LSUpathdoc,
I have decided to post the pm I sent to you so that others might benefit or share some further insight and ideas. The only thing I’d like to add to my original note is how important it was for me to have a really good confession (and I mean a GOOD confession) before I began my novena. I continue to keep you in my prayers; may you find comfort in that.
In Christ,
NTJ
LSUpathdoc,
I have read most of your thread concerning your anxiety and depression and I’d like to privately offer my thoughts to you. First, you are in my prayers. I admire you for all you’ve done and for what you are valiantly fighting. I believe you will win.
As to why I’m choosing to do this privately, I can’t tell you exactly because I’m not sure. I’m sure others could benefit from what I’m telling you and at some point soon I’ll likely share publicly on the forum. I will admit that my issues do not seem as complex and difficult as yours but I honestly don’t believe that matters. You see, over the course of a relatively short time my husband suffered a subarachnoid brain hemorrhage (he’s fine, by the way, thanks to God), we had two somewhat difficult and emotionally trying adoptions of our two beautiful children, the death of a family member, and suddenly we were contemplating a move to San Francisco. These are the biggies, there were other smaller issues thrown in there too. I still don’t understand why I was plunged into anxiety; I feel I should have been strong enough to handle all of it. After all, many others seem to breeze through this stuff, don’t they? But perhaps we, you and I, should view this as a gift so that we may understand what others are going through. I have come through it, am now on the other side, and am offering my help to you. See, as a doctor you’ll have this tool in your arsenal. You will know and UNDERSTAND what some patients and their families are going through. YOU will be able to help them with your experience, not just lab results and MRIs. How wonderful you will be for others and how God will love you for it. Perhaps you’ll also help those in your personal life or someone on this forum.
My anxiety lasted a year and half, almost exactly. For me, it was right to refuse medication. I honestly felt that I needed to overcome it without the aid of prescriptions. Again, for me, it was a good decision. I cannot speak for you, obviously, the doctor. But believe me, plenty of doctors were ready (and did) write me prescriptions. A psychologist I saw was on my side and thought it advisable not to take medication. I never took anything they gave me. What I’m sure you already know, given your profession, is to have your vitamin D level checked. Mine was very low. A true deficiency. I do not need to tell you the value of vitamin D.
In any case, I spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out what my issues were, what I could do for myself, where to get help, what to do next. I wanted to be whole for myself and my family. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I journaled. I prayed for others and I took care of myself physically. Then I found Padre Pio, Saint Pio. I love him and now have a devotion to him. I suggest you pick up a few books about him. What helped me were two books entitled Padre Pio, Man of Hope and Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry. (I tried to underline those, I’m not sure how it’ll come out.) I read those books and developed a true appreciation for him as a person, a priest, and a saint. Then I said a novena to him. (You can find the novena to him online in many places or you can buy a book of novenas). It was the first novena I ever said. In fact, I had never really heard of novenas before. In case, like me, you’re unaware of what novenas are, they’re nine-day prayers said to a saint, Jesus, Mary, or the Holy Spirit. They’re written…all we do is pray them. And I mean PRAY them. And believe. And trust. Have faith. Put it all out there. Feel it, cry it, have a conversation with him, give it your whole being. The day after I finished my novena to Saint Pio, my anxiety left. The heaviness that I had been carrying in my chest disappeared. And it hasn’t come back. (You know that heaviness, don’t you?) I sleep through the night again without waking up worrying about being worried. I’m happy. I’m truly happy. And so grateful. Develop a relationship with Padre Pio. Introduce yourself to him (though he probably already knows you) and let him love you. Perhaps you’ll feel a pull to another saint, but he helped me. Boy, did he help me. His prayers are powerful; pray for him to intercede for you.
Believe me, you can get through this. Offer up your suffering for your mother’s soul, if you like. And then believe that God wants you to be happy and enjoy the life He gave you. Know that this has been for a reason, appreciate it for that, and then knock it out of here. You DESERVE to enjoy life, we all do. You DESERVE to enjoy your family and they DESERVE a happy and whole husband and father. You’ll get there, I know it.
Please let me know you got this. I’m praying for you.
In Christ,
NTJ
