Are husbands who use pornography most likely cheaters?

[exoflare]

^^see thread title

I mean habitually engaged, not coming clean to his wife or trying to stop, and already descended into looking at the REALLY perverted stuff like lesbianism, etc.

Is such a man generally the same type who wouldn’t hesitate to cheat on his wife if he thought he could get away with it? No, it’s not me it’s just that over time I’ve noticed a lot of red flags with somebody else for whom (unfortunately) any such problems would end up being my business as well.

 

[Rascalking]

No. As wonderful as it might be to call a man who uses pornography a “cheater” and no good, it’s just not true.

Before I go on-A man, married or not, should NOT look at pornography. It’s disgusting.

However, there is a world of difference between looking at a porn and having intercourse with another woman other than your wife.

One more time-A man should not look at porn.

Yes, I’m sure people on this forum will think that porn is the equivlent to having sex with a live female. It’s not. Not by a long shot. World of difference between online lust and real world infidelity.

One more time, just to make sure I’m not misunderstood-porn is repulisve, disgusting, demeaning to woman, and all that stuff. Men should avoid it.

In the real world, a large percentage of people would agree that viewing porn insn’t the same as actual cheating, not would it lead a man to cheat.

It’s funny how alot of people on these thread almost look for reasons to bash man. There’s alot of good men out there who don’t look at porn, don’t cheat and lie-we’re sort of turned off by all the women who think we do!

:: gets off soapbox ::

 

[exoflare]

Thanks Rascalking, but I don’t think you totally understood my question. I know that watching pornography and having physical intercourse with another woman are two different things… but that’s not what I asked. Please read my post again more carefully.

 

[Rascalking]

Thanks Rascalking, but I don’t think you totally understood my question. I know that watching pornography and having physical intercourse with another woman are two different things… but that’s not what I asked. Please read my post again more carefully.

iI’m so sorry, your right, I didn’t really understand it.

No, I think a man who looks at poronograhy-even gross stuff, and keeps it a secret, is not the same type who would cheat on his wife. Maybe he’s ashamed of himself in his secret addiction to porn?

Again, sorry I misread.

 

[waterbender]

I’m not even going to try to psychoanalyze your friend, a complete stranger, but Jesus does teach that “[meditatively or obsessively] thinking about a sin is = to commiting it”. That said, if your friend is addicted to a destructive behaivor in his head, then he’s already commiting the behaivor in his heart…

 

[Pug]

Is such a man generally the same type who wouldn’t hesitate to cheat on his wife if he thought he could get away with it? No, it’s not me it’s just that over time I’ve noticed a lot of red flags with somebody else for whom (unfortunately) any such problems would end up being my business as well.

No to the red I added. I think most married men would hesitate to cheat. And, I think men who use pornography mostly still retain that hesitation. Even men who conceal their pornography use. (I’m assuming this is the only red flag visible in the marriage, and it isn’t accompanied by other factors.)

There may be connection between the two, but I don’t currently see justification to go with *generally *the same type who wouldn’t hesitate. I don’t have any hard statistics or anything, though. Just how it seems from my experience.

 

[Alix1912]

I think pornography can be a gateway drug. The minute sex becomes about self pleasure only and not about uniting two people in a deeper boand than just a physical one, it opens up the door for “justifying” and affair.

 

[antonivs]

I’m not even going to try to psychoanalyze your friend, a complete stranger, but Jesus does teach that “[meditatively or obsessively] thinking about a sin is = to commiting it”. That said, if your friend is addicted to a destructive behaivor in his head, then he’s already commiting the behaivor in his heart…

Yes, here is the quote from Matthew 5:27-28:

You have learned how it is said: You must not commit adultery. But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I think me who cheat most likely use pornography, but I don’t believe that men who use pornography are more likely to cheat. I was addicted to porn for years (didn’t really view it as such until I was forced to give it up for a period), but never in a million years would I have considered cheating on my wife. At the same time, I knew a guy who regularly cheated on his wife but very seldom looked at pornography (it’s not that he didn’t, he just claimed he didn’t look at it that often).

On a side note, if you think lesbianism is “the REALLY perverted stuff,” you must keep your Google safe search locked down. Even seemingly innocent searches can pull up stuff that will give you nightmares.

 

[catharina]

I think pornography can be a gateway drug. The minute sex becomes about self pleasure only and not about uniting two people in a deeper boand than just a physical one, it opens up the door for “justifying” and affair.

Odd analogy to drug use,
but I see your point and
I tend to agree with it.

