Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

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George,
Cliff,
Kesa:

Slow down, take a deep breath, you really aren’t that different from anyone else: very few people just walk into dating without feeling what you are feeling.

The only way to develop social skills is to be social.

You really can do this, but you can’t run till you’ve learned to walk. Take small steps, like starting conversations with women you know from work, school, church. It’s fine if they are married or older than you, just learn to carry on a conversation without swallowing your tongue.

Women aren’t attracted to desparation [neither are men], and don’t really like to be put on a pedestal-- you want a woman, not a greek statue.

Relax, be yourself: even if playing some kind of role got you a girlfriend, she’d actually have fallen for a fictitious character.

If you’ve read through this whole thread, you have to understand that a lot of the women out there feel just as hopeless and alone as you do. Start doing your prep work, and someday each of you may make one of them very happy [and find some happiness yourself, of course].

It is not too late.

It is never too late.
 
Sam_Maloney said:
George,
Cliff,
Kesa:

Slow down, take a deep breath, you really aren’t that different from anyone else: very few people just walk into dating without feeling what you are feeling.

The only way to develop social skills is to be social.

You really can do this, but you can’t run till you’ve learned to walk. Take small steps, like starting conversations with women you know from work, school, church. It’s fine if they are married or older than you, just learn to carry on a conversation without swallowing your tongue.

Women aren’t attracted to desparation [neither are men], and don’t really like to be put on a pedestal-- you want a woman, not a greek statue.

Relax, be yourself: even if playing some kind of role got you a girlfriend, she’d actually have fallen for a fictitious character.

If you’ve read through this whole thread, you have to understand that a lot of the women out there feel just as hopeless and alone as you do. Start doing your prep work, and someday each of you may make one of them very happy [and find some happiness yourself, of course].

It is not too late.

It is never too late.
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Well Said Sam…

I am in a relationship of about 21 years - 7 years separation = 14 concurrent years together with 5 kids and yes we are living in sin, as I know it and wish badly that we werent. I would be truelly happy if we were married in his house (GODS HOUSE) and then I will feel complete, I guess. But this is the life he has for us and he will not give us burden in which we are not to bare alone, he will guide us through life. As I continue to find the reasons, I feel that its just all there in front of me. He is testing us with our faith alone. So dont give up hope as I know I once was, but now I no longer feel any reason why or question his ways.

Life goes on with / without being married…Friendship and communication with God is the best in life itself over all.
 
renee_lynn_hope said:
Well Said Sam…

I am in a relationship of about 21 years - 7 years separation = 14 concurrent years together with 5 kids and yes we are living in sin, as I know it and wish badly that we werent. I would be truelly happy if we were married in his house (GODS HOUSE) and then I will feel complete, I guess. But this is the life he has for us and he will not give us burden in which we are not to bare alone, he will guide us through life. As I continue to find the reasons, I feel that its just all there in front of me. He is testing us with our faith alone. So dont give up hope as I know I once was, but now I no longer feel any reason why or question his ways.

Life goes on with / without being married…Friendship and communication with God is the best in life itself over all.
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Alas, those in mortal sin cannot be in friendship with God, as much as I hate to be “that girl” and say so. So I will wish you all the best.
 
May I ask a prayer for Trevor who has met a girl he feels delighted about and wishes to get to know? He hopes she will be a friend, but even more that she will become his girlfriend. I haven’t heard him so alive for years!

You made me think of someone else who is turing forty soon Kesa. Please God you will still find somone who knows how to calm you and who can be an equal partner for you. She must be out there somewhere! I think I’d send your angel out to find her!
 
Ugh.

" Don’t be shy"
I’m NOT shy.

Try harder.
I did.
Well then, don’t try so hard.

Be yourself…but put your best foot forward.

My parents have been married 40 years, they are like twins.
Why has it worked?
They can give you no coherent explaination.

This topic is like death, nobody knows a thing about it.
 
It doesn’t really come down to a perfect balance between not trying too hard and not trying enough. Sometimes I think if it relied on such precise timing and such precise matching, there would be little room for love in it. It is perfectly true that only by being yourself do you find someone who is actually interested in you, not in a fictitious image you have created. On the other hand, people generally put their best foot forward, as you call it. There is always a bit of trying to impress and that is not bad, I think. Only too much of it distorts the picture and then you attract people who want what you pretend, not what you are, while you at the same time put off people who would be interested in what you are, as opposed to what you pretend.

As for the pedestal thing, that’s a whole lost art. If you exaggerate people’s virtues, they feel as if you weren’t talking to them or as if you thought you were interacting with a different person (or a mental image). On the other hand, extreme courtesy sometimes meets with extreme courtesy and then the whole thing starts making sense. Decorum is dying, in brief, but who says one can’t keep it alive for a moment longer.

