Anyone Ever Feel Like Leaving the Church?

[Em_in_FL]

Forgive my multiple quotes here… but a lot of your posts had good information on where you’re coming from…

I participate in Mass and feel nothing, and I used to be so passionate about my faith, and now it is a chore. I feel empty now. ** I don’t fit in with the good Catholic girls, so where do I belong?**

Who are these “good Catholic girls” that you’re trying to be like? Is it an outward appearance that you’re trying to live up to?
(Honestly asking questions - not poking)…

I do understand the Catholic faith and the reasons I can’t do the things I used to do. I just can’t explain to them, they don’t care. All they think is that someone took their fun friend. They have said worse, but I won’t go into it. So I usually just don’t say anything (I don’t want to come off as judgemental) and if they start to do something that could be immoral, I head home.

Be honest… what are these experiences that you’re having? It IS possible to go out and have fun in a moral and Catholic way… you don’t have to give up who you are! In fact - you may be doing a *disservice *to the faith by turning your old friends off because you’re not fun anymore! Yes, you need to try to make moral choices in everything you do. No, you don’t need to turn your friends off in the process.

My attitude growing up was: if you can’t be perfect, why do it?
It has given me a lot to think about though.

Please define “perfect”.

I know you’ve mentioned sex a few times in your posts… I do understand how that would be hard to give up. But I guess I’m trying to figure out the full story, because I’m assuming these moments when you’re out with your friends (maybe out at a bar dancing or something) when you’re feeling you have to defend the faith… that’s not when you’re struggling with SEX, it’s when you’re struggling with having fun at that moment, right? If not, please clarify…

I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t make it such a big deal! You’re ALLOWED to go out with your friends and have fun! You’re allowed to look at a guy and think he’s hot! You’re allowed to *pursue *chaste dating relationships!

I’ve seen converts struggle with this… I know this isn’t easy… but somehow you have to find some **balance **in your life. You can’t just recreate your personality and pretend to be a nun or something overnight - and you don’t HAVE to!

Prayers for you, my friend… take your time… it’s normal to have difficult times and struggles… Christ Himself carried a very heavy cross.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Yep that’s me too. only in contrast I feel as if the church has abandoned me “singles” per say. They leave no where for us to fit if we’re not hooked up so to say by a certain age. Unless we’ve been divorced. But if you’ve never been married you’re out of luck

You know I agree with you on this. I mean, I’m married so I can’t exactly feel where you are coming from, but I’ve often thought (while sitting in the pew) “this is all good and great for me. But what about someone who isn’t married?!” I really think there needs to be more of a focus on singles in the church. And I don’t mean more “let’s have a singles event to get all you people married!” I mean honest-to-God singles outreaches and programs that help people find Christ and God’s meaning in their lives as single people.

 

[tweetymom]

You have mentioned in previous posts that you instruct your Parish RCIA class and partake of the precious body and blood at Mass. How do you square that with your Protestant ‘longings.’ Just wondering.

Just wondering so you can bash me some more?

 

[MtnDwellar]

Hi County Singer

Hang in there! Things will come together. It is not always an easy road. There are great people and some men out there who share our principals.

Sure, you can throw on a tight shirt, head to a club, and meet some drunk jerk who tells you that you are special and he really wants you. Then he will start to treat you like dirt and you feel worse then than you do now.

That old road only had temporary excitement and the illusion of happiness. We are in it for the long term. I still ride my bike, play pool, throw darts, hike, dance, and have a great time. You can do it.

If you want to find a husband, look at yourself. The way to attract the right kind of guy is to be the right kind of woman.

 

[Rence]

No sweetie. Not most. Just a very loud, very small minority. That oddly enough you encounter more frequently on internet forums than in real life.

Sooooo true. I’ve never met any Catholics in real life like the ones I encounter on online forums. It’s the nature of the internet. You get a lot of loud people from both sides of the spectrum.

 

[tweetymom]

Sooooo true. I’ve never met any Catholics in real life like the ones I encounter on online forums. It’s the nature of the internet. You get a lot of loud people from both sides of the spectrum.

Ditto

 

[KostyaJMJ]

no I’ve never felt like leaving the Church. I am not going to risk not getting to heaven over something as simple as belief. I will believe anything you like if it gets me to heaven. Make a basic Cost-utility analysis and I think you will see that staying in the Church is the most advantageous even if you do have to sacrifice a little bit. Where else would you go?

I believed in Santa Clause until my parents told me otherwise. I wasn’t going to risk not getting any presents because I stopped believing. It is something similar with me staying Catholic.

 

[Kimothy80]

There are not very many parishes that I can get to easily, without spending the whole day on the bus (I don’t have a car, because it is too expensive to have one in the city). The one I went to is the one where all the young adults went to, and the other one nearby is where all the older people go to. I know people will say to move out of Seattle, but I love the area. The only other place I could imagine living is a large city (I hate living in suburbs or the country).