Seeing women in an objectified way
is definitely counter to living chastely,
and that’s within or outside marriage.

Porn is used to address the physical.
Because porn abounds in this society,
that helps to make its use ‘feel’ OK.

Yet it is the opposite of OK.
It’s perversion at the expense of other immortal souls:
daughters, mothers, neighbors, and certainly at the expense of wives.

 

[exoflare]

(I’m assuming this is the only red flag visible in the marriage, and it isn’t accompanied by other factors.)

Well, not in the case I’m looking at… But for the sake of discussion I wanted to see if just this alone was usually enough of a character warning. This is because I view pornography in a marriage as tantamount to cheating on the spouse and so I didn’t see how any married (Catholic) man could continue with such a habit and still not feel some sense of wronging his wife, but then again I tend to forget how poorly educated a lot of Catholics are so probably a lot of them don’t even consider this.

 

[Alix1912]

Well, not in the case I’m looking at… But for the sake of discussion I wanted to see if just this alone was usually enough of a character warning. This is because I view pornography in a marriage as tantamount to cheating on the spouse and so I didn’t see how any married (Catholic) man could continue with such a habit and still not feel some sense of wronging his wife, but then again I tend to forget how poorly educated a lot of Catholics are so probably a lot of them don’t even consider this.

I’m not Catholic, however I am married to one, but I would be very upset if I caught my husband viewing Porn. I think that while it is not physically cheating, it is cheating mentally, and it would certainly make me feel like I was an object. Of course my church teaches that Pornography is wrong too.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think that it can become a lifestyle, as someone said, porn may be a sort of “gateway drug,” I know that a lot of men who look at porn also go to strip bars, further objectifying women and of course that is several steps closer to actual adultery. I think using porn desensitizes the man to what is right and what is wrong, and normal sexuality.

And since using porn interferes with normal relationships, as an affair would, I do consider it virtual adultery.

It’s probably harder to stop than a real-life affair too.

 

[Cat]

Most men view porn. Google it. You’ll find some studies that show that 56% of men view porn, while other studies show that 100% of men view porn. Whatever the percentage is, the fact is that most men view porn. It is not something rare.

Husbands who use pornography are NOT most likely to cheat if given a chance. If this were true, then most men would cheat. And we know that’s not happening.

Men use porn because it makes no demands on them.

The women in the videos or magazines are always available, day or night, at any time, and they never have headaches or their period, and they’re never, ever tired from taking care of a baby or children, and they don’t get distracted, and they always always say yes and they don’t give the man a disease and they never get pregnant.

No demands. It’s a man’s dream to be able to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, with no one to nag at him and tell him that he shouldn’t do it, or that he should be doing something else like cleaning the garage or mulching the shrubs or painting the bathroom.

Men hate feeling trapped or nagged. They want to be free, wild, unfettered.

Cheating on a wife means being with another woman who will eventually make demands of him, and that’s what men are trying to avoid by viewing porn. They want demand-free sexual stimulation/gratification.

For this reason, I think that husbands who use pornography are not likely to cheat, but they ARE likely to resist cleaning out the garage or mulching the shrubs or painting the basement!

A wise wife finds ways to give her hubby the feeling of freedom; e.g., encouraging him to go hunting with his pals, or hosting the weekly football game, or not nagging him to sell his teenaged sports car and get a sensible van.

 

[catharina]

The women in the videos or magazines are always available, day or night, at any time, and they never have headaches or their period, and they’re never, ever tired from taking care of a baby or children, and they don’t get distracted, and they always always say yes and they don’t give the man a disease and they never get pregnant.

This is what I emphasize when discussing porn.
Women in the porn racket have often been sexually abused children.

Regardless of that, these women are - at the least -
the daughters, sisters, cousins, even aunts/moms of actual families.
Without doubt, most folks in families do NOT aspire to this life for their girls.

IOW, porn is in no way a “victimless” crime. As one poster said:
‘ya’ thinks lesbian porn is awful… ? ’ Now think about child porn, also
a big part of the business. Should women, girls, (boys/men) be viewed in this way?

We are CATHOLIC.
I believe this is a pro-life issue. The issue is MORALITY
and the sanctity of every life, each a gift from God.

 

[Pug]

Well, not in the case I’m looking at… But for the sake of discussion I wanted to see if just this alone was usually enough of a character warning. This is because I view pornography in a marriage as tantamount to cheating on the spouse and so I didn’t see how any married (Catholic) man could continue with such a habit and still not feel some sense of wronging his wife, but then again I tend to forget how poorly educated a lot of Catholics are so probably a lot of them don’t even consider this.

