Another rant on remaining single

[Epistemes]

Why is that just when I get enough confidence to want to approach a certain girl at Mass, whom I’ve had my eye set on for months and months, that she stops showing up at that particular Mass? I mean, here lately, I’ve been dressing to a ‘T’ in anticipation, making my shirttail isn’t sloppy, making sure my breath isn’t funky, wearing Italian loafers…and what happens? Nothing.

And why is it that the other girls who I think are cute and attractive at Mass are the ones who leave immediately following Communion?

Why are all the good, single, Catholic girls found here on CAF…but in different states?

I really want a girlfriend. I really just want to fall in love. I want to go on picnics, and to the mountains, and have someone to share myself with, and be there for them when they need me, and go to Mass with and pray with and…

Why is this so hard?

 

[whatevergirl]

*Place your intentions, frustrations, requests into God’s hands. I know that you are frustrated lately…I’m so sorry that you’ve been having a confusing and tough time. Don’t worry over this, though…Jesus told us to not be anxious FOR ANYTHING, and that includes this. So, TRY to leave it all in God’s hands…asking Him to allow your path to cross with who HE has in mind for you, and keep your mind open…He might lead you to volunteer somewhere, He might lead you to a different church, mass, etc…Just be open to whatever God has in store for you.

Also, women like men who are themselves, and don’t try ‘too hard,’ (although Italian loafers are great! ) just be mindful of not appearing to ‘antsy’ when it comes to women…and I think when you least expect it, you will find the right person to spend your energy and time on…Women have an uncanny ability to sensing when a man is trying too hard…so just be yourself, be happy where you are in your life, and your natural energy will shine through.

I will hold you in my prayers. *

 

[chevalier]

Women have an uncanny ability to sensing when a man is trying too hard

True. That’s why a man should 1) allow himself to be himself, 2) at the same time remember to place effort where it is appreciated. Because allowing yourself to be yourself is only one side of the coin.

 

[whatevergirl]

True. That’s why a man should 1) allow himself to be himself, 2) at the same time remember to place effort where it is appreciated. Because allowing yourself to be yourself is only one side of the coin.

*Yes, indeed.

Now, I don’t certainly mean that if a man is a jerk, that he should be himself. lol (although, there are women who gravitate to jerks for whatever reason, I can’t say I have NEVER done that in my life ) Sometimes, change IS in order.

Obviously, I mean to not try hard, or become someone you are not, to ‘impress’ a woman. If a woman does not like you for you–move on. Now, we’re not talking dressing, etc…sometimes, a woman’s touch is needed there…but more of what I am talking about is don’t try hard to get someone to like you. If a woman isn’t interested in the core you, don’t try to turn yourself into something you’re clearly not, to get her attention.

Epistemes…the right situation WILL present itself. I don’t believe in sitting idly on the couch, waiting for love to knock on your door…but you will go farther just living your life, doing what pleases you, and continuing to grow in holiness. A good woman will be naturally drawn to who you are, and water tends to seek its own level.

God bless. *

 

[kage_ar]

What parish groups/events/activities are in involved in or do you volunteer for? If you do not get involved outside of Mass, it is almost impossible to form friendships with your fellow parishioners.

Get involved, you will meet your fellow Catholics. That is how people make connections, connections make friendships and friendships lead to deeper relationships. Don’t run from a group simply because you do not see X number of attractive single people in your age bracket. People have families, friends, etc. and you just might end up working side by side with someone who will introduce you to a good Catholic girl.

Also, do not judge your fellow Catholics on what looks not-holy-enough for you. I leave after Communion more often than not. I’m very involved with different groups in the Parish, and I have to go unlock doors or set up tables or get volunteers coordinated for such and thus…

Lighten up, get involved and start meeting people!

 

[mizznicole]

Depending on your age, vacation bible school may be a good place to volunteer. At ours, there were lots of college guys and gals.

 

[dakotagirl]

I sympathize. My advice for what it’s worth: I don’t know how good your prayer life is, but it seems you might be putting the cart before the horse, and putting the woman first. I hereby assign John Eldridge’s book Wild at Heart - he speaks about the temptation of expecting a woman to fill that hole in your heart that only God can fill. Do please put God first. Make sure your prayer life is spanking good. Holiness has a thing about making men suddenly more desirable. For example, holy men are about 4 pts more physically attractive . Another example: you know how women go ga-ga over confident men? Truly holy men are very often confident. Why? They are humble. Why? The realize their worth lies in God. Why? They are close to God. Why? They make a point of seeking him. I could go on and on with examples…the truth is that seeking God relates to and improves everything about a person.

 

[chevalier]

Now, I don’t certainly mean that if a man is a jerk, that he should be himself. lol

**
You mean I… I…

 

[whatevergirl]

chevalier:
**
You mean I… I…

you know what I mean! ha

 

[Epistemes]

What parish groups/events/activities are in involved in or do you volunteer for?

I’m a member of the RCIA team. I just joined the Knights of Columbus. I just recently volunteered to start bringing some college kid to Mass on Sundays (when needed). I’m pretty involved.

dakotagirl:

I sympathize. My advice for what it’s worth: I don’t know how good your prayer life is, but it seems you might be putting the cart before the horse, and putting the woman first. I hereby assign John Eldridge’s book Wild at Heart - he speaks about the temptation of expecting a woman to fill that hole in your heart that only God can fill. Do please put God first. Make sure your prayer life is spanking good. Holiness has a thing about making men suddenly more desirable. For example, holy men are about 4 pts more physically attractive . Another example: you know how women go ga-ga over confident men? Truly holy men are very often confident. Why? They are humble. Why? The realize their worth lies in God. Why? They are close to God. Why? They make a point of seeking him. I could go on and on with examples…the truth is that seeking God relates to and improves everything about a person.

