I didn’t feel right having them. Something about the birth control pills made me feel like a dirty “one of them” (the girls having sex) and that’s not who I was. One month later, I stopped taking them as I had gained 5lbs, broke out in severe acne on a once perfectly clear face and my moods were horrible. No one told me of the side effects. Then I got yelled at by both my mother and my doctor! And because my inner feeling was so strong to not take them, I threw them out. I learned to deal with the pain of my periods and when I got older, I learned that it wasn’t even my periods that caused the pain… the pain just flared up during my periods. It was actually my kidneys.

Anyway… the point of my little story is that not all parents are good advocates for their children. I couldn’t even trust my own mother to let her know how the doctor and nurse treated me because I knew she wouldn’t do a darn thing.

So it basically boils down to: 1) do your own research before going to the docs 2) follow your instinct 3) teach then trust your children.
 
Wow, this is such a heated thread…

I know this may not be workable for everyone, and especially with HMO limitations on who you can choose for a doctor, but for what it’s worth…

Back when I was expecting my first baby, I was fresh out of college myself and was SICK AND TIRED of having condoms thrown at me day and night. I went to college in the early 90’s, so “safe sex” (and they didn’t mean monogamous marriage, the only real “safe saex”) was the rule of the day. It was just assumed that everyone was promiscuous and I was really sick of it.

So when I was interviewing pediatricians, along with the usual newborn questions about middle of the night calls, and breastfeeding and such, I actually brought this whole issue up. I explained what my college experience had been like, and said, “Please tell me you’re not going to treat my kids like this!”

I’m sure these peds all thought I was nuts, as I was expecting my first. Still, everyone answered me. All but one sort of cluck-clucked about how we have to be realistic about these things, and better safe than sorry, and so on. ONE doctor, the one I chose, said, “Unfortunatey, a lot of the teens I see are sexually active. But the ones that aren’t, I STRONGLY encourage them to stick with it.”

It was a helpful conversation-- the doctor knew from day one the kind of values my husband and I had. Now my only fear is that he will probably retire or just die of old age before all my kids are grown, and then I’ll have to start all over again… 🙂

Long story, but the point is-- be up front with the doctor about your values. Don’t forget, modern medicine is supposed to be respectful of different “cultures,” as that is more conducive to optimal medical care. Well, our beliefs as Catholics do constitute part of our “culture,” and the docs need to respect that.

Margaret
 
For me, finding a prolife doctor has been the solution. I mean doctors who will not prescribe BCP period.
Maybe your parish is aware of someone in your area.
Mine used to be listed on
onemoresoul.com
but I can’t find the list. You could do a search at onemoresoul.com/search.php
Scroll to the bottom and enter your zip code. Local physicians and NFP teachers are listed; they should be able to help locate a prolife doctor.
I am ALL for supporting prolife doctors and am so very thankful that they are practicing.
If my teenager should need to allow another adult access to her most personal situations, I want that adult to be the most trustworthy individual possible.
Deborah
 
Don’t know how I missed this since October…

…If some doctor started telling ME how to parent after I’d been at it 17 years, we would have just stopped then and there, and the physical would have been postponed until the real doctor came back. It would not have gone on 40 minutes.

I would give the young man some privacy though during the actual physical- with a different doctor.

It ticks me off that a kid has to have parental permission for an ear piercing or a tat, but when it comes to meds or birth control, all of the sudden it’s a personal matter.

Back to the doctor- I am not a cooperative patient, I fear. I do not want to know what I weigh and could care less. I get weighed backwards. I am not going to allow a doctor beat me up if I am overweight. Hey, I know when I’m overweight, this is not a surprise. I ask questions, and if a treatment is prescribed for me or mine, Iask about other alternatives up front.
 
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vluvski:
This is not routine.
In NC, SC, and GA, all the places I’ve ever been examined, it is actually the law that another person be present when sensitive areas are examined. For me it was always a female nurse looking the other direction with a doctor or specialist examining.
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I have lived in New York and have always experienced having a nurse present when I needed an internal examination by a male doctor. This is common courtesy and should be standard procedure everywhere.

I’m not sure what they do in Florida, as I have a woman doctor here.
 
Doctors only have to alert your parents if they think you’re life is in danger (you’re thinking of suicide.) While I understand why parents want to be involved in these discussions, I do feel it’s important to have doctor-patient confidentiality. They give me a survey asking if I use drugs/alcohol if I’m abused, if my parents own guns, and if I am sexually active. Since none of these things involve me, I’ve never had a discussion.
 
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