Anti-Catholic Whoppers

[Prophesy]

1. Catholics are buried with booze bottles in the caskets.

Just proof that we lived in the first place.

1. Catholics keep the dead for five days before they have the funeral.

I don’t understand the maliciousness in this. It could happen depending on how close the person died to Easter.

1. Tall churches with lots of steps are built so that the children of the nuns, fathered by the priests, can be hidden and never seen.

They live under the steps, this is why we’ve adopted the term step-children (for people who aren’t really the biological parents of the children )

1. There are tunnels connecting these secret children’s wards that go “all over town” so the children won’t ever be seen. (And that’s the TRUTH!)

The tunnels also have farms and Wal-Mart so that the children can have everything they need. (Important Note: Silas in the DaVinci Code wasn’t actually albino, he was one of these children, he just never saw the sun to that point).

1. In 1959, when boys were quitting high school to earn $40/wk (more than their fathers who worked for the same factories)—that’s a total of $2,080.00 per year, BEFORE taxes—the story was going around that when a Catholic boy and girl got married, the Church gave them $20K to go into business, but if a Catholic boy married a Protestant girl, he only got $5K to start his business, and a Catholic girl who married a Protestant boy got zilch! Oh the injustice of it all!

This is a lie. A Catholic boy who married a Protestant girl got $2.5K and a slap on the wrist.

1. Also in the '50’s: Nuns (in habits) are really priests who have a scalp disease and are hiding their problem, which is probably syphillis or gonorrhea, from the public.

This is true, but misleading. There aren’t actually any Catholic women, this is why they were never paid for marrying Protestants.

7: Priests shake incense around to hide their booze breath.

I do this at the bar all the time. I’ve also been known to shake the incense around to “bless” the cop who’s pulled me over.

-Prophesy

 

[nickybr38]

Oh! I remember one I heard now!

Nuns are actually secret mistresses of priests! And they have many children but they are all hidden as orphans so the public doesn’t find out.

 

[FaustinaClare]

Oh! I remember one I heard now!

Nuns are actually secret mistresses of priests! And they have many children but they are all hidden as orphans so the public doesn’t find out.

Wow and I thought I have heard them all!!

 

[ESMDHokie77]

Inquisition related things… I need to re-read my book about 7 lies of catholic history…

 

[Tiberius1701]

I was once asked if it was true that Catholics can’t pray without the help of a priest.

 

[Tiberius1701]

The other great one is that IHS stands for Isis, Horus and Seb. I once had someone tell me that and when I explained to her that it wasn’t she really didn’t know what to say.

And the ironic bit there is that, properly speaking, it’s not even an H anyway, it’s a capital-epsilon…

 

[Tiberius1701]

In my case it was a tie…

I was told by an anti Catholic that the Catholic Church doesn’t teach that Christ is risen from the dead…and this was an EX-catholic that told me this. Ex catholics can be the most virulent, and intentionally dishonest anti Catholics on the planet.

I’ve read that the attempted assassination on the former Pope was actually staged by the Jesuits in diabolical conspiracy. They intentionally used a muslim shooter so that muslims everywhere would be guilt-induced to join the Catholic Church. After all these muslims joined Catholicism, they were to be used by the Vatican as soldiers in a new army, in a secretly planned war against Israel in an attempt to “get Jerusalem”.

I don’t know which whopper is bigger.

ROFL. I vote for #2. It’s more convoluted, thus far more fun to laugh at. Plus… the first is just sad…

 

[Tiberius1701]

Pretty much everything Jack Chick says. I think I remember something in one of his tracts saying tha the pope had a “super-computer” with everyone’s names, religious affiliation, age, location, etc… in it.

Actually that one’s true. It’s called the Holy Spirit.

 

[105lynne]

ROFL. I vote for #2. It’s more convoluted, thus far more fun to laugh at. Plus… the first is just sad…

Yes! Ex-Catholics are some of the angriest people I’ve ever known! Some (not all) seem so passionately devoted to converting all who remain faithful to The Church. Strange how ex-Catholics seems so bitter, yet people who convert to Catholicism seems so peaceful. Wait a second…that’s not strange. It makes perfect sense.

 

[babylonsfalling]

Yes! Ex-Catholics are some of the angriest people I’ve ever known! Some (not all) seem so passionately devoted to converting all who remain faithful to The Church. Strange how ex-Catholics seems so bitter, yet people who convert to Catholicism seems so peaceful. Wait a second…that’s not strange. It makes perfect sense.

I think most ex Catholics are not actually that angry but those who ARE angry get the lion’s share of the attention.

1. It’s an odd demographic…among a crowd of anti Catholics, you’ll often find that most are ex Catholic.
   These are the insecure ex Catholics in my opinion who probably left for very weak reasons, don’t feel very good about their departure and need to make TONS of noise in order to cover up their insecurity. I actually think these folk are more likely to eventually return to the Church, probably kicking and screaming all the way but still, the fact that their so uptight AFTER leaving the Church should tell them something about their departure. It just takes longer for some folk.
2. But among a crowd of ex Catholics, you WILL NOT find that most are really anti Catholic.
   These are the ones who I think are less likely to return because they seem content with their decision. The found a new Church that they’re happy with or they just quit Church altogether. They don’t seem uptight though, whereas the first group still can’t get the Catholic Church out of their head.