Obviously, I’m not talking about the kind of “decorum” which verges on idolatry and relies on pretending that a very ill-behaved person can do no wrong and deserves near-divine praise for mere existence. And always at the root of it is a selfish interest, more or less hidden in subconsciousness. Out with that. Always refused to have any part in it. But true decorum is a good thing and pity it’s dying.
 
renee_lynn_hope said:
But this is the life he has for us and he will not give us burden in which we are not to bare alone, he will guide us through life.
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NO! NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!!

Sirach 15:11-12: “Say not ‘It was God’s doing that I fell away’; for what He hates He does not do. Say not: ‘It was He who set me astray’; for He has no need of wicked man”.

Don’t blame God for your actions.
 
Trishie said:
May I ask a prayer for Trevor who has met a girl he feels delighted about and wishes to get to know? He hopes she will be a friend, but even more that she will become his girlfriend. I haven’t heard him so alive for years!

You made me think of someone else who is turing forty soon Kesa. Please God you will still find somone who knows how to calm you and who can be an equal partner for you. She must be out there somewhere! I think I’d send your angel out to find her!
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Kesa - all, I’d just like to share that I have a friend who is around 40 who recently married. He struggled on many levels in his 20’s and 30’s. But he has worked hard to submit to God and now has found the right person. It’s been really inspiring for me to watch their relationship unfold. So there is hope!

Also, dating sure can come with complexities (it’s worth it, but yikes!) For me, the early socializing isn’t nearly as hard as the heavy discerning! My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a half, and are not engaged yet because several times we’ve had reservations. It’s nothing in the realm of mortal sin, just wondering “Hmm, are we compatible?” It’s a tough situation to be in because we’ve invested so much already, and yet we both want to make the best possible decision. I think I also mentioned before that I was engaged once before to a good Catholic man, broke it off (mutually), and that has left some emotional scars. It has taken me a long time to even feel excited about the prospect of getting engaged and planning a wedding again, and all the feelings that come with that are now ten times more complex because I’ve been through it once before! Scary! So yeah, not sure if I made sense here 🙂 but thanks for the prayers. I am praying for this list, too, for all the various stages we are in in this process!
 
Mortal_Man said:
Recently read somewhere that the patron saint of single women is St. Agnes, and the patron saint of single men is St. Benedict Joseph Labre. I don’t know how trustworthy that source was…
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I always associated St. Agnes with religious life? And fascinating… I have never heard of St. Benedict Joseph Labre. I love how our faith is so deep and rich, there is always more to learn. 🙂
 
george4072 said:
two words: i’m screwed. plain and simple. if God was calling me to marriage, thats like God telling a paraplygic with no arms to win a gold medal against michael phelps. its just not possible, that not even God could help. i’m to shy to talk say the simplest things and i’m so darn ackward where i’m comfronted with a person,even though i’m 16. i swear i’m from a different planet or something, cuz i cannot relate to anyone of this one. 'ill pray for all you guys.
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:console:

Try not to worry about it too much. I’m 27, and I feel the same way you do!! (I have a hard time even making eye contact with people sometimes.) I think lots of people do.

But I haven’t given up hope yet!!! 👍
 
zaramarie81 said:
Also, dating sure can come with complexities (it’s worth it, but yikes!) For me, the early socializing isn’t nearly as hard as the heavy discerning!
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Same. I’ve collected most of my “failures” at an early transitory stage, like acquaintances to dating, flirting to sort of dating, sort of dating to a more pronounced relationship and so on. However, the worst problem, in the long run, is knowing. From my experience so far, I cannot imagine “knowing” after some three dates and in many cases, I suppose I wouldn’t know even after several months.

…And considering all above, a realisation strikes my head: maybe then I simply shouldn’t be in such a relationship? I can surely imagine that there might be such a person that I would know early and for sure. So maybe the reason I wouldn’t know with a normal or typical person is because a normal or typical person is not for me and the “not knowing” essentially comes down to not being decided whether I want to trade my freedom for it - and especially my chance of meeting someone about whom I won’t have doubts? Further, if I never am to meet someone about whom I won’t have doubts, is it still fair to have a relationship with someone I have doubts about? Does it even make any point? Apart from both being miserable and realising they should have waited - or perhaps even having a normal home but still “knowing” that the choice was hasted and the now-husband or now-wife is the price for not waiting?

Thoughts like that come to my head already in earlier situations. Say, if I wonder, should I text that girl (I’m talking about a website, not phone - by phone, I prefer calling) or not really, then the answer is probably not really.

I realise that this way most people won’t come through the filter, but I’m not supposed to filter most people before finding the one I choose. In my experience, half-hearted decisions always lead to trouble.

I suppose the weak point in my reasoning is that one always has some doubts, so some doubts should be decided in favour of starting or continuing a relationship. But I’d be careful with that.
 
Norseman82 said:
NO! NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!!

