Asking a Catholic Girl Out

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Melodeonist said:
One of the hardest things, I find, is thinking of what to actually ask her out to do. There are so many possible options, but I would only want to ask her to do something she’d enjoy; I personally enjoy pretty much anything that isn’t immoral. I know she likes coffee, but asking her a couple days in advance for something as small as coffee sounds a bit like overkill.
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She has to eat, even if she’s busy.
 
It’s threads like these (and many of the comments within them) that make me wonder how my wife and I have been able to stay together for 18 years… ¯_(ツ)_/¯ puzzling.
 
TC3033 said:
It’s threads like these (and many of the comments within them) that make me wonder how my wife and I have been able to stay together for 18 years… ¯_(ツ)_/¯ puzzling.
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I was smiling sometimes because I asked my fiancé out for the first time. Maybe I was a bit sheldon cooper like as my best friend told me with a smile, but really, at least it´s a simple question…
 
As was said in an earlier post – he is not a boy in middle school. It’s been going on for approx. 1 1/2 mo. since the initial OP-- and people giving him advice – yet he comes back with the same type of story.
 
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I went out on a date once. She seemed like a nice Catholic woman. But as the night went on I noticed lots of red flags. By the end of the evening she was blaming her parents and friends for everything. Finally, I decided to get the root of her issues. She fessed up she had innumerable mental health issues and wasn’t willing to seek treatment. I paid the bill and we parted ways. I asked another girl out in college. She liked to flirt and smile at me. So, I asked her to come get a coffee nearby. “Uh, no I can’t “ was the reply. After those two experiences I decided to focus on my career and becoming successful. 🤑
 
If I don’t find anyone, there’s no reason I can’t still have a fulfilling life. Maybe I’ll be a US Ambassador? Definitely President. Whatever God wants. All I know is that I have A LOT of work to do. I definitely want to organize a UN Expedition to Mt. Ararat to search for the Ark. Busy busy busy…
 
Cruciferi said:
I went out on a date once. She seemed like a nice Catholic woman. But as the night went on I noticed lots of red flags. By the end of the evening she was blaming her parents and friends for everything. Finally, I decided to get the root of her issues. She fessed up she had innumerable mental health issues and wasn’t willing to seek treatment. I paid the bill and we parted ways. I asked another girl out in college. She liked to flirt and smile at me. So, I asked her to come get a coffee nearby. “Uh, no I can’t “ was the reply. After those two experiences I decided to focus on my career and becoming successful. 🤑
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There’s a reason people shouldn’t date in college.

95% of the time they are living off of someone else’s dime (be it their parents, or a scholarship or government loans) they have secure housing and basic food access.

Just don’t do it.
 
Melodeonist said:
Hmm. I was chatting with her last night on Facebook, and shes really busy from being Student Government President and such. I don’t know if I should ask her out ASAP, or ask her out, as suggested on this thread, after finals. The only reason I’m skeptical about the finals bit is that I may not get a chance to see her after finals, and that would be around Christmas time so she may be too busy then for other reasons.

I suppose I could ask her something along the lines of “you doing anything this weekend?” which would allow me to see if she’s too busy. I’m not sure if asking her out at the moment would be a good idea because I don’t want to make her even more busy. Making her uncomfortable, or making her life harder would be the last thing I would want to do.
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“Hey, I really enjoy your company, would you like to go out sometime, maybe to a _____ or _____?”

If she says yes, then you can talk about the timing.

She may also say that’s not where she wants to go with the relationship.

You’ve been stalling on this for months. Stop procrastinating, making excuses on delaying that essential question.
 
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Thanks for the replies. I technically had the chance to ask her out today when the SGA meeting ended, but I was too scared to walk over to the table she was at. What a coward I am. 😳

After I left like the coward I am, I realized that it’s Satan that’s giving me this fear. If she is indeed the woman God created for me and I for her, then of course he wouldn’t want us to be together.

Now I feel like I’m catching a cold too. Great. Just great. Now I doubt I’ll ever get a chance to ask her out. I’m so mad and disappointed at myself. 😖

Of course, it’s not the past that matters. I need to focus on the future, that is, when I see her, and the present when I’m in her presence. I need to man up and just do it.
 