Based on all this, it seems I should strive to join the religious life, not seek a partner. I mean, seriously, what are the critera for being a desirable “holy man” of a partner for a woman? I pray, I go to Mass several times a week, I lead a sacramental life, I read about the saints, I mean, my whole life is dedicated to the Church and Christ and His Mother as much as it can be right now but I’m still overweight, I’m just now gaining confidence, I’m horribly arrogant and prideful, and yes I could go on with examples too. I mean, to be as holy as you seem to describe would entail me joining the Carthusians for 12 years then returning to the world as the perfect spouse…or something…

I’m sorry if that sounds angry…but what in the hell do you women want?? I CAN ONLY BE WHO I AM!!!

 

[Luke_K]

I really want a girlfriend. I really just want to fall in love. I want to go on picnics, and to the mountains, and have someone to share myself with, and be there for them when they need me, and go to Mass with and pray with and…

Why is this so hard?

Hahaha this sounds like me a year ago. I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl (I haven’t met one that I’ve been attracted to and wasn’t already taken ) and felt your same need to be romantic and very personally close with a special someone. I felt like I NEEDED a girlfriend to fill a hole in my life.

Let me tell you, you need to embrace this single season of your life. Use it to grow as close to God as possible. Think about it, even if you don’t get married until age 30, you’ll still be spending most of your life married! Enjoy the freedom you have now!

You don’t need to wait until you meet that special girl to share the love you have inside of you. That’s just selfish. The more you grow in your love for God and others right now, the more love you’ll be able to share with that girl someday. And, you’ll form a stronger identity for yourself that isn’t dependant upon another person’s opinion of you.

And what if God actually wants you to remain single the rest of your life? Would you be able to handle that? We ALL have to be willing to take that vocation. How do you think a person born with same-sex attractions handles this reality, knowing that God has called them to a celibate life, despite what they may desire for themselves?

Place this desire of yours into God’s hands, and you will not be disappointed. Go where He leads you in your life, and if there really is a special girl out that that He has chosen for you, do you think He would let you miss out on each other because you were doing His will?

Trust me, I know how you feel. I’m almost 20. I’ve seen all of my friends date girls, while I’ve never even kissed one . Yet I still do not feel lacking, because I have God, the source of all love!

 

[ElizabethPH]

I like that idea of embracing your singleness.

Epistemes have you thought about organizing a singles social? What fun that would be!

 

[dakotagirl]

Oh ok, dude. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DOING WHAT I SUGGESTED. So relax, chill out.

 

[petitfleur]

Finding someone always seems to happen when you least expect it, and stop worrying about it That was certainly the case for me. I do think you should embrace your life how it is and get as involved as you can now. Life changes and I miss not having the freedom to do the volunteer work I used to do.

 

[Epistemes]

And what if God actually wants you to remain single the rest of your life? Would you be able to handle that? We ALL have to be willing to take that vocation. How do you think a person born with same-sex attractions handles this reality, knowing that God has called them to a celibate life, despite what they may desire for themselves?

I’ve gotten so many mixed signals from the Big Man over the past three months, I wouldn’t be surprised…

 

[petitfleur]

I’ve gotten so many mixed signals from the Big Man over the past three months, I wouldn’t be surprised…

:twocents:Awwww… I think your over thinking this too much. One thing I know for sure is God’s plan for you is better than anything you can come up with on your own…so dont try to force anything.

 

[kage_ar]

RCIA begins soon, jump into that with both feet. Seems that God has a way of making things happen in HIS own time.

 

[catherinette]

I’m sorry if that sounds angry…but what in the hell do you women want?? I CAN ONLY BE WHO I AM!!!

Personally I would want to meet a man who didn’t spend 90% of his time thinking about himself. Sorry if that was harsh. But I am only saying it because I have been guilty of the exact same thing. If I met the most attractive man in the world who spent all his time going to mass and praying and volunteering, yet every word out of his mouth was “I” or “me” and he thought only about what I could do for him, then I would say, “You are clearly incapable of really loving someone else, so see you later.” Ultimately, it’s a bit like carrying on a conversation. If you spend all of your time thinking about what you will say next or how you will sound if you say such and such, then the conversation becomes completely unnatural, and you can’t say anything at all. If instead you are really interested in the topic and are listening to what the other person has to say, then you completely forget about yourself, and end up having an amazing conversation.

 

[dakotagirl]

Personally I would want to meet a man who didn’t spend 90% of his time thinking about himself. Sorry if that was harsh. But I am only saying it because I have been guilty of the exact same thing. If I met the most attractive man in the world who spent all his time going to mass and praying and volunteering, yet every word out of his mouth was “I” or “me” and he thought only about what I could do for him, then I would say, “You are clearly incapable of really loving someone else, so see you later.” Ultimately, it’s a bit like carrying on a conversation. If you spend all of your time thinking about what you will say next or how you will sound if you say such and such, then the conversation becomes completely unnatural, and you can’t say anything at all. If instead you are really interested in the topic and are listening to what the other person has to say, then you completely forget about yourself, and end up having an amazing conversation.

Well, to be fair, this is his thread, he started it, and the idea is kind of to talk about him.

 

[catherinette]

Well, to be fair, this is his thread, he started it, and the idea is kind of to talk about him.

True, in retrospect I could have worded my response in a much more compassionate way. I apologize!

But ultimately if you want to love someone, you have to be able to forgot about yourself, and being selfless is attractive. Obviously you are already trying hard by spending your time volunteering!