Are couples so selfish these days that they won't have kids

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David_Balmer

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I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.
 
Some of us are infertile and/or lose our precious children to miscarriage. Perhaps you could stand to gain a bit of Christian compassion. :mad:
 
David_Balmer said:
I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.
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Oh no, not again…I’m waiting for the firestorm to begin…
 
I assuming you are talking about childfree people like me and not childless people who can;t have children? You should be a little more clear on that because there are some childless people who may find your post hurtful.

That being said as a person who has actually chosen to not have children…yes I have thought at great length about what I was missing. And I have come to the conclusion that for both me and the children it;s best I donlt have any.
 
David_Balmer said:
I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.
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I’m assuming you mean married couples… I’m sure there are a million reasons why some can’t or don’t have children, but in answer to your question I would say “yes” … there are probably “some” couples who do not have children out of selfishness… I have no idea how many but I’m sure some.

SD
 
David_Balmer said:
I have been thinking lately of how blessed me and my wife are wih our 2 sons and some times it makes me ponder the question of people who we know who won’t have childern at all and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they undertand what they are missing out on.
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I do wonder, every day, what I’m missing out on by not having kids. And then I force myself to stop wondering and get back to reality. Being a mother is not part of God’s plan for me, and there’s no point in making myself sad - which is what I get every time I think about having children.

Think before you judge. :mad:
 
When I was younger, I was certain I didn’t want any children.
Certain.
No doubt.
I wanted a tubal ligation at twenty.
Then I got pregnant. It was twins.
I am to this day CONVINCED that was God’s little gotchya. ‘You don’t want any kids, eh? We’ll just see about that missy!’
I warn people to never ever EVER say ‘I don’t want children’. That is the fastest way to get twins. 🙂
And now that we have the girls, we can’t wait to have more. Hubby is a little more excited than I am about the idea, probably having to do with the fact that he didn’t have to carry ANYTHING except some groceries during my pregnancy.😛
We want more, and are maybe looking to adopt or foster, too. Who knew, eh?🤷
It’s SUCH a difficult thing to explain to someone why having kids is any fun at all. All my friends see is that we’re exhausted, broke, and haven’t had a night out alone in almost a year (though that changes next weekend! YEAH!). What they don’t see are those moments we have as a family, with my husband and I are tickling the girls on the floor and they’re laughing SO hard, and we’re laughing, or when I ‘send in the girls’ to go wake up their dad and they run up to the bed and try to climb on it just so they can fall all over him - it’s just SO fun!
And believe you me, I am the LAST person on earth who should be doing this mommy gig. I’m not terribly, uh, nice, we’ll say. BUt, hey, it all seems to be working out okay.
If someone doesn’t want children 🤷
I just know that among my friends who don’t want children they really don’t get that this is actually REALLY FUN.
They’re all sad because we don’t go out to the bar so much anymore, and I don’t have the heart to tell them that it’s not because I CAN’T, it’s because I’d rather not. I’d just rather stay home with the kids and hubby now. And man, I can drink beer for like a dollar a bottle at home. The bars are WAY too pricey.
 
SJG1759 said:
I do wonder, every day, what I’m missing out on by not having kids. And then I force myself to stop wondering and get back to reality. Being a mother is not part of God’s plan for me, and there’s no point in making myself sad - which is what I get every time I think about having children.

Think before you judge. :mad:
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I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. 😦
I just started a novena for friends struggling with infertility and I will add you to my prayers, too.
 
SeekerJen said:
Some of us are infertile and/or lose our precious children to miscarriage. Perhaps you could stand to gain a bit of Christian compassion. :mad:
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He said couples who won’t not people who are unable. Big difference. There was nothing uncharitable in the question:shrug: Perhaps if people read before they get offended…I don’t think he was referring at all to couples who are infertile as that is something beyond anyone’s control.
it makes me ponder the question of people who we know **who won’t have children at all **
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and this makes me sad for them because I don’t think they understand what they are missing out on.

Yes I do think this is a problem in the world we live in now. I actually started a thread along these line awhile ago about friends of mine who won’t (read WON’T) have children because they feel them too expensive, (though they make salaries most people dream of), and too much of a sacrifice for them in their personal lives, that they’d have to give up the things they enjoy.
 
The proper upbringing of children is so important, that it should only be entrusted to people who are wholeheartedly deicated to the task.

Couples who do not want children, should not, in my view, be encouraged to have them, as their commitment to parenthood would not be strong.

Better for those with a vocation to be parents, to be the ones who will raise the next generation.
 
yellowbicycle said:
I warn people to never ever EVER say ‘I don’t want children’. That is the fastest way to get twins. 🙂
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That’s how my kids’ dad got twins!

I was forced to use ABC during my prot marriage.

God knew my heart. My friends knew my agony.

God blessed me with twins too!
It’s a major part of my conversion story!
👍 👍
 
SeekerJen said:
Some of us are infertile and/or lose our precious children to miscarriage. Perhaps you could stand to gain a bit of Christian compassion. :mad:
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I am truley sorry for not being clear on this sensitive matter. I was referring to couples who don’t have complications to become pregnent. Again I am sorry for not being clear on the matter.😊
 
shannyk said:
He said couples who won’t not people who are unable. Big difference. There was nothing uncharitable in the question:shrug: Perhaps if people read before they get offended…I don’t think he was referring at all to couples who are infertile as that is something beyond anyone’s control.
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Yeah, thanks, I did read his post. Some people assume that 1) just because a couple does not have children that they must be selfish and do not want them for that reason (often without ever asking about the situation that led to the childlessness), 2) that because a couple does not have children they must be contracepting to avoid them- again, assumption of selfishness, and 3) that if a couple is infertile they must advertise this fact to avoid being thought of badly by people such as the OP. There’s also the fact that many of us who cannot have children tell ourselves that we’re okay without them, that our lives are good, look at all the things we wouldn’t be able to do if we had the kids- mainly to keep ourselves calm and sane because if we dwelt on our grief and the unfairness of it all, we might not be able to function.

So thanks for the lecture, but I’m not buying it. Too many people look at small families and childless couples and make cruel snap judgements without bothering to learn WHY. It’s the flipside of the judgements made about large families. Seems if you’re a married adult and you don’t have exactly two children, something is assumed to be seriously wrong with your mental state.
 
I’d also say that people not wanting children due to ‘selfishness’ and/or lack of desire for reproduction is less common now than it was. All you need to do is take a quick glance at demographics. GenX, the children of the Boomers, that is, are a very small generation, while GenY, mostly the children of older GenXers and an few younger Boomers, are much larger in comparison.

And that includes the relative poverty of much of GenX and our frequent lack of health care and having more, ah, fluid (read, unstable) job opportunities as factors. So, I would say, probably nope!
 
Could somebody explain to me how ‘selfish’ comes into the argument?
 
Kaninchen said:
Could somebody explain to me how ‘selfish’ comes into the argument?
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I think someone mentioned a few, but I would say if people say it will cut into their “free” time (won’t be able to play golf as much or “go out”), or say they can’t afford it (but yet spend lots of money on material things they don’t need). I would say these would count as selfish reasons.

SD
 
Kaninchen said:
Could somebody explain to me how ‘selfish’ comes into the argument?
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Well I would say people have kids for selfish reasons much of the time…just as people who CHOSE not to have kids usually have selfish reasons as well. Really very few people probably have any room to call others selfish. Most of us are pretty selfish in one way or another.
 
It is selfish to have children when you don’t want them or not ready to have them. It is not fair for a child to be brought into this world under those circumstances. So I thinks it’s prejudice to judge childless children like you did.
 
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