As a gay (SSA) Catholic, I'm exhausted

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RealisticCatholic said:
I try not to focus on it. It seems the current culture in the American church does, though. From big personalities to Catholic media.
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I think the current status of the topic being one of a hot button politically has a huge impact on how outspoken people tend to be in voicing their opinions.
 
RealisticCatholic said:
Maybe I should qualify by stating the need for people to actually know the real life experiences of gay people. That way people in the church don’t have to brush it aside as simply something under the label “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

That just proves people aren’t actually thinking about these issues with any depth. Or even compassion.
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Unfortunately, they are sometimes treated very similarly to the sick and disabled in society, which likely not ironically is how some characterize those in the LGBTQ community.
 
I would say he gave a good answer considering the person he was talking to, since she was nearly hysterical over her conviction that “being gay is a choice!”

But being on radio, you have to remember there’s a whole audience out there. And for me, Dr. Ander’s answer sounded offensive and not really sympathetic. I’ve heard people give orthodox Catholic teaching on homosexuality in much better ways.

(As if there’s no gay person listening to him. cough cough 🖐️)
 
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RealisticCatholic said:
Maybe I should qualify by stating the need for people to actually know the real life experiences of gay people. That way people in the church don’t have to brush it aside as simply something under the label “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
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I don’t see it.

What I do see is a plethora of support groups, activist groups, and individuals talking about their experiences.

I mean, you can go from Joseph Sciambra and Daniel Mattson to New Ways Ministry. And everyone in between.
 
The person I was responding to was saying there’s no need for anyone to know you’re sexuality. I was replying with that context in mind.
 
CCHcolonel said:
I’ll disagree. Society was a lot better off when people weren’t so intent on showing how special and unique they were. And I’m not just talking about the gay thing. Almost everyone could stand to learn to keep a few more things about themselves, to themselves.
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Sexual orientation is an integral part of any human being. It isn’t the same as what kind of cereal they like for breakfast or how many toes they have.

It is time people educate themselves and try to gain some understanding.
 
Maybe take a break from contempoary Catholic media and read some classics from the tradition instead?
 
That’s true. My wife and I are infertile and I can relate to hurtful comments, bad explanations, and realizing that people on the outside really don’t understand our unique situation. Being infertile and having SSA are almost two peas in a pod.
 
  1. People talk about the scandals because there is a problem. And there needs to be a discussion and that discussion should include gay issues, pedophilia issues, and hetero issues. Its unpleasant and it should be. Dont be frustrated with the victimized laity and clergy here. Put the blame for your frustration where it belongs. The abusers and the hierarchy that covers them up or refuses to deal with it.
  2. If you are a gay secular Catholic you need not fear any “church militant” publicity. You should also note that Voris also is a gay Catholic who was treated less than favorably by Church officials so you might find some compassion for his zeal (misplaced though you may believe it is)
  3. Remember that the uncomfortable climate you sense is fueled by a very militant ideology of LGBT tactics.
  4. You know or at least understand the Church’s position. The basics. Homosexuality is disordered but indeed blameless for those afflicted. Acting on those inclinations and desires is sinful. Deep seated homosexual or SSA people should not have clerical or positions of authority in The Church. This could be your biggest issue of frustration. You have to be chaste and cannot marry, but you cannot be a priest either. Wow. That’s an incredible burden. But perhaps now you can see why well meaning people liken it to a disability like blindness.
  5. I hope your frustration with the LGBT voices surpass your Catholic frustrations. Their contempt for the Church and you personally as a Catholic is appaling!
  6. Realize that as long as you are struggling with the goal of holiness I’m proud to sit next to you on Sunday, worshiping our God.
 
Sexuality is really what you make of it. I have a bisexual friend and his bisexuality never really crosses my mind because he does not wear his sexuality on his sleeve and we have other things to talk about.
 
redbetta said:
Sexuality is really what you make of it. I have a bisexual friend and his bisexuality never really crosses my mind because he does not wear his sexuality on his sleeve and we have other things to talk about.
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Well that is very nice, if that works for you and your friend. Relationships aren’t all the same. Bisexuality isn’t the same as homosexuality, etc.

It would be a little rude if your friend was buttoned up tight about his sexuality but you kept wanting to talk about it. It would be rude, because it isn’t about you. It is about your friend.

We need to quit thinking everyone fits in the same nice tidy box. We need to let other people manage their sexuality without judgement from us.
 
Sure it’s tough being gay, whether you are Catholic or not, and it always was, maybe even more so in the past. But I would suggest you take the advice of the previous poster: do something outside of yourself to help someone else. You will thus accomplish two things: helping another, which is rewarding in its own right, and helping yourself by taking your mind off being gay for the time being. Insofar as the caller on Catholic radio is concerned, that is just one person’s opinion, and not that of the Church BTW. I would also suggest that if that particular program disturbs you, don’t listen to it. It’s like the old Henny Youngman joke: I went to the doctor and told him I had a pain when I raised my right arm. The doctor told me not to raise my right arm.
 
Ever thought that CCHcolonel holds the same standard for himself that he sets for others? That he does not discuss his sexuality because he figures that other people are about as much interested in hearing about it as he is interested in hearing about other people’s sexuality?
 
Alright. I just wanted to make the point that nothing about your post was selfish.
 
CCHcolonel said:
How will anyone know you’re gay unless you tell them?

Just live a chaste life and it should never be on someone else’s radar.
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I agree. I have often wondered about that myself. If priests are not in relationships because they are not supposed to be whether they are gay or not, how would anyone know? It is not being in the closet or hidden, it just isn’t anything anyone needs to know either way.

No one is shaming anyone. We just don’t understand having the conversation at all in some instances.
 
Because we aren’t our sexuality. Our sexuality is just a variation on the innate drive to perpetuate the species. The human person cannot just be boiled down to the sum of their feelings and urges.

Also, to suggest that someone keep something to themselves is not selfish. Keeping various things to ourselves is part of the compromises we have to make to live within a society with other people. In fact, being open about everything at everytime without regard to how uncomfortable it makes someone else is, in fact, selfish.
 
Honestly, the kinds of people who do talk about their sexuality incessantly tend to be some of the most self-absorbed. And our culture tends to be pretty narcissistic.
 
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