Sirach 15:11-12: “Say not ‘It was God’s doing that I fell away’; for what He hates He does not do. Say not: ‘It was He who set me astray’; for He has no need of wicked man”.

Don’t blame God for your actions.
Click to expand...
So, that would be about 8 times no, for those of us who count everything using the 1010 fingers of our 10 hands?

But seriously, I agree with you.
 
Hi all! 👋

Here is an updated list for those who are praying:
**
Harmony1988 - M20
beckers - F28
ladylinguist - F23
Norseman82 - M
chevalier - M25
Gisella - F
Sierrah - F
JustinL - M
Felicity in TX - F26
azgirl - F35
Cosmo23 - M
lampstand
Morwenna - F39
Alan - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Trevor - M36 (not a CAF screenname)
bookish - F
CarolAnnSFO - F
agapewolf - F33
Lady Bug - F
Taya (Ambrose) - M23-27
unixfudotnet - M29
catherine m - F34
macian - F23
LSK - F52
Belgarion - M19
Archus - M20
Lady James - F42
Catholic_Kenpo - M34
DL82 - M26
valient Lucy - F24
Wyatt - M20
nef - F20
GraceDK - F26
Leopard3
Kirsty33 - F20
Ankabaranka_87 - F21
John AH - M29
BCven86 - M22
FanofB16 - M30
Andrew Hinkley - M29
MarcoPolo - M33
lottied - F19
Darleen - F (not a CAFscreenname)
Holly3278 - F26
outcast - M16
Epistemes - M
epsummer - F23
Philena - F45
DAPDN - M20
iluvmybabies - F
Ashlyn - F19 (not a CAF screenname)
Cait - F21 (not a CAF screenname)
Justlookingny - F37
Alison - F21
cqdcqdmgy - M30
DanteAlighieri - M
Podo2005 (Zachary) - M27
EstaM - F
zaramarie81 - F
Maria1212 - F32
Southern86 - M22
TLDenmark - M28
LisaForLife - F37
Vinnie L - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Ron G - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori L - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Maite H - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Bryan B - M40 (not a CAF screenname)
Jenny L - F35 (not a CAF screenname)
Jackie M - F62 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori J - F27 (not a CAF screenname)
David L - M41 (not a CAF screenname)
Kevin F - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Danny W - M38 (not a CAF screenname)
Rosanna - F38 (not a CAF screenname)
Jason S - M37 (not a CAF screenname)
Mortal Man - M38
jivany - M26
AveSantaMaria - F23
all of AveSantaMaria’s single friends (names not given)
geezerbob - M69
Doorbell - M
AlexaD - F24
JPUSC - M22
Roza - F41
passivesquid - M20
TraderTif - F27
CWBetts - M37
Magickman - M50s
Bataar -
lenni - F
fled -
Condottiero - M
mhuff1 - F30
CliffJumper - M
Kasenka - F21
BlueRain -
Gabi81 - F
george4072 - M16
kesa82 - M40
truthseeker22 - F28

and all others who are not mentioned**

I am praying for each of us by (screen)name as often as possible.

I am praying that God will make each of us ready for our future spouse (and them ready for us), lead us to each other, and to pour out grace upon us to give us strength and hope while we’re waiting. :heaven:

Thank you to all who are joining in prayer for these intentions. If I’ve missed anyone, or if anyone would like to be added to this list, please post here or send me a PM … same applies to anyone who is on the list and wants to be removed (I certainly don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable!).

May Our Lord bless these intentions, and may the Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph intercede for us.

:signofcross:
 
