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annad347
Guest
I hope its not a control issue, but what you said is true. Mom and daughter definitely needs to set healthy boundaries with each other.
I pray they can get past them.
I pray they can get past them.
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1ke
Guest
Mom’s a little cray-cray.
Yeah, not mom’s business what kind of shoes you wear. Even hooker shoes, which those aren’t. They are cute!
Gonna have to stop caring what mom says and does. Don’t sit with her.
Adjust your expectations of your mom, wear what makes you happy, and ignore the peanut gallery.
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catholiclala
Guest
I wear mostly skirts and dresses, jeans maybe once or twice a week. I often get asked wear I’m going and when I say no place special they look perplexed. I don’t look down on anyone who prefers to dress more casual, so don’t look down on me for preferring otherwise. As long as I’m not OTT there is no problem. And anyone who is jealous can dress up too, nobody is stopping them.
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F_Marturana
Guest
Are these the shoes? ( I can’t tell if it’s an ad)
If they are, I love them. I’ve got a similar pair slightly lower.
Not immodest.
If they are, I love them. I’ve got a similar pair slightly lower.
Not immodest.
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do_justly_love_mercy
Guest
If those are “prostitute shoes”, I must have shoes that aren’t fit to be seen outside a bordello or a sultan’s harem! Seriously, she is being ridiculous. Also, does your mom even know what kind of footwear sex workers wear?
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phil19034
Guest
This is a very subjective thing, not objective.
Obviously, to your mother those boots look like something a prostitute would wear.
Perhaps where & when your mother grew up, she’s correct. Or perhaps she’s totally wrong. I don’t know.
Dressing modestly is partly objective and partly subjective.
To me, the question comes to down to this: beautiful vs sexy.
If you think (or many think) your outfit looks sexy, then you are not dressed approprately for Mass.
If only one person thinks you look sexy, you should consider what they say, but ultimately determine for yourself.
Finally, I will say this: Those shoes (themselves) are not sexy. However, depending on what the rest of your outfit is/was, perhaps it could make the difference between a beautiful outfit vs a sexy outfit.
No one here saw your entire outfit. No one here knows what your mother was thinking.
Perhaps you can have a casual conversation with your mother to discuss why she felt you were dressed too sexy for Mass (after you both are calm & collected)?
God Bless
Obviously, to your mother those boots look like something a prostitute would wear.
Perhaps where & when your mother grew up, she’s correct. Or perhaps she’s totally wrong. I don’t know.
Dressing modestly is partly objective and partly subjective.
To me, the question comes to down to this: beautiful vs sexy.
If you think (or many think) your outfit looks sexy, then you are not dressed approprately for Mass.
If only one person thinks you look sexy, you should consider what they say, but ultimately determine for yourself.
Finally, I will say this: Those shoes (themselves) are not sexy. However, depending on what the rest of your outfit is/was, perhaps it could make the difference between a beautiful outfit vs a sexy outfit.
No one here saw your entire outfit. No one here knows what your mother was thinking.
Perhaps you can have a casual conversation with your mother to discuss why she felt you were dressed too sexy for Mass (after you both are calm & collected)?
God Bless
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Agnus-Dei
Guest
You may be my new favorite person on this forum.
Dominus vobiscum
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Michaelangelo
Guest
Your mother just used the shoes as a weapon to hurt you. If not the shoes it would have been something else. The real question is the reason for wanting to hurt you like she did. This is where you should dig. I can’t even begin to guess what the reason might be since I do not know either of you. I’m sorry you have to endure this from family. 
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dochawk
Guest
And here, you’ve diverted to a fundamental difference between men and women.
:crazy_face:
I remember reading in the WSJ about an attempted study of the effects of wearing the wrong size shoe for both men and women.
They had to reduce the study to women, because they couldn’t find any men doing that . . .
Women like shoes. Men like the way women like them.
:crazy_face:
And if so, why and how?
:crazy_face:
blackforest
Well-known member
I find cotton skirts a lot more comfy than jeans and more modest than most women’s shorts. I’m not a member of the Modesty Police by any stretch, but for me personally, shorts can only go up so high before I feel really uncomfortable. 
I have to disagree here. Some women are sexy, regardless of how they dress or what they’re motives are. Susan Sarandon and Angelica Huston could be draped in old paint clothes, and I still consider them sexy, not beautiful. I’m not sure what it is - maybe an air of confidence and lower pitched voice. But it doesn’t mean they’re running around chanting, “Come hither!”
I’m weird this way. I don’t own a lot of shoes, and they’re all second-hand so that someone else did the dirty work of breaking them in for me.
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Agnus-Dei
Guest
Only problem I see with these is the foot-ache from wearing. I really can’t see how women can do this. I bought a pair of very nice “logger” boots once instead of my usual lower heeled ones. Giant mistake. Both feet were bruised blue/purple after one day. (Balls of the toes/feet/whatever)
I do know that some women wear this type to either appear taller, or to make their legs and behind more attractive. I would not say “immodest”, but “probably not good for your toes”.
Dominus vobiscum
I do know that some women wear this type to either appear taller, or to make their legs and behind more attractive. I would not say “immodest”, but “probably not good for your toes”.
Dominus vobiscum
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phil19034
Guest
That’s why I said their “outfit looks sexy.” I didn’t mention the person themselves.