It’s ironic in a way because it means that the angry ex Catholic who’s become anti Catholic for the time being is actually better off in the long run because he’s more likely to return to he Church when his fit is over with.

The contented ex Catholic is more likely to never return.

 

[FaustinaClare]

In my limited time on this earth being a Catholic I have noticed that most fallen away or ex-Catholics are “culture Catholics” and they never really learned what the Church is about anyway so they spout all kinds of errors

The Catholic Church really saved my spiritual life so it is very painful to see so many people bashing the Church especially when they don’t even know what they are doing!

 

[babylonsfalling]

In my limited time on this earth being a Catholic I have noticed that most fallen away or ex-Catholics are “culture Catholics” and they never really learned what the Church is about anyway so they spout all kinds of errors

The Catholic Church really saved my spiritual life so it is very painful to see so many people bashing the Church especially when they don’t even know what they are doing!

I’m not sure what you mean by “culture Catholics” but your post makes them sound innocently ignorant of Catholic teaching.

In my experience though, I’ve heard things that are obvious lies about the Church coming from the mouths of some (not most) ex Catholics, I’ve been told that the Church doesn’t even teach that Christ is risen from the dead. There is nothing innocent about that, it’s an intentional lie, which is different from an error. I am not prepared to believe that any adult who was raised Catholic believes the Church doesn’t teach redundantly that Christ is risen.

People who grew up Catholic also know the difference between praying to Mary and worshiping her. When I hear an ex Catholic tell me that Catholics worship Mary, I presume I’m dealing with a liar. It’s just not taught or perceived that way in the Church. The idea that praying to Mary equals worship is an notion from outside the Church, so any ex Catholic telling me that kind of stuff heard it is just parroting outside sources but knowing in their heart that they were never worshiping Mary when they were praying to her as a child.

Some of the conspiracy stuff that I’ve heard from ex Catholics is so loony that one needs to want to believe in it in order to accept it. It more wacky than the 9-11 conspiracies about Bush blowing up the towers.

 

[Tiberius1701]

I’m not sure what you mean by “culture Catholics” but your post makes them sound innocently ignorant of Catholic teaching.

In my experience though, I’ve heard things that are obvious lies about the Church coming from the mouths of some (not most) ex Catholics, I’ve been told that the Church doesn’t even teach that Christ is risen from the dead. There is nothing innocent about that, it’s an intentional lie, which is different from an error. I am not prepared to believe that any adult who was raised Catholic believes the Church doesn’t teach redundantly that Christ is risen.

People who grew up Catholic also know the difference between praying to Mary and worshiping her. When I hear an ex Catholic tell me that Catholics worship Mary, I presume I’m dealing with a liar. It’s just not taught or perceived that way in the Church. The idea that praying to Mary equals worship is an notion from outside the Church, so any ex Catholic telling me that kind of stuff heard it is just parroting outside sources but knowing in their heart that they were never worshiping Mary when they were praying to her as a child.

Some of the conspiracy stuff that I’ve heard from ex Catholics is so loony that one needs to want to believe in it in order to accept it. It more wacky than the 9-11 conspiracies about Bush blowing up the towers.

That’s true. Even if you only went to Church twice a year, you went to Easter, so… to say that the Church doesn’t believe, much less celebrate, the Ressurection is… simply unfathomable.

 

[babylonsfalling]

That’s true. Even if you only went to Church twice a year, you went to Easter, so… to say that the Church doesn’t believe, much less celebrate, the Ressurection is… simply unfathomable.

Actually it’s right in the Catholic Creed that Christ rose on the third day, not to mention everywhere else in Catholicism where the resurrection is taught to redundantly.

This accusation that the Church doesn’t teach the resurrection was made on a website and what first surprised me was that she really expected anyone to even believe it.

What next surprised me is how some of the other ex Catholics of anti Catholic perspective jumped on the bandwagon to defend the lie after I called her on it. And how NONE had enough integrity to come forward and call her on what everyone knew to be a lie. They seem to accept anything, as long as it helps them hate their former church.

And again, it needs to be stated that most ex Catholics are not this tweaked out over leaving the Church.

I still think the ones throwing the biggest fit about Catholicism are the ones most uptight and insecure about leaving the Church, and ironically, they may be better off in the long run than those who seem content with their decision to leave.

I can see the uptight ones eventually giving up and returning to the Church, since they can’t seem to really leave it behind anyway. The contented ex Catholics seem fine being out of the Church.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

And again, it needs to be stated that most ex Catholics are not this tweaked out over leaving the Church.