CS~

I can relate b/c there are only three (3 ) parishes in Tallahassee. I have a driver’s license but no car and the one that is closest to me is a 10-15 minute walk each way. Without knowing it (though I had a “gut” feeling and others confirmed my suspicions) I had joined the “older folks” church. Ooops-ie!

That’s why I’m SO GLAD I found the YA Catholic group. More people my age who go to the “fun” church. Also, I recently learned that the parish that I attend will be having their VBS at a convenant time. YAY!!

Have you thought about volunteering at a VBS near by? You might be able to meet some “young moms” and make friends that way.

Believe me when I say that I do know what you’re going through (though I can’t relate to the sex part seeing that I’ve never experienced it…). I’m not going to recommend “pray this” or “pray that” because honestly sometimes the words do come out feeling empty. My only suggestion is to have a little one-on-one convo with the All Mighty. Good luck!

 

[CountrySinger]

Forgive my multiple quotes here… but a lot of your posts had good information on where you’re coming from…

Who are these “good Catholic girls” that you’re trying to be like? Is it an outward appearance that you’re trying to live up to?
(Honestly asking questions - not poking)…

Be honest… what are these experiences that you’re having? It IS possible to go out and have fun in a moral and Catholic way… you don’t have to give up who you are! In fact - you may be doing a *disservice *to the faith by turning your old friends off because you’re not fun anymore! Yes, you need to try to make moral choices in everything you do. No, you don’t need to turn your friends off in the process.

Please define “perfect”.

I know you’ve mentioned sex a few times in your posts… I do understand how that would be hard to give up. But I guess I’m trying to figure out the full story, because I’m assuming these moments when you’re out with your friends (maybe out at a bar dancing or something) when you’re feeling you have to defend the faith… that’s not when you’re struggling with SEX, it’s when you’re struggling with having fun at that moment, right? If not, please clarify…

I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t make it such a big deal! You’re ALLOWED to go out with your friends and have fun! You’re allowed to look at a guy and think he’s hot! You’re allowed to *pursue *chaste dating relationships!

I’ve seen converts struggle with this… I know this isn’t easy… but somehow you have to find some **balance **in your life. You can’t just recreate your personality and pretend to be a nun or something overnight - and you don’t HAVE to!

Prayers for you, my friend… take your time… it’s normal to have difficult times and struggles… Christ Himself carried a very heavy cross.

The good Catholic girls are the one who are my age, who act so innocent, they seem so peaceful. They are like the “popular girls”, which I have never been. It’s hard for me to be innocent, because I’ve never been. HA. They are usually very very very BORING as well. That is why I don’t go to the Young Adult Women’s Bible Study at my local parish anymore. I don’t want to be a Cath-Bot! I like my cynical, yet silly side.

It’s hard, because if I do go out with my friends, they tease me incessantly about how I escaped the convent. So I have to make a joke about how we drink in church, so it’s alright for me to go out. Or in dating, having to tell a guy, “I can’t have sex yet”, and then watch them leave. Or having to break up with someone because they aren’t Catholic (last ex). It just gets draining.

Aren’t there any fun Catholics in Seattle? crickets

 

[EEgirl]

CountrySinger,

Have you tried going to the St. James Cathedral in Seattle? stjames-cathedral.org/ I used to go to Mass there sometimes while I was in college, and I always found it to be very beautiful and moving. It doesn’t get any more urban than the very heart of Seattle.

It seems they also have a young adults group. From the website, they list the following activities:

• On the First Thursday of each month we meet at a restaurant in the First HIll/Capitol Hill area for dinner, good conversation, and fellowship. Times and locations are announced in the bulletin, or you can sign up for our email list by following the link below. If you have a favorite area restaurant, please let us know! This is a casual and fun event, and a great way to meet other twenty- and thirty-somethings.
• On the Third Sunday of each month, we offer a meet and greet over wine and cheese at 4:00pm in the Pastoral Outreach Center across the street from the Cathedral. This is followed by a guided discussion of the Sunday Mass readings for that day. The event finishes in time for all to attend the 5:30pm Mass.

Some people never have a crisis of faith. I know I haven’t had a crisis as deep as what you describe. God must have a really special place in mind for you if He thinks you are capable of surviving such a test.

Try not to focus so much on all that you can’t do, but instead think about what you can do. Sometimes the rules can seem very oppressive, but really there are an infinite number of things that are permissible, and only a finite number that are prohibited.

I will pray for you.

 

[Rascalking]

To anyone who was yelling at her and talking down to her, thanks. You people did more damage to this poor girls faith than anyone ever could.

