At war with the squirrels

[Nan_S]

Only thing… I found a half of a big 1/2 eaten fish in my driveway yesterday that was probably dropped by an eagle. (I live by the river.)

**Or **horror of horrors the eagle might have been ganged up on by the tree rats!

I was driving on the Air Force base one day and saw a hawk fluttering in the grass by a small parking lot. That’s not their normal perch, so I pulled in for a closer look.

The hawk fluttered, jumped a short ways and I saw a sqwerl in its talons. The swqerl was subdued, but still evil and objected to being taken.

Hawk jumped, fluttered, landed again. Sqwerl squirmed.

Hawk looked down. PECK PECK PECK PECK. Hawk took another look. Sqwerl moved again. PECK PECK. Sqwerl’s resistance faded.

Hawk jumped and flew about 3 feet. Acorn-fattened sqwerls are heavier than they look.

Hawk tried to fly again, got a little further, landed and adjusted its payload.

Finally Hawk got a good leap, powered itself into the air, climbed above the roof of the building, and headed for the nest. Hawk chicks ate well that night.

 

[shipwrkd]

**I have a title for a new Horror movie…“THEY”.
**
Plot: An unsuspecting couple arrives at a deserted neighborhood property. Hey have been hired to live at and keep up the property at no cost to them. Thankful and overjoyed, they move in and celebrate.

On the second day the wife sees a big, fat, fuzzy squirrel on the front step. She calls her husband and they comment on how delightful it is being able to live with and be so close to nature. Those in the big city are really missing out!

They put out a feeding station full of nuts from the organic food store…

You get the idea! Anyone want to continue the plot??

…On the third day, the wife notices the feeding station is empty and there are now two big, fat, fuzzy squirrels on the front step. She calls her husband and they comment on how they better make another trip to the organic nut store because the squirrels have a hungry, mean look on their faces…

 

[Hmgbrd]

…Mary was delighted!! “Oh John! How cute! We should give them names. They will be our own personal squirrels. I’t’s Saturday afternoon, so the organic store is closed for the day but I think that the store down the road has nuts too… Oh John could you just run down and pick up some right away, And Oh, I saw a fox in the yard this morning and am afraid that he might catch one of our squirrels. Could you also buy some of that hormone scented fox repellent as well? I’ll have dinner ready for you when you get back! I love you John!!”…

 

[wynnejj]

…Mary was delighted!! “Oh John! How cute! We should give them names. They will be our own personal squirrels. I’t’s Saturday afternoon, so the organic store is closed for the day but I think that the store down the road has nuts too… Oh John could you just run down and pick up some right away, And Oh, I saw a fox in the yard this morning and am afraid that he might catch one of our squirrels. Could you also buy some of that hormone scented fox repellent as well? I’ll have dinner ready for you when you get back! I love you John!!”…

John: “Mary, I’m back from the store. What’s for dinner?”
Mary: “Squirrel! The landlord stopped by and found squirrels nesting in our attic. We’ve been evicted for not holding up our end of maintaining the premises.”

 

[Hmgbrd]

John: “Mary, I’m back from the store. What’s for dinner?”
Mary: “Squirrel! The landlord stopped by and found squirrels nesting in our attic. We’ve been evicted for not holding up our end of maintaining the premises.”

John: “But Mary, we have only been here 2 days and besides, the guy at the store has said that there have been break ins recently. He suggested buying a rifle for our own safety.
It is strange that our landlord just showed up. Are you sure that it was our landlord? Remember that we rented online and I’ve never met him.” Oh well I’ll go out back to get things ready for tomorrow…

retuning 5 mins later…MARY!! There is a DEAD MAN near the shed!!! Quick call 911!

Mary: (Horrified) JOHN! that is the landlord! He is also the one who cleaned out the attic.

John: No he’s not! Who could have done this to him?.

(Above them in the trees nervous chattering is heard.)…

 

[GreyRabbit]

I have just finished reading every post in this thread. There is no emote, no word, no thumbnail, that could possibly describe how often tears came to my eyes as I cried with laughter.

You guys win the internets. All of them.

 

[shipwrkd]

I have just finished reading every post in this thread. There is no emote, no word, no thumbnail, that could possibly describe how often tears came to my eyes as I cried with laughter.

You guys win the internets. All of them.

