Asking a Catholic Girl Out

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Unfortunately I didn’t ask her out yesterday. I had the perfect chance, but I guess it was good that I didn’t ask her out then because I got a cold now.

So I was just talking to my mother and she said I should “get to know her better before I ask her out.” She said women don’t like being asked out by people they don’t know. Note that my mother is a very introverted person and a radical feminist.

While that “advice” from her may not be of use, she said I shouldn’t ask her out the week of Thanksgiving because she may have to do stuff with her family.

More useful advice, I find, came from a female coworker. She said I should try to ask her out one on one as to not make her uncomfortable, even if that means taking her aside.

Does my mother’s advice even apply here? The trad Catholic girl is an extrovert to my knowledge, and it’s not like I just met her yesterday. We text each other all the time and we talk to each other when we get the chance. 🤷‍♂️
 
Skip the dates

Find a professional psychologist and work on yourself.
 
“The date is often left unclaimed. Have the courage to grasp it. For romance always favors the bold.”
 
But isn’t the point of asking out is to get to know her better?

At any rate, you two are alread texting and talking to each other, so asking her out does not seem so strange.
 
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By no way am I a troll. I like this girl. I’ve never asked a girl out before. I’m a chicken with no confidence asking girls out because I really have no experience doing so. 🤷‍♂️

I’d like to think I could muster the courage to ask her out, but she’s a very busy young lady so I don’t know when I should ask her. I don’t want to make her life harder than it has to be.
 
Again, you are not asking her to take a 3 week trip to see the Great Wall of China. You are asking her out for a meal and maybe a movie. EVERYONE has to eat.
 
That’s a good idea. I’ll ask her to get coffee with me in the cafeteria some time. That way, there’s very little pressure on her side. 👍
 
Okay, but, coffee in the cafeteria is the very most un-date a date could be. I am sure that she would grab coffee in the caf with coworkers, her instructors, it does not really scream DATE. Might be a way for you to ease into a more daty date.
 
45 minuets is nothing if you really like the girl. I met my girlfriend on Catholicmatch and she lives almost exactly 45 minuets away from me and I have made the trip every weekend for the past 10 months. Do not write off a girl because of a 45 minuet drive. We all are busy people but it is possible to make a relationship with a 45 minuet distance work.
 
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LaughingBoy1503 said:
45 minuets is nothing if you really like the girl. I met my girlfriend on Catholicmatch and she lives almost exactly 45 minuets away from me and I have made the trip every weekend for the past 10 months. Do not write off a girl because of a 45 minuet drive. We all are busy people but it is possible to make a relationship with a 45 minuet distance work.
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Janey Mack! I would never have married my wife if I narrowed the search to less than a 45 minute drive. My wife is from Latvia, right on the other side of Europe. If I wanted to visit her before we married I’d have to take a 3 hour flight. Even when she moved to Ireland, we had no car and she was an hour bus journey away. Then for a few months before we got married I’d cycle 35 mins to see her every day.

OP…stop worrying about “making life hard for her”. Part of the nature of life/love is that people do tough things and make sacrifices if they want to get closer to someone. You make it sound like this girl has some high-stress career and lifestyle. In reality, she’s only in the Student Union/Government.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but you are constantly coming up with reasons to delay asking her out and missing every opportunity you have. I really think you probably have some maturing to do before you are ready for a serious relationship. I mean, I’m a guy, I know what the fear of rejection is like when asking someone out. But if your fear is so great then maybe there is some other issue at play that should be resolved? The fear you have is completely disproportionate to the issue.

If it’s so hard to ask her to go on a date, then how could you even contemplate a proposal, which risks the “ultimate rejection”.
 
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This is a young man who is representative of an entire generation of young people who missed the life lessons of the generations past.

Since time began, children would play in groups, either sibling/extended family groups if they were very isolated or in community groups. Those children would have close "best friends’ and there would be other kids they did not like. Kids learned in those groups that some actions or words could cause them to be outcast from the group. They then learned how to negotiate or how to adapt and be accepted. In the end, if two children simply did not get along they were not forced together while at the same time they bonded with other kids. Friendships would come and go, kids learning as they matured and taking those playground lessons into adolescence and then into adulthood.

The young adults of today did not get that sort of natural social development.

They played with the kids who were pre-screened by parents in “play dates”. If their parents were friends, they were forced into friendship with that friend’s kids. Does not matter if you are oil and water, if you dare buck that friendship you are both lectured and told to apologize and play nicely.

In school, the same thing happens. Another schoolmate does not let you play in their game or team, the teacher steps in or the parent calls for a meeting where the kids are forced to comply.

Some kids are pulled out of the schoolyard into homeschool and further put into a social group that is defined by their parents. Parents pre-taste every single friendship.

In the past, kids tried out for baseball teams. If you did not make the team, the kid either practiced to improve their skills for the next round of try-outs or they found another passtime. Today, parents sign their kid up for baseball. Everyone gets to be on a team and everyone plays.

Thing is, these kids grow into adults that do not know how to negotiate social interactions. If someone rebuffs them, they are crushed beyond all recovery. If someone smiles at them, they are instantly “in a relationship”.

No wonder these young people cannot even ask a girl out to a movie!

To the OP, it really is okay for you to decide that you are just not ready to date right now. Work on developing friendships and know that while we are to be kind and respectful to all people, you are not going to gel with everyone. There will be some people you do not mesh with. That is okay. Just know that every smile is not a pledge of forever, and every rebuff is not the end of the world.
 
So few people dance the minuet these days…which is a shame as it offers such a respectable way for young people to mingle…However one seldom sees as many as 45 minuets on a single dance card…
 
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