I still think the ones throwing the biggest fit about Catholicism are the ones most uptight and insecure about leaving the Church, and ironically, they may be better off in the long run than those who seem content with their decision to leave.

I can see the uptight ones eventually giving up and returning to the Church, since they can’t seem to really leave it behind anyway. The contented ex Catholics seem fine being out of the Church.

I don’t know…I was fine with my decision to leave the Church…good riddance I thought.

Now I’m back! Just finished full confirmation and my husband converted. Ironic to have all our misconceptions fall away at the right time…

 

[Tiberius1701]

I don’t know…I was fine with my decision to leave the Church…good riddance I thought.

Now I’m back! Just finished full confirmation and my husband converted. Ironic to have all our misconceptions fall away at the right time…

Not ironic… Providential!

Walcome Home!!! :grouphug::extrahappy:

 

[Newsy]

Some of the conspiracy stuff that I’ve heard from ex Catholics is so loony that one needs to want to believe in it in order to accept it. It more wacky than the 9-11 conspiracies about Bush blowing up the towers.

When I was protestant, I wanted to believe that stuff. And it is always easier to listen to rhetoric and agree than to reason it out. The idea is the enemy of my enemy is my friend. That idea is ridiculous, but easier than facing the idea of being wrong. Eventually, if Christ is active in your life, you face the truth.

It also seems to me that many lapsed Catholics are the ones that disagree with some teaching, not the ones that are ignorant of it. Example, contraception is my right and choice so the Church must be wrong. By all means, change the Church instead of submitting to it, that’s what society tells us at least.

To add another whopper, the Catholic Church was started by Satan to steal souls. Which explains the Pope/anti-Christ idea.

 

[Tiberius1701]

To add another whopper, the Catholic Church was started by Satan to steal souls. Which explains the Pope/anti-Christ idea.

Indeed it does, if flimsily… but then all of these ridiculous lies are pretty flimsy.

Related to the idea that the Pope is or could be “the Anti-Christ,” there was a fairly anti-Catholic website - not ridiculously anti-Catholic, but certainly willing to claim that Catholics aren’t really Christian, etc. - that I stumbled upon a while back that had an interesting article about whether or not the current Pope was “the Anti-Christ.” All in all, they were certainly in favor of one day declaring a future Pope to definitively be “the Anti-Christ,” but, to their credit, in the end their article boiled down to the following paraphrased statement: “The Bible says that the Anti-Christ will deny the divinity of Christ, and neither Pope John Paul II nor Pope Benedict have taught that Jesus is not God, therefore neither one is ‘the Anti-Christ’.” I found it both refreshingly honest (you know, for your average anti-Catholic) and hillarious: If that’s how we’ll know that the Pope is “the Anti-Christ,” then based on the infallibly defined doctrine of papal infallibility, the entirety of Creation will pass away before any Pope becomes “the Anti-Christ.”

 

[luckysealy]

i may be wrong but i think the whole pope is the antichrist started with luther.

 

[linebyline]

I find it somewhat ironic that the “You have not posted on our forums in quite some time” message appears while I’m posting.

The other great one is that IHS stands for Isis, Horus and Seb. I once had someone tell me that and when I explained to her that it wasn’t she really didn’t know what to say.

What really gets me about that last one is that Chick calls them a “trinity.”

Really? Isis and Horus hated Seb, who was the one who cut Osiris (Isis’ husband and Horus’ father) into little pieces. He got better, though.

Pretty much everything Jack Chick says. I think I remember something in one of his tracts saying tha the pope had a “super-computer” with everyone’s names, religious affiliation, age, location, etc… in it.

This is actually almost halfway plausible today. But back when he wrote it? I have my doubts as to whether there could have been a computer with that kind of storage capacity.

Never mind the logistics of actually collecting such a huge amount of data. The census in the US happens only every few years, and that’s a huge to-do getting everyone to cooperate. Besides, to be any scarier than a census, the information would have to be more specific and up-to-date.

It takes a fair amount of resources to keep track of even one person well enough to know the minute that person moves, or changes religious affiliations, or gets married or divorced or otherwise changes his or her name. Now multiply that by 6,923,438,704 and counting.

1. Also in the '50’s: Nuns (in habits) are really priests who have a scalp disease and are hiding their problem, which is probably syphillis or gonorrhea, from the public.

…? But what does that have to do… Never mind. I don’t want to know.

That explains the awful noises, I always just thought that it was the congregation singing.

Good old OCP.

I was once asked if it was true that Catholics can’t pray without the help of a priest.

I was once asked if we were allowed to pray to God without going through one or more of the saints first.

I’m not sure if he was kidding or not.

The one that gets me is when people say Catholics don’t believe Jesus really died for our sins. Hello? You’ve seen the crucifixes we plaster all over everything? You know, the crosses with the statue of the dead/dying Jesus on it? Like the one around my neck? I can almost understand how people can think we don’t believe in the Resurrection, given the prominence of the crucifix, but to think we don’t believe Christ died for us? That’s a pretty big blind spot.