As I’ve said earlier, I do what I can to spread laughter…between shots

 

[Bayoubeefmaster]

Wish they were as taste as lobsta’s, my oldest son lives in Lisbon. Get yourself a gun…join the war

They taste better than lobsters if ya know how to cook em. In a good sauce picante or gumbo you can’t go wrong

 

[maltmom]

They taste better than lobsters if ya know how to cook em. In a good sauce picante or gumbo you can’t go wrong

When I boil lobsters I pierce the tail and the shell a number of times and boil them in Zatarain’s crab boil…yummmmmm Warms my Cajun heart.

 

[js_cat3391]

I would mention it if it is on your conscious. I soundsl ike you are starting to feel bad after seeing all of the blood, and dead squirrel bodies. you might just say, I killed 200 squirrels and I am starting to feel bad about it. I do not know if I committed a sin, but we are being over run with squirrels and tell him your story. i am sorry for killing all the squirrels, is it ok if I keep doing it to protect my house?

After that I do not think it is sinful unless there are laws against it, or maybe you had some bizarre evil intentions every time you killed the little squirrels. After all they are rodents. As long as you are not torturing them, as cruelty to animals can be a mortal sin. Just toughen up little, and dispatch them quickly, and be a man and protect your house.

You might check to see if any of these are endangered squirrels.

Many people go squirrel hunting and eat squirrels. You might just take the squirrels, skin them, and gut them, and cook them - well done, and then eat them for dinner. after all it is a bad economy, and they can be food. But if you are a city boy, you might find that gross and not really know how to kill and clean wild game. But it would not be necessary.

 

[Hmgbrd]

ST. VALENTINE’S MENU

               I

Creme de Rodent avec du estragon

              II

Salad epinards au sqwerl lardons

              III

Imported Midwestern BBQ Squirrel on a Stick

               IV

Chocolate Covered Tree Rat toes

Bon Appetit!!!

 

[shipwrkd]

I would mention it if it is on your conscious. I soundsl ike you are starting to feel bad after seeing all of the blood, and dead squirrel bodies. you might just say, I killed 200 squirrels and I am starting to feel bad about it. I do not know if I committed a sin, but we are being over run with squirrels and tell him your story. i am sorry for killing all the squirrels, is it ok if I keep doing it to protect my house?

After that I do not think it is sinful unless there are laws against it, or maybe you had some bizarre evil intentions every time you killed the little squirrels. After all they are rodents. As long as you are not torturing them, as cruelty to animals can be a mortal sin. Just toughen up little, and dispatch them quickly, and be a man and protect your house.

You might check to see if any of these are endangered squirrels.

Many people go squirrel hunting and eat squirrels. You might just take the squirrels, skin them, and gut them, and cook them - well done, and then eat them for dinner. after all it is a bad economy, and they can be food. But if you are a city boy, you might find that gross and not really know how to kill and clean wild game. But it would not be necessary.

Nope, I’m not torturing them, I’m a fair shot and the only thing endangering them is when I uncase the pellet gun. I’m a “city boy” but I’ve gut and cleaned dear, pheasants, geese, ducks, partridge and the skwerls I’ve shot legally when they’re in season. I’ll have to give that “bizarre evil intention” thing another thought…OK, thought about it, nothing bizarre or evil about dispatching a rodent.

Imported Midwestern BBQ Squirrel on a Stick

Woaw, here’s something! At our State Fair, everything is fried and on a stick and I don’t remember skwerl on the menu.

When I boil lobsters I pierce the tail and the shell a number of times and boil them in Zatarain’s crab boil…yummmmmm Warms my Cajun heart.

If I get nothing else from this thread, this bit of advice was well worth it. Sounds delicious and it will be tried

They taste better than lobsters if ya know how to cook em. In a good sauce picante or gumbo you can’t go wrong

I’m not sure what kinda skwerl your eating or where you get you lobsters, but there’s not enough butter on earth to make skwerl taste better then lobster

 

[maltmom]

If I get nothing else from this thread, this bit of advice was well worth it. Sounds delicious and it will be tried

Let me know how it works out for you. Throw in some little red potatoes, bulbs of garlic, ears of corn etc. New of the newer things is to throw in eggs the to hard boil them.

 

[shipwrkd]

Let me know how it works out for you. Throw in some little red potatoes, bulbs of garlic, ears of corn etc. New of the newer things is to throw in eggs the to hard boil them.