Well, first here is a prayer for your friend/relative who has more than just this problem.

I think you are right that some Catholics aren’t sensible of the harm in porn, though they might be ashamed of it and hide it. They might even know their wife wouldn’t like it if they knew, but men encounter that difficulty with all sorts of things. Knowing about porn/masturbation being seriously wrong seems to be a challenge in this culture.

But, given that you mention “enough of a character warning”, I do think it is a character or suitability warning for an unmarried woman if she finds out about chronic porn use in her future spouse and he can’t or won’t stop. Porn can destroy a marriage and must be taken seriously, even if that is the only issue visible at the time. IMO.

 

[exoflare]

As one poster said:
‘ya’ thinks lesbian porn is awful… ? ’ Now think about child porn, also
a big part of the business. Should women, girls, (boys/men) be viewed in this way?

Okay, since it seems to be getting fashionable to take digs at me for this let me clarify something. I don’t doubt that there are “more perverted” things out there than lesbian porn like the poster earlier on so kindly enlightened me (and believe me I know)… also I’m not discounting the even greater harm wreaked by child pornography. The reason I mentioned “lesbian” stuff off the top of my head was that it seems like it’s become the most mainstream of the unnatural “sex” acts that men start to accept as normal once they’ve been desensitized enough. Personally I don’t even understand how men could even force themselves to think of it as arousing, but from everything else I hear from people it’s actually a very common temptation among men in general. It’s not like watching people have sex wasn’t bad enough, but then it’s a very short step from there into losing all perspective of what sex even IS, and then this distorted view will bleed over into their own married life as well.

So again, no I’m not saying lesbian porn is the absolute worst thing out there and I don’t know why people here are starting to sound like they’re implying that I am. I do, however, see it as something like crossing the line from “sin, but a natural temptation” into the outer territory of “this doesn’t even make any sense!”.

 

[exoflare]

Oh and since I know it’s coming… yes, I am a guy.

 

[catharina]

Okay, since it seems to be getting fashionable to take digs at me for this let me clarify something. I don’t doubt that there are “more perverted” things out there than lesbian porn like the poster earlier on so kindly enlightened me (and believe me I know)… also I’m not discounting the even greater harm wreaked by child pornography. The reason I mentioned “lesbian” stuff off the top of my head was that it seems like it’s become the most mainstream of the unnatural “sex” acts that men start to accept as normal once they’ve been desensitized enough. Personally I don’t even understand how men could even force themselves to think of it as arousing, but from everything else I hear from people it’s actually a very common temptation among men in general. It’s not like watching people have sex wasn’t bad enough, but then it’s a very short step from there into losing all perspective of what sex even IS, and then this distorted view will bleed over into their own married life as well.

So again, no I’m not saying lesbian porn is the absolute worst thing out there and I don’t know why people here are starting to sound like they’re implying that I am. I do, however, see it as something like crossing the line from “sin, but a natural temptation” into the outer territory of “this doesn’t even make any sense!”.

Can’t even imagine why you’d think my comment was a dig at you.

Really.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Okay, since it seems to be getting fashionable to take digs at me for this let me clarify something. I don’t doubt that there are “more perverted” things out there than lesbian porn like the poster earlier on so kindly enlightened me (and believe me I know)… also I’m not discounting the even greater harm wreaked by child pornography.

For the record, I really wasn’t trying to take a dig at you. You had mentioned lesbian porn as the really perverted stuff, when in truth it’s generally about the tamest aspect of the porn industry. Although morally objectionable, the fact that a guy views it wouldn’t raise any serious alarms with me (relatively speaking). There are things out there that, if a friend told me she caught her husband watching, I’d have grave concerns for her on a number of levels.

The sad thing is, when people state that 56%, or 85% or 100% of guys view/use porn, whether the numbers are accurate or not, I’m sure the real numbers are increasing. I think the numbers are often overstated for certain things to try to shame people who don’t do it into doing it, or to make more impressionable people feel that there’s something wrong with them if they don’t fall into that 85%. The fact that so many stories come out on a regular basis telling about how “healthy” it is for women to view it as well only indicates to me that the number of women who view it isn’t going up nearly as fast as the people who want to see the numbers increase would like.

As for strip clubs, I think they’re a lot more dangerous than porn (at least in most situations) and are a far better indicator of whether a guy’s more likely to cheat and/or abuse his wife. I think they objectify women far more than most types of porn do and give guys an even more twisted sense of power and self-importance. I think I’d be much more worried about a guy who frequents strip clubs than one who watches a lot of porn.