 

[tweetymom]

The good Catholic girls are the one who are my age, who act so innocent, they seem so peaceful. They are like the “popular girls”, which I have never been. It’s hard for me to be innocent, because I’ve never been. HA. They are usually very very very BORING as well. That is why I don’t go to the Young Adult Women’s Bible Study at my local parish anymore. I don’t want to be a Cath-Bot! I like my cynical, yet silly side.

It’s hard, because if I do go out with my friends, they tease me incessantly about how I escaped the convent. So I have to make a joke about how we drink in church, so it’s alright for me to go out. Or in dating, having to tell a guy, “I can’t have sex yet”, and then watch them leave. Or having to break up with someone because they aren’t Catholic (last ex). It just gets draining.

Aren’t there any fun Catholics in Seattle? crickets

I really think you are sincere and since I fell the same about some things I will pray for you to get the right answer. A sincere God Bless to you my dear.

 

[tweetymom]

To anyone who was yelling at her and talking down to her, thanks. You people did more damage to this poor girls faith than anyone ever could.

Amen to that and a sincere God Bless.

 

[Em_in_FL]

The good Catholic girls are the one who are my age, who act so innocent, they seem so peaceful. They are like the “popular girls”, which I have never been. It’s hard for me to be innocent, because I’ve never been. HA. They are usually very very very BORING as well. That is why I don’t go to the Young Adult Women’s Bible Study at my local parish anymore. I don’t want to be a Cath-Bot! I like my cynical, yet silly side.

It’s hard, because if I do go out with my friends, they tease me incessantly about how I escaped the convent. So I have to make a joke about how we drink in church, so it’s alright for me to go out. Or in dating, having to tell a guy, “I can’t have sex yet”, and then watch them leave. Or having to break up with someone because they aren’t Catholic (last ex). It just gets draining.

Aren’t there any fun Catholics in Seattle? crickets

I completely understand.

Do you know what the word “Catholic” means? Catholic = UNIVERSAL… we are not all the same! We come from a universe of *unique *cultures, backgrounds, personalities - none of those things matter! What matters is sticking to the morality… which IS TOUGH! But, you don’t have to date only Catholics, though! And it’s perfectly okay to have a good sense of humor (it’s a gift from the Almighty Himself! )…

Take it easy on yourself… you’re allowed to have fun AND be Catholic.
It’s a hard line to balance piety and society… but it’s not impossible!
We are called to live IN the world (in society), but not OF the world (meaning - within morality)… it requires a lot of prayer… but that prayer doesn’t have to be loud, obnoxious, and out for everyone to see…

(((HUGS))))

 

[ExDeoVita]

I’ve been trying to discuss things with a friend who appears to be drifting away from the Church because he is looking for a better music ministry to be a part of. While I have serious trouble understanding his rationale, I try to discuss things with him on a different plane.

Prof. Peter Kreeft has a great quote: ‘The only reason anyone should believe anything is because it is true’.

I think most people’s willingness to compromise ends there. But that doesn’t solve any of the present problems…

People reconcile hardship in different ways. Personally, when I have trouble with certain teachings, its not a matter of leaving - its just a matter of reconciling myself to those teachings that I already know to be true. And since there is objective Truth, I would be doing myself a disservice by divorcing myself from it.

Another way to think about this is: how many situations in life where one pursues the easy way out or the ‘feel good’ solution end up being the best for them? Delayed gratification is a constant lesson we learn from Jesus Christ and is present in most of the decisions we make in life.

Fulton Sheen broke it down this way concerning the two paths people choose to take in life:

One can choose the feast and then the famine.
Or
One can choose the famine and then the feast.

Temporary gratification = never ending famine.
Or
Delayed gratification = eternal reward.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with the rejection you feel, I just can’t see why one would consider leaving the Truth (who is Jesus Christ Himself) for temporary gratification.

Are there any specific teachings you have trouble with? I think most people today struggle with things like artificial contraception, cohabitation, ect. While I have never had trouble understanding the inhered good in these teachings, I can see how some would approach them with a negative mindset before understanding the benefits. The more I learn about my Faith, the more liberating it is. And its not liberating because I pick and choose the teachings I like, or those that are easy - its liberating because I have faith that what Jesus Christ ordains is for my own good and is that which will bring me the most joy.

As for finding a husband… although I am I guy I can sympathize with you on that level as well. Quite frankly, if your looking for a guy that lacks good judgment, solid values, and who does not live a chaste life…you need only visit the local mall, cover your eyes and reach out and pick one…eanie, meanie, minie, moe. I sympathize. But would the short term gratification from settling down with a guy that falls short of your values lead to happiness? I think you already know that answer. My prayers are with you. Remember: ‘this too shall pass’. Look to the practical advice from others in these forums, and stay close to God and His Church. I’ll pray your future husband will do the same…

 

[ComputerGeek25]

It’s hard, because if I do go out with my friends, they tease me incessantly about how I escaped the convent. So I have to make a joke about how we drink in church, so it’s alright for me to go out. Or in dating, having to tell a guy, “I can’t have sex yet”, and then watch them leave. Or having to break up with someone because they aren’t Catholic (last ex). It just gets draining.

