This paragraph just sits wrong with me.
- Those people are/were not serious Catholic who are involved in their faith. Annulments and divorce are common in any parish life now. snip for space
I have literally never heard a homily on marriage, divorce, and/or remarriage in the 18 months I have been attending Mass weekly, a few dailies, and on Holy Days. Not once. Never have I seen anything in the parish bulletin unless it’s a listing for NFP classes (once a year they push it for a couple weeks in the bulletin only)or a listing for a retreat being held for married couples (which seems to happen every 3-6 months). The majority of what I know I learned here and then researched to make sure what i was learning was correct.
Not even in RCIA, which I completed last spring, was premarital sex, marriage, and divorce covered other than in one on one time with our Pastoral Assistant and my Procurator-Advocate. Even that was “Well, you were married and divorced and then remarried. We need you to apply for annulment before you can be received into the Church and you’ll have to have your marriage validated before that can happen.One step at a time and we’ll see how it goes.”
Nominally catholic/cafeteria catholic/not-serious catholic is still catholic. Reverts aren’t uncommon. We see people all the time come here reverting to their faith who have remarried or who never left the faith and want to marry/already have married a divorced person.
- You say people only believe there are two options, leave the faith, or reconcile. There is a third. Abstaining. One cannot “get” an annulment because a marriage failed, their either was a marriage, or there was not.snip for space
Of course one cannot “get” an annulment just because their marriage failed. However, the marriage could have been invalid to begin with and people need to know that they have the right to have their marriages investigated by a Tribunal if they divorce for whatever reason.
A marriage did, in fact, exist. It was a legal and social reality. It may or may not have been a spiritual reality, but it did exist.
Many people I know IRL have some serious misconceptions about the Church, marriage, divorce, annulment, and remarriage.
For example, my step-dad is one of 7 children born, 6 of which survived to adulthood (my uncle’s twin died in infancy). None of them knew that they were required to marry in the Church. None of them knew that they could divorce and have the Tribunal investigate their former marriages for validity. All of them were raised catholic and attended catholic schools until they graduated.
Another example is my husbands family. He’s the youngest of 5. They were also raised catholic and have a serious lack of understanding of their faith. Although they know annulments exist, only one married in the Church because the rest either never married or chose destination weddings. Two of them believe that ABC is a matter of conscience and that as long as they are using ABC for good reason it’s a-ok. Both claim a priest told them this.
In both families there are those who left the faith because they didn’t understand it. In fact, out of both families we have a BIL and SIL who attend Mass about twice a month, myself and my husband who attend Mass weekly and my FIL who also attends weekly. Everyone else is either no longer practicing any religion or is involved in another faith tradition due to marriage and divorce issues.
- What you are describing sounds like more of a “immigrant” issue within many parishes. I have met many Hispanic people who have misunderstood as you have described. snip for space
The family members I listed are all people who were born and raised here in the U.S. Believe me, it’s not an immigrant problem. I couldn’t even begin to list the friends and others I have talked to who hold the same misconceptions and those are also folks born and raised here.
Sometimes people make poor choices and the annulment process is not a magic God wand that makes it all better.
I am tired of people demeaning my marriage by demeaning their own. We live in a world where we cannot say how many people are in a marriage, or what sex they are. No more. I am tired of my marriage not being given the honor it deserves.