Asking wife to concert?

[Joe_5859]

I’m just impressed that Cat told John Tesh to his face (well, over the phone) that she hated his music. I would have wanted to say that, but I don’t think I’d have had the courage to be so blunt.

My younger cousin’s first CD player came with a free John Tesh CD. We got a lot of mileage out of that in the realm of teasing.

 

[Irishmom2]

I’m just impressed that Cat told John Tesh to his face (well, over the phone) that she hated his music. I would have wanted to say that, but I don’t think I’d have had the courage to be so blunt.

Joe, you are impressed that Cat was so rude? She doesn’t have to like his music, but that was just rude.

 

[Cat]

I’ve known couples that did too much “you do what makes you happy and I’ll do what makes me happy” and drifted apart. I know that you said in an earlier post that if one spouse doesn’t like what the other one does that they shouldn’t feel obligated to participate. I don’t know what your experience is, but our friends that have the best marriages are they ones that have common interests and enjoy being together. I’m not saying that you have to be joined at the hip, but it helps to enjoy some of the same things.

Not to worry. We have plenty of common interests.

We are both still thrilled to be Catholic for ten years now, and never cease to be amazed by the beauty of Christ’s Church and the joy of being “home.” We love going to Mass together, and we love doing whatever we can to help out wherever we are needed in our parish.

The big “secular” interest is figure skating, and both of us tend towards fanaticism when it comes to this sport. We are already looking forward to the first synchronized skating competition of the season in Kalamazoo, Michigan in November, when we will drive several hours, stay at the cheap Motel 6 right next to the rink, and spend the hours from 6 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. sitting in the Wing’s Arena mesmerized by this most beautiful figure skating discipline (and of course, cheering like banshees for our daughter’s teams and all the other teams that we love and even those teams that we don’t love but merely like).

We will drive long distances to attend synchronized skating competitions (I’m actually considering going to Europe this year to see my daughter’s team represent the U.S.).

And I will root for my husband whenever he competes in ice dancing!

There are quite a few styles of music that we both love, and several artists that we will drive to see. Just a few weeks ago, we heard Scotty McCreery in Janesville, WI at the county fair–if you EVER get a chance to see him, GO! He is incredible–sang for almost 2 hours, and packed the place. We had so much fun at that fair, a true 4-H fair.

We also love Bruno Mars, Taylor Hicks, and Annie Lennox. While he was still with us, we drove many miles to see the great Larry Norman (RIP).

We love bluegrass music and we’re looking forward to spending a few days at a local bluegrass festival that a friend of ours has produced for 31 years this year.

We LOVE Cajun music and we’re willing to drive to go see it.

We enjoy seeing rodeos, visiting historic sites, touring old homes open to the public, visiting museums (although it does hurt my poor knee to walk through them), going to plays, cat shows, gem and mineral shows, boat rides, long drives, and more than anything, we enjoy lively conversation about almost every topic.

We also love being with our relatives and we host dinners and parties throughout the year.

Unfortunately, we love to eat out, but we’re trying to be wiser (my husband has lost about 10 pounds this summer). And we love going to gym together when schedules allow it.

I definitely agree that couples need to have common interests. I just don’t see anything wrong with couples having separate interests, too. It makes us each more fascinating to each other.

 

[Prodigirl]

Prodigirl, I see that you are brand new to the site. Hopefully you will replace snark with honest insight going forward and make a contribution.

Is it verboten to ask for clarity? Is it not kosher to offer one’s opinion? Or am I supposed to go along to get along? Jeez, I certainly wouldn’t want to LIE to you or misrepresent the way I view things.

What would you have me do? I have offered insight on several threads. How unfortunate that you consider my experiences to be non-contributory.

 

[Wampa]

Is it verboten to ask for clarity? Is it not kosher to offer one’s opinion? Or am I supposed to go along to get along? Jeez, I certainly wouldn’t want to LIE to you or misrepresent the way I view things.

What would you have me do? I have offered insight on several threads. How unfortunate that you consider my experiences to be non-contributory.

Prodigirl, I’ll offer a partial apology. I didn’t realize that you had stated your opinion on page 1. I thought your comment to me was your first contribution to the thread. My bad on the oversight. That makes half of what I said moot. I incorrectly thought you were just dropping in to offer one snarky rip and that’s it.

However, I’ll still say that the cutting comment about my insight is unnecessary. It’s fine to disagree and offer opposing takes (which we have), but the snarky comment dismissing my take is unappreciated.

