Are women attracted to nice guys?

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I was raised secular, and as a teen we were told to be sexual but marrying was something you shouldn’t even consider until you were out of college and had a career. So here you are 16 years old, and naturally you are interested in young boys but since you aren’t looking for Mr. Right to hold you down, you end up dating or should I say allowing young men to just use you up emotionally in long term relationships that will go no where.

I met my husband when I was 19. I wasn’t looking for a husband, I was looking for a nice guy. I’m now 28 years old, and I don’t understand how grown woman are looking for a perfect man to have their child with. Remember that childrens mocking song in elementry school? “First comes LOVE, then comes marriage, then comes a a baby in a baby carriage”.There is a lot of truth in that.

I fell in love at 19, married at 23. I wish we were married sooner, but no one would let us think of marriage until we had our undergraduate degrees. But we were talking about marriage atleast since we were 20/21. I wasn’t going to sit in a relationship for years on end, if it didn’t have marriage as the goal.

A lot of young people 18-23 want to live as husband and wife, but because marriage is frowned upon they just hook up with whoever and cohabitate. 86% of all cohabiating relationships don’t last three years! (Stephen Rhoads “Taking Sex Differences Seriously”)Imagine being a thrity year old man or women who have been througha few serial partners, talk abot emotional baggage.

Young men and women never get to form a true identity of themselves and then fall in love with one another as mature individuals. Instead we just throw anything in our lives by “trying it out” living together and see if it sticks or not. All you have to watch are these Judge Judy type shows, and ex-boyfriends and girl friends fighting over joint bills and property, cell phones, video game consoles, and foutons.

Women move in with men thinking they can change them by being the coolest live-in girlfriend, by not nagging and allowing him to go out with his friends and do whatever he wants. Men will never change from being bad boys, if they never have the chance to sweep you off your feet and wisk you away to happily ever after, when so many women are groveling to play happy homemaker without the commitment of marriage… Eventually if they do stay together and get married, the woman more or less just become his mother and not his wife, as he comes and goes as he pleases.
 
I think I’m one of the few girls/women who aren’t at all attracted to bad boys. I’m mean, how can you complain if they treat you bad? I’m looking for a nice guy and I’ll except no substitutes.
 
Many women think they don’t need a man to take care of them, so they want to be “equal” in all the material aspects of the relationship, such as paying the bills and housework. So bad boys don’t care about treating the women as a delicate object. Career oriented women don’t want to be seen as vunerable or delicate even in a romantic relationship, they want to be seen as tough. Think HIlary and Bill Clinton.
 
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Madaglan:
I think I may have asked something similiar to this before: but do girls (women) ever like nice guys as more than just a friend.

**I love my nice guy and am blissfully married to him! Every time I see other marriages’ internal gears, I realize that much more how VERY blessed I am to have him! **
It seems to me that most girls, even Christian ones, are attracted to guys who are jerks, or those guys who are essentially brainless.

Nope. Instant turn-off. Of course, jerks sometimes put on a happy face around a girl, so it takes the girl a while to realize he IS a jerk. Nonetheless, brainless and jerk are two attributes that would make him get a whole lot of sympathy and not much lovin’ from me. Thankfully, I married a nice guy, so I don’t have this problem.
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When I say nice guy, I do not intend to mean some guy who is nice and effeminate (like Ned Flanders)–but a guy who has a strong set of Christian values,

Why are these exclusive? What is it that you call “effeminate”? My husband likes to cook. He isn’t so fond of cleaning, but is pretty good at picking up. And he sews beautifully. And would love being a stay-at-home dad. (He also likes to work on his sports car and do other “manly” things, fyi.) He doesn’t objectify women or talk smak around other men. He is a strong and devout Catholic. He doesn’t rule our house with an iron fist, though. We each bring strengths and talents and we each respect that. Our goal remains the other in all we do, which means he does all he can to make me happy. (While I do the same.) Wasn’t Ned Flanders a strong Christian character?
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and who does not feel like taking advantage of a girl, as so many guys do. Someone who is strong in his morals, who is intelligent and serious (though not stolid),

**You’ve described my wonderful husband as if you knew him! **
but who doesn’t do stupid or reckless things.

**Ha ha ha… well, I guess it is a matter of perspective on what you call “reckless” and “stupid.” **
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A guy who may be a little quiet but who is very much masculine in his speech and interests.

He is very quiet. People who don’t know us often confuse that for henpacked. If he has an opinion, he lets me know it. And if he feels strongly about it, he won’t back down. He’s never rude or condescending about it, though. Again, I don’t know what you call “masculine.” Maybe because I’m not the stereotypical “woman” we blend nicely. We like to camp and hike and motorcycle and play the Play Station. We also love parenting and learning and philosophizing and debating and I dunno what else.