Thanks for the tip. Oh, something grey and fuzzy…gotta run!

 

[maltmom]

Thanks for the tip. Oh, something grey and fuzzy…gotta run!

You’re welcome!!

 

[groovsmyth]

youtu.be/0bN5VMBeexg

Just in case someone didn’t know how to get them from dead-in-the-yard to ready-for-cookin’. . . I recently had some very good Jamaican jerk chicken. It seems to me with a decent smoker one could whip up a batch of jerk squirrel for a very tasty meal. Now this could suit shipwrkd twice over. He certainly has the quantity - as varmints removed - to accumulate their naturally little portions into a family barbeque… AND “jerk” squirrel would not only be an apt recipe but a descriptive one as well.

I also had the pellet gun idea for urban dispatching of the little guys. My grandpa used to keep a Crossman pump pellet gun, which I looked up on the net. It’s still available, though I think I heard tell it was made in China now. It looks like the utilitarian little model I was fond of using as a teenager. Gramps had it to take out the nuisance starlings, so I can relate shipwrkd! In fact I had this memory revived last year when a family of squirrels moved into the attic a year ago last autumn through a missing piece of soffit and spent the winter scrambling overhead and nesting over my daughter’s bedroom. I saw how much the feelgood trappers charged for the live-release and I thought, “Well isn’t that nice for spoiled city folk with plenty of discretionary income to waste!”

We managed to survive the winter without the buggers chewing any wires (at least I think so cuz nothing appears to have gone fritzy). So when it got hot last spring and all was quiet we managed to secure all entry points while the “family” was out doing their squirrely thing. It was a tense day or so while we listened to hear if any got locked in. Later we’d sit on the porch swing and watch the expression on their little clueless faces when they came “home” and the welcome mat was gone. They tried again this past Fall, scampering up the wall to see if the “cabin” was once again available. . . and I spoke to him in squirrel saying that I’m one who is prepared to move on him and his brood if things get any worse in the “normal” food supply department. I stopped short of showing him the video I just shared with you, but it would certainly have conveyed to him that I had thought this through and was a seriously bad landlord from his perspective.

I don’t know how you arrived at your screen name, shipwrkd, but I thought you might enjoy this quote, which I found edifying from the film Cast Away:

**“I’ve got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?” - Chuck Noland

 

[shipwrkd]

Thanks for the info groovsmyth. Wondered why I had to sign in to you-tube and prove my age to watch…now I understand BTW, the Crossman was the weapon of choice for many years then it either started to loose power or the varmints got tougher and it’s been replaced with a Gamo 1250fps with optics. Deadly. You’ll have to keep your eyes on them buggers trying to access your “upper apartment” cuz they have short memories (except when they hear a Crossman being pumped) and they’ll keep trying. Good luck with that. Cast Away was one of my favorites, a good quote about a great movie. IMHO, Wilson was a very well rounded character and I hated to see him go Welcome to the hunt.:

 

[tabycat]

I think the squirrels do not have a chance with us around! They should just give up and cook themselves. Oh, bye the way, the best way to get and kill a squirrel (and other rodents) is a cat with long wiskers and tail. A tabby should know!

This is a LONG thread! 310 posts and 21 pages.

 

[shipwrkd]

I think the squirrels do not have a chance with us around! They should just give up and cook themselves. Oh, bye the way, the best way to get and kill a squirrel (and other rodents) is a cat with long wiskers and tail. A tabby should know!

This is a LONG thread! 310 posts and 21 pages.

Had a cat and he had to be taken to the vet twice for tangling with squirrels. Scooter always chased them but was surprised to actually catch a couple, he’s about three feet below the bird bath with a statue of Mary watching over him. I swear the rats know he’s there and tease him when they drink from it. BTW, that’s a kill free zone because I wouldn’t want a pellet to chip our beautiful porcelain statue.

Never thought the thread would make it past ten or fifteen post but it’s turned into the Energizer bunny…it just keeps going and going

Just curious, you’ve been here before…what brought you back

 

[shipwrkd]

ST. VALENTINE’S MENU

               I

Creme de Rodent avec du estragon

              II

Salad epinards au sqwerl lardons

              III

Imported Midwestern BBQ Squirrel on a Stick

               IV

Chocolate Covered Tree Rat toes

Bon Appetit!!!

Except for the last two, this sounds like something right out of a Julia Child’s cook book but it seems any food sounds better in French