Morwenna said:
Hi all! 👋

Here is an updated list for those who are praying:
**
Harmony1988 - M20
beckers - F28
ladylinguist - F23
Norseman82 - M
chevalier - M25
Gisella - F
Sierrah - F
JustinL - M
Felicity in TX - F26
azgirl - F35
Cosmo23 - M
lampstand
Morwenna - F39
Alan - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Trevor - M36 (not a CAF screenname)
bookish - F
CarolAnnSFO - F
agapewolf - F33
Lady Bug - F
Taya (Ambrose) - M23-27
unixfudotnet - M29
catherine m - F34
macian - F23
LSK - F52
Belgarion - M19
Archus - M20
Lady James - F42
Catholic_Kenpo - M34
DL82 - M26
valient Lucy - F24
Wyatt - M20
nef - F20
GraceDK - F26
Leopard3
Kirsty33 - F20
Ankabaranka_87 - F21
John AH - M29
BCven86 - M22
FanofB16 - M30
Andrew Hinkley - M29
MarcoPolo - M33
lottied - F19
Darleen - F (not a CAFscreenname)
Holly3278 - F26
outcast - M16
Epistemes - M
epsummer - F23
Philena - F45
DAPDN - M20
iluvmybabies - F
Ashlyn - F19 (not a CAF screenname)
Cait - F21 (not a CAF screenname)
Justlookingny - F37
Alison - F21
cqdcqdmgy - M30
DanteAlighieri - M
Podo2005 (Zachary) - M27
EstaM - F
zaramarie81 - F
Maria1212 - F32
Southern86 - M22
TLDenmark - M28
LisaForLife - F37
Vinnie L - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Ron G - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori L - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Maite H - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Bryan B - M40 (not a CAF screenname)
Jenny L - F35 (not a CAF screenname)
Jackie M - F62 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori J - F27 (not a CAF screenname)
David L - M41 (not a CAF screenname)
Kevin F - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Danny W - M38 (not a CAF screenname)
Rosanna - F38 (not a CAF screenname)
Jason S - M37 (not a CAF screenname)
Mortal Man - M38
jivany - M26
AveSantaMaria - F23
all of AveSantaMaria’s single friends (names not given)
geezerbob - M69
Doorbell - M
AlexaD - F24
JPUSC - M22
Roza - F41
passivesquid - M20
TraderTif - F27
CWBetts - M37
Magickman - M50s
Bataar -
lenni - F
fled -
Condottiero - M
mhuff1 - F30
CliffJumper - M
Kasenka - F21
BlueRain -
Gabi81 - F
george4072 - M16
kesa82 - M40
truthseeker22 - F28

and all others who are not mentioned**

I am praying for each of us by (screen)name as often as possible.

I am praying that God will make each of us ready for our future spouse (and them ready for us), lead us to each other, and to pour out grace upon us to give us strength and hope while we’re waiting. :heaven:

Thank you to all who are joining in prayer for these intentions. If I’ve missed anyone, or if anyone would like to be added to this list, please post here or send me a PM … same applies to anyone who is on the list and wants to be removed (I certainly don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable!).

May Our Lord bless these intentions, and may the Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph intercede for us.

:signofcross:
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Our God look kindly on each of these who are named and those who wish to be included Help them to become ready for their future spouse (and vice versa), lead them to each other, and to pour out grace upon them to give them strength and hope. while we’re waiting./
 
Wow this thread is long! I’m sort of relieved that there are more people that are going through the same thing, even though its not such a good feeling to have!

Anyhow, I have a ton of Protestant friends and they are all meet guys through their church, which puts on missionary trips and youth groups…they even have a Bible college program, where you can study abroad for a semester with people your age! Unfortunately, my Parish doesn’t offer any of those things (we’re really small…in fact I think I’m probably the only person between the ages of 19-25 that attends church regularly. It’s depressing 😦 ) So anyhow, I’m just wondering if any of you know of any sort of programs like those that are put on by/for Catholics? I’m graduating college in 2 years and I think I want to take some time off to travel and learn more about my faith…

and of course meet other Catholics my age
 
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emily789:
So anyhow, I’m just wondering if any of you know of any sort of programs like those that are put on by/for Catholics? I’m graduating college in 2 years and I think I want to take some time off to travel and learn more about my faith…

and of course meet other Catholics my age
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There is the World Youth Day every 3 years for 18-30yo Catholics. I went this summer in Sydney, and I met a lot of Catholics my age from all around the world, and I still talk to some of them on the internet.

Next WYD will be taking place in Madrid in 2011; that seems like a good timing with your graduation. 🙂
 
Marycruz said:
There is the World Youth Day every 3 years for 18-30yo Catholics. I went this summer in Sydney, and I met a lot of Catholics my age from all around the world, and I still talk to some of them on the internet.

Next WYD will be taking place in Madrid in 2011; that seems like a good timing with your graduation. 🙂
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awww…i was at syd wyd…best experience!
but 2 bad i was doing my final exams for skool that year. i only got 2 stay the weekend! but def. best wkend of ma life.

anyways…just chekin this thread again…
but omg, im soo sick of rejection. so annoying…
 
Just wanted to let the Keeper of the List know that while I always appreciate prayers, I think I may be good to go on this front. Not exactly what I was expecting, but that’s how these things usually go, right? At this point, it looks like the Church will be my spouse. I’m in the process of discerning with a Benedictine monastery, and everything so far has been incredibly positive. As I said, not exactly what I was expecting, but I can’t argue with God. (Or rather, I can, but it really won’t get me anywhere…) It’s going to be a while before anything is finalized, but I’ll drop by back and update when I know something more. Thanks again for the prayers.

-CK
 
I’d like to say thank you to all who have been praying for me, and for the others on here.

I think God is helping me out right now, as I feel like I am on my way to getting married.

I just feel like things are finally moving forward. With school, with a career and with my relationship with this wonderful young woman. Every time I see her, I become more and more certain of what is going to happen. I know that with your prayers, my determination, and God’s wonderful help, I can become the person that I am meant to be. A husband, a father, and a servant of God.

Thank you so much!
 
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