**I don’t think I could handle a guy who wanted to be out with the men all the time or who who spends more time in the gym each day than with his family or who was obsessed with sports. Nor would I be with one who agonized over his clothes more than I do or who loved to shop (something I consider punishment) or who freaked if his shoes were scuffed. He fits in just fine with the guys, but has his priorities right in that his family and wife come first. Many people call this “effeminate.” I call it WONDERFUL!! **

It just seems to me that whenever girls meet a guy who is “nice” they only see him as a friend.

**We so happened to be friends for years before he asked me out on our first date. We probably wouldn’t have lasted if we started off dating. We knew enough about each other to understand our quirks and to enjoy each other’s company before we thought about a dating relationship. We were discussing marriage within weeks of our first date. Several years later, I just love him even more. **

Does a guy have to be a “jerk” for a girl to be attracted to him?

Not this girl. Although, I’m probably not the stereotypical woman out there right now, either. My husband and children come first. I dress modestly. I stand up for the Truth. I don’t put up with nonsense. If the kind of women you are looking at are stereotypically shallow, the kind of men they’ll be looking at will be the same.
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Madaglan:
But what about cockiness, arrogrance, conceit–whatever you want to call it? Do girls ever get tired of this charade, or is it constantly attractive to them, even after they find the “nice” guy they decide is best to marry? I’m just curious (because I fear future cuckoldry :rolleyes:).
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Madaglan,

After being the nice guys with no girls I became a jerk and having great success later found that it was all hollow, yes the girls initially came running at the sign of a confident male. (Note male and not man) As time moved on I could never figure out why the relationships never worked. I found out for myself that the ‘show’ of confidence soon moved aside, when i wanted to treat them well, i made awful mistakes thinking that i needed to treat women badly, so even fell for it!!

I found myself praying for a women, so much so that i was treating women as an idol! I realised that i was a nice guy, changed my ways, and waited on the Holy Spirit to lead me to the life he wanted me in. Right when I thought that was it, i had given up hope, thoughts of the seminary were looming as the last ditch to go to. I met my wife one evening, at work, we have a wonderful marriage, and i wish that i had ‘let go’ and allowed Christ to do with me as He wills.

Women are interested in the qualities of a real Man (not male) who has confidence in Christ, and lives as he does. I wish you luck in your journey, and take some learning from someone who knows, has been there not done it right etc… look around you and enjoy the ride!!

God Bless

Matthew
 
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MatthewPR:
Madaglan,

After being the nice guys with no girls I became a jerk and having great success later found that it was all hollow, yes the girls initially came running at the sign of a confident male. (Note male and not man) As time moved on I could never figure out why the relationships never worked. I found out for myself that the ‘show’ of confidence soon moved aside, when i wanted to treat them well, i made awful mistakes thinking that i needed to treat women badly, so even fell for it!!

I found myself praying for a women, so much so that i was treating women as an idol! I realised that i was a nice guy, changed my ways, and waited on the Holy Spirit to lead me to the life he wanted me in. Right when I thought that was it, i had given up hope, thoughts of the seminary were looming as the last ditch to go to. I met my wife one evening, at work, we have a wonderful marriage, and i wish that i had ‘let go’ and allowed Christ to do with me as He wills.

Women are interested in the qualities of a real Man (not male) who has confidence in Christ, and lives as he does. I wish you luck in your journey, and take some learning from someone who knows, has been there not done it right etc… look around you and enjoy the ride!!

God Bless

Matthew
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THanks for sharing so openly Matthew. I would say that I am right before your seminary stage. The more I pray the more I want to be totally conformed to God and His will, be it what it may be.

I pray that no one has to try to be the jerk. I second what you said about it. Do not be fooled by the ways of the world!
 
I used to THINK women were attracted to bad boys.

But I learned that what ACTUALLY was going on was that women were attracted to REAL MEN. And that they often mistook bad boys for real men.

For too many years, I attempted to attract women by being a ‘nice guy’ but had the definition wrong. Never being offensive, never showing preferences, never being assertive, never displaying drive and ambition. Women want to be cherished, loved, respected, valued, etc. But they want all that from a man they respect! A man who has direction in life, has distinct interests, displays a clarity of knowing what he wants, a willingness to fight for what he believes. Our society is hostile to real masculinity. It’s too bad, the world needs it (in sanctified version, of course).

It’s distinctly absent in the parish level of the American church, nearly absent in politics, mostly absent in charitable organizations and getting rare in big corporations. Small/medium businesses is the place you still find it in heaps.
 
I think it has more to do with confidence than anything else. In my experience, nice guys tend to be less confident (perhaps as a result of being shot down so many times?) while “bad” boys tend to be overly confident. Since women are looking for someone to lead them, I think confidence is definitely an important trait.
 
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Anglican77:
I think it has more to do with confidence than anything else. In my experience, nice guys tend to be less confident (perhaps as a result of being shot down so many times?) while “bad” boys tend to be overly confident. Since women are looking for someone to lead them, I think confidence is definitely an important trait.
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I wouldn’t put all women in that category. Have you been on a college campus lately?

Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand and agree with the point you are trying to make but I do not think all women meet that criteria.
 
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