Are my discipline tactics bad?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bananas
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Allegra said:
hint: it’s not an aquarium or Jesus
Click to expand...
I’m afraid she is thinking about the fish and religion during class and while doing her homework and therefore these things are hindering her school progress.
 
They are fish. They eat, swim, and poop. There isn’t anything to think about.
 
Bananas said:
I suppose this was also wrong on my part then. My high schooler’s class had a retreat, and the parents were asked to collect encouraging letters from extended family for the students. The parents were to turn the letters in to the teachers, who would then give them to the students at the retreat. I collected the letters, and read them all before turning them in. This was wrong, I assume?
Click to expand...
YES!

She’s a high schooler, not a 5-year-old.

You are not preparing her for being an adult, but being a child.

You mentioned you want her to go to college. Psychologically, you’re still breastfeeding her. By two, my children knew who they could trust deeply. I have an adorable picture of my daughter, a bit over 2 and her Godfather walking hand in hand in the woods. I was with the other children, out of earshot. At the time she said 20 words but she babbled to him and told him all her thoughts.

Was I a bit sad that I couldn’t hear? A bit. But even then I rejoiced that she had someone who she knew she could trust…and that I trusted.

As she gets older I won’t have an amazing friendship with everyone she trusts, however by then I will have imparted how to find the people in your life that you can trust outside of myself and my husband. We’re not going to live forever.
 
Bananas said:
I’m afraid she is thinking about the fish and religion during class and while doing her homework and therefore these things are hindering her school progress.
Click to expand...
Maybe you have the ability to hyperfocus, but everyone needs a mental break. The church actually encourages us to stop and pray throughought our whole day, including mental tasks. So in all reality, she’s following jesus and you aren’t.
 
Bananas said:
The thought of talking to a therapist makes me anxious. It’s hard to p(name removed by moderator)oint why, it just really does. I keep planning to make an appointment but it always gets put on the back burner. I’ve got too many other things on my mind and going on in my life right now.
Click to expand...
There is nothing more important you can do than see a family therapist with your husband and daughters. A therapist isn’t there to judge, but to help you work out how to communicate, how to understand each other. It’s the best thing for all of you.
 
This. All day long.

I’m a priest, and if you were asking me for advice on these matters I’d be saying the same thing. You really need to seek family counseling to work on these issues of communication and family dynamics. What do you have going on that’s more important than your family and its healthy functioning and flourishing? You obviously are aware at some level that the way you’re parenting your children is at least mildly problematic, or you’d not be on here asking advice/seeking validation for it.

You are in my prayers.

-Fr ACEGC
 
If you are tyrants, your children will be either rebels, or men/women of no personality.
If you are unyielding, they will be hypocrites,
If you are distrustful, they will be timid.
If you spoil them, they will be irresponsible.
If you have little faith, they will be superstitious.
If you have little hope, they will be childless.
If you have little love, they will be envious.
If you do not love freedom, they will be servile.
If you preach what you do not practice, they will be pharisaical
If you are misers, their heart will be in money.
If you are scrupulous, they will be obsessed with impurity.
If you are individualistic, they will be useless in the fight to save the world.

Father Urteaga
Click to expand...
They come from a longish article - a beautiful and uplifing and helpful articled - entitled: 'Bright and Cheerful Homes"

These points need to be read slowly, prayed about, remembered, returned to.

The wisdom in them is supernatural.
 
Last edited:
Perhaps use the time you’re spending writing these posts to call a therapist? Either these posts reflect your family’s actual dynamics, and therefore indicate an intense need for therapy; or, you are spending an inordinate amount of time fabricating these troll posts, again indicating a need for therapy.

And in answer to your previous question about reading your daughter’s letters of encouragement, of course that was wrong. Were the letters addressed to you?
 
"Honey, I can see you are worried about something. If you want to talk about it I am here, but, can we pray together? ‘Lord, please place your arms of love and comfort around my precious daughter. I pray that she feel the peace that comes from you. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Holy Mary, pray for us.’ "

Then, give her a hug.
 
While I agree that the OP is being over bearing perhaps on his children. @Xanthippe_Voorhees your saying that he is bordering on emotional abuse is not helpful either.

You’re being overly harsh and judgmental yourself here Xanthippe. Practice what you preach, don’t come on here and pontificate in a judgmental tone to hardworking fathers struggling with questions about parenting which is never easy.

I’ve said my peace, I pray God blesses us all.
 
Last edited:
Zoiks, yes, but it is done. Apologize and move on (learning to apologize to our kids is important, it teaches them that everyone makes mistakes and that a mistake does not mean the end of the world).
 
Did you get a copy of the “Searching For and Maintain Peace” book by Fr Phillipe yet? It is a tiny book, and seriously I will gift you an electronic copy.
 
Spyridon said:
While I agree that the OP is being over bearing perhaps on his children. @Xanthippe_Voorhees your saying that he is bordering on emotional abuse is not helpful either.

You’re being overly harsh and judgmental yourself here Xanthippe. Practice what you preach, don’t come on here and pontificate in a judgmental tone to hardworking fathers struggling with questions about parenting which is never easy.

I’ve said my peace, I pray God blesses us all.
Click to expand...
Spyridon, you don’t have children, do you?

I’ve been in the trenches for many years now. I was an integral part of my friend’s family who now has older teens/college graduates. I was a teen, as were my brothers. I have studied psychology, including a lot about disorders like RAD (early neglect) and things that can be caused by such gravely manipulative behavior later on.

And there’s the fact that I’m a parent, my friends are parents and well–this whole child-rearing thing is the experience of many here.

I’m not the only one concerned about the OP’s behavior. She has threatened the children’s pets. That IS emotional abuse. Using hyperbole about burning money for not practicing is getting up there, as well as telling a child that they are disobeying for not telling a parent their feeligns.
 
Last edited:
The OP is the mother in this scenario. And a lot of concerns she brings up are just plain batty. In one thread, she worried her doctor husband will lose clients because her second grader does not want to play with their daughter. She thinks something as mundane as an aquarium of fish is distracting another daughter from schoolwork. She snooped through letters addressed to one of her daughters and not to her.

Honestly, she checks off a lot of the symptoms of a narcissistic mother.
 
Last edited:
She, not he. And sadly, Xantippe is correct—these behaviors are abusive. Threatening a child’s pets? Never acceptable.

The OP needs help—either for extremely dysfunctional family relationships or for inordinately involved trolling.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top