Two questions/a comment for you to think about:

Are your friends really your friends (or in the case of dating, your significant other) if they can’t respect you and your decisions? I know, easier said than done. I have/had friends that are lukewarm, at best, to religion. I made some new friends who seem less hostile towards my religion and I generally feel better. (I’m not saying dump your friends outright, but it’s just food for thought)

Secondly, are the men that you are dating Christian at least?

 

[Maeglin]

They are usually very very very BORING as well. That is why I don’t go to the Young Adult Women’s Bible Study at my local parish anymore. I don’t want to be a Cath-Bot!

Cath-Bot… snicker

I understand where you are coming from. I’ve found that it’s tough to befriend single peers who haven’t caved into the whole secular, anything-that-feels-good-and-doesn’t-hurt-someone-is-A-OK philosophy.

At the same time, meeting young Catholics who are fun and can relax is challenging too. There is something about Church young adult functions (at least the one’s I’ve been to) that tends to keep people from relaxing and letting their guard down. Maybe it’s the fear of accidentally telling an off-color joke or being perceived as not moral enough. You have to keep looking around though; not all groups are the same and different social activities are better at ice breaking and bringing out the fun side of people. People you perceive as boring may just be shy or have their guard up.

You can also meet decent people in groups that cater to your other interests. Not everyone is a heathen. I think some of your problems stem from loneliness. Human companionship is a healthy thing to want - even priests and religious live in community for companionship and support.

Some of your doubts are undoubtedly spiritual as well. You may want to find a good spiritual adviser who can help you direct your prayer life. I know it must be tough in Seattle though - I’ll pray for you.

Your current friends though, sound pretty awful. I have friends that are non-Catholic. Although they may question me sometimes, its not in a combative tone or latent with continuous ridicule. If your friends can’t respect your choices after you’ve explained them repeatedly, then are they really friends?

 

[lil_flower_luv]

–Remember let’s not lose our Christian charity in order to make a point– It’s okay to practice the spiritual works of mercy:

* To instruct the ignorant;
* To counsel the doubtful;
* To admonish sinners;
* To bear wrongs patiently;
* To forgive offences willingly;
* To comfort the afflicted;
* To pray for the living and the dead.

**
I know with all my heart that He is sending 10,000 Angels** to bring you back on the beautiful path of faith, hope, and love my dear sister in Christ, CountrySinger.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Cath-Bot… snicker

I understand where you are coming from. I’ve found that it’s tough to befriend single peers who haven’t caved into the whole secular, anything-that-feels-good-and-doesn’t-hurt-someone-is-A-OK philosophy.

At the same time, meeting young Catholics who are fun and can relax is challenging too. There is something about Church young adult functions (at least the one’s I’ve been to) that tends to keep people from relaxing and letting their guard down. Maybe it’s the fear of accidentally telling an off-color joke or being perceived as not moral enough. You have to keep looking around though; not all groups are the same and different social activities are better at ice breaking and bringing out the fun side of people. People you perceive as boring may just be shy or have their guard up.

You can also meet decent people in groups that cater to your other interests. Not everyone is a heathen. I think some of your problems stem from loneliness. Human companionship is a healthy thing to want - even priests and religious live in community for companionship and support.

Some of your doubts are undoubtedly spiritual as well. You may want to find a good spiritual adviser who can help you direct your prayer life. I know it must be tough in Seattle though - I’ll pray for you.

Your current friends though, sound pretty awful. I have friends that are non-Catholic. Although they may question me sometimes, its not in a combative tone or latent with continuous ridicule. If your friends can’t respect your choices after you’ve explained them repeatedly, then are they really friends?

More elequoent than I can say…

Another idea would be to get to know some of these people outside of church sponsored young adult events. Many of these people do not lead boring lives - and may have come from the same background as you and/or have the same struggles.

 

[Justin_Mee]

Just wondering so you can bash me some more?

Certainly don’t intend to ‘bash’ Tweety. Just a valid question from a new Catholic. I need to learn a lot in a short time (I’m 67). Just teach me how you can do that? My parish is probably rather conservative. I was taught in RCIA last fall, that we had to go to confession and have no mortal sins unconfessed before we could partake. I believe you mentioned that you had not been to confession since you were 11. If I’m confusing you with another, please correct me. I’ve been going through the CCC but I can’t find it. Sometimes I have a ‘senior moment’ with all the things I’ve tried to learn during RCIA.