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Melodeonist said:
After I left like the coward I am, I realized that it’s Satan that’s giving me this fear. If she is indeed the woman God created for me and I for her, then of course he wouldn’t want us to be together.
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This is a very inappropriate way of thinking. VERY inappropriate. This is not satan being a huggy uggy boogeyman. You are not created for any one woman. Catholic teaching does really allow for the idea of soul mates. We choose to make a vow to another on our wedding day. It is then we are affirmed in belonging to eachother. Not before.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
This is a very inappropriate way of thinking. VERY inappropriate. This is not satan being a huggy uggy boogeyman.
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Inappropriate? Sounds a bit harsh. I would say the term is called “overreaction”. It’s natural to have cold feet when asking people out for a date.
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
You are not created for any one woman.
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Well, God himself created Adam and Eve for each other and Raphael led Tobias to Sarah. So, I believe God does have a plan for us. It’s best to accept God’s will in these matters and not spin our wheels looking for love. Pray for discernment.
 
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Cruciferi said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
You are not created for any one woman.
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Well, God himself created Adam and Eve for each other and Raphael led Tobias to Sarah. So, I believe God does have a plan for us. It’s best to accept God’s will in these matters and not spin our wheels looking for love. Pray for discernment.
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While God does have a plan for us – it doesn’t mean that there is only one person among all-- that would make a good spouse. I think that is what X_V is aiming at. Right now the OP is quite enthralled with this young woman – that it looks like he can’t see past that. If the relationship never happens or even if they eventually date – and at some point it doesn’t work out – there could be another woman in his future.

And yes – the cold feet is understandable – but if he wants a date – he has to make the move. And this rests on him.
 
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Instead of telling us all the time how trad and cradle you are and how busy she is just ask her out or stop this thread. It´s a weir mixture of fishng for compliments and excuses and finaly, you should ask yourself if you fear at least more that she says yes than no.
 
Theo520 said:
If she says yes, then you can talk about the timing.
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NO NO NO NO!

That’s basically trapping the other person into a social engagement. Give a specific time and event up front so that they can say they are busy if they don’t want to. (And no, that’s not lying–I can always be busy if I want to be busy.)
 
Cruciferi said:
Inappropriate? Sounds a bit harsh. I would say the term is called “overreaction”. It’s natural to have cold feet when asking people out for a date.
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Yes, inappropriate. This is not a person he’s spoken to for any significant amount of time. He has not dated her. He has not discerned Marriage fully. The idea that the devil is trying to keep him away is apauling. Not the case at all.
Cruciferi said:
Well, God himself created Adam and Eve for each other and Raphael led Tobias to Sarah. So, I believe God does have a plan for us. It’s best to accept God’s will in these matters and not spin our wheels looking for love. Pray for discernment.
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And we see how well Adam and Eve turned out. 🤣

Let’s look at a different vocation scenario

6mo ago a poster gets on and declares

“A Dominican of the order of the holy donuts preached today. It was AMAZING. I know now I’m called to the religious life! This is my dream!”

So we ask the OP what they’ve done to contact the order.

They went on their facebook page. That’s all.🤨

Now the poster is even more enthralled, “The Dominicans are everything I want in life, and I know it”

Then after another 3-5 months of not contacting them we hear about how he goes to their monastery for Mass but still won’t talk to the vocation director. But they are SURE this is their vocation. The devil is stopping them. They will never approach an order again if they are rejected.

We would tell that poster that they need to act, and need to stop putting so much on one order. And they need to discern. They don’t know enough about the order to make the kind of life-long commitment they are proposing.

God has what–twice?–

Yeah, I doubt He’s going to do it for some random person.
 
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It’s sounding more and more like there’s a psychological component to this thread hidden behind religion. Namely, The Fear of Being Rejected. Although common to all people it becomes an issue when it paralyses important decision making. Personally, I wouldn’t seek dating advice from strangers on CAF. If the OP wants truthful advice it would be best to seek wise counsel from family and close friends.
 
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