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dochawk
Guest
That’s part of why I almost exclusively wear boots, especially now that I’ve found the EW sizes. They’re broken in by the time I get to my car!
I had a pair of wingtips as a young lawyer–and I never managed to break them in.
So these days, it’s snakeskin boots, with a super-polished black leather pair in a box that only comes out to wear with my tux, and only come out of the box once I reach my destination.
Besides, they get lots of comments, especially when wearing a good suit . . .
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FiveLinden
Guest
You could be subtle and get your husband or boyfriend to wear them next week.
blackforest
Well-known member
Thanks for the clarification. Some women might “look” sexy at Mass, but that’s not necessarily their intent. 
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MNathaniel
Guest
To be honest I’m mostly just surprised that you’re a 25 year old woman who doesn’t already know your mom’s opinion about clothes. Regardless of what her opinion is on high heels, how did you wind up surprised by it at the age of 25? that’s genuinely fascinating to me, haha. Did you somehow just meet her?
By the way, your shoes look fine. In fact, they look like something my mom would wear. Haha.
And I don’t mean to make light of a situation that ended with you crying. I’m sorry to hear about how hurt you felt.
I’m just genuinely, as a woman in my 30s, fascinated that there’s a woman out there capable of putting on an item of clothing and not knowing before she leaves the house exactly what her mother’s opinion will be, haha. Was my mom just unusually comprehensive in making her opinions known from early on? I think my sister and I developed our thick skin and “yes, Mom” eye rolls about her clothing criticisms before we left our teenage years. And sure, to this day she’ll pick apart my outfits like only a mother would dare to… but I guess that thick skin has remained.
Did your mom’s comment just slip past a chink in your armour? Or have you genuinely never had to navigate this kind of clothing critique before, and your mom has started a little later than mine?
Anyway in sum: your shoes look fine. I’d focus more on learning to forgive your Mom for saying they weren’t (and saying so in a hurtful way), and learning to get along better with her in any other ways that may be relevant too. Family can sometimes be bolder in pushing each other’s buttons than others are, and that doesn’t necessarily go away. Learning to love our families well is, I reckon, one of the major works we do with our life.
By the way, your shoes look fine. In fact, they look like something my mom would wear. Haha.
And I don’t mean to make light of a situation that ended with you crying. I’m sorry to hear about how hurt you felt.
I’m just genuinely, as a woman in my 30s, fascinated that there’s a woman out there capable of putting on an item of clothing and not knowing before she leaves the house exactly what her mother’s opinion will be, haha. Was my mom just unusually comprehensive in making her opinions known from early on? I think my sister and I developed our thick skin and “yes, Mom” eye rolls about her clothing criticisms before we left our teenage years. And sure, to this day she’ll pick apart my outfits like only a mother would dare to… but I guess that thick skin has remained.
Did your mom’s comment just slip past a chink in your armour? Or have you genuinely never had to navigate this kind of clothing critique before, and your mom has started a little later than mine?
Anyway in sum: your shoes look fine. I’d focus more on learning to forgive your Mom for saying they weren’t (and saying so in a hurtful way), and learning to get along better with her in any other ways that may be relevant too. Family can sometimes be bolder in pushing each other’s buttons than others are, and that doesn’t necessarily go away. Learning to love our families well is, I reckon, one of the major works we do with our life.
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dochawk
Guest
Really? We’re talking about a mother.
:crazy_face:They never reach the point they can’t shock you.
A couple of years ago, mine told me that the “blond” hairs that appeared in a group in my mustache looked like my nose was running . . .
\me bows politely to @Agnus-Dei
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mary77
Guest
It sounds like something i would say to my daughters and they too would go nuts. Im guessing and what do i know? Your Mom might not like seeing you trying to look stand out at mass, perhaps she wants to see you focused on being unnoticed, humble, before the Lord. I think generation gaps are designed by God on purpose so Mothers can instill thoughts in their young children. No matter how old you are, youre still her child.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
- From an objective standpoint, the shoes are not immodest. They are normal, fashionable shoes. I personally wouldn’t want to wear a heel that high, but I’m not 25.
- From a subjective standpoint, your mom doesn’t like the shoes and she likely associates them with women she knew in the past who wore shoes that she thought were inappropriate, especially for church, and maybe they did inappropriate things too.
- You are 25 and married and no longer live under mom’s roof, meaning that you have a lot of other occasions to wear these shoes when you’re not in Mom’s company, and I presume you also own some other pairs of decent shoes too.
Now if Mom is finding something wrong with your outfit every time you get together, then it’s a problem and needs to be addressed with a direct confrontation. But if this is an occasional thing then offer your hurt feelings up and wear some other shoes around Mom.
My first boyfriend, who I dated from age 19 to about 25 and during almost all of that time I was not living under my mom’s roof, would tell me “Moms just get a little nuts sometimes” when my own mom, who had a lot of kind and good qualities, would occasionally go off the rails about something I considered relatively minor like a non-extreme (to me) clothing item or some remark I made that I didn’t think was awful but she did.
So, I say it to you. Moms get a little nuts sometimes. You have your own life now, learn to set Mom’s “moments” aside.
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Tis_Bearself
Patron
Dude, moms can come flying out of the blue with all sorts of stuff. I had one for over 50 years, I couldn’t always predict what little (to me) thing would set her off.
- Status