 

[Cat]

Prodigirl, I’ll offer a partial apology. I didn’t realize that you had stated your opinion on page 1. I thought your comment to me was your first contribution to the thread. My bad on the oversight. That makes half of what I said moot. I incorrectly thought you were just dropping in to offer one snarky rip and that’s it.

However, I’ll still say that the cutting comment about my insight is unnecessary. It’s fine to disagree and offer opposing takes (which we have), but the snarky comment dismissing my take is unappreciated.

Prodigirl was responding to a comment that you made in response to one of my posts. You said that ice fishing and sewing are nothing like going to a concert, and thus my post really shed no light on the OP’s situation.

At the time, I decided not to respond to you. But now I will, and I hope my comments will make sense to you.

I think you mean that sewing or ice-fishing are “singles” activities that onlookers can’t really participate in, and that’s why these activities are somehow “different” than concerts.

But in my initial post which you responded to, you missed the fact that I described “sewing workshops and seminars.” These involve a crowd of people all participating together, much like a concert, and the presenters and speakers are often highly entertaining, even to those who know nothing about sewing. So why couldn’t the non-sewing spouse attend and enjoy themselves along with their beloved? Why is this any different than a concert?

As for ice-fishing, even though the sport is solitary, there is still camaraderie between all those sitting on the ice. Why shouldn’t the non-fishing spouse attend and enjoy the solitude and silence with their beloved? Why is this any different than a concert?

For that matter, why does it matter if we attend a concert with our spouses or anyone? After all, every person will hear music as an individual, even if they are sitting with ten thousand other people at a concert. So why does it matter if we bring anyone with us?

BTW, your comment that most people don’t attend concerts by themselves is pure opinion on your part. I am involved with our city’s music club (the oldest continually-open music club in the United States), and I see plenty of people, men and women, who attend the concerts by themselves. Sometimes it’s because of circumstances (widowed, spouse/partner working, etc.), but often, it’s by CHOICE (“my husband hates Mozart, but I adore his music.”)

You accuse Prodigirl of snarkiness. I might say the same regarding your comment that my post “doesn’t really shed any light on the OP’s situation,” because it was obvious to me and apparently to Prodigirl that my post DID shed light on the situation.

I have said over and over again on this thread, and Prodigirl said the same in her first post in this thread: marriage should make room for each spouse to pursue their own interests as well as joint interests, and each spouse should rejoice knowing that the spouse is doing something that is fulfilling to them, even if it doesn’t involve both spouses being together. Ice fishing, sewing, concerts–it doesn’t matter. Spouses can choose to do these things together or separately, and their love for each other can grow either way.

 

[Wampa]

Cat, fundamental difference of opinion. I’m fine with that. Thank you for explaining your opinion in a civil manner. I actually didn’t miss the part about sewing workshops and seminars, but I’m happy to let you have the last comment on that activity comparison.

The reason that my comment “doesn’t really shed any light on the OP’s situation” isn’t snarky is because it’s my honest, non-snide opinion of the application of your comparison (quite possibly wrong).

It would have been snarky if I had said something like: “You actually think sewing/ice fishing is like concert-going? You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” (which I would not do).

That was my issue with her comment. Rather than just coming out and honestly saying to me “I think you’re off-base and here’s why”, she instead used a snide little joke to imply that I’m a fool for my opinion.

For the record, I work in a profession where I spent three years being trained full-time on how to properly analogize and distinguish comparisons (which is exactly what we did in this thread). My opinion - which is definitely an opinion and not verifiable, same as yours and hers - is an educated opinion and, IMO, not worthy of snide, cut-down rips. Just like yours are not worthy of being treated that way that’s why I was saying that I thought your analogy did not apply, not that it was stupid or anything rude like that.

Anyway, I’m done and moving on. Peace.

 

[LongingSoul]

But in my initial post which you responded to, you missed the fact that I described “sewing workshops and seminars.” These involve a crowd of people all participating together, much like a concert, and the presenters and speakers are often highly entertaining, even to those who know nothing about sewing. So why couldn’t the non-sewing spouse attend and enjoy themselves along with their beloved? Why is this any different than a concert?

.

Workshops and seminars are primarily educational. That’s the agenda. Entertainment on the other hand has a much broader scope because everybody loves to laugh, sing, hum, dance, bop, jig or whatever. Very few people dislike being entertained so we’re more open to new experiences to be entertained.

 

[Wampa]

I see that Prodigirl got herself banned and all of her posts removed, less than two weeks into her stay with us (not due to me; I did not report her). I had checked out some of her other threads and saw that she was having similar problems playing nice with others. I can’t say that I’m surprised at the outcome.